PolarPink's Journey

Captains log
Day 24ish?
All in all, I am happy with the progress I made today. I'm continuing to ease myself back into my regular diet & loving the fact that I am just naturally gravitating towards these foods. So, being the geek that I am, I set an intention this morning around the new moon to simply do more things that are in line with my health goals. Super broad, but health focused. That's all that truly matters to me these days - regardless of what the scale reads... of course a lower number can't hurt either, but I'm getting there. I have to remind myself still that it's not a race, it's a marathon. I'm not doing it to be competitive rather to accomplish something positive that will contribute to my life and maybe the lives of others. I've been doing cardio these last three mornings and hope to continue that trend for the foreseeable future, but I also need to get more body weight training going on. I think that is an attainable goal for me to achieve over the next week.
I hope you're all keeping well. À demain :)

Breakfast 8:30AM
1/2 cup oatmeal
3 heaping tbsps blueberry yogurt
1/2 handful of raisins
2 tbsps vanilla coffee cream

Lunch 1PM
1 small avocado
1 cups spring mix salad
1 cup iceberg lettuce
cucumber, yellow onion, green pepper, pickled jalapenos & brine

Dinner 5:30PM
224 grams spaghettini
224 homemade meat sauce
1 tbsp parmesan cheese

Water
8 cups
 
PolarPink said:
I'm really quite terrible at math and try my best to approximate calories on my fitness pal
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Do you have a good set of kitchen scales ? weighing your food takes some of the guesswork out of it.
 
Oh, yes - it's people I know! Family and friends, especially those in lockdown, who can do with a bit of a cheer-up parcel. I haven't only been sending baked goods - things like books, or a magnetic Scrabble set for one family to be able to play on the front of their fridge. I also have taken them to neighbours, to be sociable.

As for counting the calories in recipes - I just do it the slow, arithmetic way - and it would probably look a bit slapdash (blush) to a real calorie-counter, because I don't count things I think either are or ought to be calorie-free! :D

Here's an example, from a recipe I was making for a gluten-intolerant friend:
Gluten-free vegan lemon tahini biscuits
1 cup sugar -- 774 calories
1 cup tahini –1419 calories
1/3 cup sesame seeds – 266 calories
¼ to 1/3 cup chickpea flour – 120 calories
3 tbsp lemon juice - not worth counting (see what I mean about "slapdash?)
1 tsp vanilla - not worth counting
Zest from 1 lemon - not worth counting
1 ½ tsp baking powder - not worth counting

Mix all ingredients, adding chickpea flour gradually, until it’s a reasonable biscuit-dough texture.
Put walnut-size balls well spread out on baking paper. Flatten a bit with a fork.
Bake in a moderate oven until done.
Let cool on paper. They will crisp up/harden as they cool.

Makes round about 3 dozen biscuits. So the arithmetic is: 774+1419+266+120=2579 = about 72 calories per biscuit.
 
Trusylver said:
Do you have a good set of kitchen scales ? weighing your food takes some of the guesswork out of it.
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Hi Tru :) Thank you for your suggestion! I have a digital scale that I use fairly regularly (depends on how dutiful I am being). I'm not sure what other scales are out there. Lastly, I'm not sure what it is about counting calories that loses me tbh... it must be the whole number thing hehe sad but true :/

aiminglow said:
Oh, yes - it's people I know! Family and friends, especially those in lockdown, who can do with a bit of a cheer-up parcel. I haven't only been sending baked goods - things like books, or a magnetic Scrabble set for one family to be able to play on the front of their fridge. I also have taken them to neighbours, to be sociable.

As for counting the calories in recipes - I just do it the slow, arithmetic way - and it would probably look a bit slapdash (blush) to a real calorie-counter, because I don't count things I think either are or ought to be calorie-free! :D

Here's an example, from a recipe I was making for a gluten-intolerant friend:
Gluten-free vegan lemon tahini biscuits
1 cup sugar -- 774 calories
1 cup tahini –1419 calories
1/3 cup sesame seeds – 266 calories
¼ to 1/3 cup chickpea flour – 120 calories
3 tbsp lemon juice - not worth counting (see what I mean about "slapdash?)
1 tsp vanilla - not worth counting
Zest from 1 lemon - not worth counting
1 ½ tsp baking powder - not worth counting

Mix all ingredients, adding chickpea flour gradually, until it’s a reasonable biscuit-dough texture.
Put walnut-size balls well spread out on baking paper. Flatten a bit with a fork.
Bake in a moderate oven until done.
Let cool on paper. They will crisp up/harden as they cool.

Makes round about 3 dozen biscuits. So the arithmetic is: 774+1419+266+120=2579 = about 72 calories per biscuit.
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That's really great, aiming! I should consider sending some family & friends some treats in the post... it would be a nice way to show my thoughts and affections... not to mention the fact that the holidays are fast approaching. I honestly can't believe that the 1st -ber month is almost over!
Thank you for breaking the calories down in your recipe for me. I pretty much do the same thing with regards to some ingredients. Like, I barely count anything in my salad unless I have avocado, olive oil, or something calorie heavy. It would then make perfect sense that there would be less important calories in the baking world! duh Shannon! lol I'm still somewhat confused about it all, but fortunately, other people have figured it out so a quick Google search solves everything hehe
Also, Happy Spring Equinox!

Petal001 said:
Shannon your food sounds amazing and I agree with marathon aspect and not a race
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I'm trying to keep things tasty and different. For so long -like over a year - I had been making the same meals. I could keep doing that, I know it works, but I feel like I'm not learning new things in the kitchen which I'm dying to do... also feel like by my age I should have these skills. All part of the master plan lol
The marathon is long, but I'm learning to enjoy the scenery am less concerned about crossing the finish line. I'm a very determined person, so if I set a goal I know I'll hit it. It may not be as quickly as I'd like it to be, but I think that this is for the best. I heard something someone said the other day which more or less boiled down to doing something quickly or easily may not be the right way in the end. It's not earth shattering, but it spoke to me. Just because something seems right at the time, it doesn't mean that it's the best option in the long run.

LaMaria said:
Yup, healthy mindset.
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It's all about the mindset :) Mind over matter they say hehe
 
Well, it's five days later, eh? lol So much for à demain hehe Although I was away longer than intended, I'm happy to report that the bread I made on Saturday was a success! Since it was a big deal (to me) I decided to mark the occasion by making a sweet bread and opted for cinnamon raisin. It was frikken awesome! I was somewhat anxious while making the dough, but it was completely worth the panic attacks and melt downs lol The recipe made enough for two loaves and since I only had one loaf pan I decided to braid the 2nd loaf on a baking sheet. I can't wait to make more bread! I'm thinking cheese bread next time or egg bread... either or will be tasty hehe

Diet-wise, I can't say I behaved myself too too much, but it hasn't been tragic either. I obviously indulged in my bread (I made a sweet sugar glaze to go with it (mmmMmmmm!) and had spaghettini again... that sauce was divine! My weight stayed the same so maintenance is the name of the game there which I'm okay with. My choices today have been alright at best. Breakfast was oatmeal and yogurt which is great, but lunch was guacamole AND a plate of nachos.. ok so I only ate half of the plate of nachos, but still.. I would have had salad, but I had none and wanted to finish off the avocados before they went bad. Also I had tostito chips, so I went a little bananas XD

I set 2 goals over the last month that are kind of not things now. First, I had hoped to weigh in at 160 lbs by this Saturday (26 September), but that isn't happening. I wanted to reach the goal for my cousins wedding, but we were regretfully disinvited due to newly reimposed COVID-19 restrictions. /sidebar I know COVID has nothing to do with my not making it to 160... my enjoying nachos and bread have more to do with that lol My second goal was to start doing body workouts this week. However, when I said that on Thursday, I wasn't thinking about the elective surgery I was getting on Friday lol So, it'll keep for another few weeks me thinks *shrug*

So, all in all, things are not bad :) My morning weight was 168.2 lbs, I'm learning new skills in the kitchen (about to go make a chicken pot pie for dinner (another meh diet choice for today but.. meh)), and I'm getting a lot of balls rolling in my personal life. Honestly, I'm just grateful to be feeling happy, healthy, capable, and curious. I hope you are all doing well, too! Thanks for reading et à la prochaine!
 
PolarPink said:
Honestly, I'm just grateful to be feeling happy, healthy, capable, and curious.
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I'm glad you are, too.
Cinnamon-raisin bread sounds delicious! A shame about the wedding but better to have it smaller or put it off than to endanger the well-wishers. These are weird times.
 
PolarPink said:
The marathon is long, but I'm learning to enjoy the scenery am less concerned about crossing the finish line. I'm a very determined person, so if I set a goal I know I'll hit it. It may not be as quickly as I'd like it to be, but I think that this is for the best.
Click to expand...

I love this and agree wholeheartedly. And your bread does indeed sound amazing
 
LaMaria said:
I'm glad you are, too.
Cinnamon-raisin bread sounds delicious! A shame about the wedding but better to have it smaller or put it off than to endanger the well-wishers. These are weird times.
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It was good LaMa... too good in fact lol I'm really loving baking even getting addicted to it. It's a skill I'm trying to develop, but it seems that I also have to temper it. Also, cheesy, bacony, oniony bread is good, too lol
I am hoping to see some pictures from today's wedding soon! It occurs to me that my cousin and I are (were) (well, I guess we'll always be)) the only girls of that family from our generation. I hope there will be a reception we can attend to celebrate their nuptials post-COVID or once a safe/mass produced vaccine is created.

Petal001 said:
I love this and agree wholeheartedly. And your bread does indeed sound amazing
Click to expand...
I have taken yet another lap around the lake of bread baking and I tell you the view is awesome lol Unfortunately, it will cost me a couple of days or weeks of some work, but truth be told it was totally worth it. I had made 2 loaves of cheese bread for my family the other day and my mom suggested (I totally just through her under the bus because I was going to do it anyway) putting bacon on it. My stars was it good. My boyfriend says I need to work on my humility, and he's not wrong lol But I give myself 8 out of 10 which is not back for a novice such as myself :)
 
One month and two days into this diary already! Where does the time go? Well, I can account for maybe 6 to 10 of those hours baking bread and cookies, but the rest is kind of a blur of routine, random binges, sprinkling of great news, and increase of COVID cases in my part of the country. I can't say that last part wasn't foreseeable, but I digress.
I have been busy adjusting my routines and habits, but over-eating remains to be something that I struggle with. This past week in particular I found myself being hungrier than usual. I find myself fortunate that I have been able to maintain my weight somewhat, but this is also a source of frustration as I'm not losing any and it has been months since I feel like I've made any inroads. But, to be fair, I haven't really been trying to either and I have to accept that stern reality. If I were being more diligent with my weight training and more discerning with my diet then I would be getting to my goal weight a lot quicker.
I can't say that I feel down and out about it. I might say that I feel a slight irritation hehe I am feeling, however, that it's time to refocus and try harder. It's been on my mind a fair bit over the past few days and I'm trying to listen to my intuition more lately. I don't think that it will steer me wrong. I mean, it's not like my gut is telling me to quit eating, workout like a work horse, and take up cocaine habit lol
I worked on a schedule so I can be more disciplined in my approach to life. There are skills that I want to cultivate, things I want to bake, and art that I want to create that I hadn't been prioritizing. I did make pretty good chicken pot pie filling and some good bread though. Damn. I hate to sound like THAT person, but I'm proud of myself for making better bread than expected twice lol I know it's tacky, and I am sorry, but it feels good to be reminded that I'm not as bad at things as I think I am in my mind... or as I tell myself I am. It's all part of what I'm trying to change about me... not that I'm aiming to become a prideful braggart either. I somehow think that wouldn't be a good look for me lol
Thanks for popping in :)

Postscript: I tried to share a pic of my cinnamon-raisin breads, but the images are too large :( I hope you enjoy the cheesy-bacony-oniony bread duo!
 

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Morning weight 171.1 lbs

Breakfast (8AM)
1/2 oatmeal
3 tbsp blueberry yogurt
1/2 handful of Thompson raisins

Lunch (11:30AM)
1 medium tortilla wrap
2/3 can of tuna
1.5 tbsp mayonnaise

Dinner (5PM)
2 cups homemade cabbage soup (more like a pottage it's so thick & hearty)
1 slice homemade cheese bread
4 garden vegetable crackers

Water
8 cups
 
PolarPink said:
I hope you enjoy the cheesy-bacony-oniony bread duo!
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Pictures have no calories at all so they're the best anyway :p I think you should be proud of your delicious creations! You're not a bad, annoying, or prideful person for feeling joy when something you create turns out well.
 
Captain's Log; Day 44ish

I don't even know how to begin this post. I have been avoiding posting here because I have been in such bizarre head spaces over the past month that it didn't seem right to blurt it all out here... as I have a tendency of doing. Like food, I don't always know where the line between just enough and too much is. It's been hard for me to feel like I'm making headway because I'm tackling so much at one time that I'm hardly aware of any progress and this translates to my diet as well.

I think myself fortunate for maintaining my weight in the 166-173 lbs range and that's between the binges brought on by &*(@ed up feelings as well as shark week. For that, I must give myself credit. Getting on top of my eating habits has been such a difficult journey in and of itself and I know I'm not in the free and clear yet, but objectively speaking, I'm doing much better than I was a years ago. I have also been good about getting my daily cardio in and have begun jogging as it is helping me with my frustrations... I'm a bit worried and even vain about how I look or how jiggly my bits must be, but I'm pushing on and doing it regardless. Besides, I have so many other more important things to worry about than panty lines and wobbling cellulite at the moment lol

Warning: more 'I'ness to follow

On another note, I'm grateful that I seem to have a knack for this baking thing. Thus far I have succeeded in making cinnamon and raisin bread, cheese bread, white sandwich bread, chocolate chip cookies, brownies, Nanaimo bars, cakes & cupcakes, chicken pot pie, apple pie (from scratch), and roasted my first turkey for a small Thanksgiving dinner this past Monday. I think back over the course of my (still young) life and think how much I hated cooking and thought I was absolutely terrible at baking. As it turns out, I just needed to acquire the patience that is required. The know-how is not that difficult to get a grasp of, but training myself to be patient would have been another thing entirely. Nowadays, prepping and baking are a respite for me and I rejoice every time I get to indulge in it. It's my bliss.

I'm also grateful that through all of this turmoil, frustration, anger, depression, anxiety, etc.. that I'm still getting up everyday to advocate for myself. I stopped fighting for so many years and it made a bad situation so much worse. It kicked me in the teeth emotionally, physically, and the list goes on, but I am here today stronger than I have ever been despite the gaps in posts and in spite of the many, MANY more challenges that lay before me in the weeks and months ahead.

Thanks for reading.
 
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I´m glad you´re fighting the good fight. Regular, enjoyable exercise (at least I hope you enjoy the jogging!), caring enough to make proper food for yourself, and advocating for your own needs are much more important than any number on the scale.
 
Morning weight: 172.5 lbs (last day of shark week)

Breakfast 8AM
1/2 cup oatmeal
3 heaping tbsp yogurt
1/2 handful raisins

Lunch 12:30PM
1 medium pocket pita
3 tbsp hummus
3 tbsp tzatziki
6 slices pickled beets
3 giant olives

Dinner 5PM
2.9 oz shredded chicken
4.1 oz homemade stuffing
1/2 cup BBQ sauce
1 cup peas and carrots

Snacks
1 bag popcorn

Water
8 cups
 
LaMaria said:
I´m glad you´re fighting the good fight. Regular, enjoyable exercise (at least I hope you enjoy the jogging!), caring enough to make proper food for yourself, and advocating for your own needs are much more important than any number on the scale.
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Thanks for your support, LaMa :) I've been feeling a bit guilty not showing up here and sharing my progress or lack there of. I know it's not the end of the world if I don't post here, but I do feel a sense of responsibility to do so... which may sound weird, but I like that it keeps me accountable.
Also, I am really enjoying the jogging. I'm still not very good, but I'm seeing improvement which is motivating me to keep at it.
 
LaMaria said:
I´m glad you´re fighting the good fight. Regular, enjoyable exercise (at least I hope you enjoy the jogging!), caring enough to make proper food for yourself, and advocating for your own needs are much more important than any number on the scale.
Click to expand...
So am I. Glad you came back here, too.
 
PolarPink said:
I know it's not the end of the world if I don't post here, but I do feel a sense of responsibility to do so... which may sound weird, but I like that it keeps me accountable.
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That's exactly why I leep a diary here. If I stray too long I find too many binge options. Here I may feel bad reporting what I had or even just that I'm not doing well but that bad feeling keeps me from living in denial.
 
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