Jaymie's fitness journal :)

I totally agree with Teresa - we all have bad days. Don't hate yourself though, you're only human. I occasionally smoke a cigarette and I beat myself up afterwards too. Sometimes I'll miss days at the gym and it would be so easy to just give up.

The key thing you said was wanting to start over. Thats good, keep up the momentum and don't get stuck in a rut. It would be so easy to just fall back into old habits but, I get the impression you're made of stronger stuff.

Just try to keep thinking positive :)
 
Well I was so sick last night I wasn't able to keep much down, I get this way when I get stressed...

I thought I was gonna die in the bathroom last night. But I had a salad and made myself work out after wards b/c the salad had artichoke and olives and I'm sure the FF dressing had more calories than I thought it did, I felt horrible and went and worked out until I got sick and had to go to the bathroom.

I smoked a half a pack of cigarettes yesterday. But its better than doing meth I reckon. Whick believe me I THOUGHT long and hard about yesterday. But was inasctive on entertaining the though for too long in fear of doing something impulsive.

So I had better get to work , today I had a bowl of special K and a piece of chicken I cooked last night for BF.


I lost 2 pounds so now I am 121.5 ... so I feel good about that . But I'm not trying to lose weight so I know I am okay. But still no period AGAIN. I have had one period since August of last year.... now the cramps are killing me but nothing. eh, whatever.... I just hope today is better than yesterday.
 
WELL...today its 4:13 right now a nd I have only had 792 calories today so far :(

what should I do? I mean should I eat something high calorie before I work out after work? or after? or just eat like I normally would??

hmm...I don't know what to do can someone please help me on this?????

i know something with protein........right?
 
Thursday's leg workout was a hoot lemme tell ya.
I did this:

3/15 @ 270 leg press
3/15 @ 150 calve raisies
(haha raisies, I think I'll leave that there)
3/15 @ 230 hip adductor and abductor
oh help my hips have been abducted!! haha! LOL :)
3/15 @ 110 squat rack
3/15 @ 100 quad machine
3/15 @ 75 hamstring curls
20min. level 11 ! this time on the stairstepper - cross-country setting
20 minutes elliptical @ level 9
20 minutes walking uphill treadmill level 7.5 @ 4 mph

okay so if I wasn't sore enough the next day from all that:

Friday I biked 10 miles and cleaned the whole house
Saturday RAN :) 5.5 miles in 50 minutes flat on treadmill w/ knee brace on
also Sat. played soccer for an hour was sweating like a pig and did yard work and gardening for my grandparents for about 3 hours

Sunday biked for 12 miles about an hour

then relaxed .

Kept my calories almost perfectly in order this weekend!!! so happy :) !!

Thank you guys again, every time I have a good day I feel like thanking you all over again for what you have made possible for me. :)

(I really am smiling today in real life lol )

:) <----looks kinda goofy like this lol

okay have a great one!
 
Today:
--------

had one cigarette :)

breakfast- oatmeal with water- crushed up granola bar in it-apple
----------------------------------------------------------
snack- 6 triscuit crackers and a wedge of swiss spread-pear
----------------------------------------------------------
before workout-granola bar
---------------------------
lunch (post workout) - FF ham sandwich w/FF cheese and light mayo tomatoes and lettuce , jalapenos, and onions
-------------------------------


thats it so far will edit later.
 
Okay so I figured I'd spice it up a bit with some color. Springy eh? well, today after work it will be a 20 mile cycling ( WOOHOO!!) I love cycling now.
I ate real good so far lots of veggies and protein. Not too many carbs and didn't overdo breakfast today lol.

I will also be gardening ALOT this weekend . Devining the trees takes alot of effort and time so I plan it will burn alot of calories.

We are having a horrible money shortage....so I will probably see if I can survive this weekend on whatever is left on my kids' plates after they are done eating... this shouldn't be hard I've done it before.

So far today I've had 1000 calories and its 2:30 pm .

Went to the doctor last Sunday well....Emergency Room rather...and I still weigh 124 so thats good I guess.... ????

at least not gaining any weight. But I want to lose the fat on my belly and sides of my belly
 
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JaymieB said:
We are having a horrible money shortage....so I will probably see if I can survive this weekend on whatever is left on my kids' plates after they are done eating... this shouldn't be hard I've done it before.
Click to expand...

I hope all is and goes well. Keep your head up.
 
Yeah all is well, except I think I gained some weight (fat) because I was in the hospital last week and I havent' been to work out in two weeks now.

Does bicycling count though because I have been doing alot of that.

I went 28 miles ! on Saturday.

Friday I only did about 10 miles. Sunday played soccer for about an hour running the whole time.

Oh and we didn't have air conditioning the whole weekend b/c the compressor went out :/

So I sweated ALOT.

It seems like the fat around my stomach area is getting more flabby. it sticks over my pants now, that sux, :(

All I had though this weekend was whole grain stuff, grilled chicken , alot of fruit though. Maybe thats my problem.

oh and TONS of SF popsicles....I had to I was dying of hotness...
 
Yeah , when I'm hot I drink water too.

But life is too short to deny yourself of sugar free popsicles!


So I'm going to work out with my coworker during lunch now I have a membership to the rec. center and I'll be doing this every day including Tues. and Thurs. when I work out at my regular gym.

so far today I've had:

B---Total cereal w/ skim milk and banana and slice of FF turkey lunch meat
S---Apple, coffee
S---oatmeal (made with water nothing added )w/ slice of WW toast
L---will have to be a Slimfast shake (no $ no food to spare must save it for my kids)
S---Apple and slice of FF turkey lunch meat
S---Orange and slice of FF turkey lunch meat
D---orange bell pepper with onions sautee'd in ex virg. olive oil . with a few slivers of a mozzarella cheese stick on it. and maybe what is left on the kids' plates after they have their spaggetti with homemade meatballs .... and meatsauce....

:(
 
Yeah so today its 3:21 pm

I've had 677 calories...

I worked out and Fitday says I've burned like 542 not counting my basal rate....

So since I already suck at everything anyway, I am going to try to lose weight again, and it starts today. I try and maintain my weight and what happens?? I gain 12 pounds.

I was 112 now I'm 124. I suck.

I don't like this anymore.

My life is going to **** , financial problems eating me alive, I can't afford to eat anything healthy it all costs SOO much more than all the crap that's unhealthy for you :(

The world sucks.....no wait.....I'm the one that sucks....that's right...

I am going to lose weight again . I am tired of hearing people tell me I eat alot. what am I eating why am I eating AGAIN and all the other stupid questions they ask that they have no business asking.

I deflected it for a while and now .. i can't help it that it haunts me in my sleep.

I try to quit smoking and I eat more, I try to eat less and then I take more pills, I try to take less pills and I smoke more, I try to smoke less and then I do something else completely stupid to try and keep my mind from being idle.

What can someone do about this anyway. I can't do it all. I have too much on my shoulders I just wanna cry sometimes...I admit it....I admit I don't want to go back to ana...I don't...

I really don't

But I don't know what else to do. I have to keep away from my idle mind. I feel like a failure and I don't know what else to c hange. I felt like my eating habits were my control center. My workout was a neverending battle I was always getting better at. If I can obsess over something it may as well be something realistic. And I just don't think that my future plans are going to do much more use now than making my anxious out of my F-ing mind !

I try to do stuff the best I can, but I tell someone hoping for ... idon't really know I guess just put something out there hoping for some kind of a rewarding type of conversation???? or maybe encouragement??? But I get criticism...I get scrutiny.....I get opinions I wish I never would have asked for....am I subconciously wanting to go back to ana? Am I sabotaging my own self again?? What do I DO?

I see fat....I see fat everywhere all over me especially on my stomach and face. I feel heavy and fat and useless......I told someone the other day I feel like useless s$##....they said s#@% isn't useless its fertilizer.....so I am not useless s@#$...I am as worthless as a gnat...now someone tell me the importance of a gnat please.

I will go now and stop polluting your forum..I don't belong here anyway...everyone eating 2000 calories a day and whatnot..

I can't do it anymore not with the results I'm getting..

and t o HS runner... sorry i replied to your post..who am i to give advice.

sorry you guys just a bad day and I thank you all for your time and consideration God Bless you all
 
Dont You Dare Give Up Jaymie! I Will Come To Your House And Kick The Crap Out Of You.

If you need someone to talk to, pm me, I will gladly talk to you. Do not go back to your old ways, you've come too far.
 
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tonymcclellan said:
Dont You Dare Give Up Jaymie! I Will Come To Your House And Kick The Crap Out Of You.
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I 2nd this.

Everyone has a bad day. Just get your arse back on track Jamie.
 
Body Shock

you need to eat more i mean you can be obsesive about it but at least do it right. if you want to be anorexic just do it all the way dont pretend. Its like someone who wants to commit suicide but calls 911 first.All you are doind is shocking your body.
 
Ksp&1118 said:
you need to eat more i mean you can be obsesive about it but at least do it right. if you want to be anorexic just do it all the way dont pretend. Its like someone who wants to commit suicide but calls 911 first.All you are doind is shocking your body.
Click to expand...


oh wow, thanks...
 
Ksp&1118 said:
you need to eat more i mean you can be obsesive about it but at least do it right. if you want to be anorexic just do it all the way dont pretend. Its like someone who wants to commit suicide but calls 911 first.All you are doind is shocking your body.
Click to expand...

You're an idiot.
 
ahah, so yesterday was one of those really wierd days.....

....um...sorry :eek:

aheheheheh...

how embarrassing...

WELL, on a lighter note. Today is a brand new day! I plan to make the best of it .

Oky doky, this morning was the usual Special K with banana and skim milk and mozzarella cheese stick. = about 370 cals.

Today is gym day. I will be doing back and arms today

Then stairstepper

then either elliptical or treadmill or a bit of both maybe.

I have a coworker who has given me 4 slimfast shakes so I will be having these for lunches the rest of the week ..Thursday is my birthday. I will be turning 22 .

I am kinda anxious to see if I have lost weight. I was all wierd about thinking I gained right?

Well I put these pants on this morning with my belt I hadn't worn usually it goes on the seventh or eighth hole in the belt. This time it goes in the ninth hole.

So why do I see in the mirror that it looks lke I'm gaining ????

Why why why????

: /

confusion.......

well, whatever. I said today is a brand new day dammit.

I am not going to think about yesterday..... self!!!

okay sorry for that, I am taking my meds again and this is the first week I reckon this is alot due to chemical imbalances going on all over the place in my body a nd stuff is all just crazy and unexplained lately.

:) <-------its like this !!

---------------------------------->and then like this :(

and this again!!---->:)

....then this--:mad:

then THIS!! :)


okay thats enough...
 
Man, I think I have a coffee problem

ZzzzziiiIIINNNNNGGGGGGgggggg!!!!!!!


oh yeah, that could become a problem...

Well, I am hyper and I am wiggin out a bit lol

so, I am hyped up about working out after work and I can't go till.......5:30 and its 3:58....

so ... hmm....

well I made a date for my wedding its gonna be April 27th its a Thursday... i know thats wierd but so am i so yah.

My colors are gonna be like springy green, darker like hunter green, rose , and a plumbish maroon that's not that dark...I need to know what these colors are actually called before I go trying to act l ike I know what I'm talking about er s omething...lmfao !

so truthfully, I am getting married next year and I have no friggin idea what I'm doing as far as being like ... prepared. Well..I'm PREPARED, but not for the ceremony!! that's what I meant to say lol.

I decorated my Mom's wedding and made her bouquet and did all the flowers decorated the church and the reception and did her hair...but I mean, I feel lost in respect to the flow of ceremonial standard traditional events and whatnot.....oh screw all that...I'm gonna make up my own "flow of events" this crap is only gonna happend once because he is my true love for real and I've never got married.

I know its gonna be OUTSIDE :)

and I'm gonna wear the dress I have .. the dress has all the colors I described so specifically just a moment ago,,,heheh,,,

and its really pretty and springy. My two sons will be the ring - bearers and Robert's daughter is gonna be the flower girl !

yah, so perfect !!

so , friends....hmm...maids of honor? Bridesmaids??? no friends?????

hmmmm.....

I have no friends....that is a sad sad thing....oh whatever.

My mom will be my maid of honor, bridesmaids will be my cousin, uh....my friend Nicole (there's one) and another one....hmmm.....

well......I will just have to MAKE one before then eh!?

yah!

:)

its all good then!

Okay my mother and I ( uh..me ) are going to make the cake together!(uh..by myself) wow what fun that will be.

and we are going to have a huge BBQ for the reception dinner nothin fancy and expensive my cousin had one of those thousand dollar weddings and she's still trying to pay for it and its been 6 years now... I'm not gonna be like that. I don't think that's necessary and also detracts from the central meaning of the wedding itself, creates more stress, and sometimes has the actual ability to begin deteriorating the marriage already, sometimes people split up because the wedding itself created a problem...this will be avoided at all costs. I will not allow financial predicaments to be formed by an expression of true love. BLAH !

so there...okay I am still hyper....now its 4:10 man I'm a slacker today! I need to finish my papers and make these calls...

goodbye self !
 
well today so far I've only had 622 calories and it is 12:00 noon.

So I lost 2 pounds this past week, hopefully I can keep it at this weight now I'm 122 . Last time I checked the BF% was 17% and I'm 5'3" tall.

I have been keeping it about 1200 calories a day this past week but I think yesterday I got up to about 1500 . I know I know its low, but I've been kinda depressed lately and my meds don't work as good if I eat alot. So I try not to eat so much.

so far today my food has been

breakfast: Total cereal with banana and skim milk and half cup of FF cottage cheese and 40 calorie piece of toast.

Then I had a SlimFast about an hour ago but right now I am really really hungry.

I had a huge salad with tuna on top last night for dinner but then I went and ate a serving of semi-sweet chocolate morsels (33 of them has 10 carbs and 70 calories) so I had exactly 33. then I had a cup of skim milk with only half a a teaspoon of Light Nestle chocolate syrup so it was like 130 calories for that and the tuna was 120 calories. kinda disappointed that I had to eat that chocolate .

So in another hour, I will have half a tuna sandwich on one piece of 40 calorie toast and diet mayo with just a little bit of sweet relish.
so it should total 120 calories.

I want to stay under 1000 calories just in case I eat something at home at night I won't have to feel so guilty about it .

so today I have an apple , and the other half of the tuna sandwich for later.

I should have about:1010 calories so I can eat dinner tonight

dinner will probably be salad and steamed broccoli with a few cheese slivers on it and some chicken I think.

and maybe 1/4 of a graham cracker for dessert maybe one SF popsicle but only if I'm good today and do exactly what i said I was gonna do .

tonight I promise to do calisthenics for 25 minutes and walk during lunch at the park for 50 minutes @ a 4.0 mph pace.

I will also jump rope for as long as I can tonight until I sweat for at least 10 minutes and do all house work that needs to be done.

This weekend I will ride my bike every day for at least 15 miles. Tomorrow is my birthday and I will make a cheesecake but I will not eat not even one bite of anything sweet tomorrow but I must not let my family see that I'm not enjoying myself.

I am losing weight and I will not go and mess this up. I will stay strong and will NOT eat any more sweets even if its sugar free it will still make me fat. I will not eat fruit past 4:00 pm . I will not eat slices of bread for breakfast ANY MORE. cereal has enough carbs in it already, I will have cereal , a banana, and half cup cottage cheese or one ounce of mozzarella no more bread. No wheat pancakes on the weekends any more. no more chocolate milk . no more chocolate chips, no bites of froot loops, no more than two popsicles per day, no eating past 7:00 pm at all no bites no milk nothing with calories only water. I will not have snacks in between my 'every two hours' meals.

I will not sit on the couch at all on the weekends. I will not sit down when I get home from work anymore. I will go work out during lunch every single day and ride my bike on weekends and will exercise twice every tuesdays and thursdays and last but not least

I WILL NOT COMPLAIN TO ANYONE ABOUT THE WAY I FEEL OR WHINE BECAUSE I CAN'T EAT CERTAIN THINGS. I will be numb to food I will not let food run my life.
 
Theres an old saying "Eat to live, Dont live to eat!" Good to see you didnt give up. How old are your kids? Can they ride bikes yet?
 
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