I was a very spiteful child.I mean it was for good reason, and in a reasonable amount spite can be a source of strength, but I was a campy queen even back then.
I knew saving this would be a good idea Floater's diary
- Thread starter Floater
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I knew saving this would be a good idea 
Cate
Long term member
Haha. I hadn't imagined this being you, LaMa, but then you probably hadn't imagined it being me either. I wonder if Em has seen it yet? I had been dying to use it but was hoping that it wouldn't be taken the wrong way.I knew saving this would be a good idea
I have been reading your diary Floater. I always do. I have been having weird dreams lately, but they're not in the same dimension.
Have a good weekend. Any plans?
Floater
Well-known member
Not really; survive, enjoy stuff if I can. And dreams often come vague, still just as important. I only share the amusing ones.
Take care Cate, I'm hirrible at replying in this moment. <3
Floater
Well-known member
Sigh. I had to cancel therapy because I'm sick. Not like corona sick, but exhaustion sick with cold shivers, swollen lymph nodes, and such. The lymph nodes swell up yesterday already, I'll have to remember to respect that as a sign of needing to take it easy in order to not get sicker.
Luckily my therapist gave me a new appointment next week so I won't have to wait for too long.
Floater
Well-known member
Thank you! The assistance came over and they know now, their next visit is tomorrow.
I just had a breakfast of four slices of dried rye bread bruschetta with extra walnut oil and smoke salt, dipped in barbeque cream cheese. A grease bomb for sure, but that was what my body was craving so that's what I had. I think it maybe felt like needing the extra energy?
I'll have some eggs later and make a batch of bean tomato soup, soup is so good when feeling sick. Just hung up my washed gym clothes and about to have a nap.
Floater
Well-known member
I had to change the sheets anyway, so I also re-organized my hanging pots so that they'll get the best possible lighting conditions and that I'll have a comfortable place to recover. When I sit on the bed on my laptop, I feel like the plants hide me from sight but I see everything. Feels nice. It took a lot of energy though so I think I'll just watch Z Nation and doze off. (The assistant who came over today really likes me and I her, and she had started to watch it based on my recommendation/fandom. She liked it.)
Bonus pic of my dog's back because she look like a gargoyle, very watchful.
Bonus pic of my dog's back because she look like a gargoyle, very watchful.
Floater
Well-known member
Last night I had some beers before bed, a bowl of soup, a slice of Viennetta ice cream cake and two Nutella cookie sticks. I was still after that so I had 170-ish grams of Turkish yogurt (dog got a heaping spoonful as a treat). Slept very well, assistance came over at 10, we walked the dog and talked and I did laundry. Then I had 150g of guac with sunflower seeds went back to sleep for a bit.
After I woke up from my nap, I checked my money situation and it was better than expected. I should buy more sunblock and a body lotion, the constant sweating irritates my skin a lot. The dog needs a refill of her eye meds soon... I won't buy anything at all today though, I need to make some mental planning and I need the rest anyway. I've been overexerting my body in this heat, my lymph nodes are still all swollen.
I'm having yesterday's tomato soup and I added a small can of tuna in it for a bit of extra protein and variety. I've never put canned tuna in a soup before, but it's actually pretty nice.
After I woke up from my nap, I checked my money situation and it was better than expected. I should buy more sunblock and a body lotion, the constant sweating irritates my skin a lot. The dog needs a refill of her eye meds soon... I won't buy anything at all today though, I need to make some mental planning and I need the rest anyway. I've been overexerting my body in this heat, my lymph nodes are still all swollen.
I'm having yesterday's tomato soup and I added a small can of tuna in it for a bit of extra protein and variety. I've never put canned tuna in a soup before, but it's actually pretty nice.
Floater
Well-known member
I'm having a full blown anxiety attack about scenarios where the metal bedframe breaks under the weight of the flowerpots and I get impaled/disfigured by a metal rod, or worse even, one hits my dog and it would be all my fault. Sure, the rod from which the aurantium is hanging from is only attached at both ends by a screw that has a diameter of maybe 2mm, but considering what all is being held together by screws, is it likely that the bed will break? No. Do I still worry? Yes.
I should eat but have absolutely no appetite. I guess it's time for more bruschetta, then. I feel stuck in the mindset and fears of a child. I'm ashamed to admit that I even called my mom to ask about the bedframe thing, as if she could somehow know whether it's a plausible risk or not, I just... Regressed for a bit I guess?
I should eat but have absolutely no appetite. I guess it's time for more bruschetta, then. I feel stuck in the mindset and fears of a child. I'm ashamed to admit that I even called my mom to ask about the bedframe thing, as if she could somehow know whether it's a plausible risk or not, I just... Regressed for a bit I guess?
Floater
Well-known member
I was making myself rye bread bruschetta and cream cheese when had a food related flashback. I went vegan at 14 and my parents refused to give me grocery money or help me make my own food, so I had to teach myself to cook. Because I went to school and played the violin and was often out of the house from 7 in the morning to 8 in the evening, I was often too tired to do anything else than bruschetta. Not that this level of neglect was anything uncommon - I remember being 8 and mom being too tired to cook for me, so I tried to fry some beef mince on the pan and burnt it and she yelled at me. I wonder if these things still subconsciously affect my relationship with food.
And just like with the bed frame thing... I'm anxious about stupid things because as a child, I had to beware real dangers like my loony brother and impulsive mother. Just like in the zombie movies I've talked about these past days, I had to have eyes in the back of my head to avoid getting into trouble and I still often did.
I'm feeling really out of it. But at least I'm eating.
And just like with the bed frame thing... I'm anxious about stupid things because as a child, I had to beware real dangers like my loony brother and impulsive mother. Just like in the zombie movies I've talked about these past days, I had to have eyes in the back of my head to avoid getting into trouble and I still often did.
I'm feeling really out of it. But at least I'm eating.
Floater
Well-known member
I had a slice of Viennetta. One more slice left in the package - great portion control if I may say so myself. Then again, sweet treats were never really my downfall, I'm a beer and brisket kind of person.
The intrusive thoughts are absolutely refusing to go away. I did manage to get the dishwasher going. I might have to make another McGyver safety thing to be able to sleep tonight. I just took antihistamine in the hopes it's going to tire me out so I could sleep. But - after a day of basically just resting, my body feels OK again. The swollen glands have returned to normal. I'll have to contemplate between gym tomorrow and taking an extra day to rest.
The intrusive thoughts are absolutely refusing to go away. I did manage to get the dishwasher going. I might have to make another McGyver safety thing to be able to sleep tonight. I just took antihistamine in the hopes it's going to tire me out so I could sleep. But - after a day of basically just resting, my body feels OK again. The swollen glands have returned to normal. I'll have to contemplate between gym tomorrow and taking an extra day to rest.
Floater
Well-known member
Thank you <3
I took the dog out and had a shower. Then I had two overeasy eggs with chickpeas, corn and peas, and a plate of carrots, red bell pepper and celery with a chunk of blue cheese... Yum. I'll wait for a while to see if I still need something else on top of that.
I think I'll have the rest of the blue cheese with raw veggies and dates for breakfast tomorrow. I need to go grocery shopping, as I'm out of tomatoes, eggs and cheese. I'm also craving chicken, it's been a while since I have had it. And I need more tuna, too.
Today ended up being pretty good food-wise. Plenty of fresh veg. Not sure about the adequacy of my protein intake. A possible late night snack could be soy yogurt + protein powder + dates + cinnamon.
Floater
Well-known member
I didn't end up eating more last night, which is good when considering the beers I had the night before and my weekly kcal intake. I just also didn't feel hungry. Did my usual thing again and slept until 8AM, took care of the dog, then slept until early afternoon. The heat is relentless but at least today is windy too.
Breakfast: 200g of Turkish yogurt. I took my ADHD meds because I will have to make it to the grocery store today. I'll go to the gym tomorrow unless I get the "drive" in the evening - my body still feels a bit odd although the lymph nodes have calmed down. Walking to the supermarket will give me a general idea whether I'm good for the gym or not.
Dysphoria is kind of intense today.
Breakfast: 200g of Turkish yogurt. I took my ADHD meds because I will have to make it to the grocery store today. I'll go to the gym tomorrow unless I get the "drive" in the evening - my body still feels a bit odd although the lymph nodes have calmed down. Walking to the supermarket will give me a general idea whether I'm good for the gym or not.
Dysphoria is kind of intense today.
Floater
Well-known member
I made it to the supermarket and back. Bought what I planned to buy, no fresh chicken though because I was worried it wouldn't keep during the trip back home. I also got two discount grilled chicken legs for tomorrow (I figured that as they were cooked and salty, they would last the trip) and some discount pork ribs. I tried to eat the ribs and got some down but, no way I have proper appetite in this heat. I picked the meat from the bones and fat and put it in the fridge to give to the dog over the next days (portion control is important, as it's quite salty).
Tomorrow should be a welcome break to feeling like shit. I'm meeting an old friend and going for a hike with her and the dog in the evening in the teeny tiny nature reserve I've mentioned before (Kalkkikallio). I think Nera the dog will like seeing her old roaming grounds again.
Oh well, even a handful of greasy frilled pork is so dense in calories that I feel better after eating it. I'll hit the veg and fruit department of my freezer later tonight when it gets cooler.
Tomorrow should be a welcome break to feeling like shit. I'm meeting an old friend and going for a hike with her and the dog in the evening in the teeny tiny nature reserve I've mentioned before (Kalkkikallio). I think Nera the dog will like seeing her old roaming grounds again.
Oh well, even a handful of greasy frilled pork is so dense in calories that I feel better after eating it. I'll hit the veg and fruit department of my freezer later tonight when it gets cooler.