Marsia's Diary

I'm sure K will get her schoolwork finished. Between the two of you, there's enough determination to get things done. The new owner of the house you're in will be so grateful for all of the work you are doing in the garden. The plants will love the attention & all of that lovely mulch. You are paying it forward xoxo
 
liza3 said:
I love the sound of your days--the 2 of you working so harmoniously together on the garden, with your yoga, your beautiful walks, healthy foods...
I'm a little tempted to get into my garden when we have some warmer days but I think I should just leave it all for now...maybe just put some plans on paper or work on more structural ideas--i really have been wanting to make a rough bench of some sort for it...and then consider some plans for how to do a simple pond type area that is protected from neighborhood cats...so that's stuff I could do now before I get busy in the spring with the ongoing demands with planting and weeding and stuff...yes--you've inspired me!
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Thanks Liza! I think the pond idea is so magical. I hope you get to do it! I love sketching out gardening ideas. I planned out the veggie garden and the orchard in Sketchup, and that worked great. I have my rakes out on the porch because we were planning to rake up all the fallen pine needles for pine straw mulch, but it's been raining all yesterday and today. I've been thinking about selling the fruit trees and berry bushes in pots now, so people can plant them for spring. It would be really nice to make sure they all have homes. I didn't fuss with them this winter, not even to cover them, and even the citrus didn't freeze and they all look really happy.
Cate said:
I'm sure K will get her schoolwork finished. Between the two of you, there's enough determination to get things done. The new owner of the house you're in will be so grateful for all of the work you are doing in the garden. The plants will love the attention & all of that lovely mulch. You are paying it forward xoxo
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Thanks Cate! We're really out of shape and pokey, but little by little we are getting stuff done. It's so nice to work as a team! The plants here are amazing. I have to take lots of pictures of our yard before we go, and that will make me really happy seeing how we'll leave it so nice for the new owners.

We are studying humanistic psychology for positive psychology now. They believe that it is largely unexamined beliefs that get in the way of us becoming our authentic selves. We're talking a lot about those negative voices in one's head that are hard to challenge and also about cultural and family conditioning. This branch of psychology seems very influenced by eastern philosophy. Carl Rogers, one of the founders of this theory believed in "unconditional positive regard" for the client, and it sounds a lot like Buddhism's emphasis on compassion for others and acceptance of oneself. This course is really great for both of us!

The seafood chowder came out great. We put herbs and green onions from the garden in it. It's been such a mild winter generally that the plants really haven't had a destructive freeze. We need to exercise more. We've had nice rainy day days with mostly just a little yoga. I really hope to get some gardening in soon. My arm seems to be improving a tiny bit each day. I looked at myself in the mirror and I must get my weight back down. I am getting uncomfortably chubby again.
 
Great to hear your arm is improving so much! Selling your potted trees and bushes would be great, especially this time of year. Having had a mild winter so they look nice should really help with that!
 
Marsia said:
We are studying humanistic psychology for positive psychology now. They believe that it is largely unexamined beliefs that get in the way of us becoming our authentic selves. We're talking a lot about those negative voices in one's head that are hard to challenge and also about cultural and family conditioning. This branch of psychology seems very influenced by eastern philosophy. Carl Rogers, one of the founders of this theory believed in "unconditional positive regard" for the client, and it sounds a lot like Buddhism's emphasis on compassion for others and acceptance of oneself. This course is really great for both of us!
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This sounds great. Neat that you can both study it and apply it to your lives. I found a lot of good CBT stuff as well as ACT fit well with lots of the Buddhist stuff as well.
I walked around my garden yesterday and was getting excited for some plans. I don't like to get started too much before true spring (I usually do anyhow because I can't help it) but there is definitely some stuff I can begin on soon! What a gift that K also likes gardening and you can work together on stuff! I used to like working with my dad in the garden :)
 
Sorry to hear you are worried about the weight gain, that's never a nice feeling. Hopefully the rain clears up and you get out for some nice walks soon.
 
Llama said:
Great to hear your arm is improving so much! Selling your potted trees and bushes would be great, especially this time of year. Having had a mild winter so they look nice should really help with that!
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It's so nice my efforts are paying off for helping my arm to heal. I just looked up how best to sell things like potted trees. I think it will work! A friend is coming over this weekend to pick up some gardening things, and I'll see what trees and shrubs I can give her, and maybe I can sell the rest for a little money for the new garden.
Cate said:
Selling plants sounds like a wonderful idea. I must get organised & try to sell some stuff!
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I hope it works. I'd love to get all my trees nice homes!!
liza3 said:
This sounds great. Neat that you can both study it and apply it to your lives. I found a lot of good CBT stuff as well as ACT fit well with lots of the Buddhist stuff as well.
I walked around my garden yesterday and was getting excited for some plans. I don't like to get started too much before true spring (I usually do anyhow because I can't help it) but there is definitely some stuff I can begin on soon! What a gift that K also likes gardening and you can work together on stuff! I used to like working with my dad in the garden :)
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I love ACT! My friend and I did half of a workbook on it together and it was wonderful. So nice you are getting ready for the new planting season already! Do you start seedlings inside for your garden? My dad taught me to garden, too!
Emilyrose said:
Sorry to hear you are worried about the weight gain, that's never a nice feeling. Hopefully the rain clears up and you get out for some nice walks soon.
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Thanks, Em! It's beautiful today, but also an errand day. It looks like the next 2 days will be great for gardening, so we'll make sure to get out and get lots of gardening and walks in. I am going to get serious about leaving all this weight behind me in the south!!!

We've been out raking and doing a little in the yard and today was my very last time I had to bring groceries to J. That feels good to have that behind me. We are listening to an open course on positive psychology by a Harvard professor, and he recommended a book by an amazing educator who quit teaching in the schools to help drop outs in her community to graduate. She was asked by 2 different US presidents to be the education secretary, but she wanted to keep teaching. Eventually a philanthropist gave her a grant and she started a bunch of inner city schools across the country teaching her methodology. We're going to get her book and read it for the class, and I'll see what I think of teaching. I am leaning more in the direction of teaching lately.
 
Were you still bringing J groceries from your pantry stash or did you go shopping for him? Either way it's great to be done with it!
 
Cate said:
I think you would be an excellent teacher, M as you already are xo
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Thanks Cate! I have taught a big classroom of kids occasionally, and it's a lot of work to lesson plan for that because the whole class is at different levels of learning for each subject, and I tend to do better one on one. I think if I had really good training I could do it though, and wow, would that be rewarding!
Llama said:
Were you still bringing J groceries from your pantry stash or did you go shopping for him? Either way it's great to be done with it!
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Both. He says that he is broke and struggling to pay the bills, and I am the only one with a car, so I get him a few things at the big box store that he pays me back for and also I just gave him a bunch of stuff from the back stock in the house. I let him know that the rest of the back stock will be needed by us for the remaining time we're here, so there is no reason for me to bring him more stuff. Historically his clients don't spend money on patents around Christmas and January, so those have always been dead months as far as work, so I am cooperating by sharing half the back stock with him. This helps so he cooperates with paying for some of the health stuff and car repairs. He doesn't cook, so I only gave him pre-made things and I still have plenty of raw ingredients in back stock. I was preparing for inflation and bought a lot of extra food that keeps long term. I am so glad I did that! I woke up this morning with a weight off my shoulders (literally). It will be wonderful seeing a lot less of him.
 
Marsia said:
He says that he is broke and struggling to pay the bills
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Oh boohoo... I can't say I believe him and even if I did I might think of it as just desserts for a dude who swindled his wife out of her inheritance and savings. But cooperating on the little things that don't cost you much will probably look good for you later.
 
Marsia said:
I woke up this morning with a weight off my shoulders (literally). It will be wonderful seeing a lot less of him.
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Glad you have that weight off you now Marsia!
Marsia said:
Thanks Cate! I have taught a big classroom of kids occasionally, and it's a lot of work to lesson plan for that because the whole class is at different levels of learning for each subject, and I tend to do better one on one. I think if I had really good training I could do it though, and wow, would that be rewarding!
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Good teachers are such a treasure--I still remember back to a couple of mine that I loved. But yeah seems like it would be very challenging but could be amazingly rewarding as well I'm sure.
Marsia said:
Do you start seedlings inside for your garden? My dad taught me to garden, too!
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I mostly don't start anything inside, but I will start some sweet peas indoors as they really did well last year...
 
Kudos to you, M for taking him food. I do hope he remembers how kind you are & I hope it does mean that you will now see a lot less of him. 🤞
 
Seeing J must be very hard. You did well. I'm glad you have such a good supply of food to keep you and K going until the house sale.
 
Llama said:
Oh boohoo... I can't say I believe him and even if I did I might think of it as just desserts for a dude who swindled his wife out of her inheritance and savings. But cooperating on the little things that don't cost you much will probably look good for you later.
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Yes, he definitely is squirreling away money, so I don't feel sorry for him either. It's good to be cooperative though. I am learning to not fight him directly because giving a narcissist either positive or negative energy feeds them. They are energy vampires, and some articles I've read say that the vampire and cannibalistic zombie themes in popular entertainment are thought to represent narcissists. (It does seem like the age of narcissism sometimes.) It's been hard remembering not to feed the vampire, but I am starting to get peaceful about this, which is a small miracle.
liza3 said:
Glad you have that weight off you now Marsia!
Good teachers are such a treasure--I still remember back to a couple of mine that I loved. But yeah seems like it would be very challenging but could be amazingly rewarding as well I'm sure.
I mostly don't start anything inside, but I will start some sweet peas indoors as they really did well last year...
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Yes, I've lost 130 pounds overnight!! I can really see myself teaching, but I am aware how hard it would be, too. This is an interesting decision, for sure. Sweet peas sound so delightful. We used to plant them in a little staked up row in the garden when I was a kid.
Cate said:
Kudos to you, M for taking him food. I do hope he remembers how kind you are & I hope it does mean that you will now see a lot less of him. 🤞
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Thanks Cate. He was so worn out looking and really needed a haircut, and was just out of it when he talked with me. That was actually kind of a good last visit because I can see that he isn't feeling confident about the upcoming mediation. I dreaded that visit for 2 weeks though, so it's really nice I'll see way less of him.
Emilyrose said:
Seeing J must be very hard. You did well. I'm glad you have such a good supply of food to keep you and K going until the house sale.
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Thanks Em - it was icky having to be around him. So glad this is coming to resolution in the summer. It's wonderful having all the extra food. Now that we have more energy I am thinking of baking bread and stuff like that more to save money.

I did more stuff for the lawyers last night and lost track of time and it was 2 am before we got to bed. I also blame it on the yerba matte tea - it's so good, but so strong! I am nearly done preparing for mediation, and that feels wonderful. I am going to concentrate on creative problem solving from now on, and stop worrying so much over things because I've done what I can. My friend comes over this weekend to see what she wants from my garden. She also knows someone to help get the furniture to sell into the garage so I can put it online and have people come see it in the garage and not have to come in the house. So we'll clean house and get pictures taken of the furniture in the house before it's moved to the garage.

My arm has felt pretty good the last few days and my weight is down a little from the horrible top weight. I am eating a couple of dates when I get sugar cravings. I am still using a little honey in my tea and need to stop doing that. I am feeling relieved now that I've largely prepared for the mediation. Phew!
 
It must feel so good to be getting things done that will help you through this time. Getting some furniture sold will be good. Your friend sounds like a good, practical friend to have. I must remember to have a couple of dates the next time I'm craving something sweet.
Being able to not react to J & feed his narcissism must feel much better. I'm glad that mediation is not so far off xo
 
Thanks Llama and Cate! It's wonderful getting more done now. My friend knows everyone and is so kind. We are lucky to know her. It is very weird not reacting to J, and so good. I feel way calmer and more like he just doesn't matter. I still have to be very careful, like when you know there's a poisonous snake in your yard, but I am feeling like I can breathe deeper and am not waiting for the other shoe to drop much anymore. Yesterday was really productive. We did so much for school and got all the cattle panels off their supports and together for my friend to take. We also did a bunch of housework and a lot of yoga. My arms are pleasantly sore from yoga, and for the first time, I can reach further without the aid of the pt. I have to be very careful with how I lift and stretch, but things are improving. My non-dominant arm is getting way stronger as I have to do some poses like downward dog with only one arm and I concentrate on getting the other arm to help out a tiny bit in a way where it gets a good stretch. Doing better with not having sweets, too. Cate, the dates really help me. I hope they do for you, too.
 
That's good you are feeling prepared for mediation and you are feeling calmer and more relaxed about all of it. Sounds like you certainly have done everything you can so it's good not to worry about if you can do that.
So great to hear of the continued improvement with your arm!
 
That's great that your friend is helping you out with selling the furniture. It's so important to have that support! Well done on the yoga and doing better with the sweets.
 
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