Jaymie's fitness journal :)

You may be a little bloated from the change in eating habits but it will all work itself out. Don't worry about little things like your clothes size because you're getting healthy for your fiance and your kids!! That's the most important thing. Chris is 100% right about changes happening gradually. It's all in your head right now. I have the same problems. Some days I'll look in the mirror and think my legs look bigger than yesterday which really isn't possible! Self talk is very important. You have to talk positively to yourself instead of all this negative stuff. (You can tell I went to therapy for an eating disorder, can't you? :) She always talked about "self-talk")
 
Jaymie, I've just read your journal, and I am so proud of you for working so hard to break your anorexia. Whenever you feel the weakness come on, and want to indulge your craving to *not* eat, look at your children. They need you.

I lost my dad when I was 13, and I would do anything to have just one more day with him. I'm sure your children would feel the same way.
 
I agree with all the posts above. Don't feel bad about coming on here to vent your frustrations, I'm glad that you do actually. Drink lots of water too, that should help with the bloat. I know how that feels, the other day on Saturday I felt so bloated I couldn't even zip up and button my favorite jeans! But I continued to eat my regular meals and tried to drink a lot of water. The next day I was able to slip right back into them comfortably.

You'll have good days and bad, we all do. Just hang in there and don't quit eating!
 
Well thank you everyone! :)

I have really been craving carbs today... that sucks..

I did work out ALOT last night. I am actually sore from it rather than not like usual...if that makes any sense the way I worded that LOL..

I didn't have my usual stuff I eat around , so its kinda screwed up my schedule a bit. Today I just feel lightheaded and sore from working out. Lightheaded because...well I have no idea, I feel extremely hungry, but I've already had 1300 calories so I should NOT be eating again until dinner, but my ears feel funny like ya know when everything sounds really funny? And then you know you are really hungry?? Well thats how I get, like a ringing in my ears and my head goes floating around the room and I can't concentrate a nymore....

I don't have anything to eat at work, I already had my lunch, this sucks,,,, :(

wah wah wahh!!

:/

ugh, I want to go to sleep..
 
okay I must devise a new plan now...

Looks like I am probably the most undisciplined person on this board at structuring actual meals and not eating anything at all until its time for the next meal.

I have been having under1800 a day. Now from looking around at other's diary's and journals, I see that this number is NOT good. I thought I was doing good.

No wonder I feel like I'm gaining weight...I AM.

I feel sad now :(

I need to think about what I am doing and then ... think again...

I think all I'm doing is messing up..

I either underdo things or overdo them.. that is how I am.. and I think I would rather be UNDER weight .... than overweight.
I'm already out of the underweight category, and I was just about to get into that area too...I can't believe I have put on 12 pounds so fast...

I am usually thinking positive but this is REALLY a reality check for me, I feel like I have been pushed into the middle of a room-full of people and everyone is laughing at me, and I'm the only one who doesn't know whats going on.. I feel lost, like no one understands, like no one can help me, and like I'm falling.

I have eaten all day long and have had like 1300 calories so far, god I can't believe I am eating like this now, 1300 calories already and its 4:45 pm...

I am not eating for the rest of the day I am so upset with this. I guess I had no idea that everyone else's intake was so much less and structured a whole lot better than anything I could do.

God I just feel so hungry for no reason, I am not going to let myself eat anything else today, I just want to cry and be in a dark place. But I can't , I have to be good and healthy for my kids.

I want to be healthy but at the same time , I am just so disgusted at myself for my lack of self-control over food and eating. I am so tired of talking about it all.

I got upset because my boss told me today I am going to cost the company a client, and immediately when I got upset , the FIRST thing I thought of was, I need to feel empty and starving. why? I don't really know, I guess its like a new addiction , I had been great for about 2 weeks and now seeing reality on this where I am gaining weight and then seeing that the people who are giving me advice are eating LESS than ME !! That makes me feel like a complete idiot and total failure. :(

the only reason I live and breathe still is for my kids, otherwise I would just give up.

I just don't know what to do but just keep trying I guess.
 
Jaymie,

You are NOT the most undiscliplined person on this board. You are NOT an idiot. You are definitely NOT a failure. Nobody's laughing at you. I'm not sure why you feel the way you do, you're still learning how to eat. For those of us that have learned how to structure our meals I can tell you one thing - we did not get here overnight. Don't beat yourself up because actually there is no reason for it. You're so hungry now because you went so long barely eating anything.

We're all here to help and encourage you. Actually, I think you need to eat more than 1800 because of the amount of exercise you do. As Teresa said, you really need to be positive right now. I'm not sure what else to say :( I just don't want you to be running yourself down like this.

You will have bad days, we ALL have bad days. You have to learn to pick yourself up and move on. Move forward. Don't think about what you did or what you could have done. You think when I eat an extra peanut butter sandwhich or a bowl of ice cream I beat myself up and stay down because of it? Hell no! There's really no point. Do yourself a favor and learn to forgive yourself and just get back on track.
 
Jaymie,

I completely agree with Lisa. We all have bad days. You'll have bad days too, but you'll get through them. Remember that old saying "This too shall pass."

Yes, you may be gaining weight, but you're relearning how to eat. Please don't be so hard on yourself. We're all here for you as a sounding board, a shoulder to cry on, and we will never judge you.

We love you, just be strong sweetie!

K
 
Everyone gains weight after an eating disorder but please trust that it will even itself out and you will be more healthy than you've ever been in your life! I am! I'm still recovering too and I still have days where I fall back into my old habits and have a binge. The good thing is that I don't throw up anymore though! I'm 5 pounds heavier than I'd like to be right now but it doesn't matter because I'm healthy! Also, my husband is SOOO much happier now that I have normal eating habits. I'm sure your fiance and kids feel the same way. I'm sure they worry about you when you're not eating and seem miserable.

I also think that eating 1800 calories a day is perfect...maybe even too LOW for you with all the exercise that you do. Most days I only workout once a day for no more than 45 minutes which only burns about 200-300 calories. I'm sure you're burning much more than that...

Keep it up! Be strong! :)
 
Well I am going to the gym today... happiness! :)

Okay so here's what I had today:

Breakfast - oatmeal (plain) with 1/3 box of raisins---------------140
half a cup of 2% milk (was out of skim milk dangit ) --------------65
half a medium apple---------------------------------------------45

Snack will be a banana------------------------------------------120
cup of yogurt---------------------------------------------------100

lunch will be a tuna sandwich------------------------------------120
(bread)2 slices of WW sugar free 35 cal bread---------------------70
1 tbsp. FF mayo--------------------------------------------------20
mustard----------------------------------------------------------10
apple-------------------------------------------------------------90

snack oatmeal with banana---------------------------------------220

pork chop (baked with no salt or fat added)-----------------------265

then I'll be going to the gym and today is LEG day!

:) all 3 sets of 15 reps:

leg press 250 lbs
calf raises at 130 lbs
hamstring curls---75 lbs
quad machine---100 lbs
hip abductor adductor--120 lbs
squats with barbell----90 lbs

Back lean thingy machine---3 sets of 15 @ 110 lbs
crunch machine----3 sets of 25 @ 35 lbs


stairstepper level 10 for 15 to 20 minutes
Elliptical trainer level 9 for 20 to 25 minutes
walking uphill level 7 treadmill for 10 minutes
level 4.5 for 10 minutes
walk for 5 minutes

Stretches

Home:
spinach from fresh cooked w/ no fat added
maybe a can of tuna with 1 tbsp mayo and 2 tbsp mustard


This is the plan so I might add a couple of cheese sticks in there they are 70 cals a piece..

Sorry for freakin out yesterday , I was just exaggerating things in my head again.. But I'm good today! :)

Thanks you guys!
 
Glad you're good Jaymie. Something you may wanna try instead of FF mayo is light mayo. It may have more calories, and a little fat, but FF contains a lot of High Fructose Corn Syrup, which is not good. Anything fat free contains it, but if we can limit it, then all the better. One thing I like to do is mix broccoli, mushrooms, asparagus, and spinach in a frying pan. Mix a little olive oil in, and cover for a little bit. I cant believe Im eating spinach!

Keep up the good work.
 
yeah its amazing how friggin good broccoli is once its cooked!!

Cualiflower ain't bad either , cooked with the broccoli, and cooked fresh spinach is the Shiznit!!

haha!!

good stuff!!
 
I love that new stuff...well I don't know if its "new" but , its that Crisco brand extra virgin olive oil spray?
I use it for everything, hope its not one of those things they say is good for you and it ends up being bad lol . But I use it in everything I cook.

Like I'll take onions, cabbage, mushrooms, little pieces of chicken breast, broccoli, cauliflower and w/e else I have around and put it in a skillet , add about a fourth inch of water in the pan and let it simmer and cover till its tender and meat is done, then take the cover off and let it reduce till it starts to fry and then stir fry it till its got that carmelization goin on or w/e and put a bit of salt, dash of worcestershire sauce and dash of hot sauce (I like everything spicy ) and then add some spinach , let it wilt on top and when the spinach is done I put it on a plate with some lemon juice on top and there ya go ! :)

I also like to make my own granola bars/ cereal bars out of marshmallow , butter, and then its just w/e kind of cereal or nuts or raisins dried fruit you can add a nything to it, make it like you would a rice crispy treat, my kids LOVE this with ice cream! I like to add little pieces of it to my cereal in the morning it gives a great texture to it.

Has anyone ever tried battering their chicken in crushed up oatmeal? I tried this and mixed it with a bit of cornmeal and a bit of flour, this was awesome to me, but you can't use the quick oats , it makes it mushy.

I make these cabbage rolls out of well...cabbage and FF cheese , worcestershire sauce (love this stuff) and ground turkey with onion and bits of celery inside. They make sugar free marinara sauce and you can sautee mushrooms to add to the sauce on top. its really good.

I like cabbage but it gives me horribly GAS!! LOL.

What do yall use for that! Like does that store-bought gas stuff work well?? I have a big prob. with gas alot! If I eat a bunch of veggies that are gassy I will wake up the next day with fully loaded ammunition in my belly and it will be so bloated I'll be like, " Oh my god, I am going to fart my @$$ off today!" LMFAO .... no pun intended!!

Well , okay so last night's workout was incredible:

I did ALL the workouts I said I was gonna do on yesterday's post. My legs are sore today which is a good sign. I sweated ALOT last night, drank lots of water.

I weighed in @ 124 yesterday.... :( But I'm NOT freaking out just rather worried about how much I am going to gain before I stop gaining....

breakfast was special K with almonds and 2% milk--->200
1/4 box raisins------------------------------------->40

(I have to buy groceries today there isn't any of my healthy food left)

I will update this later, I have to get to work now! If anyone reads this and has any suggestions or recipes or ANYTHING to help me stay on track please let me know.

Also the FF stuff does contain that high fructose syrup I looked you were right Tony! That's crazy , so I will start checking that. :)
 
Last edited:
Back lean thingy machine---3 sets of 15 @ 110 lbs


Jaymie, I have one of those same machines at my gym and I just wasn't quite sure what it was called. Thank you for clearing that up for me :)
 
:(

Wisdom teeth suck...

I can't talk ... but I can TYPE !! LOL

I'm good today besides the pain and the left side of my throat feels like sandpaper, my tonsil is swollen, my jaw won't open more than like a third of the way , and my eye is constantly watering..... besides that I'm okay...
........not to mention the horrible PAIN !!!!!!!!!

: /

blah....

so this weekend I rode my bike all over the field again what a rush man!! LOL

and I ate lots of grilled veggies with (ta-da!) Buttery Spray !!

and carb smart BBQ sauce.... I check everything for that high fructose corn syrup now like a maniac. So what does that stuff DO anyway??? and why is it bad????


I got this cereal over the weekend called Fiber Choice. It has , get this,

------14 GRAMS OF FIBER IN IT!--------------------------------

is that good for you?? that friggin much fiber at one time??? : /

It has like 47 grams of carbs in it, but don't you like subtract the fiber from the carbs and that is how many carbs are really going in your system or something,,, or do I just not know what I 'm talking about.

This morning I had:

Special K vanilla almond one serving-----150
and I had a grill cheese sandwich WW bread 2 slices---80
and FF cheese ( I just like it man ) -----------------35

I have peanuts for a snack( in the shell so it makes me eat slow)
I have melba toast and Cot. Cheese for later on snack
i have this excellent chicken breast I cooked last night no fat added
WW bread and FF cheese for lunch
FF popcorn 100 cal bag
SF Apple cider...mmm feels good on the throat
and....what else...

I think that's it.

I am having a salad for dinner with more chicken breast on it and my homemade dressing (lemon juice , X-virgin olive oil spray, and salsa .

and a small dessert of SF jello pudding made with FF milk, (SF,FF,HAHA!!) and little banana n apple slices in it....IS THAT A BAD CHOICE?? SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME IF IT IS. Cause I probably need to quit eating that anyway. Should I just make a fruit salad with FF cream cheese instead? (it would have like 50 more calories)

I need input! So put in !! LOL
if ya want to.

I also did alot of cleaning this wknd , and rearranging. Did alot of sitting in the friggin car driving too, that SUCKED. I felt so lazy, I became an ARM and a FOOT. Seriously, I was in the car so much, that was all I felt like, I felt like I had eyeballs and all that connected those four things was like...sticks or something....
 
oh noooo!!!!

I eat alot of that stuff!! AAAHH!!

I'm freakin out !
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top