Sorry you're still feeling depleted. How are the covid rules around your place right now: could you sign up for some kind of small meetup? I was going to try the Trek folks here just before the pandemic started but then I never really got up the enthusiasm to start out with electronic meetups. May have a looksee if I can find a craft café after lockdown.Floater's diary
- Thread starter Floater
- Start date
Sorry you're still feeling depleted. How are the covid rules around your place right now: could you sign up for some kind of small meetup? I was going to try the Trek folks here just before the pandemic started but then I never really got up the enthusiasm to start out with electronic meetups. May have a looksee if I can find a craft café after lockdown.
Floater
Well-known member
Fully vaccinated folks, like myself, are free to move out and about. I'm actually seeing an old study buddy and her baby on Thursday. But the sort of loneliness I was feeling last night was of a different sort. I'm sometimes sad about the fact that finding a life partner as a trans person is even harder than as a cis person, but whatever. I shouldn't worry about things I can't change.
I slept like a log. Woke up to take Nera out for a quick pee at 8, went back to sleep, and slept until noon. Very vivid dreams of strange landscapes. Old quarries filled with water, strange animals, ski slopes made out of mirror ice so slick I had to slide down them on my back. Nera was with me in all of these dreams, as was my oldest childhood friend. The landscapes were a bit scary sometimes, but it wasn't a nightmare.
EDIT: I've been constipated since Friday, and my stomach is so irritated and bloated that it's driving me crazy. Going water jogging again today. I'll take my ADHD meds now with rye bread and cheese, and am soaking rice for lunch. The meds usually get things moving.
Floater
Well-known member
Lunch was rice, spring onion, and two marinated eggs, I went water jogging for 120 mins, had a post workout porridge with PB and maple syrup in the locker room, and am now having avocado pasta for dinner. (Pasta, fresh avocado, lemon juice, nutritional yeast, mushroom soy sauce, smoked paprika and sesame oil). I'll need something rich in protein before bed, but right now I felt like I needed something with as few ingredients as possible, and I had ripe avocadoes on the countertop. Very happy with today's foods. Will need to have more veggies later, too. I'll either roast some root vegetables or snack on cherry tomatoes + bell pepper.
Floater
Well-known member
Exactly! Stress always makes me bloat. I looked like a garden gnome this morning with my gut sticking out. But I'm happy to report that the combination of stimulant medication, three pots of coffee, exercise and plenty of fiber & good fats have considerably de-gnomified me already. I'm still more rotund than usually, but let's give it another day...
It's a shame that struggling mentally makes one look and feel not that great physically. It would be more fair to at least suffer beautifully, right? But jokes aside, I feel much better both mentally and physically. And the autism assistance person who was over today reminded me that I tend to be exhausted for a couple of days after therapy, and then my spirits pick up from there once my subconscious has mulled things over.
About exercise today: I was feeling really comfortable in the pool the whole time, and didn't get the weird cramps afterwards. The swimming hall was really cold, as the temperature has dropped to -6 degrees, but I had eaten enough carbs beforehand to keep me fueled and comfortable for the whole duration of my workout. I also already made plans with the assistance person tomorrow that she'll give me a lift to the gym at the end of our appointment, as the colder temps are going to be somewhat of a strain on my body anyway and it makes sense to accommodate to that so that I won't push myself too hard. I'll walk back, of course.
Once that first plug is out it usually gets easier...Ah, yes, soap opera disease. Or consumption in Victorian novels. Just looking interestingly worn without ever losing hair, retaining water, needing help in the bathroom, or getting bruises from the IV... Vomiting is allowed but never diarrhea!
Yay! With a bit of luck strengthening those muscle will make them cramp up less over time. Do make sure to stretch them out regularly when not crampy so you don't end up with contracted hips and hyperlordosis in your lumbar spine.
Floater
Well-known member
I love that this is a place where bowel movements are rewarded with a party emoji
I also love the expression "soap opera disease". And thanks for the tip about stretching! I already have hyperlordosis to start with (runs in the family), and when I was a kid and had to sit down on a chair for long hours at school and in orchestra practice, it got really bad and painful. As an adult, I have found out that sitting in criss cross applesauce or a half lotus posture on the floor/yoga mat or on my bed seems to be the most comfortable position to spend longer times in, and I move my upper body about a lot more like this when compared to sitting on a regular chair or on a saddle chair.
Took Nera out for a walk and am now having two black bean quesadillas before bed.
Floater
Well-known member
Yup, Nera was really excited about the snow. :3 I'll grab my phone on our midday walk to get pics of her in the snow!
Woke up hungry after exercising yesterday, and decided to make a quick bean and pasta soup with miso broth, red bell pepper, and brussel's sprouts. I wish I had rice noodles, but pasta will have to do.
PS also had a handful of pumpkin seeds for dessert!
Woke up hungry after exercising yesterday, and decided to make a quick bean and pasta soup with miso broth, red bell pepper, and brussel's sprouts. I wish I had rice noodles, but pasta will have to do.
PS also had a handful of pumpkin seeds for dessert!
Last edited:
Looking forward to snow dog pictures!
That may just be me. Bodily functions are important!
Tell me if you need some pointers for stretching: getting into your hip flexors properly can be a bit of a hassle if you aren't used to it.
That may just be me. Bodily functions are important!Tell me if you need some pointers for stretching: getting into your hip flexors properly can be a bit of a hassle if you aren't used to it.
Floater
Well-known member
Floater
Well-known member
Making lunch: spinach and bean sauce with nutritional yeast, smoked pepper and white pepper, rice, and a fried egg topped with lemon juice and spring onions.
Edit: removed all animal products except for Turkish yogurt for Nera and eggs for me from my food delivery for next month. I'm pretty sure that just by cutting out cheese and alcohol I could go down 5 kg in a few months. Partially because both retain water, but also for the calories. I'm not planning to cut out eggs or the occasional fish, because especially once I start transitioning medically and building muscle and bone mass at a fast pace, I'm going to need vitamin D and calcium, and eggs are dirt cheap. Obviously, I will eat the cheese I have already bought, but switching that for nutritional yeast is doable and should yield results given time.
Gym day today!
Edit: snack: two purple carrots and an avocado
Edit: removed all animal products except for Turkish yogurt for Nera and eggs for me from my food delivery for next month. I'm pretty sure that just by cutting out cheese and alcohol I could go down 5 kg in a few months. Partially because both retain water, but also for the calories. I'm not planning to cut out eggs or the occasional fish, because especially once I start transitioning medically and building muscle and bone mass at a fast pace, I'm going to need vitamin D and calcium, and eggs are dirt cheap. Obviously, I will eat the cheese I have already bought, but switching that for nutritional yeast is doable and should yield results given time.
Gym day today!
Edit: snack: two purple carrots and an avocado
Last edited:
Floater
Well-known member
Pre-gym snack: mashed potatoes. (Felt carbs-y.) I don't have the proper tool for making mashed potatoes so I had to resort to a fork, as a result the consistency is not as silky as I'd like, but whatever. I'll use the leftovers for potato tortillas or quesadillas in the evening!
Floater
Well-known member
Thank you for the stretching tip DM, @LaMaria !Will get on it after work
Phew, I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open, so I'm making myself a cup of late evening coffee so I can stay awake long enough to take the dog out before bedtime.
I hit the gym and did long/high reps (my language skills have left me lol) with 60-70% of my max weights, and it felt nice. I kept a good pace, and focused on how the strain felt different from my previous exercise routine. Had my usual porridge in the locker room, and brought and ate a banana on my way home while walking. The workout didn't feel as taxing as my usual workout initially, I guess I have more stamina than I thought, and I had energy to take the dog out right away (had to go check the storage space of the house as someone has apparently been living there illegally?!) and have a shower. But after that I dropped like a wind-up toy that's out of juice! I could barely make dinner (pan-fried mashed potatoes and tuna+bean-spinach sauce) as I kept dropping the spatula and fumbling about like a zombie. Good workout I guess
As I'm meeting a friend and her baby for coffee in another town on Thursday, and I already know my brain will be fried after that (the trip, the noise in the coffee house, the social interaction, and babies are cute but scary), I decided I'll push myself to go water jogging tomorrow because it will most likely take me at least one but possibly even three days to bounce back from the coffee appointment, and I want to seriously start shedding the extra fat now that I've bulked so well. I'll be happy with just 60 minutes of water jogging if it feels too taxing after gym today.
My foods today have been pretty much perfect. Like a nutritionist's day dream. The issue is, I'm stuck with a garden gnome gut again and feeling in pain and distress because of it. I'll try to remember that the distress is temporary and feeling it now will help me lose weight eventually, as it's due to having had frequent high fiber meals along the day. It still felt bad to see the stretch marks on my stomach in the mirror of the gym locker room, because being swollen makes them look much redder and bigger than how they look when my stomach isn't all f*d up. And, of course, because the gut-brain-interaction runs two ways, I'm once again freaking out about stuff like "what if I have ovarian cancer/GI cancer and I'll never get to transition because I'll be dead", and even planned my funeral in advance as I was cooking dinner lol. But RATIONALLY I know that if that were the case, I wouldn't have goo days when my stomach doesn't bother me. It's probably reacting to me putting my body through harder exercise than it's accustomed to, in addition to the fiber rich food.
Floater
Well-known member
Quite possibly! Just to make sure not to insult breast cancer and gynecological cancer patients, I would obviously never wish to get cancer, but every time I've gotten a mammogram and been told everything's OK, I have sunken into a couple weeks worth of deep depression (while also feeling guilty that I have such a reaction to positive health news).
With ovarian cancer, I think it's also that the symptoms can be vague and it's a "silent killer", so the thought of those useless organs plotting to murder me is extra anxiety inducing! (I remember being super stressed once in Uni while having my IUD changed, and turned out they had to take routine STD tests first so the insertion had to be postponed, and I just broke down crying and told the horrified nurse and gyno I just wish the "whole fucking bullshit" could be removed as "it's fucking useless to me". It's almost funny now, as I was deep in the closet back then, but back then my own reaction really shocked and embarassed me!)
TW: surgery/trans talk
The whole hysterectomy thing is not as clear cut to me (haha) as mastectomy. After all, testosterone should basically put the female-typical reproductive system to sleep and minimize the risk of malignancies. But as there still is a risk of cramps, flow/spotting, and in rare cases also gynecological cancers in trans men on HRT, the uterus and ovaries become a liability of sorts. So usually they are removed. I guess the only thing that worries me about that is the possibility of vaginal prolapse... Better get into a Kegel habit I guess
But that's still years and years down the line, so best focus on the present.Intrusive thoughts got to me tonight, I had to fix my hanging flowerpots with additional fastenings because I was convinced they would come loose, fall on Nera's head, and kill her. This tells me that I'm approaching the limits of my mental fortitude, so I'll take a sleeping pill tonight and hope for a peaceful night.
