Floater's diary
- Thread starter Floater
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Floater
Well-known member
Unfortunately, rest evades me. Spent some time looking at my chest in front of a mirror. Then had a good cry. It's not just the dysphoria, but also the feeling of having failed and not having a realistic chance of getting treatments. I also torture myself with the question would my chest at least be "prettier" without weight gain and loss, but I was never happy with it, so it's not that.
Floater
Well-known member
*Hugs*Oh, Arvo
You are not a failure. This is not your fault.
Hugs.The double whammy of societal bias against afab bodies plus dysphoria must be so rough
Had WEIRD dreams once I fell asleep. Can't remember them anymore though.
Floater
Well-known member
Meatloaf made four big portions, I put them in the fridge for later because in my opinion meatloaf tastes best after the tastes have "set" in the fridge. I like that the meatloaf is pretty much a complete meal by itself, with animal and plant protein, roughage from the sauerkraut and carbs from the panko. Smelled good, too.
Dressed up, because I´m gonna go out to see a movie (or to be more specific, a concert recording with all the 80s UG stars) with a friend later tonight. Now having lunch: rotisserie chicken and avocado.
Dressed up, because I´m gonna go out to see a movie (or to be more specific, a concert recording with all the 80s UG stars) with a friend later tonight. Now having lunch: rotisserie chicken and avocado.
Floater
Well-known member
Having a falafel and halloumi pita before the movie. Felt weird to travel through Pukinmäki, where I was
TW
assaulted by a man I thought I was dating, and his friend. It was 10 years ago, my first year of Uni.
I have survived so much. And that is something to be proud of.
TW
assaulted by a man I thought I was dating, and his friend. It was 10 years ago, my first year of Uni.
I have survived so much. And that is something to be proud of.
Floater
Well-known member
A pic of Heikki´s new palace. The lower cage is what he used to live in, so his living area expanded by 130% and I´m very happy about the outcome both aesthetically and for his sake. He can now run laps! I got him new wooden bridges, and I´ll get him a third hidey hut and more mobile toys because he really likes those. But one thing at a time.
Dinner: meatloaf.
Dinner: meatloaf.
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Cate
Long term member
G was reading an article in the newspaper a couple of days ago where Stop Making Sense was mentioned as being one of the best music videos made. We have had it since it came out. I should set up a small TV somewhere with our video player so we can watch all of our old music videos. I loved Talking Heads.
Heikki's cage looks magnificent. Clever you!
Heikki's cage looks magnificent. Clever you!
Floater
Well-known member
It really stayed with me, I haven't listened to Talking Heads before but their music is timeless and even influenced my dreams tonight.
Some of them were nightmares but scary dreams can be very meaningful. I was avoiding getting seen. At one point I had to swim in deep Arctic water with terrifying octopus monsters lurking in the fathoms. I remember the feeling of my body not wanting it but in my mind I knew I had to. Forgot most of the dreams already.
Floater
Well-known member
Did some painting and cleaned out the filter of my stove. Weather still sucks but I´ll go walk around the block - in an hour the worst rainfall should be over, so I might even go to the gym as planned. But: art and introspection is equally important and a part of my therapy goals, so.
Floater
Well-known member
Had a protein drink and went for a short walk. Weather is of the migraine-inducing kind. Wet and stale as bad breath. Going to have a portion of meatloaf now and see if it picks me up enough to hit the gym. However: if I´m too bummed to do that, it´s kinda understandable considering that yesterday I did something so outside my daily routine.