PolarPink's Journey

That all sounds good to me :) I tend to aim for at least 20 g of protein per meal. You could try looking up how much daily protein your government recommends for someone your size. Greek style yogurt usually has more than "normal" yogurt, by the way.
 
alligatorob said:
Maybe not, but you should think about your definition of "right", for example today your diet looks pretty right to me. And if you are confident of your ability to stay the course, that sounds right to me as well. I don't think doing right is necessarily the same thing as perfection, seems to me you are doing fine!

There we can agree.

Keep up the good work!
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Thank you for your support and encouragement, Rob!

liza said:
Yes it really helps doesn't it? It's funny how just reporting in helps one to stay on track!
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It truly does! Even though I'm having a bit of an off day, coming here to be open and honest about it sort of takes some of the sting out of things.

Cate said:
That is an excellent decision, Shannon. think you are doing really well.
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Thank you, Cate. I'm having a bit of a rough day which has had an impact on my diet, but it's not as bad as it could have been lol I'm doing my best to keep it all in perspective :)
 
LaMaria said:
That all sounds good to me :) I tend to aim for at least 20 g of protein per meal. You could try looking up how much daily protein your government recommends for someone your size. Greek style yogurt usually has more than "normal" yogurt, by the way.
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I have been thinking about getting some, but have yet to do so. I like to use Greek yogurt as a good sour cream alternative too. I just took a quick peek at what the Canadian gov't suggests and it seems to them that everyone eats enough of it so they haven't bothered including it in their daily values table lol This is a quaint example of how my life goes. I think I'll just add a couple of more heaping tbsp for good measure and see how it goes *shrug* I'll keep you posted hehe
 
Long-term dieters and the elderly often go under. Here the recommendation is at least 0.8 g/kilo of bodyweight for healthy adults.
 
I use myfitnesspal dot com to track my food and calories. It will also track protein, and you can set goals. The trainer at my gym says to aim for 1 gram of protein a day per pound of body weight. But that is for someone who is lifting weights and trying to build muscle, I think it is probably too high for most people. I am lifting weights and trying to rebuild some of the muscle I lost along with the fat. To make that level I have to eat a lot of protein supplements, and then have trouble making it every day. LaMa's 20 grams per meal might be a better goal.

Protein supplements are mostly whey and not bad for you or hard to use, it is an option.
 
So, I'm embarrassed to admit this less than 24 hours after my last log, but I have just completed a binge. I thought I was in control of things, but I lost it somewhere between the salami sandwich and the potato salad I had a whole snack go.

The day started off well. Heck, I even made it out the door and got on my bicycle for a 30 min ride for the first time in a week or so! Unfortunately, afterwards I got some upsetting news that triggered my emotional eating. It began at lunch time when I abandoned my idea of a salad for some left overs followed by a second cup of coffee with a bag of popcorn and a square of chocolate. At this point in time, I could see myself closing out the day around 2000 calories with some baked salmon and steamed veg for dinner.

By the time 2PM rolled around, and my head still not "being right", instead of grabbing a carrot with some hummus, I opted for the salami sandwich and potato salad. And still this was not enough to quell the insatiable hunger (that I feel for control, but I digress) and wound up making myself a platter of nachos with a can of off brand sprite.

I'm disappointed in myself for still letting my emotions get so much of me and that these feelings of self-loathing and pity lead me to eat and sabotage my progress. I know that this day won't be my undoing; I'm stronger than that and I know it, but it's hard to curb the appetite that comes along with the feelings and I feel totally out of control when I am overcome with those emotions.

The day isn't over yet and I'm hoping that the binge has run its course. I'm currently feeling pretty full from all of the food and really silly given what I posted yesterday. However, I must remind myself that I posted those words for these moments. The moments when I feel so glum, so dumb for my poor decisions. I can't get it 100% right 100% of the time. Today is an example of one of those times. Tomorrow I will wake up and I'll have a clean slate to work with, but that doesn't mean I have to give up completely on the remainder of the day before me.

I see where I'm making mistakes, I am aware of the choices I make, and I know I need help to better respond to those triggers. I sincerely hope that I will be able to get that help and that I can hang in here while I wait to get it. This isn't a sprint and I'm definitely in this for the long haul (#blendingmetaphors). I know that these are issues that I will be dealing with for the rest of my life. I'm learning to embrace being uncomfortable as I transition out of the shadows. I decided to share this post because I don't want to hide in shame anymore. I don't want to pretend like my pain doesn't matter or means less than anyone else's. I want to share this because maybe there will be someone somewhere who will read this and will resonate with the words I am sharing. I want to change and I want to help other people who want to change too.

Thanks for listening.
 
LaMaria said:
Long-term dieters and the elderly often go under. Here the recommendation is at least 0.8 g/kilo of bodyweight for healthy adults.
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Thank you LaMa :) I'll do my best to up my protein to remain satiated and to work on my math skills hehe. The last couple of days I gravitated towards eggs for breakfast and I'm contemplating making that the new normal for a little while. I appreciate how much longer I was able to stave off the hunger.
 
alligatorob said:
I use myfitnesspal dot com to track my food and calories. It will also track protein, and you can set goals. The trainer at my gym says to aim for 1 gram of protein a day per pound of body weight. But that is for someone who is lifting weights and trying to build muscle, I think it is probably too high for most people. I am lifting weights and trying to rebuild some of the muscle I lost along with the fat. To make that level I have to eat a lot of protein supplements, and then have trouble making it every day. LaMa's 20 grams per meal might be a better goal.

Protein supplements are mostly whey and not bad for you or hard to use, it is an option.
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I am with you, I don't know where I'd be without my fitness pal. It has been a good tool throughout this process. It recommends that I eat 78 grams of protein in a day given my goals. I am thinking about experimenting with my diet in that I will try hitting the macros and forget about calories for a week... I wouldn't want to experiment for too long should it be a flop.
 
Hey Shannon, I am sorry you binged, but writing about it here was the right thing to do. Self awareness and accountability can really help with bingeing. And don't forget you are talking to folks who have a lot of their own binge experience, so we understand and its hard for us to be judgmental.

You are doing the right thing now, just planning the rest of the day as normal. The binge is now past and what really matters if the rest of the day. You can make it without further bingeing I know you can. "baked salmon and steamed veg" for dinner sounds like a great idea, do it!

If you want to joint us we have a binge related thread on the Club Challenges page https://weight-loss.fitness.com/threads/no-binge-no-purge-one-day-at-at-time.111089/page-57 . It has helped me.

You can do this!
 
alligatorob said:
You are doing the right thing now, just planning the rest of the day as normal. The binge is now past and what really matters if the rest of the day.
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I'm going to do my best to not dwell on the negative and highlight the positives which more or less boil down to "I am accountable and I am capable." I think I will join the group convo there because it seems to me like I'm dealing with these fat days as I call 'em a fair bit lately. Thank you for your response and compassion, Rob. It really does mean a lot :)
 
I am so glad that you came in here & told us what happened. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of & it's good to share the good & the bad. I think it's safe to say that most of us became overweight due to self-esteem issues & many who are close to maintenance still struggle with those same issues. Self-sabotage feels crazy but often comes after a period of doing really well. It may feel like it's one step forward & 2 steps back, but we are much better off than someone who just gives up on themselves. I'm glad you are not doing that. I'm also glad you found this forum as you have found yourself a cheer squad.
PS Greek yoghurt is my friend. I add a dollop to oats, have some with stewed fruit, add a dollop to a curry. It's very filling. I have found one that is not too sour & I have learned to love it.
 
PolarPink said:
I'm going to do my best to not dwell on the negative and highlight the positives which more or less boil down to "I am accountable and I am capable."
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Great attitude!
PolarPink said:
I don't want to pretend like my pain doesn't matter or means less than anyone else's. I want to share this because maybe there will be someone somewhere who will read this and will resonate with the words I am sharing. I want to change and I want to help other people who want to change too.
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Yes --great to share both the ups and downs and all the struggles! Thank you!
 
alligatorob said:
Yes you are, and your posting here proves it!

Now I am looking forward to seeing your progress!
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I'm so grateful for your support and suggestion of posting in the bingeing and purgeing forum. I can't quite describe the feeling it brings, but it has so much to do with ownership. Thank you!

LaMaria said:
I´m glad you have compassion for yourself and you´re picking yourself up again. Kindness is the only way forward.
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I've spent too many years looking back with nothing to show for it expect for bad habits, memories, and patterns. I'm so over it lol
I did better today, not as good as I would have liked to, but it's a step in the right direction. It's a whole process learning how to be nice to myself and everyday is a new lesson, but I'm in dire need of schooling hehe Forward movement FTW! Thank you for your kindness, LaMa :)

Cate said:
It may feel like it's one step forward & 2 steps back, but we are much better off than someone who just gives up on themselves. I'm glad you are not doing that. I'm also glad you found this forum as you have found yourself a cheer squad.
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Thank you for your kind words, Cate. And let me say that I'm definitely going through a intense period of feeling like I'm taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back. It's a bit of a global problem at the moment which is triggering less than great food choices at times, but I'm reminding myself that the struggles I'm facing are temporary. I am so happy that I found this website and all of you because I strongly believe that without this support system that I'd be stuck in a negative emotions therefore food binge loop for longer than necessary. Seriously, thank you!!

liza said:
Great attitude!

Yes --great to share both the ups and downs and all the struggles! Thank you!
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There are moments when I swear I'm being such a negative Nancy here and I really don't want to be that person which is why I'm so glad and relieved that my attitude is in the right gear. Thank you for seeing in me what I fail to recognize. I have a feeling that you'll be hearing a lot more about my ups and downs and I am just grateful to you and everyone here for making me feel welcome, safe, and supported. Thank you, Liza :)
 
Let me preface my log by acknowledging the fact that I did not eat in a deficit today. I did not restrict myself, but I also did not binge. I made a genuine attempt earlier in the day to eat more protein at breakfast, a ton of fibre at lunch, and so I went a little ham at dinner between the bread and 2 donuts for dessert (which I seldom eat.. or is that just what I like to tell myself... stay tuned).
Despite not eating 1500 calories or less, I feel better about myself than I did yesterday. I know that when I come off of a binge that it takes a moment to reboot the system. Today wasn't great, but today was better :) I have faith that tomorrow I will be ok too. One day at a time.

Morning weight
170.1

Breakfast
1 English muffin
1 large fried egg
1 slice thick Kraft Singles cheese
2 tsp Becel olive oil margarine
4 tbsp International Delight coffee cream

Lunch
.5 medium avocado
2 cups spring mix salad
iceberg lettuce, yellow onion, orange pepper, pickled jalapenos

Snacks
1 bag Orville Reddenbacher
1 can sprite

Dinner
2 cups homemade chicken soup with carrots and egg noodles
2 thick slices fresh Belgian bread
2 tsp butter

Dessert
1 powdered donut
1 sugar donut
 
Hey Shannon your food does not look bad, and not bingeing is great! Now if you could have eaten some fruit for dessert that would have been better, but you did not do too bad!

PolarPink said:
Thank you for your response and compassion, Rob. It really does mean a lot
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No more than many others here have given me, and than I suspect you will give others if you stick with us. I hope you do!
 
Well done not getting stuck in the binge cycle! We all have our negative days. And sometimes while I´m writing I realize I sound like a bitchy, unpleasant person so I rephrase and it reframes the topic that way in my head so I genuinely feel better just for writing.
 
We certainly do all have our negative days. I don't think we'd be human if we didn't. I often feel much better after typing in my diary. It's a great outlet.
 
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