ugh, well thanks all for your replies , you know this forum really brightens me up some dark days....like today.....like yesterday.....like its been lately....
I'm not going to be very positive in this post please be warned....
I was only able to sleep last night in 2 hour intervals ... between horrible lower abdominal, back , and thigh pain....It was like there was no possible way to lay, sit, stand, anything to get the pain to give even a little bit....
I felt like 'something is wrong'....something is probably wrong ... its bad today I couldn't get out of bed, can't eat , makes me sick to eat, I don't feel hungry, but I feel weak....
I have burn marks all over my left hand, my face looks delapidated or something, I'm hunched over my desk and I know that once this pain medicine wears off I am not going to be able to move nor think about anything but the pain,,,,,
And even more so...my fiance called this morning at work to tell me the cell phone bill is $775.00 . I got depressed thinking about how we have no food at the house and I've been living off of what was left in the fridge and little vegetables and stuff that were in the crisper drawer....
I talked to his mom (who is my supervisor-imagine that ) and then she is never able to talk without people always there beside her, but I had to tell her how stressed out I was before I went insane or something..my stomach would stab me in the back every time I thought about how things have changed lately
So I told her about what was going on with the phone bill, and she asked me if I've been eating and that I look really skinny again....so I told her I have been eating a little bit but have been stressed and not able to eat without getting sick.....and that I've been giving the kids all the food I had in the house...so then .....the lady that was around her at the time just went and called MY FIANCE and told him that I said there was no food in our house.................................
You all know what I've been through with CPS??????!!!!?!?? Why would this woman do this to me???I'm so ****ing mad at her I can't even look at her or ai'm going to blow up on her and everyone else in this damn place.....Then he CALLS MY DAD...and tell him too! That ass hole just beleives anything people tell him and then he wants to chew me out like I made him look like some kind of loser or something...and now everything is just ****ing great today.....
I want to get the **** out of here befoer I kill someone....
I am suffering now financially, physicall, and mentally, also you could say somewhat spiritually since all I have been doing is praying,,,but the hope fades soon after talking to God....why can't I fix it? But the return of this horrid stomach cringing is making me just feel like crap.....and now my mind is running away with me ...... running ......running ......flying now....
What happened?
It was almost like I dreamed about, it was almost without this mental heartbreak about how I almost had things....now its getting farther toward the horizon ..it was within my reach just a short time ago.....how did it happen so fast? Where did my stability go....
I thought things were getting better....it looks like they did .....and without our acknowledgement,,,,the tables turned on us and now its back wards.....without us knowing why...and we are both blind and dying inside all of a sudden......
I bought him a stainless steel type of engagement ring yesterday and thought he would just love it and he did ., but , it was like he has been so dull lately the last few days....ya know before that it was great, he had this new found interest in me! B/c of what happened at Coyote Ugly Saturday night, and then now,
............Point blank...........he is making me drain my bank account and has seriously put me in a real bad and dangerous financial situation,and now instead of acting like a man and handling it , he has put the stress on me, asked to borrow money, he wants me to call the phone company and talk and arrange and see about payments,,,I don't want the phone anymore, and I just ...I just can't do much more of this ya know??????
I need a break I need an outlet ....I need to get my **** back straight......I need some time to figure it all out......I am shaking and I'm going to explode I have to get out of here.
My Dad says he is coming at 1:00 to eat lunch with me and talk to me and he doesn't know what happened up here about the woman telling Robert there was no food and what I said...my dad thinks he is being crazy and Robert is getting on my Dad's nerves today;...so we are going to go to Bennigan's and sit at the bar and have a drdink and talk about life...
I can't wait for that i love my Dad he has always been there for me!
I will let you all know but thanks for letting me unload on here .....
Luv you all and take care to whoever took the time to read this piece of crap post..thanks to you.
