PolarPink's Journey

[Llama]

Looking good! Lighter mental loads may not show on the scale right away but they sure make a difference.

 

[PolarPink]

Great work!

You seem to be getting it all together, Shannon & in the right mindset.

All sounds excellent!

Thank you guys! Your praise and good vibes are much appreciated I feel like I've made some headway with my mindset and it has helped me in the grand scheme of things. It's early days yet with this fresh perspective so I'm trying to pace myself and be kinder to me too.

The day started off well with scrambled eggs and peanut butter on toast because I've been enjoying getting more protein dense meals in the morning... being famished by 10AM is not a lifestyle I can deal with long term without eventually breaking from the discipline I'm trying so hard to solidify.

Having said that, I had this super tight and clean diet for the rest of the day planned out in my fitness pal, but that didn't exactly go as planned... and seriously, does it ever? lol So, a few weeks ago I told myself that when I got the green light from these people I had been waiting to hear from that I would treat myself (and the family) to some Chinese food.

After my happy dance, I sacked the idea of avocado salad for a plate of moo shu guy. I did not calculate the value of said meal, but I did not eat like crazy either (which I'm proud of).

Once dinner rolled around, I still wasn't feeling much like salad and figured that a cheat day was in order. Thus, I made a medium sized dish of nachos (basically finished the bottom of a tortilla chip bag, the bottom of a sour cream container, salsa and a couple of handfuls (I have small hands) of shredded cheese). I did also buy sticky buns for dessert, so I had one of those with a little extra icing that the lady gave me. I had coffee with my dessert and had a fortune cookie to top it all off.

My thoughts on the matter: I ate too much and too much of it was crud (delicious crud mind you), but I'm not feeling upset about it... Something I can tell you is out of the ordinary for me! In the spirit of 'full disclosure, I'm also planning on having a mimosa in the morning and perhaps a second sticky bun lol

I know that when I get on the scale in the morning that it'll read higher than I'd like, but I'm ok with that. I'm ok with that because it'll go back down when I tighten my diet up. I'm ok with that because I didn't just crack and give into a whim. In some way, I knew this day was coming and more or less planned for it. I even feel a mild sense of accomplishment.. weird? (I'd say so, but hey, I'll take the wins where I can get 'em!)

If I could change one thing, it would be maybe only eating half of the sticky bun just because I'm feeling slightly uncomfortable full- a sensation that I hope I can, in time, stop myself from feeling.

Morning weight
167.3 lbs

Tomorrow is another day in the rest of my life

 

[Llama]

Having a less strict day without turning it into a full-on binge is an achievement in itself. Good work!

 

[PolarPink]

Having a less strict day without turning it into a full-on binge is an achievement in itself. Good work!

Thank you, LaMa I've been working hard at making as many good choices as possible as often as possible in order to have it become second nature. I hope it's working hehe

 

[PolarPink]

I feel that I did pretty well today. I woke up weighing in more given the sodium I consumed yesterday (which is fine) and I ate more than 1500 calories, but I walked for an hour and fifteen minutes and did another hour and a half of yard work... so I'm sure I worked off those 300 extra calories.

What I find disconcerting is when I had an emotional moment this evening I wanted to eat junk food right away. I know that it's just a case of old habits dying hard, but those moments scare me. They scare me because I sense myself standing on the edge of uncomfortability and my go-to response is to seek out something to numb the pain that I feel. I'm thankful that I recognized the signs in the moment and was able to avoid emotional eating which could have easily led to a binge.

Morning weight
169.2 lbs

Breakfast (5:30AM)
1 St-Cinnamon cinnamon bun
2 tbsps fat-free french vanilla cream

Lunch (12PM)
1 cup spring mix salad
1/2 medium/small avocado
yellow onion, yellow pepper, cucumber, iceberg lettuce, ground pepper, pickled jalapenos

Dinner (5PM)
3.55 oz French interior round roast
1 cup mixed iceberg lettuce & spring mix salad
cucumber, yellow onion, yellow pepper, ground pepper

Snacks (2PM)
3 Leclerc gingersnaps
1 bag Orville Reddenbacher
1 can Sprite

Water
8 cups

 

[Llama]

I'm thankful that I recognized the signs in the moment and was able to avoid emotional eating which could have easily led to a binge.

That's great! I think 80% or more of seriously overweight people got to where they are by emotional eating. Someone on the radio was complaining a while back that people these days get on their phone to bridge the slightest discomfort and while I agree it's probably healthier to sit with the discomfort sometimes phones seem healthier to me than binging.

 

[Cate]

I think you did really well, Shannon. Recognising the signs and avoiding emotional eating is a win, not a failure.

 

[Llama]

And even if you did binge after the second onslaught you still beat the first. It's a work in progress and that's ok.

 

[PolarPink]

So, I basically avoided blogging in my diary for a moment because I was concentrated on getting out of a bad binge cycle I was in. I have gone through a slew of difficult situations, conversations, etc. since the end of last week and it just did my head in. For a while, I could only bring myself to post in the binge/purge thread at the end of the day because I didn't want to have to think about what I had done and have to own up to it. I knew that I would have to in the long run, but going through the sense of loss of control at the time was more than enough stress on my shoulders not to mention all of the other stuff going on.

I'm grateful that I have been able to get back to my normal eating habits, but it wasn't a smooth transition. But hey... neither is much in life. I'm happy to have my "glass half full" p.o.v. back and I'm pursuing my interests with more fervour than before... this extends well beyond my eating habits. I'm back to being hopeful that I can get to where I'm going with regards to my health in a global sense.

I know that things will be challenging over the next week or so as I always get hungrier during shark week, but I'm going to do my best to prepare for it. I'll be baking tomorrow... something unhealthy too lol Not sure if I'll be baking brownies or cookies yet... stay tuned hehe

 

[Petal001]

Oh baking sounds great . Shannon I have so many ups and downs in my life too . I don't post too much personal stuff but it's like a rollercoaster for me at times . Just keep going one day at a time . What is shark week ?

 

[Cate]

I'm on the same roller coaster. One thing I can tell you is we all know how hard this is.

 

[PolarPink]

Oh baking sounds great . Shannon I have so many ups and downs in my life too . I don't post too much personal stuff but it's like a rollercoaster for me at times . Just keep going one day at a time . What is shark week ?

I'm sorry to hear about the fact that you're having the same troubles, Petal. On my end, the ups and downs have been extraordinarily hectic of late and the difficulties around food have just compounded these problems. Today was a particularly roller coaster-like with a number of frustrations, but also a couple of fantastic things happened! I'm so grateful for those couple of amazing events that made going through the hardships of the day so worth while Also for baking. I swear it keeps me sane. It's a meditation for me... and I always feel less guilty eating things I made versus the store bought stuff lol
Shark week is my way of describing "that time of the month." I'm under the impression that most people are uncomfortable with the topic, but it's something that plays a large role in my eating habits. Fortunately, I know roughly when this time hits so I can expect going over with the calories... I just hope I can keep things tighter this month given my struggles with binges over the last week.

I'm on the same roller coaster. One thing I can tell you is we all know how hard this is.

I'm also sorry to hear that you're in the same boat, Cate. It's far from easy to get through it all, but I'm reminded of a quote:
"No one said it was going to be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."
I don't know who said that, but it's a goody... and I should remind myself of it more often. I can feel in my bones just how true it is. I've experienced a good amount of success along my journey and I know that the best is yet to come for me and for you and for all of us here as well!

 

[Petal001]

Ah Shannon never heard of that saying . SW call it Star week lol. Growing up we called it the curse or Aunt Flo . Lol . You can talk about it here no one minds . My daughter could eat a truckload of pizza and chocolate that week . Luckily we try limit it .
Sounds like you are doing ok though .
What cakes do you bake . I like to bake but sadly I have zero will power when it comes to eating it so don't do it now except for special occasions .

 

[alligatorob]

Hey Shannon, how goes it? Any success in breaking that "bad binge cycle"? I know how that feels I have been in a many. Posting more might help with that.

I like your quote, and your observation that the best is yet to come. I am sure it is.

Hang in here with us, you have become an important part of the forum.

 

[aiminglow]

Hello, Shannon! Good to meet you! Wow, your story is pretty darned impressive - losing quite a swag of weight and prising the tobacco demon off your back! Salute!

I'm interested in the baking - have I missed out on reading through what it's for? I like your take, on it - baking as meditation. I've been baking myself lots, lately - Anzac biscuits, to send to family and friends in heavy lockdown in Melbourne - eight dozen so far! Not so much for the nutrition, as just to give them a bit of fun in their long locked-down day. Plus, I guess, it gives me the fun of baking, without too much product loitering around, being tempting!

 

[PolarPink]

Ah Shannon never heard of that saying . SW call it Star week lol. Growing up we called it the curse or Aunt Flo . Lol . You can talk about it here no one minds . My daughter could eat a truckload of pizza and chocolate that week . Luckily we try limit it .
Sounds like you are doing ok though .
What cakes do you bake . I like to bake but sadly I have zero will power when it comes to eating it so don't do it now except for special occasions .

Hi Petal, sorry for the delayed response. Star week was a challenge this time, but it always is tbh :/ Your daughter and I have a similar appetite it would seem... it just gets overwhelming... kind of like a binge tbh. I would say that I over ate more than I binged this time around though, so I think that is a step in the right direction. I would gain about 10 lbs between the fatty foods and the water weight and have to work that off for the month, but this time I've only put on about 5 lbs.
I got a new stand mixer last week and I was so excited to try it, but there were some problems (physical and other) keeping me from doing what I had hoped to do. I wound up making this delicious chocolate chip cookie dough batter. The next goal is to make bread. I don't have much baking experience and I've only started getting into it this year, but I'm so excited to learn! I love watching baking videos and reading recipes... something I used to hate to do. Thus far I have mainly made cakes, brownies, cookies, and Nanaimo bars (Canadian treat made with chocolate & shredded coconut (sooo good lol)). I seriously can't wait to using my mixer more... I have named her Big Edie. hehe I hope I can ask you some baking questions going forward

Hey Shannon, how goes it? Any success in breaking that "bad binge cycle"? I know how that feels I have been in a many. Posting more might help with that.

I like your quote, and your observation that the best is yet to come. I am sure it is.

Hang in here with us, you have become an important part of the forum.

Hey Rob! I did and I didn't lol Mainly I leaned on the didn't side, but things have historically been A LOT worse for me. I generally give myself more latitude for that week during the month, but I noticed that my appetite wasn't quite as ferocious nor insatiable as times past. I did miss posting though... there is a degree of catharsis when I share with you guys about my binges or overeating. As I mentioned to Petal, I mainly overate the last 5 days. I'm not feeling proud, but I'm not disappointed either hehe It's good to be back here and sharing and I'm looking forward to getting back on the horse tomorrow. Thanks for checking in!! It means a lot

Hello, Shannon! Good to meet you! Wow, your story is pretty darned impressive - losing quite a swag of weight and prising the tobacco demon off your back! Salute!

I'm interested in the baking - have I missed out on reading through what it's for? I like your take, on it - baking as meditation. I've been baking myself lots, lately - Anzac biscuits, to send to family and friends in heavy lockdown in Melbourne - eight dozen so far! Not so much for the nutrition, as just to give them a bit of fun in their long locked-down day. Plus, I guess, it gives me the fun of baking, without too much product loitering around, being tempting!

Hi aiming! Nice to meet you, too Thank you for your kind words of support and encouragement... legit every bit helps lol I have been going through some tough times lately, but I'm doing my best to mop the floors with my demons. I have not worked this hard to let those suckers win... nah-fricken-uh.
I will say that I'm also interested in baking hehe I'm a true novice having only really started my hand at it at the beginning of this year, but it's becoming a passion of mine. I haven't gotten to bake anything out of my comfort zone yet (I gotta make bread for the first time but I'm being such a chicken ....). I had mentioned the baking in my previous post because I was prepping for "shark week," or "aunt flo's arrival" lol I have a sweet tooth and it always goes haywire during the onset. The meditational aspect of baking is something that I absolutely love I want to indulge in more. The one thing about wanting to bake is that, as an overeater, it's an absolute misery to have all those sweets around and not be able to eat them - also c'mon - I'll probably eat them lol. Another reason why learning to bake things other than sweet treats will work to my advantage lol If you have any tips or tricks I'd love to hear 'em!!

 

[PolarPink]

Wowieee! What a week it has been! Too many & highs too many lows to recount in one post, but I'm back and it feels good The over-eating during the last week was a pain, but it wasn't as bad as it has been in months past. I'm utilizing more tools maybe? I'm not sure of the exact reason, but I'm happy that I got through it with only a 5 lbs weight gain. I'm hopeful to be able to shed maybe a couple of those pounds by ditching the water weight in the next few days and to get to where I was-ish for my cousin's wedding in a week and a half. At the end of the day, it's her day, so I'm not terribly worried about what I'll look like.. behind a mask no less lol
I had a better diet today. I would say it was more nutritious. In fact, I think every meal I ate today had real food lol That's where the bar is folks... Anyway, I'm glad that I made the effort to get back to normal and that it was more or less intuitively guided. I'm hopeful that after being at this for so long that I'll be able to get on track easier and easier by maintaining a consistent diet & exercise regime. I need to do more of the latter this upcoming month. I think that'll be the intention I set for the New Moon in Virgo lol Shout out to any & (if at) all you astrology geeks out there!
Thank for reading

 

[Llama]

Well done eating real food, not binging, and taking up bread baking! Fresh bread is the best.

 

[aiminglow]

Cheers for real food!

And with baking - for me, it's been working to bake things, and then straight away deliver them (or post them, for the COVID shut-ins) to the recipients. It doesn't work (for me) to have them hanging around accessibly.
I also have been calculating the calories in the things I bake, so that I can tell the recipients, if they want to know, what the calorie damage will be, as well as ingredients to check for whatever dietary restrictions apply.

 

[PolarPink]

Well done eating real food, not binging, and taking up bread baking! Fresh bread is the best.

Thanks, LaMa! Today was heavy on the real foods, too lol I'm finding my sea legs again and truly enjoyed my avocado salad at lunch today. Worst thing in my food log was the spaghettini noodles I had with dinner. Also, maybe only 100-200 calories over 1500 instead of 500 or more!
I'm REALLY excited about baking bread for the first time. I'm taking the plunge on Saturday... I don't even care if I mess things up I just want to get started hehe In a way, I kind of want to mess it up if only to get it out of the way... like the first ding or scratch on a car or scuff on new shoes lol

Cheers for real food!

And with baking - for me, it's been working to bake things, and then straight away deliver them (or post them, for the COVID shut-ins) to the recipients. It doesn't work (for me) to have them hanging around accessibly.
I also have been calculating the calories in the things I bake, so that I can tell the recipients, if they want to know, what the calorie damage will be, as well as ingredients to check for whatever dietary restrictions apply.

I understand completely! I can't make cupcakes for my niece or nephew ahead of time because of the temptation lol I try to moderate, but I am easily influenced it would seem hehe It's so cool that you send your baked goods to people. Are they people you know if you don't mind my asking? I hope you are keeping well & safe during the pandemic
I'm really quite terrible at math and try my best to approximate calories on my fitness pal, but I'd like to get a better grasp of things. I don't know how coherent of a question this is, but how do you count the calories in your baked goodies?