Floater's diary

Heading to the gym. Mental health pretty awful. Decided to bribe myself with fries if I get to the gym and immediately felt a little bit more motivated haha.
 
Nope, made it out the door and felt way too sick for the gym. Gentle forest walk, shower, and sleep instead
 
Fuck yes made it to the gym anyway. GVT bent over rows 10x10 30kg, and DB chest flys 7kg. Gonna focus on upping the chest fly intensity next week, and maybe 32,5kg in the rows?
 
size32someday said:
great job making it to the gym. you will sleep better tonight after a full workout.
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Yup, I slept like a log :3

Today´s cleanup day, I´ll start with deep cleaning the chinchilla cages and vacuuming, but if I have the energy I might also wash the floors and the bathroom. Temps are finally starting to drop outside so if I´m gonna wash the windows before winter it ought to be done now. It would be good cardio but I also know it´s likely gonna trigger migraines because of the posture and the draft so... We´ll see.

Tomorrow is gonna be exhausting. I´ll have therapy in the morning, then my fertility doc will call me about bloodwork (the home ovulation tests just don´t yield any readings for me) and finally the employability evals clinic doctor as well.
 
OK change of plans. I have anxiety so bad that I can´t clean up right now (takes too much executive function). So I´m gonna walk to the city center instead and have a burger and hit the gym. It´s deadlift day today so there´s gonna be axial fatigue so I´ll probably have a nap after, then clean up when the boys wake up towards the evening.
 
Deadlifted 10x10 35kg, was able to keep the techniqur perfect from start to finish but still fatigued enough that I had to rest on my knees between sets. Front raises 10x10 4 kg and same thing, right elbow got a tiny bit irritated so 5 would not have been safe.

Right now I´m feeling awful both mentally and physically. But it will pass
 
size32someday said:
way to push through with your exercises when you dont feel well.
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Thank you 💐

Waiting for therapy to start. I was too tired last night to clean the chinchilla cages but I'll do it today. No gym today but a nice forest walk, maybe swimming pool? Cage cleaning is dusty business, so a swim could be refreshing.

Watched old videos of my dog and cried last night. It was interesting to see how much my arms and even hands have changed in 1,5 years of regular lifting!
 
My fertility doc will call me tomorrow (she was busy today) but we´ll talk about testing if I possibly have CAH, congenital adrenal hyperplasia, which honestly would make so much fucking sense.
 
YES!! Finally found a running shoe that fits well enough to keep. A runner friend approved the insole fit as well. Asics Noosa Tri in size 40,5/7/9. The color is a lot, safety yellow with apricot and matcha green, but aesthetics are not the primary concern in running shoes.

I need to clean the chinny cages but I´ll go for a lil walk wearing these and maybe for a run in the evening when I´m done cleaning up
 
size32someday said:
dont chinchilla's make a unique sound. if I remember correctly a friend had 2 of them and they were a bit noisy compared to other animals.
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yes, they have a wide variety of noises and often they don´t even sound like rodents at all but more like birds haha. They sound like tiny ducks when they alarm call or have nightmares, and they sound like pigeons when they are happy and exploring. Timo sometimes screams to get my attention, the first couple times he did it I was scared he had been hurt! But he was just being lonely.

I don´t mind the noise, and I sleep in the same room as them. For me it´s less awful to suffer from insomnia with some nature sounds in the background, and on the other hand the normal chinchilla noises don´t keep me awake if I´m relaxed. I have woken up a couple of times to them throwing toys or dropping a food bowl (they like to drop things like cats do), but it´s well worth the joy of having them for company.
 
Yesterday I had to deal with some emotionally taxing stuff so I had a second rest day in a row, but I feel like it was good for me especially as I did two days of GVT in a row before that. I also ate a pack of lemon cookies and a pack of Filipinos in the course of the evening, so this wasn´t exactly the best choice ever, but I´ll probably be a beast at the gym today because of it lol. I haven´t taken the new running shoes out for a run yet. Perhaps today despite the weather being rainy and gloomy?

I´ve found an OK convenience option for when I´m on low spoons and can´t cook: a vegetarian lasagna with 390kcal per serving and 12,9g of protein.

Oh and about combining running and weight lifting. I have a bit of a mental blockage around knowing that running before weight lifting is gonna affect the lifting, and possibly cost me a bit of muscle mass, but I need to remember that I can always tweak the details once I have made running into as much of a natural routine as weight lifting is. Even if I lose some muscle mass, I can build it back up. But I can´t become a better runner without running.
 
IDK what´s wrong with me but I feel like I´ve been hit on the head with a brick. Heading out - if I feel too unwell for the gym, at least I´ll get some walking done
 
I feel mentally and physically wiped and have zero motivation to go to the gym. I went to eat at a burger place, I really hope I´ll start menstruating soon because I feel very swollen and uncomfortable and I want these fast food/junk food cravings GONE.
 
size32someday said:
one day of cheating shouldn't be bad I would worry if it was everyday. I think our weight is affected by our entire week not one day.
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Thank you for the encouragement!

I need to go grocery shopping. I´m also out of coffee and it feels HARD to start my day without my morning brew. Today I´m taking care of bills and postage stuff and today I will also hit the gym whether I feel like it or not haha. Both body and face are very swollen from the junk food yesterday and I had a cry fest thinking about my dog Nera whom I euthanized back in 2022 to save her from suffering from a tumor. Yesterday I was tortured by thoughts that I did it too soon and maybe the tumor could have been operated, but she was 12 and had already struggled to recover from a tooth extraction so after talking to a couple of vets and a lot of friends over the week after the tumor was found, I gave her another week of pampering with steak and wieners and all the things she liked to do, and then she was euthanized at home on Valentine´s day.

Yesterday I was crying out of the fear that she understood she would die and wondered if she felt betrayed by me. I had a hard time reconnecting with the facts, that she was showing subtle but fairly constant signs of pain like drinking in excess and wanted to turn home early from walkies. She was also restless at night and switched positions often. She could still enjoy life and she got to meet people who had been important to her and she got to slip away in her favorite sleeping spot. I still feel like a murdered for having had to do it.

I am probably going to start menstruating soon because I had two nights of crying before my last menstruation as well.
 
Migraine hit today with bad enough force that I´ve had to take the spray twice. Gym may not be a smart decision but I want to get some walking done at least. I´ll go see how I feel and if I feel sick at the gym at all, I´ll just go home.
 
I made it to the gym - GVT first 3 sets of lat pulldown with 35kg, 6 with 30, the last with 32,5kg.
Incline bench press first 3 sets 22,5kg, the rest with 20kg.

I felt off but that makes sense with approaching menstruation. It´s really messing with me.
 
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