PolarPink's Journey

Cate said:
So am I. Glad you came back here, too.
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Thank you, Cate :) It's good to be back! I'm hoping that I can continue to post here more consistently again. I've noticed a boost in my mood, sense of accomplishment, and overall well being whenever I come here to share. I appreciate you guys a whole bunch and I hope that it shows... though I'm sure I could do better in that department. Let's call that another goal :)

LaMaria said:
That's exactly why I leep a diary here. If I stray too long I find too many binge options. Here I may feel bad reporting what I had or even just that I'm not doing well but that bad feeling keeps me from living in denial.
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I know exactly what you mean. Peronsally, I feel as though there is a release and even relief in owning up to things here. As I mentioned to Cate, there is a very real positive impact on my mental health when I post here and I don't see why I would stop tbh lol I just know that I need to be less hard on myself in general. When I get down on myself for xyz I tend to slip on the things that tend to bring me joy.
 
Good evening! Today was a better day than yesterday for which I am grateful. I set a goal and achieved it faster than intended. However, I realize that, in hindsight, my speed and intensity are some things I need to work on. I have always been someone who blazes through things, but this often has a detrimental effect on me. Well, here I am, at another step 1; realize that you have a problem. step 2: find a solution. *sigh* I'm tired just sputtering on about it lol

So, let's recap:

Morning weight
172.7 lbs

Breakfast 7:30AM
1/2 cup oatmeal
3 heaping tbsp yogurt
1/2 handful raisins

Lunch 12:30PM
1 medium soft tortilla
1/2 cup sautéed yellow onion & yellow pepper
1 large sautéed button mushroom
1 heaping tbsp tzatziki
1 tsp sriracha sauce

Dinner 5PM
2 slices of baguette
1 bowl of French onion soup au gratin (gruyère cheese)

Water
8 cups

Thanks for reading and for your support xD
 
PolarPink said:
Thank you, Cate :) It's good to be back! I'm hoping that I can continue to post here more consistently again. I've noticed a boost in my mood, sense of accomplishment, and overall well being whenever I come here to share. I appreciate you guys a whole bunch and I hope that it shows..
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I’m glad it helps you. I can’t imagine not posting in my diary now. It’s part of my life.
 
Your food sounds delicious! I definitely know the thing where if I mess one thing up I start putting off even fun things. Maybe because I feelI won't deserve it or think people wil magically know what a terrible person I am and judge me? Whatever the cause: not helpful.
 
Hello, hello!
What a good week it has been :) I wouldn't say it went particularly well, nor smooth, nor some other good adjective so much as it passed with little to no drama lol I've been working hard on trying to quell my reactions to things - trying to become more mindful and less reactionary - and I think I've been sort of successful... and I'll take it! Although, come to think of it, things have been pretty awesome for the simple fact that I ran every day this week. I'm still not running fast, nor far, but my stride is getting longer and quicker with each passing day. I'm taking full advantage because I'm going to have to go back to just walking in the winter... I won't risk running in my climate with my history of clumsiness - nah-huh.

My diet has been holding fairly steady, but there was a bit of an over indulgence bordering on a binge yesterday. I baked egg bread for the first time, which was fun, but I did not yield the result I was after. It was still very good bread (obviously since I ate like half or more of a GIANT loaf), it just was not as sweet or as golden as I had hoped it would be. I'm going to try to make another recipe in a few weeks... to give myself (and my waist line) a much needed bread.. I mean break :p

This weekend is my niece's birthday and I have been on a kick of baking for people's b-days this year. I see it as an opportunity to cultivate my freshly acquired baking skills... and to eat cake... I'm going to be making her chocolate chip cookies with both dark & white chips as well as s'mores cupcakes which are more brownie than cake with a torched topped marshmallow meringue... I'm so excited!! I hope she likes it!

So, given all of this baking and my propensity for eating a $#*) tonne, needless to say that it has and will continue to be a bit challenging. I know there will be delicious (we hope) eats, but I'm going to have to moderate or at least try. Either way, I expect to be posting more about my resisting temptation (or lack there of) here over the next few days lol

I hope you are all keeping well and staying safe! Thank you for checking in LaMa, Cate, & Rob :) It's so very appreciated!!
 
Morning weight: 169 lbs

Breakfast 7:30AM
1/2 cup oatmeal
1/2 handful raisins
3 heaping tbsps yogurt

Lunch 12PM
cabbage rolls... maybe 2 or 3

Dinner 5PM
160 grams shrimp pasta with creamy pesto sauce

Snacks
3 large chocolate chip cookies
 
Cate said:
I’m glad it helps you. I can’t imagine not posting in my diary now. It’s part of my life.
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I think I need to work on my schedule and habits more. I really enjoy the feeling of sharing and I want to have more time to read and share with other people, such as yourself, on their blogs too. Thanks again, Cate, for checking in and cheering me on :)

LaMaria said:
Your food sounds delicious! I definitely know the thing where if I mess one thing up I start putting off even fun things. Maybe because I feelI won't deserve it or think people wil magically know what a terrible person I am and judge me? Whatever the cause: not helpful.
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hehe Thank you, LaMa! I'm trying to push myself to create things that are healthy and that I'll actually want to eat. That being said, the desserts I'm baking are a true challenge with regards to the weight loss, but they're so much fun to make AND eat lol I need to start researching some healthier stuff too so I can keep baking to beef up my skills while NOT beefing up myself lol
alligatorob said:
That's really all that matters, progress!

Good to see you posting again.
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Thank you, Rob! It's always good to come back here and share with you guys... it is a real relief to feel at home in this safe space and I just want to thank you (for the zillionth time) for being a part of that :)
 
Baking for other people sounds like the best of both worlds: the fun of creating and tasting without 90% of the calories consumed :p
Looks to me like you're doing well overall but baked goods can make a huge difference in a very small amount of time...
 
Today was exhausting, but what funals! I woke up at 10 mins to 5AM and decided to start my day. I was maybe halfway through my morning coffee when I decided to bake off the cookie dough I made yesterday. I made 3 batches... and you know I had to give them a taste to see if they were any good :p Which, if I may toot my own horn here, yes, yes they are.

In the afternoon I made the S'more Cupcakes which is made up of graham cracker crumbs, brownie batter, and marshmallow meringue. I haven't made the marshmallow meringue and I've decided to deviate from the recipe and just melt down some marshmallow and butter instead of the hoopla that they suggest. I haven't yet tried the cupcakes, but I feel that I'm in bad enough trouble between the cookies, popcorn, soda, and greasy breakfast this morning ( I had to balance out the sweet with some savoury!).

So, despite having blown up my diet today, I went for a run after breakfast to keep that routine up. I'm honestly enjoying it too much to stop now. The added benefits of it being good for my mental & physical health is pretty sweet too :)

Because, as LaMa pointed out, it would be too easy to fall off track and just bake and eat all of the time, I have devised a plan lol The plan is to make a test cupcake tomorrow so I will know WTF they will taste like before sending them off to my brother's place and will probably have one to celebrate my niece's birthday on FB video chat with the fam. Also, I froze the remaining cookies so I will have them on hand for shark week (and so they'll be a little out of sight, out of mind), but I am honestly looking forward to getting back to clean(er) eating. It's been fun, but I'm ready to "dry out" so to speak hehe

Thanks for reading!
 
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Morning weight: 169.2 lbs

Breakfast 7AM
5 or 6 small chocolate chip cookies
2 large fried eggs
2 strips of bacon
2 cups of coffee with French vanilla cream
the end (like a knot) of the 1st loaf of egg bread

Lunch 1:30PM
2-3 cabbage rolls

Dinner 5:30PM
meat loaf
mashed potato
mashed carrots and sweet potato
canned corn

Snacks
1 bag of popcorn
1 can of ginger ale

Water
8 glasses
 
Hi! Im fairly new to the site and just catching up on diaries.
We are gonna have to have some chats about baking. I haven't done any serious baking since earlier this year.
Good on you for quitting smoking...its tough. Ive seen lots of people try and fail many times...ive tried and failed a few times myself.
Im a bit new in my own journey..and i have a long way to go. I am a lot like you in the sense that i havent told many people about whats going on...but this community has really helped. I dont post much yet outside of neurotic worries of the day so far.

Hope to hear more of your progress!
 
If you really wanted to lower your intake to only one cupcake you could cut out a sliver for tasting and eat the rest on camera. Nobody needs to know! But eating both can be a joy as well, so do what you feel comfortable with. Good job not letting those cookies lead you off track!
 
Steph2825 said:
Hi! Im fairly new to the site and just catching up on diaries.
We are gonna have to have some chats about baking. I haven't done any serious baking since earlier this year.
Good on you for quitting smoking...its tough. Ive seen lots of people try and fail many times...ive tried and failed a few times myself.
Im a bit new in my own journey..and i have a long way to go. I am a lot like you in the sense that i havent told many people about whats going on...but this community has really helped. I dont post much yet outside of neurotic worries of the day so far.

Hope to hear more of your progress!
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Hey, Steph! Thanks for stopping by my diary :) It's nice to meet you and I look forward to getting to know more about you as we chat about baking, diet, exercise, life, and what have you hehe
Thanks for the pat on the back, I forget sometimes about how fricken hard it was to ditch the habit. It honestly feels like so long ago since I was a smoker, but I dream about smoking pretty regularly tbh lol I have no idea what Freud would think about that, but I guess the unconscious mind doesn't forget sh*t that was normal for 10+ years that easily... That being said, I'm about 1 month and 10ish days away from my 2 tobacco-free year anniversary. Woot! lol

Like you, I didn't tell anyone except for three people. I'm still weird about it when my family members, neighbours, or friends comment on it, but I'm slowly getting used to it. I think if your serious about changing your life, you recognize that it's about your choices, the things you need to change; ditch or adopt as well as your habits and patterns. Ultimately, it's about the person staring back at you in the mirror. It sounds so easy, but it is a game changer. Honestly, Steph, I feel excited for you! You're going to see your body change a heck of a lot, but even better still, you're going to notice how your mentality will shift and you'll prove things to yourself you once thought unlikely or impossible.

So, I'm a very long winded person and all of that was a long, drawn out way of saying welcome! :D hehe The people here are S-T-E-L-L-A-R. The support is like nothing I have come across IRL (save for a few close friends and family) and I kick myself for not taking advantage of it more when I start to spiral out... although, I am trying to kick myself a lot less these days as part of the next phase of my journey, but I digress hehe

If you've made it this far, I applaud you and I hope you'll want to drop back in again soon hehe :) Take care, stay safe, and cheers to you, Steph!
 
LaMaria said:
If you really wanted to lower your intake to only one cupcake you could cut out a sliver for tasting and eat the rest on camera. Nobody needs to know! But eating both can be a joy as well, so do what you feel comfortable with. Good job not letting those cookies lead you off track!
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I admit to having thought about doing it that way. What wound up happening was I took 1 bite of the cupcake without any frosting to see if it was any good and it passed the test hehe then once the meringue was made, I ate the remainder of it :p lol I did say I thought about it, right? hehe All being said and done, they were alright. Not the best thing I ever had, but I enjoyed making them and they were a hit with my niece and her family which is the ultimate reward!
 
My niece's birthday was a great day. We did technically break the rules by going over to bring her her gifts, but we stayed outside and socially distanced the entire time. We also remained in the street so everyone could see that there was no funny business. She was so happy to see us and very gracious and appreciative about her gifts. I am so proud of her!

Diet-wise - could have been a lot worse tbh Things started off well enough with my usual bowl of oatmeal and a plan to have salad for lunch which I more or less respected + a hamburger lol For dinner I made a pizza from almost scratch (the ball of dough came from the grocery's bakery section) and was pretty good. I've decided that the next time I make pizza I'm going to make the dough myself.

So, hamburger, pizza, and 2 cupcakes... not the greatest compilation of food, but I'm glad I didn't get into the 3 cookies I had to save from others... People are not respecting my attempt to plan or meal prep and that is starting to grate on me :/

Thanks for checking in and hope you're all doing well and staying happy, safe, and healthy!
 
Morning weight: 170.5 lbs (boo-urns!)

Breakfast 8AM
1/2 cup oatmeal
1/2 handful raisins
3 heaping tbsp yogurt

Lunch 1:30PM
1 cup mixed salad
4 oz medium ground beef hamburger patty
1 bun
+ mustard, relish, green ketchup, hot peppers, ketchup

Dinner 6PM
1/3 pizza
cheese, bacon, onion, red pepper, button mushroom

Snacks
2 S'mores cupcakes
graham cracker crumbs, brownies, flambéed marshmallow meringue
 
PolarPink said:
People are not respecting my attempt to plan or meal prep and that is starting to grate on me :/
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That must be so annoying :mad: Your stuff should be yours. Glad you could help your niece have a nice birthday though; these are weird times and I think it's extra important to show people we care.
 
LaMaria said:
That must be so annoying :mad: Your stuff should be yours. Glad you could help your niece have a nice birthday though; these are weird times and I think it's extra important to show people we care.
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Tell me about it... it was annoying, but I managed to keep my frustration somewhat in check... still much work to be done on that end lol
I had my birthday during the first lockdown in the spring (but being grown ass woman it wasn't too bad) so I had an idea of what it must feel like for her. It was important to me that she felt that her birthday could be celebrated as normally as possible, if not in an even more special way than normal. She did say later that evening in a FB video chat that it was her best birthday ever, but something tells me that when you're 7, every birthday is the best birthday ever hehe I love that girl!!
 
I am feeling all sorts of uncomfortable ATM. I ate 2 medium-large-ish pancakes for dinner and I am experiencing the travelling indigestion pain. Like - it started in my back and now it's in my chest... please tell me that you know what I'm talking about and that I'm not a) losing it for real this time b) a fckn hypochondriac nor c) actually experiencing something legit bad.

All in all, today was a very quiet day. I intended to do nothing and hit my goal smashingly well. I got clean, changed my bedding, and c'est tout! It was awesome :) I'll get back to the grindstone tomorrow with another run and I am going to bake some banana bread because bananas are dying (won't somebody please think of the bananas?!) Anyway, I be cray.

Time to unplug and unwind with a horror movie with the bf via video for the 300+ day since we last were together... Not going to lie, that's really weighing on me the last few days. I wish COVID would quit already or people would be more compliant or something. Hopefully there will be a vaccine soon and it will be safe and actually effective. Anyway, enough sad ramblings, more movie watching.

Merci et bonne soirée à vous tous!
 
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