Floater's diary

Migraine rolling in, starting with my neck muscles tightening, best to take my meds and have a cup of coffee after finishing dinner
 
Snack: a cup of coffee, four Brazil nuts, two banana milk mochi. The next time I´m out and about the city center I´m going to buy every flavor of this brand of fruit milk mochi because god damn they are amazing.
 
I eat too little and my performances are getting more forced. I'm going to try the following solution: I'm going to start eating 200-400 kcal worth of calories in dessert with lunch and dinner. So the window is a total 400-800 increase in daily kcal consumption. It sounds drastic but as light increases, my kcal intake creeps lower with a 60% liquid diet. This way I'm headed to a crash.

I'm going to start splitting my workouts into two complementary workouts. Breakfast and meds RIGHT after waking up - before coffee not after!! Then a light bodyweight exercise with focus on abs and a walk. I will gradually include short periods of jogging. Lunch, housework, rest, coffee & snack. Gym or aqua jogging with 60% of current intensity. Postworkout. Which is NOT A MEAL I must remind myself. Dinner. Playtime with Heikki, online tomfoolery, hobbies. Snack, rest.
 
I understand now that being at a lower weight makes my dysphoria worse because my stomach is now feminine instead of fat. So I need to build muscle there to combat it. I have a strong core. It's time to include the aesthetics.
 
I love how you are keeping such good track of yourself & protecting against crashing back into an ED. You have excellent self-awareness, Arvo. I'm glad that I can share in your journey.
 
Floater said:
I understand now that being at a lower weight makes my dysphoria worse because my stomach is now feminine instead of fat. So I need to build muscle there to combat it. I have a strong core. It's time to include the aesthetics.
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It's one of those areas where hormones make a big difference. Folks with more testosterone in their system tend to store belly fat behind the abs while estrogen tends to make you store it on top of them, where it looks more wobbly and hides the abs. Definitely the less unhealthy version but not necessarily the more aesthetic one.
 
Cate said:
We don't seem to be able to "love" posts anymore.
💞
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That sucks because your post was lovable! <3

Breakfast today was a banana, I dropped some returns to the post and bought chicken, turkey, two mousse desserts and two pudding desserts as well as a pack of instant noodles for a low-spoons situation. Instead of doing my abs and walk now, I´ll have lunch and go aqua jogging, then do the abs before I leave for Bible study group at 17.30. I haven´t been there in person after I came out so it´s a bit scary. But I´m a monster slayer.
Lunch: meatball soup, rye bread with turkey, a 200 kcal vanilla mousse dessert.
EDIT: eating feels so hard and boring today but I´ll eat everything I said I would and then I´ll hit the pool. As planned.
 
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:iagree: with Llama(you are a monster slayer) & I have reported our inability to love posts( or be sad etc).
 
Prepped 1,2 dl of berry smoothie, had 0,5dl of that and a bowl of soup as a big snack/light meal, as well as a short effect ADHD med because I want to be able to focus at Bible study group. Leaving there in 20 mins.
 
Had an ice cream at Bible study. Then a walk. No abs stuff today, genuinely too overwhelmed, but took the mat out for tomorrow.

Going to have rye bread with turkey & manchego. Need more protein, I'll see what I can find.
 
I'll have 200g of cottage cheese and another rye bread, turkey & manchego sanwich EDIT and six dates

EDIT and a 2dl glass of smoothie, manchego, and six more dates. I'm super hungry.
 
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I haven't had chocolate mousse for years. I think I'll have dessert today. The place I'm going has white chocolate & raspberry cheesecake. I hope you're sound asleep now, Arvo xo
 
Breakfast: a banana. Really dysphoric about my stomach today. Wearing yoga pants kind of helps because I can see how much my body has changed in total. Still not my best day.
 
Therapy was good. I had one M-150 energy drink before gym, now working out. After I'll have another M-150 and a locker room berry smoothie, then walk home, shower, and clean Heikki's cage.
 
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