Marsia's Diary

[Llama]

Late to the banana seat party to say my older sister had one and I was kind of jealous because it looked so cool but we mostly just used it as a duo bike. Marsia: lowrider bicycles for adults exist (hard on the shoulders, just like lowrider motorbikes) and I'm sure they include banana seat ones as well if you're ready to drop the money.

 

[alligatorob]

Late to the banana seat party

Better late than never. When we have that forum gathering I think entry on a banana seat bike should be required!

 

[liza3]

Better late than never. When we have that forum gathering I think entry on a banana seat bike should be required!

lol yes we'll all be part of Marsia's gang!

Today I had a contractor over to look at the house, so we cleaned the whole house and porch and folded 3 massive loads of laundry so it looked nice, before going on our epic bike ride. Then we got home and carved pumpkins and watched Ghost Busters. Nice day, and I did really well with food

Sounds like a really great day Marsia. So good you are getting in some awesome bike rides! And love the sound of the pumpkin carving with Ghost Busters.

 

[Cate]

I missed the banana seat party. I’ll have to look them up. I have never heard of them.
I’ll be in the gang though. Could I have trainer wheels?

 

[alligatorob]

I missed the banana seat party. I’ll have to look them up. I have never heard of them.
I’ll be in the gang though. Could I have trainer wheels?

Trainer wheels, no problem, but I don't think you'd need them...

 

[Marsia]

Wow, I have a gang! I'm so proud to be head of the Banana Seat Gang!! And, yes, Cate, training wheels and side cars are both approved! Llama, we used to double up on my bike a lot, and occasionally even have someone on the handlebars. I grew up in a poor town with some kids who didn't have their own bikes, so we all shared. I don't think I could handle a low rider bike anymore, but I can dream. Actually the beach bikes kind of handle like my old one speed and are really nice to ride.

We really love how our pumpkins came out. I made swirly eyes for mine and a goofy smile, and K made a monster with thrift store baby doll parts sticking out of its mouth. Our kitchen is very festive now. I always forget all the amazing actors who are in Ghostbusters. It was so fun to watch again!

I went to therapy today and told her all the things I discovered about J in the last few weeks. When I talked about feeling paranoid, she told me all these ways I should research stuff more and that I am not paranoid, I am responding to the bizarre things that are happening. (I don't post everything on here, or this would be a big drama-rama-thon.). She actually coaches me to take even more precautions than I was thinking of doing! So it makes me feel so much better, and gives me good things to do so we keep feeling safe.

I ate well today and only had a little reaction with my gums and mouth because I had almonds with salt in the seasoning, but otherwise am feeling really good diet-wise. I took your advice Llama and Liza, and got nice low cal things to eat while K eats dinner - lots of good veggies and some nice herbal tea. Looking forward to dinner now!

 

[Cate]

I don't think I would have a problem with that bike. I really like it. I would have a basket though. I love bike baskets! Yep. You're the bike gang leader! I should fish out a photo of me on my first bike. I was only 10 & it was huge. Like you I grew up in a poor town & bikes were not common & they were very basic.
Your therapist sounds really good & I am glad she is able to make you feel safer.

 

[Llama]

So good to hear you found a therapist you click with and who really supports you. Pumpkin pic please!

 

[liza3]

Those pumpkins sound awesome.
Yes it's so good to have a therapist you like and trust. So important for you to have supports like that in place!
Great you have some low cal options for dinner now too!

 

[Marsia]

I don't think I would have a problem with that bike. I really like it. I would have a basket though. I love bike baskets! Yep. You're the bike gang leader! I should fish out a photo of me on my first bike. I was only 10 & it was huge. Like you I grew up in a poor town & bikes were not common & they were very basic.
Your therapist sounds really good & I am glad she is able to make you feel safer.

Mine had a basket, and I really loved that, too. I can just picture all of us on banana seat bikes charging into the sunset together!! I can't believe how perfect all our therapists are. It's so amazing.

So good to hear you found a therapist you click with and who really supports you. Pumpkin pic please!

Thanks Llama! The pumpkin pics are in K's camera, so I'll ask her for them today. She's really good at digital photography now, so she took pics of them in the dark and will be much better than mine.

One nice thing the therapist mentioned is that the reason that aerobic exercise is so good for anxiety is the deep breathing. She said that if we don't get out to do aerobic exercise, we can do our breathing exercises and that would be a good substitute as far as the anxiety part (though we both do need to move more, too!) That makes me feel good because K doesn't know if the breathing helps, so I don't do it that much, but now that we are rushing around to appointments nearly every day, I would like a go-to way to relieve stress because it's really hard to get the few things that we need to do done in a day with all the driving around. It will be better when we aren't also applying to colleges, but I am sort of floored at how just keeping the house clean, doing homework, and processing some of our emotions takes up the whole day and then we're exhausted. I can tell we're both in a grieving process.

K made a friend in her theater class, which was so nice to hear. She was feeling really discouraged about making new friends here this year. She also loves her group therapy a lot, so I am relieved that she has kids her age to talk with again. Her best friend in CA can't talk to her much. Since the school applied to be an International Baccalaureate school, they've overworked the students to the point where K and her friends would get assignments done at 3 or 4 in the morning. I am so glad K isn't going there now, but I feel so bad for her best friend.

My mouth is being painful again today. I will be sure to not eat sugar, caffeine, or salt (which all seem to irritate it) and if things don't get better, I'll call the dentist back. I was able to eat yogurt with mango this morning and it was ok.

 

[Marsia]

Those pumpkins sound awesome.
Yes it's so good to have a therapist you like and trust. So important for you to have supports like that in place!
Great you have some low cal options for dinner now too!

Thanks Liza, and thanks for recommending low cal dinner foods!

 

[Llama]

One nice thing the therapist mentioned is that the reason that aerobic exercise is so good for anxiety is the deep breathing. She said that if we don't get out to do aerobic exercise, we can do our breathing exercises and that would be a good substitute as far as the anxiety part (though we both do need to move more, too!) That makes me feel good because K doesn't know if the breathing helps, so I don't do it that much, but now that we are rushing around to appointments nearly every day, I would like a go-to way to relieve stress because it's really hard to get the few things that we need to do done in a day with all the driving around.

For me normal belly breathing exercises do help but Wim Hof breathing just made me more anxious.

I am sort of floored at how just keeping the house clean, doing homework, and processing some of our emotions takes up the whole day and then we're exhausted. I can tell we're both in a grieving process.

Emotional labor really is work and it takes a lot of energy.

 

[Cate]

It's no surprise that you are exhausted with so much going on. I'm glad K made a new friend, At her age in particular friends are so important. She'll be OK & so will you. You will both be much more resilient, that's for sure xoxo

 

[Emilyrose]

I'm glad to hear K made a friend. I hope she makes loads of new friends when she starts college next year.

Glad you are getting rid of stresses Marsia and you have good support with your therapist. x

 

[liza3]

One nice thing the therapist mentioned is that the reason that aerobic exercise is so good for anxiety is the deep breathing. She said that if we don't get out to do aerobic exercise, we can do our breathing exercises and that would be a good substitute as far as the anxiety part (though we both do need to move more, too!) That makes me feel good because K doesn't know if the breathing helps, so I don't do it that much, but now that we are rushing around to appointments nearly every day, I would like a go-to way to relieve stress because it's really hard to get the few things that we need to do done in a day with all the driving around.

One thing I found helpful to include is singing--I find it releases a lot of stress and really brings up the joy element. It also naturally incorporates deep breathing...Isn't K musical? But even if she isn't, singing is a fun and easy thing to include as part of one's day to day activity. It works for me better than deep breathing exercises--feels much closer to how I might feel with a run (well ok nothing substitutes the feeling of a good run for me...but singing is good for my anxiety levels and is an excellent low movement, easy, accessible thing to include in ones day!)

 

[Marsia]

For me normal belly breathing exercises do help but Wim Hof breathing just made me more anxious.

Emotional labor really is work and it takes a lot of energy.

Thanks Llama, we tried both after I read what you wrote, and fortunately we are both ok with doing either. I'm glad you wrote that because it helped me, too. I am doing more belly breathing now and feeling way better. And thanks for the reminder about processing emotions being really draining.

It's no surprise that you are exhausted with so much going on. I'm glad K made a new friend, At her age in particular friends are so important. She'll be OK & so will you. You will both be much more resilient, that's for sure xoxo

Thanks Cate! We are starting to do better and feel more resilient. K really likes the pillow cave I made her, and it has made a big difference that she can go in it and not feel overwhelmed. I need to buy her a weighted blanket soon, too.

I'm glad to hear K made a friend. I hope she makes loads of new friends when she starts college next year.

Glad you are getting rid of stresses Marsia and you have good support with your therapist. x

Thanks Em! I hope so, too. I did a bunch of deep belly breathing plus scrunching up the muscles that were holding in stress and being in pain because of that, and it really helped. I breathe in and scrunch up and then breathe out and completely relax and that really helped me this morning. I hadn't realized how tense I'd gotten.

One thing I found helpful to include is singing--I find it releases a lot of stress and really brings up the joy element. It also naturally incorporates deep breathing...Isn't K musical? But even if she isn't, singing is a fun and easy thing to include as part of one's day to day activity. It works for me better than deep breathing exercises--feels much closer to how I might feel with a run (well ok nothing substitutes the feeling of a good run for me...but singing is good for my anxiety levels and is an excellent low movement, easy, accessible thing to include in ones day!)

I think this is a good idea, but K doesn't like making music into a routine she has to do because she feels it takes the fun out of music, so I think we'll just spontaneously sing loudly in the car to music when we think of it. Yes, K writes her own songs, and used to be lead singer and guitarist in a teen band. When K is feeling up to it, I think she'll get back into running, too. She also loves how good her body feels after a run.

My toothache got much worse, but it's the weekend, so if it isn't better today, I'll call the dentist tomorrow. Pain killers make it all better though, so I'll be ok. We took time off of school and did a bunch of stuff for applying to colleges because we both weren't feeling very well. I am doing some stuff for the divorce lawyers concerning finances. It looks like we will be ok in the end as far as finances, which is a huge, huge relief. We are going out to celebrate a little today. I also did a Zoom group meeting with admissions for the art therapy program and asked a bunch of tough questions and the program looks amazing. That was so wonderful talking to the head of the art therapy program there, too! She loved answering all my tough questions, and I really instantly liked her a lot. K is doing better now, and I am too now that I see that we'll be ok financially and that I may have a perfect program to apply to. I wish I didn't have all this financial paperwork to wade through, but the more I do, the less my lawyers have to, and besides, it's very satisfying seeing what happened financially. I feel like a forensic accountant in a weird mystery novel!!

 

[Llama]

Knowing the financial damage won't be as bad as you feared would be an enormous relief! That's amazing to hear.

 

[alligatorob]

I am doing some stuff for the divorce lawyers concerning finances. It looks like we will be ok in the end as far as finances, which is a huge, huge relief. We are going out to celebrate a little today. I also did a Zoom group meeting with admissions for the art therapy program and asked a bunch of tough questions and the program looks amazing. That was so wonderful talking to the head of the art therapy program there, too! She loved answering all my tough questions, and I really instantly liked her a lot. K is doing better now, and I am too now that I see that we'll be ok financially and that I may have a perfect program to apply to. I wish I didn't have all this financial paperwork to wade through, but the more I do, the less my lawyers have to, and besides, it's very satisfying seeing what happened financially.

Good for you, and I am glad you feel ok about it. Knowing is always better than not. And I am sure you are saving on lawyer costs and probably getting to a better outcome this way. Are you working? Or do you plan to work?

I feel like a forensic accountant in a weird mystery novel!!

A fall back skill!!

Hope your tooth is better, I hate tooth aches.

Now my policy when one goes bad is to have it pulled and replaced with an implant. Not cheap, but in the long run I think it saves money and pain... No more root canals and the like for me.

 

[liza3]

but K doesn't like making music into a routine she has to do because she feels it takes the fun out of music, so I think we'll just spontaneously sing loudly in the car to music when we think of it.

I totally get that about not wanting to make music into a therapy type thing and keeping it as a fun spontaneous thing.

Sorry to hear about the toothache I hope it is an easy fix at the dentist if it does come to that.

Very cool about your Zoom meet with the admissions for the art therapy program! You sound inspired!

 

[Cate]

I love picturing you & K singing in the car. It will be wonderful when she can be in a band again.

It looks like we will be ok in the end as far as finances, which is a huge, huge relief.

That is so good to hear.

I also did a Zoom group meeting with admissions for the art therapy program and asked a bunch of tough questions and the program looks amazing. That was so wonderful talking to the head of the art therapy program there, too! She loved answering all my tough questions, and I really instantly liked her a lot.

That sounds like such a good combination of your skills, M. One of our nieces is an art therapist & mainly works with teenagers. She has recently started a program at the high school near us. She is a gem. I can see you doing this.
I hope that tooth gets fixed soon!