Had therapy yesterday. Talked about my inner critic and my inner stabilizer. My inner critic is by far the larger part. He is very loud and demanding. Very rude and curt. And black. Very, very black. My inner stabilizer is very quiet. Rarely speaks up. She is small and white and kind. Like an Angel.
My inner critic is always telling me what a piece of sh*t I am and how I can try all I want, but it's never good enough. I will never get there, he says. He berates me at every turn, constantly criticizing me for something. I ate too much, or I didn't workout hard enough. I'm a sh*tty excuse for a parent. For a wife. And while, as a whole I agree with him, my inner stabilizer says, "Um, hello! You are such a kind and beautiful person! Stop and look at what you have around you! Stop and see how others see you!" That is so much harder to do.
It's much easier for me to view the bad things about myself. Even if I think I'm "good" at something, it's usually, "but not good enough" or something to that effect. My riding and my singing are prime examples of that. I think I'm a good rider, but I could be so much better. Same with my singing....I think I'm good, but most of the time I think I suck. I really wish I had taken singing lessons for a lot longer than 2 semesters....
As for the stabilizer, well, she is so quiet and kind of like a friend who tells u what u want to hear, even if it's not true. Pats you on the back, saying, "you'll be fine". Although I feel llike I should listen to her more, I can't seem to part with the demon. He is everything I think and feel; she is what I want to be. She's perfection. He's demolition.
Now if we can just get her to use her new kitchen more, we'd be on Cloud 9.