Floater's diary

liza said:
Good for you for reaching out for help, making your plan and taking it one step at a time.

Sending you a hug:grouphug:
Click to expand...
Thank you @ Liza! Sending you a hug right back :grouphug:

I did manage to go to the pool and water jogged for 60 mins. My skin is all red, pimpled and itchy now, but at least I got some movement in and I feel less panicky. In fact, I was thinking about past stuff and the nightmares I've been having recently, and how they relate to my transitioning. And maybe I left some of the pain in the pool. Maybe I'm just too tired to care too much about it. It beats waking up in cold sweat and thinking I'm on death's doorstep for sure.
 
Weird. I'm having super intense abdominal cramps, just like the last time I went water jogging. I wonder if something about the movement is irritating something, or the belt maybe?

EDIT: took a short walk with Nera to see if that would help. The pain is so intense that it makes me sweat and walking is slower than usual. Feels like knitting needles shoved into my pelvic area through the skin. I feel like I'm going to vomit. Today I have eaten a banana, 3 dl of the lentil bacon thing, and 4 dl of porridge with protein powder in it. I took out some rye bread to thaw in the hopes the nausea passes and I might be able to eat it. I think I just need to lie down and hope the pain will pass. I took a sleeping pill as they should act as a muscle relaxant, in case this is just cramping. (And yeah this kind of thing is not out of the ordinary to me, and no there has never been a physical explanation given to me, I had these pain episodes even as a kid. I think it's related to my hypermobility issues.)
 
Last edited:
It could be the tension in your lower abs when you lift your legs against the resistance of the water irritating something or you could be falling into lumbar lordosis when you pull your legs upward which can also cause pain. Or it could be something completely different, of course! I'm glad the exercise helped you feel better mentally and I hope the cramping stops asap.
 
Yay, the sleeping pill is either relaxing me or making me so dizzy I just don't care about the nausea and pain. I forced dow a can of tuna with mung bean sprouts, mushroom soy, and lime juice. May eat the four thawed and quickly drying slices of rye bread later either with avocado, cheese, or just marg depending on how tired I am. Might pass out long before, though
 
LaMaria said:
It could be the tension in your lower abs when you lift your legs against the resistance of the water irritating something
Click to expand...
Can an irritated psoas cause these sorts of issues? I'm too loopy from the med to explain it properly but I'll get back to it
 
All I can think of is yet another hug :grouphug:
Kudos to you for going to the pool & water jogging when your body felt like lead. I hope you feel better soon xoxo
 
Four slices of dry rye bread with cheese at 4AM. Woke up to walk Nera earlier. Feeling itchy and lonely and sad.
 
I managed to fall back asleep around 7AM and woke up at 10AM. I'm having two hard-boiled eggs, an avocado, and a toasted tortilla for breakfast. I think I'll read for a while and take the dog out for a long walk at around 2PM so I'll still catch some of the "light", if it can be generously called that, and then have lentil stew for lunch and take my short term ADHD med and hit the gym.

Now that the weather is getting colder and the temps see-saw between +3 and -3, my skin looks and feels like I'm a lizard person every time I have been swimming. It's not the look that bother me that much, but the god damn itch. Luckily I have a good moisturizer but even that only brings temporary relief...
 
If you're generally sensitive in that area I could see an irritated psoas causing period-like cramps. That's not a diagnosis though, just speculation. If it's always the left side it could even be an inflamed appendix. Speaking as someone with very dry skin: applying a layer of grease (something like vaseline: pure fat, not lotion) an hour or so before going swimming helps with the dryness/itching.
 
@LaMaria thanks, I'll try the grease trick next time!

And yeah I have plenty of pelvic/psoas issues especially during PTSD flareups (I have even had incontinence issues after especially stressful doctor/physio visits, because the muscles clench up that badly). The pain is evenly distributed and passed during the night, so I don't think it's the appendix.

I'm in the crapper mentally. Can't bring myself to eat lunch. I'll take the dog out, walk to the gym, go lowest possible effort, and treat myself to a beer and burger afterwards. I need to stay mobile or this panic will never pass
 
Sorry to hear you're still in the thick of it but kudos to you for putting one foot in front of the other regardless. This WILL pass :grouphug:
 
Thanks @LaMaria . I had a Whopper before gym so I wouldn't pass out, the workout itself was pure unadulterated bullshit and I was angry as a badger. But; even a bad workout is better than no workout. I'm at the optician fixing my glasses _again_ and waiting eagerly for a wheat beer and a nap...
 
Great! When I was in the supermarket looking for my wheat beer treat, I noticed they had rotisserie chickens on sale for 4,99 so of course I got one and ate the wings and legs as soon as I got home. (Nera got some of the leaner flesh.) After that we headed for a walk on the fields, and I kept thinking about Tarkovsky's "Stalker" I watched during the weekend and how much it resonated with me and how funny it is that Nera looks so much like the dog in that movie.

My glasses fit much better now and I think I'll just watch something on YT until I get hungry enough to eat lentil stew. I need to give my fridge a quick wipe down on one of the shelves, there's some lentil stew I seem to have spilled on it, ew! But other than that, the apartment is clean, dog is happy and cared for, I'm tired but VERY proud of myself that I made it to the gym. It means a lot to me to be at the point where I go even when I don't have motivation to. Us autistics often struggle to build routines, but once they are there, they are relatively easy to keep up (as long as they are realistic to our expendable energy levels).

I really like my buzzed left side with my messy high bun. I kind of want to shave the other side too... I like how the shorn side shows off my natural ashy blonde, and makes my rainbow vomit of years and years of shock dyes in the long portion look much more tolerable. My neckline also looks so much better on the buzzed side. If decades of nightmares and bruxism have any upside, it's that I have pretty impressive jaw muscles for a person assigned female at birth lol. (And of course it would be cheaper to bleach the hair with two buzzed sides...?)
 
Floater said:
I really like my buzzed left side with my messy high bun. I kind of want to shave the other side too...
Click to expand...
I currently have the right side at 3 mm and was literally talking to my hairdresser on Monday how I was considering having her shave the left as well but leave the top so i could have a man bun :rotflmao: Great job getting to the gym!
 
LaMaria said:
I currently have the right side at 3 mm and was literally talking to my hairdresser on Monday how I was considering having her shave the left as well but leave the top so i could have a man bun :rotflmao: Great job getting to the gym!
Click to expand...
Man buns are so easy to maintain, they dry quickly, are cool, and look so good. Go for it! We'll be bun buddies :D :D
 
Yay! I noticed that my skin was flaking and itchy still, so I mixed fine sugar and sesame oil and gave myself a nice scrub (and moisturized very well afterward with a normal body lotion).

Dishwasher is running, Nera has been tended to, I might need to eat something later tonight. But I already brushed my teeth, so if I fall asleep, that's going to be fine, too.

I had a rest day scheduled for tomorrow but because gym today was, uh, nominal, I might hit the pool if it doesn't feel like too much.
 
I woke up at 6am to walk the dog, and now at 10.30 to do that again. Feeling hungry, great! I think I'll have another bowl of noodles with avocado, edamame, marinated egg, and grilled chicken for breakfast. But I'll first lounge about just a little bit more and listen to the rain drumming on the windows...

My skin still feels great after the sugar and oil scrub, yay. I'll decide later if I want to go water jogging. The pool is open until 8PM, so I'll listen to my body and decide based on that.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top