Jaymie's fitness journal :)

don't feel bad Jaymie! i literally had 3500 calories at a cookout on Sunday...when i weighed myself after getting home I had gained 5 pounds, but then after the gym and a night's rest, I was back down to normal. it's just one day, it's not a big deal. just get back on track and do a little extra at the gym, you'll be fine!
 
yeah, I just added mine up and i had close to 3200 cals....Fitday says I ate MORE than I burned off....that has never happened before what a dissappointment....well.....

The thing is , ever since that guy told me my body fat percentage was 21.6, I just have felt like **** about myself....why couldn't he just lie to me and tell me I was at least still @ 17% ?

I feel like I'm slowly gaining all my weight back and soon I'll be right back at 150 lbs again like I always was.

I can't believe I ate so much yesterday. I wasn't gonna eat anything until everybody had to start talking about how I wasn't eating . So to get myself out of the friggin spotlight I just ate and then they all shut up.

So then I was okay until last night I figured I could have a 'cheat day' like yall talk about. But this was ridiculous. I ate and ate and ate while everyone else was asleep all the leftovers in the fridge. I feel terrible. I wasn't out of control but I thought at the time it was 'okay' and its not okay to eat that much at one time esp. at night for God's sakes. All that pudding and potato salad...but it was SO good. And after day in and day out of eating tuna and cereal and skim milk and no cheese on anything and being good and not cheating.....I still never lost weight.....so why the hell am I even doing it? I gained body fat instead of losing.....I can't even lose the weight I put on.....now I'm gonna gain???

Why do I even do any of this...I am not eating for the rest of the day....
 
Jayme,

I want to encourage you to just go back to your normal eating plan today.. Do not starve yourself today. A week from now ( or sooner ) if you stay on your regular eating plan from here on out, you will look back to the 4th of July and realize your weight really didnt fluctuate too bad, probly not at all... I promise we all have those days.. and we are soo hard on ourselves.. I have been through the whole ED thing and those obsessive thoughts in the head are horrendous. You can get through this.. You may be retaining a lot of water rite now from yesterday, but that is all it is.. You just need a good poop =). You will be fine, I promise. I want you to be healthy. So no starving,, k?!
Everytime i binge i have a choice to eiether get back on track the next day or keep falling in the trap.. When I choose to put my head up and eat healthy the next few days, i end up not being able to believe how stresssed i was just a few days b4. Feel free to PM me anytime. :)
You are awesome!
And as far as that guy goes about the body fat, piss on him. How sad that he can be a trainer and not know what he's talking about! But there are many like that! Now hold that head up!
 
well, my tomorrow's aren't always like a new beginning....mine are always affected by the day before. So today is pretty much STILL yesterday...tomorrow is the REAL tomorrow b/c my body will be emptied of yesterday's stupid mistakes....

Still have only had 511 calories and its 2:05 pm. I'm hangin' ! Now just note this is something I really NEED to do....tomorrow will be back to normal....but my mind will not stop until I get through today..I'll be OKAY :) Please don't worry about me. I'll be able to do this no problem ;)

If I get hungry later I've already planned on having a can of tuna / no bread....and FF cottage cheese later at the house. Absolutely NO carbs are allowed for anything I happend to eat later.

I was walking at the mall just now, and I saw all these really cute clothes that one day I'll get a nice new outfit and I still want to be thin. I'm wearing really baggy stuff today so I won't see the bulge from yesterday.....but tomorrow is gym day. :)

I will eat normal tomorrow and exercise my butt off at the gym....I just still can't believe I gained that much body fat....just thinking about that is motivation enough to get through today.....But all those clothes and skinny people at the mall made my hunger pains go away real quick.

Now it just stopped growling and I feel great . So I'll be okay.
 
I know you are taken back about the BF, but don't worry about it. Don't take this the wrong way, but thin girls do that and p*** me off. They think that the world is going to end tomorrow. You are a very beautiful woman who doesn't need to be thinking like this. I know you will get thru it, but if you let your clothes determine who you are, then you're not the person I thought you were.

I'm sorry Jaymie, but I love you and I can't stand to see you like this. It will get better. Just give it time.
 
Just be careful of your metabolism going into starvation mode. And of course, keep your chin up and persevere - the rest of your life is only a second away.

And look at it this way (think I posted it in another thread, but it bears mentioning here) - you'll never be like the guy who won Nathan's hot dog eating contest by eating 40-some hotdogs for a total of around 16,600 calories.
 
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I know and you are both right..I'm sorry for being a total dingbat today..

and that is my worst fear is to become a shallow person.. :( I don't want to be that way...

I just am sorry for all the crap I said today..tomorrow I'll feel even more idiotic...but right now I feel pretty dumb...

But I just ate tuna one can with no bread or anything...it was real dry....I swallowed it with water....so later on tonight I will have a cup of egg whites and a sprinkle of FF mozz cheese......just no carbs...I'll at least do that much..
tomorrow I'll be back to normal again...

I'm sorry Sheri :(
 
Jaymie, listen to me. It's ok. Everybody goes this. I never been thru what you went thru so I'm not going to begin to say I know how you feel because I don't. I can only imagine thou, but I'll probably imagine it wrong. I'm sure you saw one of my posts where I wish I could b&p, but that's because I felt like I ate too much. I know I can't b&p, nor do I ever want to, but it's a quick way out and that's not the way to go.

You honestly can't let your clothes run your life. If that would happen, I would never have to courage to post a picture of me in my shorts. Yes, I believe I'm still fat because I'm in a 16, but I know that's not true. When I lived at home, I was a 14, then when I left home, I went to a 16. I had my daughter and got up to a 20, but now I'm a 16 again. I hate to see my stomach. I know it could be worse, but I also know it could be better too. It's all on me now. It's my turn to step up and say I want to be better. I see the people who wear the sizes 0-10 and how I dream that could be me. I don't know if I could see a zero, but a 10 would be nice.

Just take one day at a time and it all will come out in the end. You've done such a damn good job to get this far, I pray you don't ruin it now. You will have bad days or bad weeks or bad months. I can't tell you enough that you can always pm me and just talk. If you want to call, I can give you my numbers. If you want to email, I can give you that. Don't beat yourself up because of one bad day.

I love you honey. Just remember that.
 
Agreed - as other posters have said, it sounded like the trainer you got your fitness evaluation from wasn't being professional. In fact, I'd not put it past him to add a few percentage points to your bf% to get you to take his session.

Clothes and body-image, while they play a part, aren't the sum total of your self-worth. It's sometimes easy to forget you're doing all this because you want to lead a happy and healthy life. All too often many, including myself, seem to forget that and get lost in a maze of scales and weights, and body sizes that obscures the real goal -so much so that people get discouraged and fall back into unhealthy habits/patterns of behavior. Don't let this happen to you - as Sheri said, you've come too far to let it come to naught. It's not how many times you get knocked down, it's how many times you get up that's important. And don't forget to laugh at yourself (kindly) every once in a while, it might help you to keep going.
 
I'm already feeling better but I think its because I took a valium...

I just started thinking in circles and now I am just calm. Thats nice.

Well thanks Sheri I needed that slap in the face.

I really just want to get home and get comfy and lie down...probably do some calisthenics and relax. But I don't think I'm going to eat anything later. I'm not hungry but with the valium I may get a bit hungry later on and have a cup of egg whites and make a FF omelet with some water to drink.

I just feel tired.. I want to go home and sleep not eat.
 
Hi Jaymie

Wow once again I've been away too long and life has gone on!
First of all...about the bf%. I totally agree with Stingo that the dude probably added some %'s just to be able to see you again. You did say he was being flirty ;) its a logical explaination. He was an idiot
Second...um SIZE 1???!!! :O ain't no way you added body fat with that kind of progress. I am lucky to fit into my size 4 anymore...and I'm crying :(
Third of all, about that "cheat" girlfriend, you NEVER cheat and when you do its on something like watermellon. haha. so if anything that was probably the best thing you could have done. You most likely jump started your metabolism into further hyperdrive, gained some WATER weight which will quickly disappear because you went low cal/low carb right after. if anything you'll probably lose from that. Don't fret. cheats can be big ol blessings in disguise.
Lastly, hope you had a good 4th! Sounds like you had some good company around you :D
take care ya sexy mama :D
 
well I'm back today after being out yesterday . Alot of peeps are out today with a stomach flu.. :( hope I don't get it !

The office smells of lysol disinfectant and I have no momentum today....

I am so .... blah today.

Anyway, its FRIDAY !! WWOO-F'in-HOO!!

yesterday I went to the gym though and did arms and then i RAN !!!

I RAN !! ME! yeah!

and I ran for 45 minutes and then walked five and I went 4.3 miles.

then I went and swam for 20 minutes...whoa i just had deja vu again...

then walked around the whole mall twice for about 2 hours and then went home and put up groceries and cooked and then went to my grandparents house and went up and down this ladder about 4 times to go look at this litte 'museum' my grandpa made up in the attic of our storage shed...

its a museum of all of me and my cousins old toys n stuff it is SO cool maybe i can somehow get a pic of it on here. stupid no photoing phone...

well. yeah I'm back down to my normal weight again and the trainer at the gym that I normally talk to....not little flirty dumbass dude....said that there is no way I have gained any weight much less body fat...AND he said ' you have to know you are one of the mose 'in-shape' people here?' and that made me just glow! I was so happy after that. And still am.

so Wednesday I only had about 700 calories...then yesterday I had about 1600 or something..

so thanks everyone for saying what u said and I'll be back later on.

Take care!
 
Glad you are feeling better. Nice kick a** workout at the gym. Don't worry about the bf% dumba** trainer dude. He wasn't worth the time he's being paid for. Glad you had a good time at your nanny's. Seeing all those old toys must have brought back alot of memories.
 
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