Floater's diary

Floater said:
ADHDers have lower levels of dopamine, and stimulants increase the dopamine levels. So I think one possible reason for me having simpler taste while medicated is because I don't need the "extra kick" from foods that cause dopamine peaks due to evolutionary drive to eat calorie rich foods?
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That's super interesting, thanks for explaining.
Floater said:
Looking HUGE and feeling swollen because of the beans I had earlier, but whatever.
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And
Floater said:
realized that I haven't probably eaten enough yesterday. It was definitely the right decision, I feel much better.
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Isn't it weird how our bodies/brains mess with us?
Interesting about your change in perspective on the assisted living facility. I assume part of that is you feeling better and more able to take care of yourself. Help and dependance often seem to be a zero sum game and it would make sense that your comfort level with the balance between the two should shift as your needs change. Do you need to decide soon or can you just wait and see for a week or two to see if the feeling stays?
 
LaMaria said:
Interesting about your change in perspective on the assisted living facility. I assume part of that is you feeling better and more able to take care of yourself. Help and dependance often seem to be a zero sum game and it would make sense that your comfort level with the balance between the two should shift as your needs change. Do you need to decide soon or can you just wait and see for a week or two to see if the feeling stays?
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Definitely. I think I'm more willing and able to stand my ground after finding the courage to decide to transition. And indeed, it's not like I don't need _any_ assistance, but I'd much rather keep going like this (coaches/assistants coming over to visit me instead of me living over there). The decision is not urgent by any means, I think my sense of urgency is internal, as in I want to quit going back and forth about the issue, find out what I want to do, and stick to it. And as living at an assisted living facility may cause problems for my transition timeline/ mental health evaluations, that's a big deterrent. I might have to write down a good old pros and cons list.

And yeah no problem about the meds thing, and also a good point about dealing with body/mind disconnect. I should keep in mind that eating smaller portions regularly makes me bloat so I look bigger, but just by looking at what I've eaten and how active I've been, it's a physical impossibility for my weight to not go down over time. I should be mindful of not restricting to the point of exhaustion and plateauing. That's what happened to me during last midsummer... And after all, it's better for me to begin the trans clinic evaluation process in good physical and mental health, versus at the goal weight (which may never even get brought up, it's just the worst case scenario) and insane from hunger and sleep deprivation.

Lunch: two slices of rye bread with marg, smoked salt and vegan patee, two tomatoes, 2 dl of frozen peas, 2 dl of soy yogurt with soy protein and agave syrup.
 
Sigh. I feel super anxious and need something to do. I think I'll wait a couple of hours for the sun to go lower, then slap on a thick layer of sunscreen, and hike to a nearby lake (after taking my dog for a shorter walk, first; it's too hot outside to make her walk 5km to the lake, around it, and then back again). I have never walked there before, but it's a public beach as well so I think that even if I'm not going to swim today, it's a good idea to teach myself the route there so if I ever feel like swimming despite dysphoria, I can just drag my arse there and get to it.

I also have two post packages to pick up but I think I'll leave that for tomorrow.
 
Floater said:
I have never walked there before, but it's a public beach as well so I think that even if I'm not going to swim today, it's a good idea to teach myself the route there so if I ever feel like swimming despite dysphoria, I can just drag my arse there and get to it.
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Baby steps make Mount Impossible climbable. I hope you enjoy the walk.
 
I just got back from the lake hike! I got lost on my way there and wandered around the area for a while before finding the lake, it was really pretty and still fairly crowded at 10PM. I had two slices of rye bread with marg during the walk, and bought an energy drink (250 kcal) from the gas station on my way back, as well as some blue cheese on discount. My feet are absolutely killing me - most of the walk was on concrete, and my feet really hate that - but it was a fun walk nevertheless. I think I'll add this route to my fitness routine.

I just had a shower and put the laundry machine on. I went through my fridge and noticed my potatoes are starting to push roots - it's so and so whether they are still safe to eat, they definitely don't have many more days left to them - so potatoes it is; I'll have the rest of the beans with them, and some blue cheese and red bell peppers for dessert. I'll probably need to have something else before bed too, maybe an omelette and rye bread or something?

Gym day tomorrow!
 
BTW, the philosophy that seems to really work for me is that every step and every workout counts. Also, late night workouts seem to suit me best. I'm a night owl anyway and my anxiety levels are often at their lowest towards the evening, also there are less people around so my dysphoria doesn't bother me as much (I can sort of focus on the feeling that I'm a man, instead of thinking about how other people perceive me).
 
Floater said:
I went through my fridge and noticed my potatoes are starting to push roots - it's so and so whether they are still safe to eat, they definitely don't have many more days left to them - so potatoes it is; I'll have the rest of the beans with them, and some blue cheese and red bell peppers for dessert. I'll probably need to have something else before bed too, maybe an omelette and rye bread or something?
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Holy moley, the gas station blue cheese (Castillo brand) tasted like absolute heaven. It's been a while since I've had blue cheese, I love the punch of ammonia i it :D

My protein intake has probably been a bit too low today. I would love to just dig into the blue cheese to be honest, but rationally I know that eggs are a better option in this situation. I can have a bit more of the cheese with another slice of bread and some raw celery sticks as dessert after I get back home from walking the dog. I'll have to buy more eggs and soy yogurt tomorrow.
 
Yup, hunger hit almost immediately after I got back from walking the dog. My last meal of the day consists of a two-egg omelette with hot sauce and tomato paste, two tomatoes and two celery stalks cut up into snackable form, a slice of rye bread, and blue cheese. I already had the omelette and will now pamper myself with YouTube and the rest of the goodies.
 
I absolutely love the blue Castello cheese & have to ration it as well. You're getting lots of exercise at the moment. No wonder you're hungry. Your food does sound very healthy.
 
Blue cheese and celery go great together! Ideally with some grapes and nuts... *salivates*
I'm not a night owl by any stretch but I do love empty gyms!
 
The doggy woke me up at 9 and demanded a walk - I was limping around half asleep (my ankles are so sore and loose that it feels like my feet are attached by string), took a painkiller afterwards, and went back to sleep. I just woke up and I'm SO TIRED. (Poor tolerance to physical strain is typical for Ehlers Danlos.) I'll have to listen to my body about gym today!

Breakfast: one slice of rye bread (I have no appetite but had to eat something to get my meds down)
 
LaMaria said:
One slice of bread is better than no food at all. Speedy recovery!
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Indeed! And: once the meds started to take effect, I prepped a big batch of black bean, edamame and pea mix to have over the next days, and had a lunch of one slice of rye bread with a fried egg on top, 2dl of the bean mix, as well as a sweet red bell pepper, celery sticks and the rest of the blue cheese which I'll have for dessert after my coffee. My body is demanding food, and it feels so great to have hunger/satiety cues!

After eating, I'll slap on some sunscreen, walk the dog, and get the post packages I mentioned earlier. They are scattered all over the area, so that'll make for a decent walk. And if I feel like it's safe for my body to go to the gym in the evening, I'll do that. The walk should help me evaluate whether I've put too much strain in my joints and ligaments or not.
 
My errand run between the two posts ended up taking 1,5 hours in sweltering heat; I'm not completely exhausted, but I think I'll be better off going to the gym tomorrow instead. I had a 270 kcal ice cream cone while walking, and got eggs, carrots and sweet red peppers as well. If I have the energy, I might take my recyclables to my usual corner store and buy soy yogurt from there, but we'll see.
 
Took my recyclables to the grocery, bought soy yogurt, celery, shredded cheese for my beans and potatoes, cheap store brand blue cheese (it's so hot outside that I need to hype myself to eat somehow), and two 500 ml 5% Pale Ales. I'm now set, food-wise, for three or four days I think with what I have in my fridge, freezer and cupboards.
 
I'm glad you made the decision to hold off going to the gym. While I'm not a big fan of Winter, just hearing about the heat is almost enough to have me enjoy our Winter a little bit more. It's great that you are now well stocked for the next few days.
 
Cate said:
I'm glad you made the decision to hold off going to the gym. While I'm not a big fan of Winter, just hearing about the heat is almost enough to have me enjoy our Winter a little bit more. It's great that you are now well stocked for the next few days.
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Thank you Cate. I felt like a loser for a while for not going, but I just walked my dog and it was exhausting, and I'm almost too tired to eat...!! I had the aforementioned two beers while watching YouTube videos and nodding off from the heat and general tiredness, so that delayed my hunger too, but I'm determined to make myself a meal of beans, potatoes, and cheese before bed. I need to get some good carbs, protein, and fat into my system so I can CRUSH IT at the gym tomorrow!

But: my ankles feel much better after resting. So today was the best I could do for my fitness goals. That's a very happy thing to realize.
 
I really don't like hearing that anyone would feel like a loser for not going to the gym. I think there is too much pressure on everyone to have this sculpted unrealistic body. What is wrong with walking or any other gentle exercise & eating healthily? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Keep taking good care of yourself & eating well.
Floater said:
I need to get some good carbs, protein, and fat into my system
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That sounds like a good plan. Hope you sleep well :grouphug:
 
Cate said:
I really don't like hearing that anyone would feel like a loser for not going to the gym. I think there is too much pressure on everyone to have this sculpted unrealistic body.
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Very true. I think my gender dysphoria made me be too harsh on myself.

On a happier note: I just had a bowl of potatoes, beans and shredded cheese. I'll make myself a small plate of celery, red peppers, carrots and blue cheese and snack on that before bedtime while watching nonsense on Youtube to relax.
 
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