Marsia's Diary

liza3 said:
it might be fun too to see the activity if it is animals!

I used to feel a lot like needing a place to go and scream when I was young--I've definitely lost that urge nowadays!

I hope you can find that place where you feel like you can do some effective work. I think for me I keep ending up in a place of anxiety and despair about the world situation. I would love to feel I could find a place where I felt able to work for the betterment of things.
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That would be so nice if we get fun videos of raccoons! I once went with a friend who bought a bunch of old plates and cups from a thrift store. We brought a tarp and went under this bridge and smashed up the plates and cups and yelled "No!" loudly. I did have fun doing that and I think it did help me, but it was way more cathartic for her. The funny thing was that there was a stream there, and there were old smoothed out pieces of glass in the stream that were little glowing colorful treasures. It was from a hand blown glass shop up the coast I found out years later. There were beaches that got those polished glass treasures washed up on the shore from the glass washing down another stream by the glass shop and out to the ocean, but this was way far up the beach where a stream dumped into the ocean, so it was so funny we made pottery shards (which the tide did snatch a few away from the tarp) and in return we got these cool old hand blown glass pebbles in all sorts of glowing colors.
Cate said:
I feel sure that you will be able to make such a difference, M. You have so much to give & so much knowledge. The world needs more compassion & you have it in bucketloads.
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Thanks Cate, I really hope so! That's so kind of you to say, too!!
Emilyrose said:
Psychology is such a fascinating subject and I'm sure you will be brilliant Marsia.
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Thanks Em! I am really enthused about getting back into my field again!!

Oh, I keep forgetting to say that I let K cut my hair and color it, and it came out so nice. She chopped off at least 6 inches and feathered it and gave me long bangs, and it's like my haircuts when I was in my 20s. I like it and it makes me look younger. I made it to the physical therapist, and he said that I have a frozen shoulder. He got a lot of movement back in my arm and got it positioned better, but it was also painful having him work on me. He apologized that this particular problem is one of the more painful to work on. I have tons more range of motion now, and I have exercises to do and hot baths to take, and I go back later this week for another appointment. The receptionist thought it might just need a handful of appointments to fix. I am sore, but it's so wonderful not having shooting pains now!

So I am working on not stressing about everything and getting the energy to start doing little repairs on the house. I have a friend who will take some of my gardening stuff that I can't take with me, and will tie together a bunch of cattle panels and things for her. She may take my fruit trees and berry bushes, too. She's a really nice mom who organizes a lot of homeschooler stuff and is an avid gardener.

I'm really tired from the shoulder adjustment, but so relieved it's going to get better. I weigh the same, which I am not complaining about. We need a little more aerobic exercise and some calm, down time and I will probably start losing again. I haven't been very interested in food lately except veggies and nice soups.
 
Yay for a great haircut and more range of motion in your arm! I hope you caught it in time because an all-out frozen shoulder takes a year to heal (from onset of the issue) on average. Sounds like yours wasn't too terrible though, so I'd expect it to be faster.
 
I'm glad you have found what was wrong & are having it treated. Ouch! Your haircut sounds lovely. Clever K!
That would be nice to be able to give away garden things to a good home.
 
Oh that is so great to already have good results from the physio--i keep going back and forth trying to decide whether to keep my appt or not--your story encourages me to keep mine!
And very cool that you have your own personal hairdresser at your place--that's fun!
 
Llama said:
Yay for a great haircut and more range of motion in your arm! I hope you caught it in time because an all-out frozen shoulder takes a year to heal (from onset of the issue) on average. Sounds like yours wasn't too terrible though, so I'd expect it to be faster.
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Wow, I didn't realize how bad my condition was. So glad I have a good range of motion already! It's wonderful to get your expertise on things - thanks!! I worried that I did too many exercises yesterday because my arm ached last night, but I put the nice weighted blanket that K got me on my arm and put my other hand there to provide heat, fell right asleep, and woke up with a pretty happy arm. It does hurt somewhat doing the stretches, but I really want to keep the range of motion that the therapy got me, so I am thinking of it as good pain, and that helps. Also he prescribed hot baths, which will be really nice!
Cate said:
I'm glad you have found what was wrong & are having it treated. Ouch! Your haircut sounds lovely. Clever K!
That would be nice to be able to give away garden things to a good home.
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Thanks Cate! I really like having a change in haircut, and K really liked that I finally let her cut my hair. She does a really nice job with cutting hers, too. I am really happy about a seasoned gardener getting my gardening stuff and plants!
liza3 said:
Oh that is so great to already have good results from the physio--i keep going back and forth trying to decide whether to keep my appt or not--your story encourages me to keep mine!
And very cool that you have your own personal hairdresser at your place--that's fun!
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I found a physical therapist with so many rave reviews - I was thinking about how being near a major city is so good for things like that. Back in CA, I wouldn't have found someone with a tenth of that number of reviews on their work. I am so lucky to live where we do right now! I hope you appointment goes as well as mine did!! It is fun how K loves to style hair and do makeup and all that. I would have given myself a totally utilitarian haircut, and it's fun to have a cut that's in style.

I have decided that my focus for the foreseeable future is getting my stress levels down and my health good. I did yoga and arm exercises last night and really focused on stretching to the point of releasing tension. I also really want to focus on Buddhist tenants and keep my emotions from going all over the place. Time to get calm and flexible again!

We made the most delicious pot of pho soup with ginger and green onions from the garden. I got a bumper crop of ginger and some turmeric, as well! We finish up last semester tomorrow and get the house nice again.
 
Marsia said:
I found a physical therapist with so many rave reviews - I was thinking about how being near a major city is so good for things like that. Back in CA, I wouldn't have found someone with a tenth of that number of reviews on their work
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haha yeah--where i am we don't have too many options, so I just have to hope for the best! It is great to hear you are having such good success with yours though.
Marsia said:
We made the most delicious pot of pho soup with ginger and green onions from the garden. I got a bumper crop of ginger and some turmeric, as well
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How wonderful to be able to continue adding to your soups from your garden!
 
Thanks All! I am really liking my new haircut so much! Just got back from the physical therapist. Wow, does he know a lot of different techniques. I have no shooting pain now, but there is still a lot to do as far as range of motion. I am really tired from all the adjusting, but am so happy to have found such a knowledgable person. He recommended this muscle stimulator that sends little zaps to your muscles that I think I'll order soon, and I just got the massage gun that he recommended. It is so incredibly wonderful. I think I may never leave the house again. I'll just sit in the house with the massager on my shoulders and neck! He also recommended a really hard exercise that hurts, but I only do that after hot baths or showers. The massage gun has hot and cold settings, so I am going to try warming up the muscle with that first, too. So wonderful having exercises that work!

I am experimenting with something I learned from meditation. The meditation teachers I've had teach you about your observing self -the part of you that knows that you are lost in thought and brings your attention back to the breath. I think I need to focus more on my observing self so I can get out of obsessive thinking about our situation. I tried it today and it really helped me not take my repetitive or worrying thoughts so seriously. I should use this for looking at my thoughts about snacking and eating crappy food, too.

We did our fun mushroom trail hike yesterday and there is this rainbow swamp phenomena where the tannins from the fallen leaves stain the swamp water dark, and the oils from the leaves float to the surface of the water. When the sun shines on the slight oil slick, the surface of the water looks rainbow. We got really good pics of it yesterday.
 
Is it an oil slick? Where I grew up stagnant water would often look oily as well but it was usually a film of bacteria floating on the water (which we had to collect and observe for biology class).
 
Your physical therapist sounds wonderful. I don't think I am very good at meditating. I can tune out, when I really need to, like at the dentist when something is going to be painful & I would rather not have an injection, but otherwise I struggle.
I love your descriptions of the things you see on your walks. They are poetic!
 
"The rainbow sheens found as a thin film on top of pooled water in swamps and marshes are the result of natural oils released by decaying vegetation or the biological processes of anaerobic bacteria reducing iron in soil." ( https://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-trending-46346026 ). They are rare because if there is rain or wind disturbing the very thin film, then it doesn't happen. That's great you got to go out in nature to collect samples for biology class!

I learned to meditate with active imagination at first, which I've always been grateful for. The teachers had us picture a ball of light like the warm sun in our heart area that got concentrated when we inhaled, and extended out into the world when we exhaled. We could picture it bringing warmth and peace out into the world. That is still one of my favorite meditation techniques to get in touch with the peacefulness we all can tap into within ourselves. It's there even when our minds run a mile a minute, and I have also learned to sink down under the overactive mind and let it just go on and on and relax into the peacefulness underneath it. It took me a few years to do this though. I had a bunch of years when I fell asleep constantly when meditating, but that also turned out good because I learned about the observer self that can tell that I am falling asleep and that wakes me up when that happens now. So meditation has been good for me. It helps me find abilities which I had no idea that I had. K really has trouble with meditating, so we meditate on a candle flame or she likes to lay on the floor to feel grounded. Some people do mindful walking where you feel your feet contact the ground and feel the air and listen to the sounds around you. I think anything that helps you be present and appreciating the present moment in a relaxed way can be a form of meditation. There are forms of meditation I still do not like. Chewing food mindfully really grosses me out after a while and makes me not enjoy eating. So I think it can take some experimenting to see what resonates for you.
 
Marsia said:
"The rainbow sheens found as a thin film on top of pooled water in swamps and marshes are the result of natural oils released by decaying vegetation or the biological processes of anaerobic bacteria reducing iron in soil."
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The soil in my parents' area is indeed extraordinarily rich in iron. Interesting!
 
So interesting about those rainbow sheens in the marshes--I'll have to look out for that at our marsh!

Yes so many techniques and ideas with meditation--I also enjoy working with different ideas.
 
My little shadow dog makes it hard to concentrate on meditating, but I think just patting him is a form of meditation in itself. I know it helps when I'm feeling anxious.
Tai Chi walking is something I might give another go.
When does K start at the school she gained entry to? August? Do you have to have sold up before then or could you move if it hasn't? The next stage of your life is so exciting. I am looking forward to it, for your sake xo
 
Marsia said:
I learned to meditate with active imagination at first, which I've always been grateful for. The teachers had us picture a ball of light like the warm sun in our heart area that got concentrated when we inhaled, and extended out into the world when we exhaled. We could picture it bringing warmth and peace out into the world. That is still one of my favorite meditation techniques to get in touch with the peacefulness we all can tap into within ourselves.
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Ooh, I really like this one!
 
Llama said:
The soil in my parents' area is indeed extraordinarily rich in iron. Interesting!
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Does your parents' area get rainbow swamp phenomena, too?
liza3 said:
So interesting about those rainbow sheens in the marshes--I'll have to look out for that at our marsh!

Yes so many techniques and ideas with meditation--I also enjoy working with different ideas.
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I'm trying to do mini-meditations more lately where I just pause for a little while and enjoy the present moment or feel what I am feeling emotionally more fully. I love how meditation shifts the way we see the world so profoundly, even little minute meditations sometimes. So cool!
Cate said:
My little shadow dog makes it hard to concentrate on meditating, but I think just patting him is a form of meditation in itself. I know it helps when I'm feeling anxious.
Tai Chi walking is something I might give another go.
When does K start at the school she gained entry to? August? Do you have to have sold up before then or could you move if it hasn't? The next stage of your life is so exciting. I am looking forward to it, for your sake xo
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Lumi would be drawn to me like a magnet when I meditated, and she'd wrap her arms around my neck and head butt me and purr loudly, wiggle around so I'd have to hold her in funny positions while meditating, and generally be in hyper-snuggle mode! I think petting Archie is a wonderful meditation!! Tai Chi walking sounds really interesting. Let me know if you like it!
K's school starts in August, but we have no idea about money or anything yet, so she may have to take a gap year. That's ok if she does - she skipped a year in school and we've always considered a gap year as a fun possibility. Everything is so up in the air as far as when we'll move. It all depends on legal stuff, and I expect a long, protracted fight where J shoots himself in the foot not by agreeing to anything reasonable in mediation, and us winding up in family court with J looking really bad because he withheld a lot of financial information from the court. The court will probably decide what happens with all the money and assets, and that won't be until mid-summer at the earliest. There are a lot of different possible scenarios, but probably I won't be able to move until the house sells. I'm just focusing on getting my health back and not worrying too much about it for now. It's going to be amazing living in a new place on our own - can't wait!!

We took a really brisk walk on the beach yesterday. The beach changed radically from the last big storm that knocked out our power, and they had to put in more steps down to the beach. The sand was very windblown with beautiful patterns in it and it was so cold that if you smiled, your teeth got really cold from the cold wind. It was really refreshing and nice. K is rewriting her last paper. She has never written a literary analysis before, and is struggling with the new format, but her paper is amazing. I have to figure out how to get her to write shorter papers. She always writes at least twice what she needs to, though her papers are really interesting. I got a lot more movement back in my shoulder from massaging it with the massage gun yesterday. I think loosening up my neck helps it relax, too. Even if it doesn't, having a more relaxed neck is wonderful!! The exercise that the pt gave me still is beyond painful though. I modified it so I can get myself to do it.
 
A more relaxed neck is almost always helpful for the shoulders as well. I don't know if it's what you'd call rainbow swamp but almost all standing water in our area has a rainbow film on it.
 
I've had dogs come to a couple of meditation groups I was in. It's pretty amazing to see some of them participate so well. I'm sure not all would be good for it (just like humans) but it really is incredible when you see that some of them can really respond well to the energy.
 
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