Marsia's Diary
- Thread starter Marsia
- Start date
That is great that the house envisioning is both practical and a cheerer-upper! I think it would be exciting if you have options to choose from and if you are skilled at doing home-improvement stuff. I know if I ever had to leave my place it would be just stressful so it's very good you can feel excited about the possibilities!
Thanks Liza! I like having cheerer-upper things to do! K and I just realized that our current house will be the nicest house we can ever afford, and that we should fix it up as much as possible so we get more for it. So we just made a nice plan and are picking out some paint colors to spruce up a couple of rooms. The interior hasn't been painted since the owners before last, and it's a bit dated, so this is fun and gives us good things to accomplish while here. I made a good list of little house projects - all things we can accomplish ourselves and that we should be able to get done before the house goes on the market. That feels more proactive and much better. It's stressful moving, but we're excited to have our own house and settle down finally!!
Thanks Em! We had nice deli ingredients like Kalamata olives and artichoke paste, so we made nice things with all the yummy ingredients. We've been really into sun dried tomatoes lately, too, and putting big slabs of roasted veggies on sandwiches and such. It's really making our stomachs happy.
Thanks Cate, it's been a mostly productive week for catching up on the new semester school work. It's so wonderful that K is really enjoying it. I taught her a bunch of design principles and she loves things like that and is excited to design her own website. She's decided to make an online portfolio website. We're doing a film analysis next for English, and in positive psychology we are studying what is known about emotions, thoughts, and our bodily reactions to these, and I have a general psychology book which has short articles on things like philosophical ideas that are the foundations of psychology and all sorts of interesting rabbit holes, and I read a short article that goes with our topic for the day. It's fun.
I am really worried about how to move our stuff out of the house to put the house on the market. J keeps telling me he is out of money, so who knows how to pull this all off, but I have amazing lawyers who are used to dealing with people like him, so I am in good hands. I have moved so much now that I really have it down. But it is never fun. I am especially sad that I made this gorgeous soil that is full of worms and organic matter and now have to start over. Also I had an orchard fence almost up and lots of fruit trees and berry bushes ready to plant. I want to replicate something similar where I live next.
We have been going out a lot for different appointments and to happy movies and on nice walks the last few days. Not much new except that my arm is killing me, but the range of motion continues to improve a lot every few days. I had a pt appointment today, and he did some simple adjustments that made a huge difference. I can't see him for a while because J says there is no money for that, so the pt gave me extra exercises so I'll be ok. I've had to interact with J on the phone and via email a lot in the last few days, and have done ok, so I'll give myself a little pat on the back. The house was a total mess, but we are chipping away at it. It helped that I did a big pep talk about how fixing up the house means more money for us, so we will really benefit from the projects we get done while here.
Cate
Long term member
I love how you can turn K's schoolwork into fun. You are so intuitive to what will capture her imagination. She's a very lucky daughter.
I think it's amazing that you can look at sprucing up the house to get more money for it. You are working towards a much better future for you both. I can't wait until it's sold & we get to hear about your new place. The one that will be yours to do with what you like xo
I think it's amazing that you can look at sprucing up the house to get more money for it. You are working towards a much better future for you both. I can't wait until it's sold & we get to hear about your new place. The one that will be yours to do with what you like xo
Sorry to hear your arm is continuing to be in pain, but good to hear your range of motion is increasing--I guess some of these things just take time...
Hopefully your next house will have been owned by people who also love gardening and you will inherit their good works just as someone will inherit yours!
Hopefully your next house will have been owned by people who also love gardening and you will inherit their good works just as someone will inherit yours!
K is so wonderful. She told me that I am like two parents, so I make up for her not having a father. That made me cry. I like that you described me as intuitive. We have been reading that book by Temple Grandlin again on the visual thinker, and K thinks that I think more in pictures than verbally, but I think I may be more feeling-based and think intuitively with neither pictures nor words at times - it's like I compare words to what I am feeling intuitively and then once I get the right word, a picture often appears, too. It's confusing reading the book because I probably I have a weird combination of different ways of thinking.
It was a nice "eureka" realizing that fixing up the house will really help us in the long run and give us more exercise in the short run. I am so longing for our own place with no more J to think about. It is so good making a favorites list of houses and then going back and thinking of what sort of set up is best. There are hugely different neighborhoods, from wooded suburbs to tightly packed houses with no yards in the neighborhoods with streets full of restaurants and cafes, and some of the bad crime areas contain pockets of affordable places with lots of land that are safe and gentrifying. I would not have known this if I hadn't poked around so much on the MLS and on sites that have neighborhood rankings. I even watched a young videographer who tries to capture the spirit of all the neighborhoods with art, music, gardeners, and community activists in them. It's going to be really fun!
Thanks Liza, it's so wonderful getting my arm's abilities back again. I don't know how I let it get that bad - it seemed to happen gradually and then all at once somehow. That would be amazing if I inherit a gardener's yard! I think whoever inherits ours will really love it, thanks for that perspective!
We are having a busy day - my therapy, K's psychiatrist, and theater class. We got a veggie and a chicken quiche for lunch. Both were seasoned with the best southern spices. I want to see if I can replicate them. I am starting to relax to the point where I can see just how tense I was. I hurt all over, but it's from not tensing up my whole body into a ball and feeling the tension release finally. I need to start taking hot baths, I think. I am not worrying too much about weight right now. It's stable, and I need to learn to relax more than anything. I am still having to correspond with J because he changed out health insurance and wants me to see a different pt who is in the new network. I am negotiating that because I love my current pt - like to the point of sending him Christmas cards and writing him gushing reviews. J is also trying to be sneaky about how to sell the house (without going through mediation first) but I let him know that I will let the finances be decided by the family court judge if he doesn't cooperate in mediation, and the house only gets sold after that. He is a weasel. Anyway, enough of that! I am on a relaxation mission and then we need to go on photography excursions and take pictures of all the lovely places here before we leave, and we'll get nice and in shape again fixing up the house, and then - poof -go on to our new life!
I think sprucing up the house is a great project for you and K to focus on. Sorry things are tricky with J but you'll soon be free of him.
I'd like to take that class myself!
Cate
Long term member
Oh, K. You are a darling. I'm glad she knows how good her mother is
Your day sounds very hectic!
I tried finding a weasel emoji & there isn't one. That's funny. You are smarter than him, M. One day you will not have to worry about his devious ways.
Nice to hear things sounding so positive Marsia--between your relaxation, fixing up the house, and the improvement with your shoulder, it all sounds really good!
Even though I am only a renter I still feel so lucky to have inherited the good work my landlords put into the yard here--and they are so grateful that I really appreciate it and care for it!
Even though I am only a renter I still feel so lucky to have inherited the good work my landlords put into the yard here--and they are so grateful that I really appreciate it and care for it!
Thanks Em!! We are so enjoying the positive psychology class. We went over Kierkegaard's amazing contributions to the founding of a positive existentialism yesterday, and it was so inspiring. That would be so awesome if you could be in the class with us. We have the best discussions.I think sprucing up the house is a great project for you and K to focus on. Sorry things are tricky with J but you'll soon be free of him.
I'd like to take that class myself!
K is amazing! She was having these intense dizzy spells where it feels like she is getting zapped with intense energy, so I did a psychology exercise with her, and it turns out the feelings are happiness that she wasn't feeling because J got jealous if we were happy, so we had to be even keel around him, but K is naturally so happy, and so the happiness had to burst out finally, and that was the dizzy spells. So she is sitting down and feeling the happiness slowly so it doesn't just overwhelm her. Life is so strange how you can even repress joy, but you can also get it back. I am beginning to stop blaming myself for not seeing all the harm J was doing to K and just be grateful that we can reverse it.Oh, K. You are a darling. I'm glad she knows how good her mother is
Your day sounds very hectic!
I tried finding a weasel emoji & there isn't one. That's funny. You are smarter than him, M. One day you will not have to worry about his devious ways.
I so appreciate you saying that I am smarter than J. Every single serious relationship I've been in, the guy thinks he's so much smarter than I am, and I am starting to see that I have some skills that are a bit unusual and to really treasure that and not compare my kinds of intelligence negatively to other people's. It feels way better just honoring what I have been given instead of feeling like I need to conform to what society says are the best sorts of intelligence. I think we tend to put too much emphasis on book learning instead of on learning practical skills, which I am naturally better at. I so can't wait until I completely forget about J. That will be the ultimate revenge - narcissists want attention, so forgetting him will be such a peaceful happy solution to this!
I think I used to sleep on my stomach, but my lower back didn't like it after a certain age, so maybe I'll hold off on trying this. The pillows on either side of me for my arms to rest on are really nice. Thanks for the good advice!
Thanks Liza! I love hearing about your relationship with your landlords. So wonderful you appreciate them and vice versa!
I did a little more research for my lawyer and she was happy with what I found. It's so nice I can help with preparing for mediation despite not having access to J's paperwork. If this weren't the technological age, I'd be in trouble, but since it is, I am happy I am good at researching things online and can find more things to show the lawyer! We are really loving our semester so far and K told her therapist about all the design and psychology stuff we're doing, and the therapist was really happy with K getting so much happier. I thought yesterday was Saturday, so let K sleep in past noon, so we had a late night reading fun stuff for school and using our electrical muscle zapper while we did. It really helps for the pinched nerve in my arm, and using it on the tight muscles in the back of the neck is amazing. We also went out for a hike, but the nice county park closed already, so we went to our favorite antique store and got the most darling owl lamp for in our new house where we'll move. I am not eating as well as I could, but am not eating too much and am just maintaining. I have a lot of broccoli slaw which is really good with Kalamata olives and ham in it, so we are having lots of fresh veggies in the salads, which feels so nice. Hopefully today we get a good long hike in. We made a nice turmeric milk with some of the turmeric root from the garden and coconut milk, cinnamon and nutmeg, and a little honey. It is soothing and nice.
You're sounding really good Marsia! Very nice to hear. Sounds like you struck a nice balance with the food with lots of nice healthy options. I hope you can get that hike in...too bad about the park being closed the other day, but sounds like you made the best of it and found yourself that cool lamp-i love owls! And very cool about finding lots of good info to help with your lawyer!
Just a note about K's dizzy spells--did you rule out the possibility that it might be a side effect from her meds? I think you mentioned that she was on some that affected her blood pressure before? Anyways I'm glad she is feeling so much happiness!
Just a note about K's dizzy spells--did you rule out the possibility that it might be a side effect from her meds? I think you mentioned that she was on some that affected her blood pressure before? Anyways I'm glad she is feeling so much happiness!
That first part is extremely common in overcompensating men. #notallmen and all that but afab people are generally socialized to doubt themselves and make themselves smaller while amab folks are generally socialized to make themselves bigger and toot their own horn. Add a bit of discomfort with the very idea that women might have *gasp!* intelligence comparable to men and the outcome gets quite unpleasant.
Hi Liza! Yes, the therapist and psychiatrist ruled things out and K is getting a blood draw to make sure her nutrition is where it should be, too. I am guessing they are making sure she's not anemic. I love owls, too! We always seem to have at least one living near us who we can sometimes hear in the night. They are lovely. It's great how much K has bounced back already!!
I really agree. It stinks having gone out with people who aren't feeling confident and who then make me feel less confident in my abilities, too. I will watch out for that from now on - no more wasting time on people who put other people down in order to feel better about themselves!
K's bp is affected by the meds, but the thing with the happy feelings feels like lightening and is different. Yoga is helping. We found a new YouTube yoga teacher we love, and just a short routine helps us be so much more relaxed and energized at the same time. It was a wonderful find! I can't wait until J is history. I have to get a simple blood draw at a lab, and the new insurance J switched to without telling me has all these pain in the neck new rules, so I had to be in contact with J a bunch again. But it is bothering me less and less as we get happier in general.
Today we went on a really long bike ride to make up for only a short marsh walk yesterday. It's been windy and cold, so we haven't been staying out long. The bike ride was so nice, but we did get a little wind burned and put lotion on our faces when we got home. We went to the lovely farm, and there are new bike paths there and a new walking path that the beach bikes can handle, so we went past a lot of lovely ponds and marshes this time. Then we put on bathing suits and put Epsom salts in the big jetted tub that no one ever uses, and we had a nice bath where I got my arm feeling nice again. It took cleaning it out several times to be able to use, but now that it's nice, I think we'll do more baths. It really is great for my shoulder! It's raining hard out and we had a nice day where the yoga just made both of us feel so good and start the day well. So good day here!
Thanks Cate!!!
It's just past midnight here, so it's officially my birthday. We'll go to my favorite lunch place downtown to celebrate and maybe get a nice downtown walk in. Actually my weighted blanket was a very early birthday present from K, so I already am enjoying one of my presents!