Floater's diary

Llama said:
Window cleaning tends to be hard on the neck and shoulder muscles. I hope you sleep well and don't get another migraine.
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I took a migraine med because the tigtness in my neck started to creep up and I was getting auras.

Speaking of migraines: I decided to go off my prophylactic (Triptyl). If I get migraines this often while on a prophylactic, it's clearly not working as intended, and it also tends to lead to weight gain. I've done well maintaining, but I also want to get under 80kg from the 84 I've been maintaining since early summer. As the weather is getting colder and days shorter, migraines should decrease anyway.
 
Gahhhh. Trying to decide between getting up and heating myself a bowl of beet soup, and just trying to fall asleep. I had chocolate yesterday so a bigger deficit today would balance things out.

What I am going to do is put rice to soak for breakfast tomorrow. I'll give myself 30 mins to see if I'm actually hungry or not and if I am, I'll have a bowl of soup and a banana.
 
Had soup & a banana. Hoping to fall asleep soon. If this is going to turn into a sleepless night, I'll cook the rice and eat it with eggs. But hopefully sleep will find me
 
Cate said:
Sleep? Find Arvo. Now...... 🤞
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Thanks Cate, the spell helped! I got KO'd soon after I had finished my bananner and soup.

Slept well. Had weird dreams though.

Breakfast: bananner and soup. Going to go aqua jogging as soon as I'm done eating.

I realized I take NSAIDs way too often. Migraines suck, but so do ulcers. I think my best bet at reducing migraines is to reduce stress. Summertime will probably increase my need for NSAIDS again but my body needs a break.
 
Guys - you know what? Plan from Autumn Equinox to Winter Solstice is as follows:

Daily meals based around protein-rich soups and bananas.

Treat foods such as store-bought protein drinks, hamburgers etc are allowed but work best as rewards for overcoming executive dysfunction: f.e., it's fine IMHO to go to the gym and have a burger after.

Temps are dropping, so appetite is increasing, but on the other hand cold weather is always helpful for weight loss.

Start looking at migraines from the perspective of stress management. Easier said than done, but there are cases of bad migraines resolving seemingly on their own. I will probably have some level of withdrawals from NSAIDs and migraine meds, but that's fine.

Also: I have no doctor appointments or social security stuff that needs my attention until Jan. (Do need to book appts in Dec.) So this is the perfect time to lose weight. Losing 5kg of fat is going to make me look incredible and help my gym progress stand out more.
 
Aqua jogged for 30 mins and swam for 10. Went grocery shopping with the autism assistance person, got ingredients for a new batch of soup.

Lunch: rice with two steamed eggs, sauerkraut, soy sauce, hot sauce and chives. Perfect.
 
Well, I was feeling a little bit too happy about myself and my body, and then I walked by a mirror in my underwear and saw my stomach. It literally looks like a fucking cantaloupe melon. Scarring on scarring on scarring. I know I wouldn´t GAF or think it´s ugly on anyone else. But on me...

Guess what btw? I did some digging. My migraine prophylactic, as well as my migraine medication, both have the following side-effects: light sensitivity, thinning of the skin, and hair loss. Of course the stretch marks on my stomach are mostly from 2020 when I ballooned due to the meds I was given at the psych ward, and then afterwards I drank too much which worsened the weight gain on top of the gut bacteria holocaust that antipsychotics do to a person. But, yeah. I look like a monster escaped from some experiment vat in a supervillain´s lair. *sigh*
 
Floater said:
Well, I was feeling a little bit too happy about myself and my body, and then I walked by a mirror in my underwear and saw my stomach. It literally looks like a fucking cantaloupe melon. Scarring on scarring on scarring. I know I wouldn´t GAF or think it´s ugly on anyone else. But on me...

Guess what btw? I did some digging. My migraine prophylactic, as well as my migraine medication, both have the following side-effects: light sensitivity, thinning of the skin, and hair loss. Of course the stretch marks on my stomach are mostly from 2020 when I ballooned due to the meds I was given at the psych ward, and then afterwards I drank too much which worsened the weight gain on top of the gut bacteria holocaust that antipsychotics do to a person. But, yeah. I look like a monster escaped from some experiment vat in a supervillain´s lair. *sigh*
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I rested for a bit and decided: OK, I´m a cantaloupe monster, and that´s perfectly fine.
 
I'm starting to realize that some things my ex did towards the end of our relationship were really fucked up, and suppressing those memories has probably played a hand in my migraines.

I've said jokingly that I'm to him like those deer that hunters feed in the winter to keep them meaty and tame for the season. But it really is like that. He has a darkness to him and he doesn't always keep it in check.

Dinner: celery with blue cheese, tortelloni.

Dessert: one chocolate bar.
 
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I started to paint a portrait of Nera. When the first layer was done, I had the thought: "with each layer I will remember something more about him". Then my both ears started to ring violently, I felt like I'd vomit, and had vertigo. Crawled to bed. It went on for a while but is over now.

I have a hunch there's truth to that thought. Going to go wash my brushes now and eat some celery & blue cheese. I have had such lousy people in my life. Ex needs to go.
 
Had weird dreams but can´t remember them anymore.

Morning started very PTSD-y, but I´ll manage. Tested my new razor for shaving the peach fuzz off my face. I wouldn´t "need" to shave, it´s not a proper beard, but shaving makes me feel happy and grounded. The razor was worth the price, a very different thing to plastic supermarket razors. I´m willing to bet it won´t give me razor bumps. Then did an acid peel and put some serum on.

Breakfast: soup and a banana.
 
Did some aquarel painting and a guy came to open my bathroom sink that tens to clog.

Lunch: pasta with tuna, sauerkraut, chives, hot sauce, soy sauce and garlic oil.
 
Going to the gym.

I´ll get a burger for dinner. I know it´s not the healthiest thing but I need something to motivate me to crawl out of the house. One of those days again
 
Dinner: a BK roasted onion meal with a vanilla millshake for a drink. Insane in kcals, I know, but hopefully it will make me a beast as I head upstairs to the gym. 😆
 
For what it's worth, my workout is crazy good 😆😆😆🥰
 
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