Quoting to agree with Liza: doing what you can and other than that trying to relax about the outcome sounds like an excellent approach.
Marsia's Diary
- Thread starter Marsia
- Start date
Cate
Long term member
I think you have an excellent approach to it all, Marsia. There is already too much black and white in the world & being able to be flexible & able to adapt to whatever the outcome will hold you in good stead. Your house must be becoming more manageable. Your friend must be grateful for all of the plants.
Thanks everyone! I like this idea of less black and white thinking. It seems like when I get good places in life, it is usually by a circuitous route, and I think this may be, too. My friend posted a nice post showing off the new plants tucked into her house with all her others. She even named the big monstera! I found the perfect plant person and am really happy.
Today was a stay at home spa day, and we both really enjoyed it. I read lots for English class and we did a super hot bath/sauna in the big jetted tub. We also made nice food with only meat and veggies and made a big batch of chai with our fresh ginger root from the garden. I feel so much better after sweating out all the stress and then taking a nice shower. We also finally remembered to paint the test colors in the dining room and have a really nice winner color - a light grey-pinky-lavender that looks a bit sophisticated that goes both with the weird existing warm tan in the entry and the new grey green of the living room. I am amazed we found a color that looks good with both and also makes the room look bigger and a lot more like a dining room than the cold teal-grey that was in there. So we can paint when we don't feel like gardening now. We ate well, so hopefully my wildly fluctuating weight will reflect that tomorrow!
Today was a stay at home spa day, and we both really enjoyed it. I read lots for English class and we did a super hot bath/sauna in the big jetted tub. We also made nice food with only meat and veggies and made a big batch of chai with our fresh ginger root from the garden. I feel so much better after sweating out all the stress and then taking a nice shower. We also finally remembered to paint the test colors in the dining room and have a really nice winner color - a light grey-pinky-lavender that looks a bit sophisticated that goes both with the weird existing warm tan in the entry and the new grey green of the living room. I am amazed we found a color that looks good with both and also makes the room look bigger and a lot more like a dining room than the cold teal-grey that was in there. So we can paint when we don't feel like gardening now. We ate well, so hopefully my wildly fluctuating weight will reflect that tomorrow!
Cate
Long term member
What a lucky friend. I love my monsteras
I'm not amazed. You & K are a formidable team. (Just an aside- In my head, I pronounce formidable in French. All of those years of French studies at high school weren't wasted.) LOL.
Oh. A home spa day sounds good.
That's so lovely! Glad to hear things are starting to go your way.
So lovely! I can imagine the joy of someone appreciating your plants!
That at-home spa day sounds amazing and lovely. I love how well you both care for yourselves.
And so great you found the perfect paint color--I'm sure it will be fun to get started on that.
Thanks Cate! I really love this. I like that K and I seem for-mi-da-blah, too! That's such a perfect word to pronounce only in French in your head!!What a lucky friend. I love my monsteras
I'm not amazed. You & K are a formidable team. (Just an aside- In my head, I pronounce formidable in French. All of those years of French studies at high school weren't wasted.) LOL.
Oh. A home spa day sounds good.
Thanks Llama. It's good to start having some peace in my head again. I am so happy I started meditating again. It leaves me with a sense of vast calmness lately, which was totally unexpected. I have never had that as a result of meditating before, but did experience this once when I was in preschool and learned that some visiting art teachers were going to put our artwork in a museum exhibit. It struck me as so nice that adults took kids' artwork seriously that it made me expand my consciousness, and the sky seemed vast and friendly. It was one of those moments I look back on in life a lot.
It's really nice giving her plants. She carefully untangles the tendrils on the plants she takes from the screen house and apologizes to the plants if she hurts them. She's a tree hugger like me! It's really fun getting a color that works well. K is naturally good at it, but I research a lot and come up with good candidates to pick from. We're a good team.
Yesterday was another relaxing day. It was sunny out, so we raked another part of the driveway a little while and I went through the woods and hauled off more fallen boughs. It was a very stormy winter so there is a lot of clean up from that. While K crocheted a nice top she is making, I read her our new book by Gabor Mate The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture. We both find this sort of thing fascinating, and he is a highly articulate doctor and great synthesizer of vast amounts of information which he tells with compelling stories. We are both really tired and are doing little meditations together and yoga which are both very helpful for K. I need to do a longer meditation today because I was half asleep through the guided meditation I did yesterday. I think we are shedding stress. Felt like warming up pre-made food, but luckily we were all out, so I made a quick pot of black bean soup with some left over roasted read peppers, and my weight went down again, so that was nice.
What a wonderful memory to have and to be able to feel that it is similar to your present meditation practice!
Love the sound of that--reading and crocheting together...I've heard a lot about Gabor Mate--never read any though.
Cate
Long term member
That made me smile
What a wonderful memory & experience. I have a memory of meditating after a yoga class back in the 70s. I felt like I was floating on the ocean on a lilo (an inflatable bed). I didn't walk home from that class, I floated.
Your weekend sounds lovely, M xo
Thank you all for the lovely comments! I'm so lucky to have all your support!!!
Today was a driving around day. We went to our favorite grocery store in between errands and got such great pre-made food that is actually good for you. K got the results back from her blood draw, and all is well. Medicine is the right kind at the right dose. K asked for natural cures to try to reduce the anxiety, and routine is a big one. So we will do nice things like make a nice wake-up ritual and stick to it. I am not great at sticking to routines, so this will be good for me, too as far as learning to be disciplined, but hopefully in a nice, and not too rigorous way.
Thanks Liza, I was really happy to feel that way again, and even more surprised that the feeling came back over more than one meditation session. Gabor Mate is really interesting and has a lot of YouTube videos if you are interested. He says that there is so much anxiety and depression in the general population now because the culture is not working and it stresses everyone out. He says it is a natural reaction to a system that is inducing stress in all of us.
I agree! I can't wait to have a garden full of peppers to roast!!
I will never think of "formidable" in any other language now! I love how you can have both a wonderful meditation session and wonderful memories of it that stay with you, too. Happiness is so wonderful how it's contagious, even memories of it! It was a really nice weekend. We feel a lot more centered now.That made me smile
What a wonderful memory & experience. I have a memory of meditating after a yoga class back in the 70s. I felt like I was floating on the ocean on a lilo (an inflatable bed). I didn't walk home from that class, I floated.
Your weekend sounds lovely, M xo
Today was a driving around day. We went to our favorite grocery store in between errands and got such great pre-made food that is actually good for you. K got the results back from her blood draw, and all is well. Medicine is the right kind at the right dose. K asked for natural cures to try to reduce the anxiety, and routine is a big one. So we will do nice things like make a nice wake-up ritual and stick to it. I am not great at sticking to routines, so this will be good for me, too as far as learning to be disciplined, but hopefully in a nice, and not too rigorous way.
Cate
Long term member
Happiness is so contagious!
I'm glad you had a lovely centering weekend xoxo
I will look a little further into him...I know a few people who are really into him...
Good luck with routine. I am a naturally routine-oriented person but it certainly isn't for everyone. Hopefully if you can support K with one, she could continue with it even if you go back to a less routine type structure.
Thanks Cate!
We did a nice routine this morning where K took a hot shower and played music before school, and it went well, but I think I'll get us up earlier now that I know how long that takes her in the morning. I think we're going to add a little morning yoga to it, too. I think this will help, and if we do nice things that are good for us, I don't think I'll feel like it's a restriction.
Thanks Liza. I am naturally very spontaneous and remembering that I am even supposed to be following a routine is really hard for me. I think K does really well with structure, so I will keep reminding myself!
I agree, Em. I like things that give K a sense of accomplishment, and getting up and doing exercise and mood enhancing things seems like a really good start.
We did 2 little yoga sessions again today, which was nice because my anxiety over the mediation and dividing the marital possessions was really high. I had some realizations about how J is not going to cooperate, which is good because then I don't get surprised by these things. I did a nice meditation and will do another before I turn in for the night, too. As I got calmer, I realized some workarounds to dividing the marital possessions, and I also typed out a lot of pertinent questions for my lawyer so I know how to approach all the legal stuff that is coming up. I am having periods now where I feel almost normal and like I am putting the divorce behind me, followed by periods of lots of anxiety. Meditation helps immensely. I am going into a giant calm space in meditation and it really cuts right through any anxiety and I feel great for hours afterwards. Tomorrow my friend comes over to pick up more fruit trees.
A routine doesn't require you to plan out your whole day, you know. You can have time and space for spontaneity and still set bed, meal, and exercise times, or whatever you decide is important for K's sense of stability.
Good to hear you're dealing better with all the terrifying paperwork and upcoming confrontations. That stuff is so hard
Cate
Long term member
I don't have much of a routine at all, M. I think you're doing well with establishing routines with K to help her get stuff done. I have always been amazed at people who do the same thing each day of the week, like laundry on Tuesday, shopping on Friday etc. I think my default is railing against conformity.
It is so understandable that you have periods of anxiety
It is so understandable that you have periods of anxiety
Glad you are finding your way to a nice little routine that you like.
I do think sometimes our society can be a little too rigid with routine, but yes a nice balance of both as LLama suggests can be really nice and healthy.
So glad to hear the meditation is continuing to help with the stress and anxiety.
I do think sometimes our society can be a little too rigid with routine, but yes a nice balance of both as LLama suggests can be really nice and healthy.
So glad to hear the meditation is continuing to help with the stress and anxiety.
That's a good point Llama. I will just plan out how to get the day started because that's the part we have the most trouble with and see how that does and if K needs even more structure than that or not. I found this wonderful series of articles on divorcing the narcissist and it told about how they are very predictable in what they fight against, and every single thing the article mentioned is something J is doing, and something the lawyers are guarding against. It made me feel so better. So I am glad I am researching and preparing because I find these hidden gems of support online since so many other people have gone through this or supported clients who have gone through this. Thank goodness people understand narcissists now and I can reap the benefits of that!!A routine doesn't require you to plan out your whole day, you know. You can have time and space for spontaneity and still set bed, meal, and exercise times, or whatever you decide is important for K's sense of stability.
Good to hear you're dealing better with all the terrifying paperwork and upcoming confrontations. That stuff is so hard
I am with you. I want to give up and go back to bed when things are too routine like having to do a certain chore on a certain day - that makes me feel a sense of forcing myself to conform to other people's processes, but I can do it if it's for work. K has told me that structure helps her though, so it's good the psychiatrist backed that up and I have permission to figure out how to get the day started well with some nice soothing rituals. The psychologist said not to push K, but I figure these little things are pleasant and I think she is ready to start school at a normal hour now. Thanks for normalizing my anxiety. I have been really feeling huge overwhelm in-between the periods of calm, and it isn't normal for me to yo-yo back and forth between extremes like this, and it makes me feel rather out of control.I don't have much of a routine at all, M. I think you're doing well with establishing routines with K to help her get stuff done. I have always been amazed at people who do the same thing each day of the week, like laundry on Tuesday, shopping on Friday etc. I think my default is railing against conformity.
It is so understandable that you have periods of anxiety
Thanks Liza - it's interesting making a routine that isn't stressful. I associate routine with boredom and stuff I have to force myself to do. The meditation has been a life saver!!
We had a nice day digging plants out of the raised beds for my friend and a friend she brought with her - they are neighbors and making gardens together. My friend N had her pay me for some of the plants, and another one of her friends will come and get the rest of the fruit trees and some of the asparagus that is still here. It's on its 3rd year, so will be ready to harvest this year. We got lots of sun and exercise and are nice and tired. We also cleaned out our car and blew up the tires on the cart we used for hauling the fruit trees to their trucks. K talked with my friend N's daughter and they had fun together, which was good because K felt that the daughter was too young to be a fun friend, but they clicked and had a good visit. The day went fast, and we didn't get to school because I let K get up late this morning - she had watched a movie last night that made her cry a lot, and we didn't get to sleep until late. We still did the morning routine, and it went well. Added in yoga, which was nice. It was good hanging out with fellow gardeners today!