Marsia's Diary

[alligatorob]

Is it hard living in a predominantly Mormon place?

Not too bad, actually I think being a minority in Mormon Utah is probably a better experience than it often is in other cultures. One reason is they are always hopeful you'll join them. Doesn't work that way in the South, a Yankee can't convert.

Mormons are good people, as I see it the only real problem is that the good ones are quite active socially in a circle you can't join without being a Church member. Makes it a little harder to fit in, but better than active prejudice.

My wife is a non-Mormon, but a Utah native and descended from a rare line of old Utah pioneer non-Mormons. She is one of the very few non-Mormons who could qualify to joint the Daughters of Utah Pioneers https://isdup.org/ . Most of her cousins and relatives have converted over the year so she has lots of Mormons in her family. We get on fine. It gives me a bit more insight into Mormons than most.

 

[liza3]

I feel like K is doing so much better cognitively.

That's great. Must be nice to see her really coming along. And now the theatre program sounds like it should really add a lot more interest and excitement.

I have to go tomorrow to drop some things off to J and also my lawyers want a conference call next week. I was just getting more relaxed and forgetting so much about all the separation stuff. I am going to try to just be peaceful about all this and pretend around J that we have a good professional relationship. I am nearly done researching places to live and will start planning the next trip and just want to be living in the moment and not looking back to the past if I can help it.

Yes,will be so good when the whole separation is done and final and you don't have to think about that anymore!

 

[Marsia]

That sounds like a sensible way of looking at it. I've had some volleagues who made me roll my eyes so hard I was afraid they might get stuck but when you're stuck working in the same place anyway you don't let on and put your best business-cordial face on to help things run smoothly.

I think I did well talking with J. I did notice that we both had defensive body postures - me with my hands held in front of my stomach and him with his arms crossed. For now I am vaguely letting him know about some activities K is doing so that he feels like I am including him in parenting, and he is not screwing us over when I do this, so that works best so far.

While we were downtown, K and I window shopped in stores and galleries and had a really nice time yesterday, We also split an avocado toast and had nice iced coffees and found a really cool embroidered handmade pair of comfy black sneakers for K at our favorite Turkish import store there. It was nice that I could splurge and get her those. She really loves them and now has comfy walking shoes.

Good for you! Just stay the course and it will all be over sooner than you think. You certainly seem to be keeping your head as clear as possible in getting through, it's the best you can do.

Sorry about the beach being closed... but marshes are nice, if the bugs aren't too bad.

Thanks Rob! That's a good way to look at things - I agree. The marsh is always lovely and it's a good brisk walk because if you stop, you become a part of the food chain!

Not too bad, actually I think being a minority in Mormon Utah is probably a better experience than it often is in other cultures. One reason is they are always hopeful you'll join them. Doesn't work that way in the South, a Yankee can't convert.

Mormons are good people, as I see it the only real problem is that the good ones are quite active socially in a circle you can't join without being a Church member. Makes it a little harder to fit in, but better than active prejudice.

My wife is a non-Mormon, but a Utah native and descended from a rare line of old Utah pioneer non-Mormons. She is one of the very few non-Mormons who could qualify to joint the Daughters of Utah Pioneers https://isdup.org/ . Most of her cousins and relatives have converted over the year so she has lots of Mormons in her family. We get on fine. It gives me a bit more insight into Mormons than most.

No, I don't feel like I can convert, but I do appreciate the culture here. I had a good friend who was a teen-aged Mormon priest who told me a lot about his religion when I was in high school. I really liked his outlook on life, but back then the Mormon church in our area was very sexist and he warned me not to get involved with his church because of that. But I really liked the emphasis on clean living and on community. I wish the community aspect were stronger in our general culture, for sure. That's cool you are part of a family who helped found your state. Glad you get along well with the general culture where you live. We feel like oil in water, but that's fine for now.

That's great. Must be nice to see her really coming along. And now the theatre program sounds like it should really add a lot more interest and excitement.


Yes,will be so good when the whole separation is done and final and you don't have to think about that anymore!

It's a big relief that K is getting her abilities back, and I can't wait until she goes to the theater program. She's writing songs again, too, which is so nice. I can't even imagine the day when we won't have to think about all this anymore. That will be so incredible!

I stayed up late into the night looking at houses in a couple of cities I picked out. Found amazingly affordable houses that I'd love to live in, so have 2 really good places to check out for sure. I have been able to just eat minimally at night the last 2 nights, and my weight is dropping just from that, which is nice. We went shopping and got convenience food that isn't too fattening like cauliflower crust pizza so we can concentrate on trip planning and colleges this week. Vegetables have shot up in price astronomically here. It's now less expensive to buy pre-made food with vegetables in it than to make things from scratch, but I am going to look for bargains like cheap eggplant and pumpkins and freeze a lot for the winter.

 

[alligatorob]

I had a good friend who was a teen-aged Mormon priest who told me a lot about his religion when I was in high school. I really liked his outlook on life, but back then the Mormon church in our area was very sexist and he warned me not to get involved with his church because of that. But I really liked the emphasis on clean living and on community.

The Mormons do have a lot of positive things going for them. As you say emphasis on clean living and community are good examples. All males in good standing over the age of 16 are priests, however no woman can or ever has been. For Mormons in good standing a woman's place in heaven is very much tied to her husband, not true the other way round. I don't think they are any more sexist than many of our religions. I find their standing on gay people more troubling... but again they are not alone.

The primary thing that keeps me from joining is that I find their religious beliefs to be kind of bizarre, not believable. But isn't that often true for any religion other than your own.

cauliflower crust pizza

I really like!

I am going to look for bargains like cheap eggplant and pumpkins and freeze a lot for the winter.

Good plan, I just reorganized our freezer to make room for more peaches and peach juice and fish.

 

[liza3]

All males in good standing over the age of 16 are priests,

Interesting! I never knew that. I had a good friend who was mormon when I was growing up but never knew much about their religion.

While we were downtown, K and I window shopped in stores and galleries and had a really nice time yesterday, We also split an avocado toast and had nice iced coffees and found a really cool embroidered handmade pair of comfy black sneakers for K at our favorite Turkish import store there. It was nice that I could splurge and get her those. She really loves them and now has comfy walking shoes.

Your little urban outings always make me think I should do more of that...I always seem to go straight to nature and stuff but maybe I need to sit in more coffee shops and do some shopping and stuff...maybe that will be my goal in the coming weeks...good to support local businesses and get out amongst the humans once in a while!

Very nice to be finding some nice affordable houses for your future!

 

[Llama]

The marsh is always lovely and it's a good brisk walk because if you stop, you become a part of the food chain!

That made me lol, especially since I just left my cozy place at a restaurant because the mosquitos had started telling their friends about the lovely buffet.

We feel like oil in water, but that's fine for now.

Oil and water may not mix without an emulsifier but remember that it's the oil that rises to the top.

 

[Cate]

It's lovely to hear that K is getting back on her feet & is even writing songs again. You both sound like you are finding a path through all of this xoxo

 

[Emilyrose]

It's a big relief that K is getting her abilities back, and I can't wait until she goes to the theater program. She's writing songs again, too, which is so nice. I can't even imagine the day when we won't have to think about all this anymore. That will be so incredible!

That day will come Marsia. You're doing well though and you're trying to get the most out of every day and that is admirable. x

 

[Marsia]

The Mormons do have a lot of positive things going for them. As you say emphasis on clean living and community are good examples. All males in good standing over the age of 16 are priests, however no woman can or ever has been. For Mormons in good standing a woman's place in heaven is very much tied to her husband, not true the other way round. I don't think they are any more sexist than many of our religions. I find their standing on gay people more troubling... but again they are not alone.

The primary thing that keeps me from joining is that I find their religious beliefs to be kind of bizarre, not believable. But isn't that often true for any religion other than your own.

I really like!

Good plan, I just reorganized our freezer to make room for more peaches and peach juice and fish.

Yeah, my Mormon friend back then told me that they teach that women are less evolutionarily evolved than men - so hard pass to that religion! I love cauliflower crust pizza, too - pizza with no guilt! A freezer full of peaches and peach juice sounds divine, and more yum to fish. We are getting a new fridge that doesn't freeze the veggies and defrost the frozen things. Can't wait!

Your little urban outings always make me think I should do more of that...I always seem to go straight to nature and stuff but maybe I need to sit in more coffee shops and do some shopping and stuff...maybe that will be my goal in the coming weeks...good to support local businesses and get out amongst the humans once in a while!

Very nice to be finding some nice affordable houses for your future!

Yes, having a teen who is social makes me get out of the house way more than I would on my own. We don't buy that much stuff, we are more window shoppers and thrift store clientele usually, but it's nice to get K shoes that she loves that are from a real store once in a while. We do spend too much at cafes because K gets depressed and that really cheers her up, but I am having us share a lot now as prices have gone up so much. I like being around other humans while studying - you get the nice company without having to socialize - lazy introvert-ism!

That made me lol, especially since I just left my cozy place at a restaurant because the mosquitos had started telling their friends about the lovely buffet.

Oil and water may not mix without an emulsifier but remember that it's the oil that rises to the top.

, I like your thinking about rising to the top. Funny we were both the same buffet on different sides of the pond!

It's lovely to hear that K is getting back on her feet & is even writing songs again. You both sound like you are finding a path through all of this xoxo

Thanks Cate. It does feel like we are getting our feet back under us again. Some days are better than others, but it is definitely way better and I see us becoming a lot stronger. xoxo back!

That day will come Marsia. You're doing well though and you're trying to get the most out of every day and that is admirable. x

Thanks Em! I think you are right about trying to get the most out of each day. I hadn't realized that, but you are right. I think we're appreciating the freedom a lot!

Today was a teen writing group day and then we drove to 2 banks which were both having technical difficulties, so only had time to go to the library quick before K's therapy group. She plans to talk in group today, so was nervous - it's her second time, and I think she's brave for already speaking up. We have a nice list of east coast schools and I am going to finish the potential west coast schools in the next few days so she can choose from those, too. I have to go home and clean out the fridge tonight because a new one is coming tomorrow. Ate pretty well - we just had time to pack some brown rice with butter and with a Japanese seaweed and dried salmon shake on it for lunch and dinner, so not the most nutritious food, but not terrible.

 

[Llama]

I love cauliflower crust pizza, too - pizza with no guilt!

Do be sure to check the nutrition label: these substitutes are sometimes loaded with oils and additives. Also: a bit of pizza is no reason to feel guilty. Although that's maybe easy for me to say as someone who likes thin crusts and can't stand warm salami.

 

[liza3]

She plans to talk in group today, so was nervous - it's her second time, and I think she's brave for already speaking up.

Good for her! I think group therapy was by far my favorite. It was so nice connecting with others in similar situations. I always thought I wouldn't like it but it really was the most beneficial for me.

 

[Marsia]

Do be sure to check the nutrition label: these substitutes are sometimes loaded with oils and additives. Also: a bit of pizza is no reason to feel guilty. Although that's maybe easy for me to say as someone who likes thin crusts and can't stand warm salami.

Good idea - I'll check when I get it out of the basement freezer. I try not to eat too much of my diet as simple carbs, and because I already eat a lot of full fat things, pizza is a treat for me. I really don't like most kinds of pepperoni either. I get veggie pizza mostly.

Good for her! I think group therapy was by far my favorite. It was so nice connecting with others in similar situations. I always thought I wouldn't like it but it really was the most beneficial for me.

I loved going to my women's therapy groups when I was younger, too. K had a really wonderful time and was understood by all the people in the group, and they got her sense of humor. She was so relieved, as she hasn't met people like that in the year that she was here. She feels normal again. Now she's just sad that she isn't allowed to make friends with the kids outside of group, so I really hope she meets nice people in the theater class.

Today I got emotionally overwhelmed, although it was a good day. We got up early and cleared out the refrigerator and cleaned it for when the delivery people brought the new fridge. Then I got a call from the lawyers and they want me to do a bunch of stuff, but in general the outlook is good. Then the refrigerator guys installed the new fridge (it has water and auto-ice - so they hooked that up). So am tired from cleaning 2 refrigerators and the talk with the lawyers and just feel a lot of emotion today, but not in a bad way, just in an exhausted way. Made ribs with Korean barbecue sauce in the instant pot, and they are so tender - added barbecue sauce and popped them in the broiler quick. Also used the barbecue sauce in the eggplant with garlic sauce, and it was delicious. Finished eating early so I feel good about food today. No exercise yet - I can barely keep my eyes open and it's not even 6pm now.

 

[Emilyrose]

Well, cleaning two fridges is a good workout I'm sure! Food for the day sounds great and really tasty. Delighted that the outlook with the lawyers is good.

 

[Llama]

Great to hear K felt accepted and understood in therapy. I can see how it would be tough to finally get that click again with people and then not be allowed to make friends. Although I fully understand why it's not allowed.

 

[Marsia]

Well, cleaning two fridges is a good workout I'm sure! Food for the day sounds great and really tasty. Delighted that the outlook with the lawyers is good.

Thanks Em, I am really relieved that things are going well with the separation. I was so worried, but the lawyers are so confident that it is helping me to relax about this. It's nice making comfort food that isn't that fattening and was super easy to make.

Great to hear K felt accepted and understood in therapy. I can see how it would be tough to finally get that click again with people and then not be allowed to make friends. Although I fully understand why it's not allowed.

That really upset her, but she went to the theater program yesterday and she really likes the other kids there, and will probably make a couple of friends. It's a very small group, but they are definitely her kind of people. She marveled that she had intelligent conversations again. The class was a review of what they had learned so far, and K was not able to follow a lot of it, but the teacher will send her things to study.

I got so much paperwork done yesterday and realized this is all I can do on the estate stuff. The rest needs to be done by an expert, which is such a relief. I look at the paperwork for those accounts and it might as well be written in Latin as far as me understanding what to do. That is a massive relief that I am done with that stuff. I also got the lawyers a bunch of stuff they needed, and am realizing that I am pretty organized and actually competent. Also we are learning microeconomics together and I will soon understand the rudiments of investing and all sorts of things I never understood before. I am really happy about all this. I also got my student loan all squared away. It feels so good to be on top of things and to know what I am doing finally. I'm still incredibly tired, but I feel like things are turning around and that we will be ok. Big, huge PHEW!

Weight is up a pound, and I decided to give IF a try before calorie counting. I did well last night with just eating a tiny bit at night to tide me over. I'll keep doing this for a few days and then stop eating after 5pm for now and see how that goes. I haven't been snacking that much, and just need to cut out most sugar again.

 

[Llama]

I also got the lawyers a bunch of stuff they needed, and am realizing that I am pretty organized and actually competent.

Such a great feeling! And 100% deserved.

 

[liza3]

So nice that K is connecting with people her own age again and finding a good fit with them!
If I could manage IF i would probably do that too....I find it hard enough to not even eat for 10 hours though....i'm one of those eat right before bed, and then first thing in the morning again!

 

[Cate]

I got so much paperwork done yesterday and realized this is all I can do on the estate stuff. The rest needs to be done by an expert, which is such a relief. I look at the paperwork for those accounts and it might as well be written in Latin as far as me understanding what to do. That is a massive relief that I am done with that stuff. I also got the lawyers a bunch of stuff they needed, and am realizing that I am pretty organized and actually competent. Also we are learning microeconomics together and I will soon understand the rudiments of investing and all sorts of things I never understood before. I am really happy about all this. I also got my student loan all squared away. It feels so good to be on top of things and to know what I am doing finally. I'm still incredibly tired, but I feel like things are turning around and that we will be ok. Big, huge PHEW!

I love, love, love all of this!

 

[Marsia]

Thanks you guys! I can't do IF well when I am getting a ton of exercise that I'm not used to yet, but otherwise do like it.

We got up early and went to my therapy appointment which is an hour drive away. It's hard to get a good therapist here who isn't booked up for 3-6 months. I really like mine so much, and she gives me a lot to think about and work on without even actually telling me to do anything. She's really insightful and lets me know what she sees.

I am really tired and on the verge of getting sick, so took it easy today, just went grocery shopping and to study with K at a bookstore on the way home. I will be able to concentrate on K a lot more now that things are settling down into a routine and most of the legal stuff and the separation stuff that I can do are all out of the way. Next I want to get the house and yard nice and get school into more of a routine so we can go out sketching and nice things like that a lot more. I feel like we'll be out of emergency mode very soon. I just need a few days to rest and not do anything much first, I think. Well, maybe just walks and yoga and relaxing things like that.

I am looking more and more at one east coast city with lots of museums and very affordable houses that I am hoping will work for us. It's making me enthused about moving to where I can put down roots!

 

[Llama]

I hope you don't get sick! Taking it easy for a couple of days after such a major feat of strength sounds sensible.