Marsia's Diary
- Thread starter Marsia
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Cate
Long term member
Thanks everyone! I had a really nice restful day yesterday. We were going to get up to study for the college entrance test, but K was feeling weird, so we took a nap until noon, which my body really needed. I think I have a touch of something, so need to keep taking it easy. My Buddhist teacher is retiring, which made me really sad, but he is still doing online meditation classes with his wife, so I signed up for those. I think I need the meditation coaching and practice way more than the verbal teachings. I know how to be a good Buddhist generally, it's just the training of the mind part that I still need help with. I feel like all this mess has made me a better person and that I just now need to learn to take care of myself so that I can be a more effective person in the world.
My weight is up and I probably need to start counting calories. I will gear up for that. Not much new, I just am looking forward to when the college testing is done so we can really dive in to school. We are reading Jack Kerouac On The Road, the original version that is like one huge poem. It is a failed hero's journey because the main character is too self absorbed to let in the lessons of his travels so that he matures and grows, but there is also all the energy of the Fool archetype - the optimism and enthusiasm needed to start a journey, which is a major part of going out on one's own as a young adult, so good book to discuss. We'll also read Siddhartha, which is a quintessential example of a successful hero's journey, plus K is curious about Buddhism, and this is just such a simple, good book to explain it.
I need to find interesting videos on micro and macro economics from a total beginner's perspective if anyone knows anything like this. Our book is good, but very dry, and it's so hard to know which topics are the major ones that we should really know, and what is a detail that we can just get the gist of.
My therapist asked me if I hate J, and I said that I fear him and pity him, but am saving my anger to propel me forward through this mess. I keep thinking about hatred now. I don't think I want it or need it.
My weight is up and I probably need to start counting calories. I will gear up for that. Not much new, I just am looking forward to when the college testing is done so we can really dive in to school. We are reading Jack Kerouac On The Road, the original version that is like one huge poem. It is a failed hero's journey because the main character is too self absorbed to let in the lessons of his travels so that he matures and grows, but there is also all the energy of the Fool archetype - the optimism and enthusiasm needed to start a journey, which is a major part of going out on one's own as a young adult, so good book to discuss. We'll also read Siddhartha, which is a quintessential example of a successful hero's journey, plus K is curious about Buddhism, and this is just such a simple, good book to explain it.
I need to find interesting videos on micro and macro economics from a total beginner's perspective if anyone knows anything like this. Our book is good, but very dry, and it's so hard to know which topics are the major ones that we should really know, and what is a detail that we can just get the gist of.
My therapist asked me if I hate J, and I said that I fear him and pity him, but am saving my anger to propel me forward through this mess. I keep thinking about hatred now. I don't think I want it or need it.
Glad you are taking some extra rest Marsia. Stay well!
I feel like the Buddhist practice is really a lifelong journey...I've been through so much with it....I remember back when I first started I was hopeful that I would just enter a clear mind state and make my life that much easier...but it's been a lot of ups and downs along the way. I find for me one of the most important things that I try to always keep going is others to practice with. I find it just so helpful to touch base with a group once a week, meditate together and be able to share about our journeys.
I feel like the Buddhist practice is really a lifelong journey...I've been through so much with it....I remember back when I first started I was hopeful that I would just enter a clear mind state and make my life that much easier...but it's been a lot of ups and downs along the way. I find for me one of the most important things that I try to always keep going is others to practice with. I find it just so helpful to touch base with a group once a week, meditate together and be able to share about our journeys.
Cate
Long term member
I just Googled
& realised it's not a subject that I would want to study but there were lots of videos that look helpful, Maybe look at this one-
Hatred to me is a toxic feeling that would do me more harm than the person it might be directed at. It's a destructive state of mind that wreaks havoc with my physical health & emotional well-being. Feeling hatred towards someone gives them so much power over you.
I see you as a loving person, M, not a hater.
Hope K feels better as the day goes on xoxo
alligatorob
Respected Member
Emily is right, that came across pretty clearly from the time you started talking about your family issues. I have been impressed with how you have handled them.
I think that's a good thing. Since I restarted calorie counting I have managed to lose some weight, not nearly so fast as when I was doing my big diet, probably a better pace. I find just counting and recording leads to me eating less, accountability helps.
Thanks Liza, I am feeling a lot better now. I haven't had a group to practice with in person except for going to talks here and there for years and years. That will be nice to find when we move!
I agree. I am realizing that I don't really know J. I was wondering if it's weird to not hate someone who has caused so much destruction, but I don't want to add anymore negativity to the situation. I so want peace.
I looked at the other economics videos from the people who made the one you found, and I think a couple of them might be good. Thanks! I agree, hatred is really destructive, and I am already overwhelmed and don't need more overwhelming emotions to deal with! Good point about how you are giving your power away hating something!! K is feeling better now. She caught what I had, I think, but we spend today getting her feeling better.
Thanks Em and Rob - I am starting to feel like I can really accomplish things. I had sort of hid out in my marriage because of social anxiety, but now I see that I can stand up to financial abuse and all sorts of weird stuff, so I have more skills than I thought!
I just bought a bunch of cabbage for a vinegar-based Cole slaw and a bunch of other nice veggies to start calorie counting this week. It'll be nice to join you all in doing that. I agree, it helps so much!
K took her college entrance exam and did worse on the English part than usual, she thinks, but hopefully better than normal on the math. I hate timed tests, and this particular test I have always thought was really not a gauge of intelligence or even general knowledge. I hope she did fairly well so she doesn't have to take it again. We had a mellow day and I meditated a lot and we sat around massaging our hands and feet and ears because all the nerve endings in the body end in these places and we are both achy and stiff, and K didn't feel up to doing yoga. I think this helped her feel a little better.
Exams can be so stressful! Nice to have that nice massage time afterwards.
In terms of Buddhist groups--there are so many online now since covid introduced us to the world of online groups--that can be a really good option if you can't find any in-person ones at the next place you move--or even if you feel like being a part of one now...
I wonder if the online meditation classes you signed up for will lead into an ongoing group? What form of Buddhism is your teacher?
In terms of Buddhist groups--there are so many online now since covid introduced us to the world of online groups--that can be a really good option if you can't find any in-person ones at the next place you move--or even if you feel like being a part of one now...
I wonder if the online meditation classes you signed up for will lead into an ongoing group? What form of Buddhism is your teacher?
Thanks Liza and Llama. I think we'll do more of the massage. We both feel so out of shape and beat up, and that really helped. My teacher is from a Zen lineage, but he incorporates aspects of his wife's Hindu tradition, so he's a mix of very disciplined, and very friendly, take it easy. He is still leading the 2x a month online meditations, but you just see him and his wife leading the meditation and giving talks, not the sangha, so I have an ongoing online meditation group, but no one to talk with about meditation because you only see the teachers. So in person would be nice, if not just to meet like minded people.
I counted calories today and thought I was doing so good, but went over 100 calories, and there is way too much sugar in my diet. I think it's from the juice which I still need because I am not all better. And I love honey in my tea, and should really cut it out. It is a significant amount of my calorie count! Today I got up early and got a lot of housework done after meditation, just finished school and am doing some research now. K is finishing up her rough draft for the college essay. I hope we can sneak in some yoga, too.
I counted calories today and thought I was doing so good, but went over 100 calories, and there is way too much sugar in my diet. I think it's from the juice which I still need because I am not all better. And I love honey in my tea, and should really cut it out. It is a significant amount of my calorie count! Today I got up early and got a lot of housework done after meditation, just finished school and am doing some research now. K is finishing up her rough draft for the college essay. I hope we can sneak in some yoga, too.
Eating the whole fruit would probably be better than drinking the juice, especially if the juice is storebought.
Yeah those sneaky juice and honey calories! I know they used to take me by surprise too...they look so light but they are really packed with calories! But 100 calories over isn't bad at all.
Yes those connections with other people is what I really like too.
Yes those connections with other people is what I really like too.
I hope so, Cate. The myfitnesspal app has me at 1450 calories a day. I think that's good. Even though it's only been 2 days and this is just water weight loss, I lost 2 pounds already, and this feels really nice.
I think I will keep the honey and ditch the juice. I really love tea with honey and may just cut back to 2 cups a day. I substituted hot lemon drink with a dash of salt for the juice and that helps way more than the juice. I also have cranberries in the fridge, so I will take your advice and make some cranberry sauce.
Yes, I really see why I was gaining now! I can go to a nice place here to hear a meditation talk given by a Buddhist student, but it's the same thing where you listen to a talk and then go home. I do miss having an in-person sangha. I'm so glad you have something like that for yourself!!
K caught what I had, so she's sleeping all morning which gives me a chance to catch up on things. I did a really nice meditation on love and Wim Hof breathing this morning. I am starting to feel way less clenched up and fearful, and think I'll keep doing this meditation. It really helps me to have an antidote to fear!
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Cate
Long term member
It's good that you had a chance to catch up with some things including meditation. I prefer to eat fresh fruit to juice but still have to limit the fruit as it sure adds up. I'm enjoying being back on track again & I have lost 1/2 a kilo or 2 lbs too. Already I feel a little bit better. Eating well and cutting down on sugar in any form seems much better for my general wellbeing.
I don’t think I've ever had cranberry sauce but wouldn't it take a ton of sugar to not be sour and bitter? Probably the same for cranberry juice though. If you're having them for bladder issues (the only reason I can think of to consume them voluntarily...) I seem to remember that blueberries do just as well. People used to think the acidity was key but apparently it doesn't matter so much. Fun fact: I once had a gp advise me - in all seriousness - to eat less veg to get rid of my then-regular uti's because my pee wasn't acidic enough. Mind you: that was during the one period in my life I didn't eat healthy amounts of veg regularly anyway.
Great you lost 2 pounds, too!! It does feel good to track and to cut back on sugar. I am realizing that I eat way too much salt, too, so tracking is really going to help!
Yes, the cranberry sauce I make has a lot of honey in it, but not anywhere near what a recipe would call for. I think you're right and I will freeze it after I make it and just have a little occasionally in smoothies. It's good to know that blueberries are just as good for colds! I am always astounded how little doctors seem to know about nutrition and natural cures for things. That's sad someone would prescribe less veggies!
Yesterday was a nice mellow day, and K got her rough draft done on her essay finally. We took a nice walk at sunset and the wind was blowing cool air which feels divine. I can wear long sleeves now, which is such a nice change. I ate well yesterday and stopped eating early (minus a few crackers at night to tide me over.). Today the repair person comes to see why the lights in our new fridge don't come on, so I need to clean house a little this morning. I am starting to remember my dreams again after years of not. I think I am getting less tense!
UTIs, not colds. Cranberries don't really do anything for colds either though, except through the vitamin C they contain. Having a lot of vit C can shorten the duration of cold symptoms by a day iirc, but you'd get plenty from just eating your 5 a day.
Cate
Long term member
Berries & citrus are my go-to fruits to ward off colds. I'm taking fruit away with us this weekend. I love Kiwi fruit & mangoes & have some in the fridge now. Yum. I might make a fruit salad to take with us instead of fruit that needs cutting up while we're away.
That sounds lovely & just what you needed