Floater's diary

Did not go for a run. IDK what it is about that that freaks me out so much. I need to talk about it in therapy I guess but I´ll go tomorrow.

Bought flour and dry yeast and am making pita bread at home. So far so good, dough is rising. Fingers crossed! It´s been a long time since I last baked haha.
 
Bread turned out ugly but tasty! Will perfect this skill in the future. Store bought doesn't hold a candle to home-made
 
High anxiety day today, did foodprep but just too anxious to go out. Made a loaf of bread that´s chilling in the baking dish. I can´t wait to get to taste it.
 
I think I have a bug or something, because I´m just unusually tired. I´ve been resting and eating balanced meals so that´s something at least. I had two bananas on the verge of going bad so decided to attempt to make high protein banana bread with an improvised recipe. We´ll see how it turns out. TBH I do realize I´m probably avoiding something emotionally by baking, because baking requires so much attention to detail, but... Whatever. I could be doing so much worse stuff to distract myself, that´s for sure.
 
I was back at the gym yesterday and looks like I had needed the rest because I was closer to my normal level but not quite there yet. Very stressful things going on with disability benefits and doctors and stuff.

Managed to find a really nice baguette recipe though. It might just be in my head but it´s as if home made bread gave me less GI issues? Next time I´ll bake them at 225C instead of 200 but they turned out great.
 
Gym day today. I made a pre-ferment this morning, and used that for a cold batch fermentation dough that I plan to bake into bread tomorrow. I really want to perfect my home made bread and practice is the route to that!
 
JFC I ended up baking the prefermented dough tonight and I got the prettiest loaf, incredibly tasty, big big air bubbles inside. The taste is worlds apart when using preferment, the gross and shallow instant yeast taste is completely transformed. I could have baked it for 10 mins longer, it´s not raw but it´s softer than what the ideal outcome would be. The dough had 2 eggs in it to help bring the protein content up a bit. The flour I use has 13g of protein per 100g.

The preferment I made in the morning was "sponge". Tonight I got a "biga" preferment started and added a pinch of cinnamon to it too, not to make the bread taste cinnamon-y but to give the yeast something funky to eat to see what happens. Haha.
 
Took five days off gym because I was feeling unwell. Went to the gym today and did half a workout. Better than nothing. I baked bread with dried roasted edamame in the dough and it turned out great. The edamame also bumps up the protein content of the bread nicely.
 
All is well here, I´ve been going to the gym, but taking things veeery carefully, and it´s worked.

Been baking my own bread, it´s a very soothing hobby. I´m glad I have the functionality to cook from scratch again. It´s good for me mentally
 
Hey folks,

2025 has been treating me kindly. I was approved for permanent disability pension, which means I will never have to worry about my financial survival again. It´s not like I´ll ever be rich, but the pension even allows me to work for a limited amount if I ever find something sustainable.

This has helped me manage my stress much, much better. Diet and training are going stellarly. I did gain a bit during last year from stress eating but weight is on the decline again.

I started to take testosterone on 17.3.2025. I figured that by this point, and as a pensioner, my likelihood of receiving fertility treatments is slim anyway, so I might just as well focus on my own health and accept that I won´t have bio kids. I used a telehealth servie to do so because the Finnish trans clinic system keeps being a piece of shit. I do feel sad about childlessness, but testosterone is already having a hugely positive impact on my mood and sleep. I have zero nightmares, sleep like a log, and wake up around 7AM without an alarm clock. My appetite has changed: I´m less interested in the taste of things and more in the texture of things. Sweet foods have no appeal to me now. I also dislike coffee which I would never have believed was possible haha. Instead I really enjoy herbal teas, fenugreek being my favorite.

I guess that if the options are no kids and no HRT, vs no kids but HRT, I´ll take the latter. T also won´t immediately sterilize me so some Deus Ex Machina may still show up but perhaps it´s best to live in the moment and take the good things I can get and make my own happiness.

Got sick with the flu so I´ve only been to the gym twice after starting T but I did DL 105KG on my third day on T. Not explainable through physical changes yet, I think. More likely due to me feeling braver.

I hope everyone is progressing nicely and managing their lives. Be well, folks!
 
Everything´s going great here. Got over my flu quickly. I´ve added more cardio to my workout schedule to help with the body recomp. Today I had a fish burger after doing my lifting, and I guess it was OK, but fatty foods definitely don´t appeal to me the same way they used to.

While adjusting to testosterone, I have just listened to my body and stuck to what feels nice at the gym. I think I have my limits figured out now and would probably benefit from following a program for the next months. German Volume Training is familiar, and I know it to work, and I´m kinda intrigued to see how testosterone would factor into recovery, but on the other hand I would like to stick to gym and pool on alternate days and for that GVT is way too fatigue-inducing.

Strength increase is pretty subtle, but that makes perfect sense: testosterone replacement therapy for trans men is NOT the same as abusing steroids, and my dosage is only twice what´s given to postmenopausal women, to put it into context. I will get significant body recomp and fat redistribution, but it requires time and hard work and consistency. To save my hair and prevent an ass carpet I´m also on finasteride, so some effects of DHT are being lost due to it. Time will tell if I´ll keep my menstrual cycle or not, I hope to lose it but finasteride might keep it going. If so, I can always have a progesterone IUD inserted, but as the finasteride doesn´t seem to be causing any issues (of course I´ll know more once I get my control labs) I´ll stick to it for now.
 
Started a new program this week and liking it a lot. I don´t know the English name for it but I guess it´s "double repetition": 80% of 1RM for weights, 8-12 reps in first set, then doing sets with 20 second breaks in between until the number of reps together is twice the reps in the first set. Takes a lot of mental focus so is very draining but also fun. It has some exercises I haven´t done before but seem very supportive to help me build up my 1RM. So all´s good here
 
Pulled a muscle on Wednesday and got a course of muscle relaxants and told to stick to light bodyweight exercise for a week or so. Weight is stable and there´s some body recomp happening. I´ve stayed active and plan to try to get back to the gym on Wed or Thu depending on how the back is doing. Today the back pain has been much less intense than the previous days so yay for that!
 
Back healed in a week, gym going well. Bodyweight has now settled at 88kg but I am recomping and sleep & energy levels are good. The changes to my mood and palate on testosterone are working well, got my liver enzymes and cholesterol checked and liver is still doing great and cholesterol has dropped significantly, now being within the health guidelines so that´s fantastic!
 
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