Floater's diary

Cold chicken <3 It´s the best
 
Went for a night walk on the fields and saw a deer of some sort. I was coming across the field when a woman walking on the gravel road had her big dog go nuts. I walked to the road after they had gone and smelled something burning? Walking a bit further on the road I saw a shadow in the mist and stopped. It was a deer and the mist rolling around it made it look surreal. I greeted him and continued home.

Snack: cold chicken
 
Guyyyssss I was going through my wardrobe and guess what? I fit in an old skirt size 40. What?! Never thought I would! Inspired, I went to check if that one utility kilt I tried on two summers ago is still sold - and it is, and on discount. So I ordered one to try it out.

Basically: even thought the trans clinic nonsense has cost me a lot, I have still lost two dress sizes and my beer habit by staying true to myself. And managed to dodge a git by doing the same.

I'll be OK.
 
Lunch: a portion of cold chicken, a banana. After eating I´ll slap on some sunscreen and hit the pool.

I´m so glad about my therapist. Yesterday he told me that I´m doing much better than I think I am. On days like this I actually believe it.
 
Llama said:
Those are real wins, even though they came at a high cost.
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Indeed, and they show that finally doing something about my gender dysphoria has been the right choice for me, no matter how I am perceived or present myself.

This is why I now know for sure that on the Autumn Equinox I´ll send the application for changing my official gender marker to male. I spent so much time worrying about the hardships it might bring but I know that being _juridically a man_ will give me an increased sense of autonomy and authenticity. I´m stuck with my body situation as is, so I´ll make the most of it. I´ll wear whatever I want and wear lipstick if I want. I´m allowed to have fun with my body and my looks. I´ll keep eating well and my body will get more muscular and toned as I go. I can desire to look nice even if my sex doesn´t match my identity; I can flirt with people and be on the look for a partner, as long as I am upfront about my situation. The right person will understand and allow me to exist beyond my physical form.

I´m debating between chicken and a pesto cheese sandwich. I think I´ll save the last portion of chicken for tomorrow as it´s gym day. I won´t put ham in the sandwich this time because it didn´t turn out nice in the microwave. I could use more protein so I´ll just finish the pack of ham.
 
Ended up having pesto cheese sandwich, ham, and a pack of mochi (within reason considering my CICO today).
 
Floater said:
Indeed, and they show that finally doing something about my gender dysphoria has been the right choice for me, no matter how I am perceived or present myself.

This is why I now know for sure that on the Autumn Equinox I´ll send the application for changing my official gender marker to male. I spent so much time worrying about the hardships it might bring but I know that being _juridically a man_ will give me an increased sense of autonomy and authenticity. I´m stuck with my body situation as is, so I´ll make the most of it. I´ll wear whatever I want and wear lipstick if I want. I´m allowed to have fun with my body and my looks. I´ll keep eating well and my body will get more muscular and toned as I go. I can desire to look nice even if my sex doesn´t match my identity; I can flirt with people and be on the look for a partner, as long as I am upfront about my situation. The right person will understand and allow me to exist beyond my physical form.
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I think your therapist is right. I think you are doing much better than you think you are xoxo
 
Cate said:
I think your therapist is right. I think you are doing much better than you think you are xoxo
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That's a lovely thing to say, forum mom 💐

Having a hearty breakfast/brunch of pesto cheese sandwich and cold chicken. Feels nice to have an appetite first thing waking up!
 
Snack: a banana. Next up either Taco Bell or Arnold's, the weather is cold and rainy so I need to keep fueled up! And I need to buy protein on the way home. No rotisserie chicken available on Sunday but we'll see what I come up with.
 
Snack: a banana. Next up either Taco Bell or Arnold's, the weather is cold and rainy so I need to keep fueled up! And I need to buy protein on the way home. No rotisserie chicken available on Sunday but we'll see what I come up with.

I decided I'll focus on muscle gain/hypertrophy until Christmas.
 
Annoying, migraine started to roll in so I took my NSAIDs and migraine spray. But the workout was fantastic.
 
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