Floater's diary

Yup, I'll go water jogging! Already packed my stuff. I had potatoes and lentil stew with creme fraiche instead of noodles, because I thought it makes sense to have a hot meal before the pool. Now I'm waiting for my meds to kick in while having a cup of sugared coffee. I also greased myself up with coconut oil, let's hope it helps with the skin irritation!
 
I hope coconut oil is thick enough to stick well. Have fun!
 
LaMaria said:
I hope coconut oil is thick enough to stick well. Have fun!
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It seemed to help with the chafing somewhat. I applied sesame oil on my face (coconut oil gives me acne) and my face was still itchy but less itchy than usually. I water jogged for 120 minutes.

I'll have to go to the optician tomorrow... Again. This time I called them beforehand and asked if they can do the fitting in a separate room, because I can't seem to focus on how the glasses sit/feel when there's a lot of hustle and bustle going on, and they agreed. Now the right earpiece is digging into my skull to the point it leaves a groove and legitimately hurts. I feel so stupid that I can't even do a glass fitting right.
 
Good for you keeping up with the gym and pool Floater.

Floater said:
my skin looks and feels like I'm a lizard person every time I have been swimming. It's not the look that bother me that much, but the god damn itch.
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I have eczema which gets worse with dryness. I have a nice cream that uses colloidal oatmeal to help with the itching--I find it works really well.

Floater said:
My skin still feels great after the sugar and oil scrub, yay.
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That's great!
 
Floater said:
I feel so stupid that I can't even do a glass fitting right.
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You´re not the one doing the fitting so you can´t be doing it wrong. Sometimes things just suck and nobody´s to blame.. Oh, if you have a bathtub soaking for half an hour to get rid of the chlorine absorbed by your skin and then reapplying your favorite skin cream could help as well.
 
@LaMaria sadly I have no tub to soak in, but the itchiness hasn't bothered me tonight! And yeah you are right about the glasses thing.

After coming back home from the pool I had a low moment... Had to call the helpline. It was about something I saw my ex doing just before I was hospitalized (and that made me seek help in a safehouse), still trying to work out whether I saw what I think I saw. I'm glad I have therapy on Friday.

Had a long walk with Nera after having only a banana and my usual after-pool porridge. At home I was ravenous so I had two slices of rye bread with cheese as a snack, and for a proper dinner I had a double portion of soba noodles (they come in pre-portioned servings tied with a bit of paper) with corn, cold grilled chicken breast, raw brussel's sprouts, pumpkin seeds, an avocado, a soy-marinated egg, and a sauce made of soy sauce, mirin, maple syrup, hot sauce, and sesame oil.

Feeling exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Might need a nap before even brushing my teeth.
 
Great to see you have an appetite despite everything. And I'm glad you have that therspy session planned for Friday. Sorry things are rough right now :grouphug:
 
LaMaria said:
Great to see you have an appetite despite everything. And I'm glad you have that therspy session planned for Friday. Sorry things are rough right now :grouphug:
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:grouphug: I'm glad about having my appetite back, as well. And I even did manage to brush my teeth lol :D Take care!
 
I'm sorry you're struggling but glad that you still prioritise your health & wellbeing by eating well & doing the things you need to do. Give Nera a hug for me xo
 
Ughh I had the weirdest nightmares. Among other things, I was bitten by a mouse with a gold necklace wrapped around it's legs, taken to the hospital for rabies shots, taken shopping by my mom, and the retail place was full to the brim of people and ugly clothes with hideous colors and electronics that had warranties that made the customer pay the company if the product didn't work...
 
Breakfast: potatoes, lentil stew, and creme fraiche. One more portion of lentil stew left in the fridge that I need to eat today, and I also need to eat the rest of the rotisserie chicken today. I'll make a new batch of stew tomorrow. I'm glad I have therapy tomorrow...

EDIT: actually, I think I'll make a new stew today so I don't need to worry about food tomorrow. I'm thinking beetroot and chickpeas in coconut milk with plenty of spices and onions.
 
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Floater said:
the retail place was full to the brim of people and ugly clothes with hideous colors and electronics that had warranties that made the customer pay the company if the product didn't work...
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If that was my dream it'd probably mean I was frustrated with how some domineering entity was forcing unfair restrictions on me or something.
Floater said:
EDIT: actually, I think I'll make a new stew today so I don't need to worry about food tomorrow. I'm thinking beetroot and chickpeas in coconut milk with plenty of spices and onions.
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I don't like chickpeas but that sounds rather nice. Always good to be prepared!
 
LaMaria said:
If that was my dream it'd probably mean I was frustrated with how some domineering entity was forcing unfair restrictions on me or something.
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Isn't that the story of my life... :D

I had forgotten that my last food delivery didn't have chickpeas (they were out of stock), so I'll use kidney beans instead!

Now having a snack of rotisserie chicken scraps with hot sauce and peanut butter. I still have to figure out what I'll eat the last of the lentil stew with... Potatoes, probably, they just go so well together!
 
I ended up having the last lentil stew portion with couscous, avocado, and creme fraiche. Veg quota for today has been met. Protein intake was considerable. Today was rest day from heavy exercise, but I did have two long walks with Nera. Wiped the floors with a static cloth, the dishwasher is on, my beetroot and kidney bean curry is shared into four meal-size portions in the fridge. I also cleaned my boots and will spray them with water repellent first thing in the morning (once they have dried completely).

I feel tired and sad. I'll sit down for a little while and then take Nera out for a short walk, brush my teeth, clean my face, and go to sleep. Therapy tomorrow.
 
Feeling really anxious about therapy tomorrow. I think it's going to be a rough session. I have assistance an hour after therapy, so I can just barely make it home in between, not a lot of time for self soothing. I think I'll use the visit to a) eat b) take Nera out c) pack my swimming stuff and ask the assistance person to drive me to the pool at the end of the visit.

I have decided that as I have gained a lot of muscle mass between May and now, visibly so, I might now benefit from a period of doing more cardio and doing strength exercise to keep up what I have than to keep achieving gains. Water jogging has been great obviously, but I also think that I might want to play around with different kinds of sets and weights at the gym, and maybe include some indoor biking or elliptical every now and then. My tits are too big for me to comfortably do treadmill for now, but if I manage to lose some fat tissue, they might be easier to strap down so that they don't give me crazy dysphoria.
 
Floater said:
I have assistance an hour after therapy, so I can just barely make it home in between, not a lot of time for self soothing. I think I'll use the visit to a) eat b) take Nera out c) pack my swimming stuff and ask the assistance person to drive me to the pool at the end of the visit.
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Anything soothing the assistance folks could help you with? Best of luck with therapy; looks like the anxiety for that could be part of the feeling tired and sad.
 
LaMaria said:
Anything soothing the assistance folks could help you with? Best of luck with therapy; looks like the anxiety for that could be part of the feeling tired and sad.
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Thanks! 🥰

I think the best way they can help is to make sure I'm fed, and that I make it to the pool. Preparing my body for transitioning is currently the only thing I feel I have any control over, and control = safety, which lessens anxiety.
 
I hope you have a good therapy session, Floater. Do you have a rapport with your therapist & feel they are helping you?
I think you are doing well in so many aspects of your life. I have certainly seen a change since you started your diary. You are looking after yourself so much better. I hope your day is not too exhausting & that you do something after therapy that makes you feel good about yourself :grouphug:
 
@Cate yeah my therapist is great. It's a shame I can only afford one visit per month, but I used to work twice per week with another good therapist from 2016-2019 when I got state support for it, so the groundwork is there. The current one is a guy, the last one was a lovely older woman, I find that talking about transitioning stuff to a man is maybe a bit easier because I can sort of mirror myself off him?

I couldn't sleep, realized I might be a bit low on carbs, and found 1dl of old popcorn kernels in the cupboard. Kettle popped them in sesame oil and seasoned with nutritional yeast, smoked salt, and smoked paprika. If I still can't sleep, I'll make a tuna omelette, but I feel myself getting drowsy from the carbs already. (Popcorn is really soothing to me for some reason. Especially kettle popped)
 
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