Mel Def's Journal

Tonight was tris, bis and shoulders. 30 minutes cardio. Off yesterday. Work is incredibly stressful. I have to just shut the noise off. People constantly calling and demanding instant results. Ugh.

Got a good workout in tonight which helps me feel more relaxed but honestly I have such tightness in my shoulders and neck from the demands and the anxiety. I can't stay focused. What I need to do is write down all I that I must do and take it one step at a time. When that gets cleared, do more. Same as everything. Automate the steps. Get the process down and BREATHE.
 
Ti-red. Today I slept in until the 5:30 AM. What a sloth. Anxiety about work and getting all I need done making me pretty nuts. Well let's face it- I MAKE ME NUTS. Trying to be perfect all the time. I want to learn this path of urgency without anxiety but I haven't gotten there yet. One. Step. At. A. Time.

I have relaxed my eating a bit because frankly trying to stick to absolute perfection wasn't working. I was binging and self flagellating and it was going no where. So taking a break from that for now and just trying to be good mostly but with allowance for carbs more than once a freakin day. I have too many irons in the fire to worry about every morsel. I am mostly sticking to good food choices but intutively eating some carbs when I feel I need them. I have been doing so much working out and feeling like crap- I need to ease up on myself. Not bulk up but be normal and not worry about being completely lean to the bone. When I am ready, I will go back to my more disiplined plan but for now I feel like enjoying energy and full throttle workouts fueled by good eating.

Today I will run again. Training for the Komen in May and want to have a good time. Running for my bosses wife. :) She is going through Chemo and she deserves me running and giving my all!
 
Big giant HOORAY!!!!!! Gina Shabazz ( Roc Shabazz' wife) has called me! I am on my way to training with the GROUP!!!!!! Oh I am so excited. On one hand, I have no idea how I will pay for it or find the time but I know that I will find the way to make it possible. There is no other acceptable answer.

Just as I was ready to swirl off the path to mediocrity and not be intense. I was rudderless. Sure, I see my body improving but not enough and I need and want the guidance. I won't deviate I will do. But listen to my body and not hurt myself either. :) I am so very excited!!!!!!!

Today I am taking off because I am so very tired and have been working out intensely every day. Eating junk too. Next week I go and meet and get assessed. I am curious since I can't really figure myself out and what's good and what is still to be done. I have some idea but meeting them and getting professional advice shall make a huge difference. lalalalalalalala!

My mind is all a twirl with exciting things- suits, tanning, oh yeah and the working out til I puke and the dieting til I want to eat sawdust. :D But it excites me to think about being in a tribe of women willing to do what it takes to look the way we do when we step on stage.

I was starting to forget but now I feel renewed. Just have to get super razor sharp organized to get all of it handled. Shirley says she works out less so I am optimistic. Why not? I am going to love this. And what is life but the chance to do what we love!

Here is his website: He's so hardcore!!!! :)
 
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g8r80 said:
Congratulations! I'll be expecting to hear great things from you.
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Thanks!

Today wasn't much of a workout. That's OK. I am gearing up for what is to come and I know I can do it. Nothing to fear and all that. I have lots of encouragement available and as long as I keep learning and growing each day, I am going to get there.

I felt so tired tonight. I did go to the gym but basically to make sure habit was enforced. I did the bare minimum really. Work is so tough- it feels like having a new job. Getting used to everything. I will get it but slow and steady need to come in play and PLANNING. I will really need to keep organized to get ready for a show too! So this is my time to do that and get it right. Habits to be formed and plans to be made. Sleep to be had. 4 AM comes to fast.

:)
 
Off yesterday but today was EXCELLENT! Woohoo! High intensity and lots of cardio. So tired but happy about that.

Tomorrow another bunch of cardio. I am going to focus on that since muscle mass is fine but need to burn off some o the fat. :)
 
This is my first time visiting your journal but thought I'd drop off an option to cardio-
Google "Staley EDT" This can be used in place of cardio. Really cardio work is used to get your heartrate at a certain intensity for a certain amount of time. Staley has an awesome option set up in which you pick two exercises and do half of the reps you'd normally do for a given intensity. You pair that up with another exercise in the same fashion and go at it for as many sets as you can get done in 15 minutes. You then repeat this for another two exercises=30 minutes of pretty high intensive work.

Thibaudeau has some cool stuff on an article entitled "Running Man" over at TESTOSTERONE MUSCLE | Unapologetic Muscle-Building Elitists

I got done not too long ago spending 30 minutes pushing, pulling, dragging, and sprinting with a weighted sled. Talk about getting the heart rate up and the metabolism shooting up.
 
I will look that up! Sounds good. Similar to something I read about on John Berardi's site about intervals. I focus on keeping my heart rate in a target zone... heart rate training is the way to go.

Today... I did back, chest, bi's and tri's between 2 cardio sessions. The first session was high intensity and the one after training was moderate. I really wanted to run on the treadmill but they were all taken except the one that shakes so badly.

Drank a BCAA and creatine mix after which was good and curbed cravings. Today was good!
 
I feel excited... maybe it's the Easter and the coming birth of life or maybe that life is full and exciting and turned up to full capacity right now in every aspect, but I feel ready to take on all of it and not afraid of failure.

I won't fail because each time I stumble I plan to get right back up and get back on the road, bloody knees and all. I have had a good week period. I won't discount the success I have had by comparing it to any other time. I had THIS weeks set of obstacles and mentally I overcame them and did my very best. It is too often that I do the " not good enough" drill and fail to recognize what I DID. That doesn't work.

This morning I cut out some pictures for inspiration and put them in the kitchen. :D We can imagine why they would go in there... when I am comtemplating having another bowl of whatever I can look at those and remember what my ultimate goal is. I have been wearing baggy clothes and shlepping about not looking my best and it can be a goal killer. There are good reasons for that- tiredness, allergies, being freezing cold all the time ... etc. but it doesn't help me visualize my goal and therefore I have to stop that. I always make sure to wear decent stuff to the gym but I need to broaden so I am " in goal mode" at my most vunerable... at home near the kitchen and all the yummy food that resides there. Hey, maybe if I am cold I will be inspired to do a set of jumping jacks instead of piling blankets on and eating oats.

My goals for the week:

Eat every 3 hours and keep it PN.
Be focused on whatever I am doing COMPLETELY. That means when working WORK and when going to the GYM and when I am with my girls ENJOY them! Live each moment as it was intended, grateful and aware of all I have and all I am capable of having.
Think and take a moment before reacting.
Run atleast 3 times this week. I want to do the Komen in under 27 minutes. I know this is well within my endurance capabilities. My target heart rate zone is more than adequate to manage that goal.

Be excited, learn and grow from all that there is. I will miss some things a long the way, but I will pay attention and grasp the ones I need NOW.

I am so happy and grateful to be alive and healthy and have goals. I am fortunate beyond words.
 
Good Morning! Oh I love exercising in the morning but then I want to stay at the gym and not work. Oh well. Good run this morning- I can do 5k in 28 minutes so 1 more minute shaved off before May and I am good to go. Very doable.

Tonight I will work hip flexors, glutes and hams. Also do some moderate intensity cardio for 30 minutes either the bike or the stairclimber or maybe split the 2 so don't get bored.. I will be able to do a morning session for cardio Friday but not any other day this week with my packed schedule.

Plan ahead and eat clean. Bought a mini fridge for my office! Excited to have somewhere to store stuff- less lugging of the lunch box. Expecially water and Jello.
 
Positive. I worked out HARD tonight. Intervals of high intensity cardio with high rep fast leg and ab training. Then to finish up I did a steady 20 minutes of cardio. Totaling 70 minutes for the day. Whew. I am tired. And oh so hungry. Yep. WAY hungry. Resisting. Looking at model pics and drinking lots of water. I can do this.

I am lean strong and healthy. I want abs cut like rocks and glutes like rounded globes. I can do this. Up very early for work tomorrow. A whole day without the power has put me WAY behind.

I can conquer and I am strong as steel. :)
 
SOOOOOO... I work out with the group for the first time on SUNDAY! I am excited, scared and feel so nervous but it will be fine I know. I hope Shirley is there but she just did a show and might be off. Roc and Gina will assess which is best for me to compete in but I really want to do bikini or fitness and not Figure. The NPC is geared towards tht mini bodybuilder look and I don't want to be that. I already fight being Amazonian.

I did cardio tonight- high intensity intervals on the bike, 5 minutes on the Versaclimber high intensity and then some treadmill low to mod to finish up an hour. I didn't do anything else since I had the kids and didn't have time really. Glad I made it at all because I was feeling stressed and the whole day has been full of stumbling blocks and getting nothing done. So yay for doing something productive.

I am so damned tired. I know I better prepare to be stretched further comign soon. I must rise to the challenge and not be afraid. I know I can do it.
 
It has begun!!!! SO great today. I went for the first time and worked out with the group. What a bunch of super hardbodies! Talk about some incentive to eat clean and work HARD. I am about it.

His style is much like my intervals days except more lunges and some really heavy weight for the bent over lat work. Sheesh. I am WEAK there that's for sure. Rows consecutively with 30, 40, 50 lbs. I couldn't eeek out the final 4 on each side with the 50's. He went a little easy on me weight wise with the squats and walking lunges and I could have killed myself a bit harder with the cardio but I feel it will probably be best not to be too eager or he could really turn it up and probably I would be best to hush for now. :) I can tell diet will play a HUGE role in this. Those girls are eating strict and lets face it, that is what brings it together. YOu can work your ass off but if your screwing up the sugar and the salt and the water, your going to come in crap. That's the truth. So once he lays out the plan I am following and behaving.

On that note, since I am still in limbo about what he is planning for me, I have been not so very good. Today I ate sugar free Peeps, some EAster candy and A big bunch of PB. Naughty me. I want to get to the point of being OK with that once in a while and not ashamed. I think the shame feeds on itself and I end up harming myself worse. MORE moments occur, etc, it all feeds on itself. I am capable of being reasonable and in control. I am mostly. When I am not I HATE the way I look and feel. It feels gross and not me. I love to feel clean and light and hard and strong. I know what it takes to be that.
I decided I would do figure. Gina said I would need to soften to do bikini and I HATE soft. I want to be athletic and more thatn just "toned". They aren't going to have me FRY up in a tanning bed either! Hooray! They have a great tan sprayer and they are total pros at this. I can't explain how excited I am.

When it came to the posing, she started us just on turns and told us to practice that all week. One step at a time is how its done so we learn and grow and are EXCELLENT. I want excellence. I want this bad. I don't want to just show up. I want to know I did everything I could to WIN. IF not the next show then the one close to come after. And I won't quit. Nope. Whatever it takes to get there is where I will go and the path I will follow. Thank GOD I am such a cardio nut. The girls struggle with that aspect but as I love to run and get that ticker pounding and the featured machines were the step mill and the treadmill, I was happy there. My form in the other parts felt wonky but they are going to get me to the right part on it. So happy and ready to get this on.

Next session with them is Tuesday. I will be doing 2 days with them for now and bump it closer to show. Show date will be determined but summer is foreseeable.
 
Wow, sounds like you've got some really good resources to fall back on. It also sounds like you are more than willing to do whatever it takes to end up on top. NICE! I've done the bodybuilding and it takes a ton of commitment. Sounds like you've got the total package. Congratulations and don't hold back on the progress pics. I love checking out pics and watching everything coming together. Keep it up lady, u r the bomb. (PS - don't know if I mentioned it but I locked in at 5% and am now in my new house. Thanks for the help!!!)
 
Greg- Thanks and I am so happy for you!!! Very good news indeed.

I worked out Tuesday with the group and it was even HARDER. I was last in the line up being the new kid but it surely was TOUGH. MUCH tougher than Sunday. Already I see progress and already the hunger is ratcheted up. :) I have been goodish with only the minor step off the path of a handfull of jelly beans and a little Tony Cacheres on the cabbage but I have decreased Splenda use and I'll be ready for the show plan wen the time comes.

I am tightening up amazingly and considering upping the workouts to 3 for the next week. It will take some doing... I will see what Sunday does and if I feel like I need more time to get acclimated, I will. I came home from work and fell asleep tonight so now I must get to the gym LATE. I have been procrastinating but I HAVE TO. I will be fine once I get there. Just get up and get there then Mel.


I will post pics soon. Mayhaps I will bring my camera to the gym on Sunday and take some of the girls too. We shall see.
 
Quick and dirty high intensity run. Ran at the 7.0 /7.2 pace for 27 minutes. Did tricep push downs and out. I just felt punk because I was out of fuel and the run pretty much wiped me out. Still I went and did my best. It is all good and it all adds up!
 
take an energy gel during your run. It is only 140 cals, has between 20 and 30 carbs, some sodium and potassium, and then you will have a smooth transition in the weight portion of your workout.

definately worth the buck.

just an idea for ya.

FF
 
Mel Def said:
Quick and dirty high intensity run. Ran at the 7.0 /7.2 pace for 27 minutes. Did tricep push downs and out. I just felt punk because I was out of fuel and the run pretty much wiped me out. Still I went and did my best. It is all good and it all adds up!
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That's a fast pace, Mel, it should have wiped you out!

BTW, I saw on a different thread that you had lost 100#. Unbelievable! :mrright:
 
Thanks for the advice and thanks for the encouragement. Very well timed.

Today was grueling. I am not using this term lightly. I have bruises on both my wrists from bent over rows and I burst into tears during the leg extensions and had Roc over me shaming me into finishing and almost had to start over. 70lbs for 50 reps. The rest of the workout is a blur except for the end with a set or 50 squats with a 25 lb db and then right after a set of 75 with a 20. But here is the worst part...

I doubted myself today. I doubted I had what it took but I kept going and frankly I was embarassed that I lost my composure. IT's no big deal but mainly I feel afraid. Afraid of cheating myself real success. Afraid of convincing myself I don't really care or don't want it that bad so if I don't make it I will have a way to back out. Loser. This makes me so mad at myself. I brought a bathing suit and we posed and I feel like I am a million miles away from looking like I want to look. That's bad because if I don't believe it wo will? . What happened to my confidence? I am comforted that this is temporary and I will make it to another day and feel improved and strong again but today I don't. I feel sorry for myself and that is sorry.

What is it I want? To feel strong and beautiful and the very best me possible. I want to feel in control
 
Two things to consider:
One, don't get down because of one tough day... we all have them, I'm in training now and I've had about two weeks full of bad days due to external issues. Relax your mind and tomorrow is a new start.

Two, anything worth achieving is supposed to be tough... you're supposed to doubt yourself at times... otherwise why wouldn't everyone be at the top?

Remember to have fun and expect to be challenged and pushed to your limit.

That's what makes this worth it.
 
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