Floater's diary
- Thread starter Floater
- Start date
Cate
Long term member
If he has been inappropriate with you he has most likely been inappropriate with others, who may not be as strong as you.
Floater
Well-known member
This thought gives me a sense of calm even when I´m scared or compare this situation to things I´ve dealt with before.If he has been inappropriate with you he has most likely been inappropriate with others, who may not be as strong as you.
I menstruated yesterday. Goes to show the stress I´m under - I have a hormonal IUD so I shouldn´t menstruate at all. Weight is now 84! Feels good to be losing again. I´m not going to stress out about food too much today, I´ll eat what is palatable but I´m already starting to get my appetite back and having fruit, bread, and I think I´ll buy some minced beef as well.
I decided to wrap up my retreat of silence in advance because what needed to come out of it came out of it, namely me being able to report the guy. And now my focus has to be on being the healthiest version of myself. Just like before. I´ll be OK. I´ve had some wicked flashbacks these past few days and they always make me feel like I´m crazy but it´s getting easier. I didn´t sleep a wink last night so I probably won´t do any strenuous exercise today but that´s perfectly fine; this took all my energy and now that it´s done I can focus on exercising again.
Floater
Well-known member
Starting to feel a little bit better. Took an extra migraine prophylactic last night and slept well. Today´s the last day the swimming pool will be open before it closes for the summer. I might go? Farewells are hard though lol. It´s just for a month though. Food-wise things have been OK.
Cate
Long term member
Does she live far from you, Arvo?
Floater
Well-known member
Yeah she lives far away. But she´s probably going to move to the capital area. Not too close to the previous generation, I hope. She deserves to be free from brainwashing and bullshit.
I´ve been exhausted today as well. Ate beef and chickpeas for breakfast and a bit of ham for lunch. (Fed is best.) Now going for a walk and planning to buy some food.
Floater
Well-known member
I didn´t end up buying any food. Was covered in sweat with my ears ringing and felt like I´d faint in the grocery store. Bought a Red Bull and drank it on my way home. At home I steamed some rice and ate a couple of spoonfuls of that. Rest is in the fridge. Now trying to choke down a bowl of mango. I know I need carbs. When I have migraines, carbs seem to help.
I´m dissociating also and having flashbacks. My sister´s situation is really weighing down on me. Some of the stuff in my head isn´t real but some is. This is so exhausting. I wish I wasn´t mentally ill. It doesn´t really even matter anymore that it´s not my fault I´m crazy. Sure, I became this way due to extreme childhood trauma but knowing that doesn´t help too much because I´m stuck like this anyway. Sucks.
I´m dissociating also and having flashbacks. My sister´s situation is really weighing down on me. Some of the stuff in my head isn´t real but some is. This is so exhausting. I wish I wasn´t mentally ill. It doesn´t really even matter anymore that it´s not my fault I´m crazy. Sure, I became this way due to extreme childhood trauma but knowing that doesn´t help too much because I´m stuck like this anyway. Sucks.
Floater
Well-known member
those are damn adorable, thank you <3
Today has been, hm. Not the worst, really. Woke up around noon. Took me a long time to get going but I did walk to the gas station and have a burger, fries, and a small banana milkshake as well as a Red Bull. I picked up a post package of little gemstone skulls I bought for Heikki so he can toss them around and exercise his muscles in his cage. I cleaned his cage while he was out on his run and gave him the three little skulls, and he immediately took one to his hidey hut to play with. Very cute!
