I love this so much, Llama. I'm going to read it to her. Thanks!!
Marsia's Diary
- Thread starter Marsia
- Start date
Good for you enjoying a mellow day and also figuring out how to replace a toilet flusher and making the house further secure. Sounds like a good day.
yeah those teen years can be rough when you're kind of between being a kid and an adult! But perfectionism in general is a tough one. Learning how to not beat ourselves up about minor things...I don't know--I seem to have always struggled with that and only now feel like sometimes I might be getting a little better with it but still spend a lot of time beating myself up about dumb things.
yeah those teen years can be rough when you're kind of between being a kid and an adult! But perfectionism in general is a tough one. Learning how to not beat ourselves up about minor things...I don't know--I seem to have always struggled with that and only now feel like sometimes I might be getting a little better with it but still spend a lot of time beating myself up about dumb things.
Cate
Long term member
Kudos to you, M on just dealing with that security issue & not worrying too much. You must be gaining so much confidence in your abilities to deal with problems when they arise.
Learning how not to beat myself up about insignificant things is a constant battle for me too, & I have regular talks to myself.
I can picture you & K all cozy & safe in your house & that makes my heart glad
Learning how not to beat myself up about insignificant things is a constant battle for me too, & I have regular talks to myself.
I can picture you & K all cozy & safe in your house & that makes my heart glad
Thanks Liza, it feels so much better with the extra security. I didn't realize how stressed I'd been without it, and now we both feel like we can relax a lot more. K feels a lot better after the talk we had, which is so nice.
I do feel like I am getting more competent in so many ways, and it does feel really good! I catch myself being really critical and am always surprised. Such a hard habit to break. Thanks for the nice heart, and we do feel cozy and safe now, which is a small miracle!!Kudos to you, M on just dealing with that security issue & not worrying too much. You must be gaining so much confidence in your abilities to deal with problems when they arise.
Learning how not to beat myself up about insignificant things is a constant battle for me too, & I have regular talks to myself.
I can picture you & K all cozy & safe in your house & that makes my heart glad
Today we went on our nice marsh walk and took naps and talked a lot and got a little reading in. Nice mellow day. It feels so good that I won't have to deal with J for a while and there are no weird things to deal with, and we can just relax, do school, and get the house ready to sell this summer. I am relatively relaxed for the first time in so long, I don't even remember feeling this non-tense. I think that's why my weight is almost down to where it was 2 weeks ago, thank goodness. It's been so nice eating lots of veggie dishes. My stomach likes this a lot better.
Thanks everyone! It's so nice being able to relax again, Liza. I so agree about the veggies, and Cate, that old-fashioned dish sounds so delicious! We had a nice broccoli slaw salad for lunch with some ham cubes in it and lots of Kalamata olives. My stomach is so happy. My jaw feels tons better Llama, but I do still need to get my arm looked at. I'll schedule that this week for sure. I had to do a big long lecture today because K is falling behind on school again, and we've only done a week of school so far this semester, plus there is still last semester's catch up work. So we made new strategies, and I think she can be caught up in a few weeks, thank goodness. I want to make sure I do treadmill tonight if we don't get out for a walk.
Cate
Long term member
It must be so hard trying to juggle the pressures of school work without putting too much stress on K. You're doing a great job, M. I hope the new strategies work. It will be such an achievement for K to do well in her last year, considering the pressure you have both been under.
I hope you can squeeze in even a short walk, but if not, the treadmill xo
I hope you can squeeze in even a short walk, but if not, the treadmill xo
You hit the nail on the head, Cate. K's therapist told me not to push her, but it's driving me up the wall how hard it is to get her to do her schoolwork. We figured out that she is putting all this pressure on herself to try to power through her depression, which makes it worse, and instead she needs to learn to work around and with it. She also saw all the examples of how to do that which I have been giving her as very specific tasks instead of as examples of creative workarounds, so that is why she did not try anything like what I suggested, she didn't think that the specific things I've been suggesting would work. So that was so good to clear the air and to start working together on getting her able to concentrate again. I am actually amazed at the level of work she can do. She's very good at school work, and now that she is working on things she's really interested in, we can do wonderful assignments, I just have to work really hard to get her to remember to do the assignments and to stay focused and to be able to get out of bed in the morning at all. I feel really proud of her for figuring all this out.
Thanks for the encouragement about getting on the treadmill. I did because I read your comment, and I feel a lot better this morning.
I added lemon poppyseed dressing to my salad-y salad, Llama! I love how much better you are at English than I am!!
Another rainy day, so it'll be an intense school day.
Thanks Liza and Llama. I keep track of days we do school and hours for each class and that we cover what the state wants us to cover for each class, and this year we are having trouble getting the minimum number of hours in because K is really struggling, but we got her medication adjusted today, and I am hoping that helps a lot for focusing. It's so weird because her work is above high school level because it's what she's interested in, but the hard part is focusing enough to actually do the work. Since she only has 3 classes per semester, I think she'll be ok to finish high school this year, but may take a gap year before college. The salad-salad is crunchy and good!!
Thanks Cate!! I think so, too!
Yesterday evening there was such an intense thunder storm that the torrents of rain coming out of the downspouts were blowing almost sideways in the wind. There were downed trees and downed power lines in the neighborhood, and our power was out for almost a day. We went to the psychiatrist today and recharged our computers at a nice cafe and shared a lovely quiche and a BLT sandwich lunch. Then we took that beautiful walk where all the docks adjoin and go out into this immense river. The tide was so low, with lots of egrets, pelicans, and other shore birds and lots of happy bird tracks through the mud everywhere. There are gorgeous old fishing boats with colorful old nets on them, too. It's probably my favorite walk here. My weight is almost back down to where it was. I think we are both finally relaxing enough to purge big batches of stress. It feels like a ton of bricks releasing it all, but then we feel better afterward.
I hope the med adjustment helps. It doesn't really surprise me that for her the biggest challenge is actually doing the work. Meds can be a difficult adjustment and then working through all the other psychological aspects...
That sounds gorgeous!
Yay!
So glad to hear you are feeling so much better Marsia.
This sounds delightful.
Thanks Cate! I had a small stress blip when J added me to a neighborhood group chat without asking me, and I had to text him to get him to take me off the chat and tell him not to give my phone number out. I am recovering more quickly from dealing with him each time though, so that's good. We took our beautiful walk to an island in the intracoastal waterway yesterday, and there were so many interesting mushrooms out. One looks like a light orange loop which grows next to things that look like submerged button mushrooms like the protective circle in the Spiderwick Chronicles movie. There were purple mushrooms, too, and the woods were full of pretty little pools of water and bright moss on the trees. There are a number of windswept trees on the island which are beautiful silhouettes in the winter, and lots of happy raccoon prints criss-crossing each other in the marsh. It's wonderful seeing the progress K is making in therapy and that she is figuring out how to process all these intense feelings, too. Things are good, but still on the intense side. It feels so good not turning to food, but doing yoga and walks instead!
The new medicine already seems to be much better and K is much happier on it so far. We are really starting to enjoy school again instead of it being a monumental struggle that takes up most of the day. We do still have to get through writing a couple of papers that were due last semester and then things should just be fun again. I will help her a lot with those. Our winter walks are so nice. The colors are really soothing and it's so nice being in the cool air.
Thanks Em! I am still feeling a bit brittle and overwhelmed by things, but also feel I have so many things I can do to feel better and have the energy to do them!
I just have to make myself call the physical therapist today. It takes me so long to work up to making medical appointments, but all of the medical professionals here have been so nice and so good and professional. I wish I didn't have such a fear of getting there and being told I am faking my symptoms. This happened to me when I had mono and bronchitis when I was a teen and saw an intern at a local hospital and I never got over it, and I need to be nearly non-functional now to actually make myself go see a doctor. I have to sleep with my arm on a pillow now so I don't get shooting pains, so it's time to call! Also got a reassuring email from my lawyer that she has good plans for anything that happens next with upcoming mediation, so that was really reassuring. I've been having such good talks with K and things are looking up!
well that sure sounds familiar! ( I am terrible for that as well. )I hope you do call though--shooting pains in the night sounds really bad.
I'm glad the new medicine for K is working better already.
And so nice to hear you guys continuing to enjoy your beautiful walks and good healing yoga as well.
Another member of the "hates making medical appointments" club here 