Floater's diary

My meals today have been a bit of a mess - rye bread, sausage, and blue cheese in varying combinations. I just made my first proper meal of the day, a bean and vegetable soup with sausage, it's simmering on the stove. Today was a pretty good day in general, if not stellar food-wise.
 
I'm glad you had a "pretty good day". That soup will improve your nutrition, but meanwhile you got through xo
 
Thank you @Cate and @LaMaria!

Yayy, benefits day is the day after tomorrow, I have food, I still have a bit of money left to buy myself a treat if I feel like that, and I'll get back to the gym tomorrow or the day after depending on how I feel. The exhaustion/depression dump seems to be cleared for now!

I have noticed this before and talked about this with the assistance person yesterday - she said that some people, especially autistics, have such a low baseline of expendable energy that during times of high activity (like I had in June to middle of July) they kind of live "on a loan" and burn more energy than they can get back through rest. Then eventually it's time so stop, rest and recover, and then get back to doing things that feel good and be more active.

It felt good to hear that it's "normal" for folks like me, and I'm sure for some neurotypicals too. I envy people who can keep an equilibrium of spending energy and replenishing it through rest, but after all, weight lifting especially is a very forgiving sport when it comes to having an internal need for these cycles. I can also feel the difference in my body now that it's well rested - lower heart rate, no weird aches and pains, and better appetite.

I'm looking forward to getting to the gym and getting in touch with my body again, I'm starting to feel a bit "soft" and dysphoric. But not in a way I couldn't tolerate, just in a way that motivates me to get back to the gym. :)
 
LaMaria said:
Awesome! If this does turn out to be a cyclical thing that would be information you could work with.
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It very much is. I have been this way since I remember. And it's not just about mental exhaustion, after over exerting myself I can get really sick if I fail to rest. This is just the first time I have gotten outside validation/confirmation to this experience, so it's huge for me.

I'm going for a short walk and taking out the trash now, and then I'm going to change my sheets and do laundry. I ate the rest of yesterday's soup and added a bit of pasta in it, it was good. I'll clean the fridge tonight - it's easy now that it's almost empty haha.
 
Knowing that something comes & goes helps me cope much better. That's good that you will have some money left over for treats :)
 
I can relate a lot to the energy thing Floater. When I do too much (and my 'too much' is much less than most people's) my anxiety can get really bad, really fast. Over time i am learning my patterns and can kind of work around them a lot, or at least when the bad times hit I can recognize how and why they hit.
Floater said:
This is just the first time I have gotten outside validation/confirmation to this experience, so it's huge for me.
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That really does help doesn't it? I know it does me too.

Anyways I am glad this wave of exhaustion and depression seems to have passed and that you're feeling ready to get back to the gym!
 
liza said:
I can relate a lot to the energy thing Floater. When I do too much (and my 'too much' is much less than most people's)
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This, only with non-physical things. I can feel when I need a rest from hiking no problem but needing rest from social stuff and such will just knock me out unannounced.
 
It seems that something went awry during the overhaul, and I can't log in as Floater ;__; So annoying. I have no idea how and why my username is "Floater1" now, and how come I'm still listed as a well known member, but "a rose by any other name" et cetera.

I'm struggling mentally. Let's hope I'll get back up
 
Mine changed to Cate1, but that is going to be changed back. I’ll ask about yours xo
Hang in there. Hope you feel better tomorrow!
 
I noticed Cate and Liza changing to +1. Has mine changed as well? It looks normal to me. Sorry to hear you're still struggling though.
 
I was wondering about the 1's being added too! I wonder when Liza2 wil show up...:unsure:
Hope you are feeling better soon Floater.
 
Thanks Liza!

I just had a bowl of plantain and soy "knots" (yuba) in tomato sauce with plenty of cilantro. A bit too sweet for my tastes - I prefer green plantain and this one had been sitting on my countertop for a while - but nutritious. I'm hanging on to my sanity, so making an actual meal is an achievement. The weather feels like October - the street lights were on during the day, and as they operate on light level sensors, that gives you an idea of how grey and nasty it has been. But today will pass. Tomorrow might already be better.
 
Thanks LaMa! I managed to eat another decent meal: rice noodles, soy sausage, soy knots, mushrooms and cabbage in vegan pho style stock, 3 mochi, and a cup of sweetened matcha (I got some for cheap from the asian grocery).

I hope for a nightmareless night
 
I hope you get a restful night, Floater & I'm glad you're hanging on to your sanity. Good for you eating well xo
 
Hope you're soundly asleep right now. What are the soy knots you mentioned?
 
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