Mel Def's Journal

Back on track and went to the gym again today. Saw an amazing woman- enviable in everyway physically working out there. She was not only in incredible shape she also looked to have some great genetics. I spent much too much time feeling envious. I had a day filled with much wasted thought about shortcomings and feelings of lack. So many things to count in my favor and I forgot all of them and concentrated on the nots'.


Tonight I got home and looked up Bible verses, read Buddhist philosophy and grounded myself back in feeling powerful and capable. It is such a battle and I feel so angry and troubled by my inabilty to achieve and have what it I want. More to come on this but I must strive to think more healthily.
 
Today I stayed home and worked on resolving some of my most pressing issues. January is always a time to reflect on what has happened, what I have accomplished and what I want to do better. Some things I did great and some I failed miserably. I am reminded through each activity, regardless of the outcome that it is always the JOURNEY. Reminded but still forget. My mind is in a jumble of "what do I wants" and "how do I go about getting its". One. Step. At. A. Time. You would think I would keep this at the forefront of my mind but I haven't.

I got some things done and some research into the next steps for other projects I need to get accomplished. So many things but isn't that the pleasure in life? What if I did it all and there was nothing left to accomplish? Still, the angst and pain I have created in the last few days with worry and supposition- I feel ashamed. It has and is exhausting. Tomorrow I wake with a brand new unblemished set of 24 hours. This weekend I have an opportunity to make some changes in my life and grow and go in the direction I desire. This is good! I look forward to it.

Tonight I shall do some to do lists, take stock in my resources and be as productive and gentle with myself as possible. I am happy I have done some fitness things this week, that is for sure. The diet and the exercise are coming together in dribs and drabs but my new project for certification should assist with this. Looking forward to that.
 
OK, got a million things to do but wanted to capture some things that WORKED so I can remember them for next time!

Had an AWESOME workout! Legs today and lots of cardio- no concentration on building speed, my knees have been hurting and that I don't like. Time enough for that and besides, when I get off a bit of this weight I can increase speed then. Still going to do drills when I feel up to it but mainly focusing on heartrate targeting because that will help with the fat and the speed later.

It is obviously ESSENTIAL to have some supps for leg workout. I had so much more stamina with the recovery drink and the BCAA's. So much more. I started off the AM with Glutamine, BCAAS, EC minus the A ( which I am thinking of adding in...) vitamin C and Calcium. I brought to the gym the recovery drink and the Purple Wraath. I don't care if it was all in my head or not, that stuff worked. I did lunges, I did weighted bench sumo's, leg extensions, lying curls, and seated curls. I was driving the HR up to 175 in some cases and keeping the baseline HR above 135 the entire time. I feel wonderful and NOT sore... yet. I feel this is coming but oh well. i will deal. I did abs too but more later- a tape perhaps but atleast Swiss ball and rolling wheel stuff.

Tomorrow I will hit back, bi's and tri's. Do atleast 30 minutes cardio- perhaps get up in the morning and do some HIIT. Just 20 minutes though because I know the soreness is coming. Indeed.

I acknowledge that I cannot eat dairy and carbs same day- so it's the oatmeal or the cottage cheese. I HATE the way cottage cheese makes my abs look but I do love the taste.

Hooray. It was such a good exercise day!

I feel energetic, not hungry
 
Another hard workout today! Intervals and upper body with lots of emphasis on back. Heh. I know it's WRONG to brag and feel smug but I do enjoy lifting heavier than some of the MEN around me at the dumbbell rack. Lalalalala. On the other hand, there was a guy running next to me on the treadmill who was sort of heavy and didn't look too condtioned and darned if he didn't keep up a 8.0 clip the entire 30 minutes he was on that booger. Dang. He was younger than me but I thought WHY CAN'T I DO THAT?! I imagine I can at some point but something mentally holds me back from running at the all out pace I want to. I am afraid of something, injury, my heart exploding, etc. Whatever. I need to get hypnosis.
 
I hit cardio and did ab work yesterday and today I think I will rest. Maybe or maybe not. I don't really want to to be honest but I have taken time off in 6 days now. I am very sore but it feels like if I actually rest I will be REALLY sore. Yesterday was supposed to be a recovery day without lifting but but I did end up doing 2 sessions of cardio that had my avg HR up around 160+ the entire time. Is that OK? I am going to research more about HR training.

I signed up for my online nutrition course with UGA! I am so excited!!! I can't wait to get started and really explore what has always fasinated me.
 
I have never heard otherwise that you can't do cardio and abs everyday. More importantly, did you overwork your skeletal muscles during that cardio workout when you were supposed to be resting them?
 
g8r80 said:
I have never heard otherwise that you can't do cardio and abs everyday. More importantly, did you overwork your skeletal muscles during that cardio workout when you were supposed to be resting them?
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No that isn't what I was wondering if my intensity should be so high on recovery days. I guess going with how my body feels is best. I am trying to get to new levels and learn more about where is the happy medium. How can I feel good and look good all at once? It is a slow process.
 
Leg day, lunge across gym back and forth with the 12'a, 10's and 8's to finish. Sumo bench squats with the 40. 4x25. Felt like puking. Also some pulley squats executed poorly. I have no coordination.

Cross trainer( elliptical with the arm things?!) and step mill for a total of 35 minutes then swimming with the kickboard and fins for 30+ minutes. I am BEAT. I am on mission. I kept nutrition on plan and am hungry now. Going to sleep to avoid doing damage. I have a headache and feel grumpy and overtired.
 
Overall a good week but yesterday and today nothing on the fitness side. Oh well.

Has my best run time ever this week on the Nike Plus, famous for adding addtional minutes to my run time. :D I am getting under 9 minutes now per mile! I felt GREAT. More practice of that this week but diversfying the cardio definitely helps more than running every day. I plan on a good leg and cardio day tomorrow to make up for the last 2 days of nothing but I feel it was useful to recover. I have other matters in life taking precedence that need my attention. I will slay the PT test though come June with a 2 miler under 17 minutes. Mark my words.

I have a new mantra.

I do enough.
I have enough.
I am enough.

There.
 
Today is my fresh new day of purpose and opportunity. The thing we have the least of and must not squander is TIME. It is precious and there is no way to get it back once it is gone. I won't spend time harboring guilt, anger, sadness today because I will focus on all the good things there are in my life. Lots of very good things.

God does not promise a life without pain but it is through painful moments and how we conquer them that we get our greatest gifts and sense of accomplishment. A life of ease and lack of effort is boring and not worth living.

This was what occurred to me yesterday when I was doing bench squats- which I hate. I hate them because the leg I broke so many years ago feels less stable and it is smaller because I keep the most weight over the "good" leg. Thus I am uneven. With concerted effort I am training my "bad" leg to get stronger. This is life. We can't sheild ourselves from pain because it makes us weak and eventually uneven. Balance is key to life and when we find the weakness we have to focus to gain the strength.

This week I am going to work hard in the gym because I LOVE it. :)
 
Lots of struggle in the last couple of weeks. I am in the transition stage of life where it all seems messy and indecipherable what exactly I am doing and what it will accomplish. Complicated and lonely and scary but an underneath hope and determination are still there. I have been blogging in another forum and enjoy it although I still feel tied to WF. :) I will always come back here to the homeland. :D.

I am finding my way and learning new skills and tricks. IT's all we can ask of this life and darn well plenty. MY best to all here on their journey.
 
Mel Def said:
Lots of struggle in the last couple of weeks. I am in the transition stage of life where it all seems messy and indecipherable what exactly I am doing and what it will accomplish. Complicated and lonely and scary but an underneath hope and determination are still there. I have been blogging in another forum and enjoy it although I still feel tied to WF. :) I will always come back here to the homeland. :D.

I am finding my way and learning new skills and tricks. IT's all we can ask of this life and darn well plenty. MY best to all here on their journey.
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I fell the same w/ you Mel. I am only lurking and do not post or reply to post anymore except to keep in touch with a handful of folks here.
 
Well hello! Fitness wise I have been busy upping my game. My husband has deployed and now I will focus on my new goals and becoming more well rounded overall. I have made a goal to run a mile atleast 5 times a week as fast as I can in addition to my normal workouts.

I have been diversifying and researching new methods plus doing the stuff I always do. It has been a great source of focus and comfort during a rocky time. I am undecided whether I will do a comp this year or not. A number of reasons say I shouldn't but I hear the call... we shall see.
 
All over the place since I was last here. Mentally and physically and working towards new goals. This AM I had an inspired and happy run! I love that feeling!

Woohoo! I have seen some women at the gym that I must find out if they train with anyone. They look awesome. So really there is too much to say and I can't say any of it. I am heading in the right direction and gearing up for a great summer. Spring is in the air and in my heart and I am very grateful.
 
Hi Mel,

Nice to see you keepin' on keepin' on.
 
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