Floater's diary

size32someday said:
running with dumbbells seems very difficult. it should build some strength I would imagine.
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For anything up from 2kg, I just hold them down by my sides, like doing a farmer´s walk but running. Engages the core. 1-2kg is doable holding them like a baton but 2kg gets pretty heavy that way after a couple of mins haha.

Today I did GVT deadlifts and I only used 30kg because I could tell that taking up running is challenging my body. I finished the 10x10 but the last two sets were mentally were uncomfortable despite the light load. I did 10x10 db front raises with 3kg and IDK, maybe should have used a slightly bigger weight... Then I did some treadmill stuff for a bit.

I got super exhausted after the workout to the point where it tanked my mood really badly and I had some heart palpitations when I got home. It subsided when I had a big meal but sometimes workouts with a lot of strain to the spine - causing axial fatigue - leave me feeling like I´ll cry. That happened today. Interestingly when I was doing maximum strength in the summer I didn´t get this wiped, but the GVT is ROUGH. Max strength leaves me tired in a slightly different way. Buuut it´s now about four hours since I got home and my mood is picking up again so rest definitely helps. Hopefully I´ll sleep well tonight!
 
Haha I love how whenever I start doing something new fitness-wise, there´s usually a visual impact on my body in just a couple of days. My bloating´s gone and because my abs/core has gotten a new type of stimulus, my waist looks much firmer now. I know these kinds of things are always in flux but that won´t stop me from enjoying them.

Oh and today´s rest day
 
Very tired after a badly slept night. Psychotherapy was good. Lunch was not the healthiest - glizzies, potato casserole, hard-boiled egg, and some white chocolate cashews. However, I'll hit the gym in the evening , so I'd rather be well fueled with not so ideal food than not fueled and underperform.
 
I was super exhausted but hit the gym anyway. Incline bench presses went with no issues but I had to wait for the lat pulldown machine to be free and I ran for a bit before doing my lats and I had to quit on my fifth set. All in all still happy that I went.

The hunt for running shoes still continues. I think that Asics Noosa Tri 16 in size 41,5 was the best one I´ve tried so far. I can´t really understand shoe sizing. In Merrells I´m 38 and I wear size 39 flip flops. The Asics were canoes in size 42. 41,5 was very roomy but the anatomy of the shoe AKA where the ball of the foot should sit was pretty much perfect. So much so that I may just end up buying them anyway. In my experience sports stores don´t guarantee a good shoe buy. They tend to pressure clients to buy. Although I´m sure there are reputable stores and clerks out there but... Yeah.

Today I´ve eaten junky shit mostly. Sucks but therapy days often leave me so low on spoons that I´m drawn to not so stellar choices. It´s OK as long as it´s one day every now and then.
 
Im glad your workout was good. I would only buy the shoes if you like them. if they are canoes its going to stick out and annoy you every time you look down.
 
size32someday said:
Im glad your workout was good. I would only buy the shoes if you like them. if they are canoes its going to stick out and annoy you every time you look down.
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yeah and shoes that are too big will also rub and cause a tripping hazard, and when running can cause the movements to be unhealthy!
I returned the too big ones
 
size32someday said:
Im glad you returned the ones that didn't fit. better than throwing them off to the side and not wearing them.
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Yeah I was referring to the size 41.5 as the ones I might buy, not the 42. I realize my post read as super vague.

Today´s been OK. I´m very tired though. Got myself a rotisserie chicken and cleaned it, got 5 portions out of the one chicken which is nice.
 
size32someday said:
In the US rotisserie chicken is a great deal. they cost less then a raw chicken plus all the work is done,
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Same here in Finland. 500g of raw chicken breast costs around 8e and a whole rotisserie chicken costs 10e.

I slept relatively well but I´ve had super bad anxiety today. :/ Gonna pay a bill and go for a walk. Gym night tonight. I feel panicky and like I don´t want to go outside at all, but I know from experience that movement is the only thing that helps when I feel like this.
 
I wonder if my tanking mood is due to increased physical activity which had led to a bigger kcal deficit than expected. Many of the weird symptoms I have, like random sweats, a feeling of low blood sugar (I don´t have diabetes) and panic attacks are things I tend to experience when in too big of a deficit.

A Finnish nutritionist had an interesting idea about how to raise children to have a healthy relationship to treat foods. It was to offer everyone in the family, kids and adults alike, a treat the size of their palm after dinner each day. Importantly, adults have to stick to this also when kids aren´t watching; no late night secret snacks etc. And the snacks didn´t have to be sugary, they could be chips or cheese or whatever. I kinda like the idea. I can see how it could teach a kid that treats are just food so there´s no need to have a big emotional THING around them.

Anyway. Had four Lindt pralines after dinner myself. IDK if I can make it to the gym tonight but I do hope so. I just feel overwhelmed at the moment. I hope my depression isn´t sneaking back.

I´m experiencing quite a high level of dissociation. In this moment it is very difficult for me to connect to the hopefulness I experienced in thesummer and how decisive I was about trying to have a child by myself. I also feel like dreams are leaking into reality and vice versa and it´s quite uncanny.
 
I´ve been emotionally eating for the past month or so which isn´t ideal. BUT, my weight is stable at 87 kg. It´s 7kg more than what I´m comfortable with, but hey, 7kg is something I can definitely work with without having to worry about lose skin and stuff like that. And because the weight hasn´t skyrocketed, my emotional eating hasn´t been way off the charts.

Today I´m gonna go take a bioimpedance reading and I really really don´t want to. But I gotta get back on the wagon. I have eaten today so the reading isn´t gonna be accurate but I´m happy with getting a rough idea of where mt body fat % and muscle mass have deviated over the summer.

I may have a bit of a panic after getting the reading so if I come here full of self hate you´ll know why... Sigh.
 
Heck yeah, I know the bioimpedance readings aren't super accurate but the machine says I've lost -1,7kg fat and gained 0,7kg of muscle since May 🥰
 
Just to keep track here as well (I journal my gym achievements in my paper calendar) but still doing GVT and today I was able to squat 45kg for the first 5 sets and dropped to 40 for sets 6-10. Could probably have done the remaining sets with 42,5kg but I´ll try to remember to do that the next time. My GVT PR in squatting was... either 50 or 60 kg last spring, but it was pretty hard to recover from. I need to dig up the number. Let´s say it was 50 because it´s better to err on the side of caution.

Overhead DB presses were 6 kg for the first 5 sets leading to failure and after that I switched to 5kg.
 
Okie dokie so size 41,5 in the Asics is perfect length-wise, and the ball of my foot hits the perfect spot in the shoe. However at least when wearing thin socks my foot can slide from side to side in the shoe. The heel doesn´t rise.

I guess I could wear my merino socks in them which is sensible as the temps drop soon anyway. But I´ll definitely have to sleep over the decision and take my time. I ordered Merrel barefoot shoes as well but I think I really do need the extra cushioning when starting out and being kinda heavy.
 
Feeling incredibly tired today. Woke up from hunger around 4AM and ate, after that I dozed off for a bit before a guy came to fix a drippy faucet. Haven´t been able to get up and moving since. I guess I´ll have some noodles with some protein and go for a walk.

End of month, so money is running low. Ideally I could/should hit the supermarket for a rotisserie chicken and eggs. I have carrots and bell peppers at home as well as frozen fruit and veg. I feel super unmotivated to leave the house but a storm is going to hit tonight and I want to have good quality protein at home if I have to stay indoors. A storm warning has been issued.

Yeah I guess that the best course of action right now is spicy noodles, ADHD meds and walk. I´ll also get chocolate from the supermarket. And I´ll go for a run on the treadmill when I´ve cleaned and portioned the chicken and boiled the eggs!
 
Got the chicken, eggs, & chocolate, ate, had a nap. I'm unusually tired. Either recovering from yesterday's workout or perhaps my body is fighting off something?

Left side very sore with granule-type knots in the muscle. Lymph nodes? Muscle spasm? Impossible to say
 
Extreme anxiety. Very tired. Swollen lymph nodes and my left side is very sore. I can feel a bump there and AFAIK there shouldn´t be lymph nodes there? Could be muscle soreness form training I guess? But IDK.

Going to go for a walk to return some recyclables and buy something sweet. Chest is sore so I guess I´m PMSing. Today is gym day but I´ll know after my walk if I´m in good enough condition to go.
 
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