Floater's diary

Cate said:
I had a hysterectomy at 42 years & haven't had any problems since. You can PM me if you want to know anything about it. I almost danced for joy not having periods anymore.
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@Cate thank you so much!! I'm just about to go to sleep, but I'll DM you later if anything springs to mind... much appreciated. I'm glad you had a positive experience with it and healed well <3 I think we have talked about this topic a little bit way back in the spring (your autumn) when I came out as trans here.

I think I'll need a quesadilla before bed, I'm so exhausted but a little hungry and that keeps me awake...

PS: had two quesadillas, a tbsp of pumpkin seeds, and a pear. Yum! Also took out my unopened bag of polenta, plan to have that for breakfast!
 
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Ughhhh Nera had the hiccups (so most likely suffers from heartburn) and that kept me up most of the night because I'm hypervigilant about her health. She drinks and eats and poops normally, so most likely everything is fine. I'll get her some Turkish yogurt on my way back from the pool, it seems to help her with GI issues. I also divided her breakfast kibbles in two portions several hours apart, as this should help with the heartburn.

Starting to make that polenta now. I think I'll have it with a side of cheesy omelette (now that I still have cheese in the fridge) and try to sleep a bit more.

I had interesting dreams. In the first one, WW3 had started and I was called to service. My group consisted of other guys who had not done their mandatory service time and we had no idea what we were doing, we had a printed list of rules of conduct, and most of the dream we were just loitering around an abandoned town looking for food. Although we were supposed to be at war, nothing bad really happened and we didn't even get any bad news. Just a bunch of idiots in full gear doing nothing :D :D In the second one I had eaten pork ribs and had a terrible heartburn, so I wandered outside to look for dandelions to make dandelion tea. At some point I started running and realized I had no breasts and my heart almost leapt out of my chest out of joy. The feeling of running without the jiggle was wonderful. I actually remember it from childhood. In the dream I reached under my jacket and shirt to feel my chest and felt very content that I also had no nipples (which is in line with the sort of surgery I plan to have, double incision with no nipple grafts). These kinds of dreams feel very reassuring to me, because I think they prove that I'm going in the right direction with my transition.
 
OK folks - I swear that if I ever have a date over for breakfast, I'll make them polenta with lemon juice, a sliced avocado, and a cheese omelette with a side of sweet red bell pepper. I feel like a king after having that for breakfast! I have 3dl of leftover polenta in the fridge, and I plan to slice it up and pan-fry it after coming home from water jogging, and have it with yesterday's bean and spinach sauce...
 
That does sound like a delicious breakfast - and a great dream! I love the effortless running I'm only capable of in dreams.
 
Lunch: a big portion of rice with broccoli, onions, edamame, and cashew nuts. I put aside a bit of rice for Nera to cool, to help with her heartburn by keeping her tummy a bit fuller. She already settled down a bit after eating grass during our walk, but I want to help her in any way I can.

I plan to have some sort of a a high carb snack before hitting the pool, but haven't decided on what it's going to be yet. It feels nice to have an appetite. I'm clearly in a good place mentally.

EDIT: felt like the meal was a bit light, so had a soy protein isolate shake for dessert.
 
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I had a quesadilla and another soy protein shake with a bit of jam for quick carbs before going water jogging, and water jogged for 120 mins total with two pee and hydration breaks after 40 and 80 mins. This time I was clearly more tired than the last time, which is no wonder because I went to the gym yesterday and slept badly because I was worrying about Nera (who is back to normal now, than God!). But I kept reminding myself that being able to stand the boredom and doing the workout anyway will pay itself back handsomely - quite literally lol - by being another brick in the road to Transition Town. That got me through it, and I feel very content about myself and my progress now!

I had my usual post workout porridge in the locker room. Now having spinach-bean sauce and rice for dinner. I bought eggs and cherry tomatoes on my way home, and I plan to have pan-fried polenta and cherry tomatoes before bed, maybe something rich in protein too? I could roast chickpeas, or fry or bake myself some tofu... I'll see how I'll feel about that later tonight.

I really, really love water jogging because it allows my mind to wander freely. I did have anxiety/OCD thoughts come and go about Nera passing away and such, but physical movement makes these thoughts easier to handle, easier to stay in the present. And keeping active definitely helps with my relationship with food. Speaking of which, I'm out of spring onions... I'll have to buy some tomorrow after seeing my friend! I hope I'll remember to! I really love spring onions in case you guys haven't noticed :D :D :D
 
Floater said:
I really, really love water jogging because it allows my mind to wander freely.
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That's what walking does for me. Wonderfully calming for my brain.

Do be sure to take it easy after the visit tomorrow: 2 hours of aquajogging after a gym day is a lot!
 
LaMaria said:
That's what walking does for me. Wonderfully calming for my brain.

Do be sure to take it easy after the visit tomorrow: 2 hours of aquajogging after a gym day is a lot!
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I promise! Tomorrow evening is for rest and lazying around. :grouphug:

I also love walking, but sometimes my brain is so busy I just need heavier stimulation/strain to quiet it down. As a kid I was teased for always keeping my bike gears set to the highest resistance (?), so when others were pedalling along quickly and lightly, I'd push on the pedals slower and with all my might. I just needed that kind of sensation!

I'm starting to get more and more into the idea of going to the gym on some quiet evening, wear two sports bras on top of each other, and see how it would feel to try out using a treadmill. Sure, there will be dysphoria-enducing jiggle, but if I just try to zone out of it? It would eventually pay out by being one more way to increase the versatility of my workouts... I have to give it some time, and not despair if I'm not ready for it.
 
Your water jogging sounds so good! I'm a bit envious.
I hope all that exercise helps you sleep well & I'm glad Nera is feeling better. Does she eat vegetables? Arch has a delicate stomach & I have to be careful what I feed him. He can't eat anything fatty at all.
 
@Cate , Nera sometimes shows interest in smelling or playing around with veggies, but doesn't eat carrots or such. She seemed to like roasted pumpkin when I made it earlier this fall but it was a rare exception. She eats grain-free kibble, freeze-dried reindeer and mutton bones, and occasionally a boiled egg, small amounts of lactose-free Turkish yogurt, or white meat parts of chicken. VERY occasionally cheese or chicken nuggets in very small amounts (a slice of cheese, two nuggets.) She's not very food motivated, and has been a muscular/stringy but skinny minny for her all life. Lab work and heart + lungs have been fine so far. :)
 
Nera's diet sounds perfect. Arch eats grain-free kibble too & chicken breasts mostly. I can't get him to eat any veggies either. He does like apples. I guess the grass is their veg.
 
Yeah, the grass probably is their veg! (I'm so tired that for a moment I imagined Nera and Archie as mellow stoners but that's a different grass 😂)

I had already brushed my teeth and gone to bed when hunger hit; I had to get up and eat. Pan-fried polenta with cheese, roasted chickpeas, and 250g of cherry tomatoes, just as planned. I'm actually so excited to be this hungry, because it really drives it home how much I have increased my activity levels. And not substituting proper food with caffeine, junk, and beer really makes a difference in my headspace too. I mean, obviously, but when I was still 6 foot deep in severe depression, it wasn't exactly easy to motivate myself to do what I knew would be good for me.
 
Floater said:
And not substituting proper food with caffeine, junk, and beer really makes a difference in my headspace too. I mean, obviously, but when I was still 6 foot deep in severe depression, it wasn't exactly easy to motivate myself to do what I knew would be good for me.
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Makes total sense but it's still great to hear.
Nera Is far too regal to be a stoner!
 
I woke up ravenous, had my morning coffee and made plans for today. As I'm meeting my friend at a coffee house in the afternoon, I decided to have a big brunch-style breakfast that would keep me running until the afternoon, so I'm now making rice with two-egg tamagoyaki, chickpeas, broccoli, onions and garlic. I plan to serve the whole thing topped with soy sauce and lemon juice as I'm sadly out of spring onions. Cooking feels nice, brings order and structure to my days. My autistic brain loves the washing, the chopping, the putting things away neatly, and wiping counters... And especially the fact that my apartment has a dishwasher :D :D :D

You folks might remember that I used to have a huge issue with portion sizes and would feel filled up on portions that were way too small, and then substitute my baseline needs with liquid calories or calorie dense foods. I can happily report that this is currently not an issue. I eat what feels like mountains of food but most of it is veg so I probably get somewhat less kcals than in my most disordered eating habit times. Anyway, my rice alarm just rang so I need to get back to the kitchen!
 
Yay for a decent appetite! I quite like the chopping/cooking part of cooking these days but I still need to find my love for clearing/tidying...
 
I had a great time with my friend, and splurged on a chicken mozzarella foccaccia and large coffee. Her baby was very cute. Now on my way back home and hungry like a wolf, AGAIN. I'll go work out tomorrow, either gym or aqua jogging depending on my mood. I should clean up at home, even if it's just giving my floors a quick wipe-down and taking out the trash, that way I'll feel much cozier and don't need to worry about it on workout day.
 
I made butter bean minestrone soup with corn, onions and brussels sprouts. I'm glad I didn't go shopping hungry but instead decided to use whatever I would have at home, the soup turned out delicious. I used tomato paste, miso, lemon juice and nutritional yeast for the soup base.

I'll take a short term ADHD med once I have eaten, take the dog and the trashbag out, and clean up (kitchen maintenance cleanup, wipe floors with static cloth, wash floors, wash the bathroom, finish the floors with a damp rag to get rid of extra cleaning agent and any leftover fine sand + dog hair). It's going to feel like a bitch to do and I'm not motivated at all, but I know I'll feel better once it's done.

Nera needs to have her nails clipped but that's a job to do in the daylight and while I'm not tired. Her nails are really tough and it takes some strength to cut through them, and I don't want my hands to be all shaky and hit a vein :eek:
 
LaMaria said:
Sounds sensible. Also sounds like you're doing really well today despite the exhausting visit!
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Haha I actually zoned out and it took me an hour to eat the soup... After that I took my meds and made coffee and it took me half an hour to drink it. Now the meds are starting to take effect so I'm starting to snap back to reality, so I'll go take the dog out and start cleaning! But I'm so glad I ventured out into the world and did "normal adult person" things, even if it was tiring!
 
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