Floater's diary

That sounds like a lovely evening, Arvo. Going for a leisurely swim on a "rest" day sounds like a good idea. Food sounds excellent.
 
Breakfast: wiener and soy chunk soup, rye bread with ham.
 
I only had the soup for breakfast because eating was slow and then the autism assistance person arrived.

At the gym now, had a M-150 energy drink beforehand
 
Lunch: shredded chicken. Don´t feel like carbs because I had a ton of carbs last night. Took out pineapple to thaw and will eat that, rye bread, and a portion of soy chunk & wiener soup before going aqua jogging after therapy. Therapy is online today, because my therapist is taking part in a training for utilizing writing as a therapy tool. We are both exited at the opportunity to use that in my treatment. My therapist is a god damn treasure!
 
Change of plans: I feel exhausted after therapy, and a little bit nauseous too. We touched some distressing topics so I should adjust my activity accordingly.

I´ll go pick up a package now and have oatmeal and pineapple afterwards. After eating I´ll go aqua jogging, but only for 30-60 mins.
 
Llama said:
:grouphug: Sorry therapy was distressing but how wonderful that you found this great therapist.
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Distressing therapy sessions are often the most useful in the sense that they are helpful when coming to terms with the realities of my childhood and youth. And also - if there´s a lot of stress in day-to-day life, there´s rarely enough energy to dig deep, so me being able to put some horrible experiences into words means I´m doing well in my day-to-day life.

Aqua jogged for 60 mins and swam for 15 mins, had my locker room protein shake. Had a portion of shredded chicken for a snack during Heikki´s playtime. I sang for him and he sat on my shoulder and listened. Perhaps he likes the sound, or the vibrations from the singing, but it was cute. He also gave my eyebrows and hair a good grooming. :D Earlier today I cleaned his cage and set up more wooden bridges to make up for his pink hammock I had to throw away because he had started to gnaw it, risking intestinal blockage. He turns 2 on 15.5. and I want to buy him a new hidey hut and small platforms he can hop along in his cage.

Dinner: last portion of soy chunk and wiener soup, cherries, rye bread with Brie cheese.
 
Dishwasher is running, gym stuff is packed, I mixed two portions of chia+ soy protein+ green tea + vanilla + sugar into two glasses for tomorrow. I have no idea how thick the sludge is going to get overnight, so I didn´t mix one if the portions directly into my gym thermos - I don´t want to look like a German Shepherd with a Kong full of PB in the gym locker room, I feel out of place enough as is having to use the ladies´ locker room lol.

I I feel like I can´t sleep without eating more, I´ll have the remaining portion of cabbage casserole, but I´m going to go brush my teeth now and hopefully fall asleep without issues.

I feel disappointed that a pair of chunky sneakers I ordered didn´t end up being worth the price so I returned them. The fit was perfect, they were comfortable, but the detailing was a bit shoddy in places and the shoes probably would not have aged well. But I´ll definitely keep looking for platform shoes and sneakers, because they feel very comfortable to me and I like the extra height they give me :D
 
Cate said:
You are doing well in your day-to-day life & I love that you have a really great therapist. I also love Heikki. SO cute!
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💐 Thank you forum mom!

I'm tired but can't sleep. Hopefully complaining about it will do the trick?
 
I think I'm hungry, because my stomach is rumbling. The combo of high protein + maxxing out on my ADHD meds makes it difficult to gauge it sometimes but I'm going to heat up the last portion of cabbage casserole and see what's up. I'll also take pineapple out to thaw.
 
Breakfast was chia + soy protein sludge to ger my ADHD meds down, now having lunch at Taco Bell: a beef taco, a chicken taco, fries, apple juice & coffee. I don't think I can finish the fries but that's OK.
 
Gym was good. As my weight loss progresses, I notice myself plateauing in my strength progress. I think this is normal. At least I´m not getting weaker! And once I feel safe enough regarding the trans clinic BMI guidelines, I can start working to progress my max strength again. In the meanwhile, my endurance has increased significantly and I notice my gym sessions tend to stretch over an hour long these days. For now I think it´s fine, I work my whole body in that time and get adequate rest. If I start to feel like I can´t recover well enough between gym sessions, the I need to revise.

One of the autism assistance personnel said on Tuesday that I have changed a lot in a month. Today another said that she doesn´t think I´m going to run into any issues at the clinic unless I specifically get asked to hop on the scale there. To me the progress isn´t as visible and is, of course, influenced by my gender dysphoria as well. But these people are professionals with no reason to sugarcoat things for me so I think I can trust their judgment.

After the gym I had a locker room chia-protein sludge and at home I had a plate of pineapple. I have three eggs in the fridge that are best before tomorrow. I think I´ll make egg drop soup out of them. Ex is coming over for some 420 action this evening so I already took out mango to thaw in case I get the munchies. But munchies only seem to hit if I haven´t nourished my body enough beforehand so that´s a valuable observation as well.

Feeling very... At peace today. Migraine is attempting to hit - I could notice at the gym that some upper body movements were hard to do because my back muscles were starting to cramp. But it´s OK. Now, laundry time!
 
Getting hungry so I got that egg drop soup going; once it´s done I´ll run to the pharmacy to get my nicotine spray while it cools down enough to portion & fridge. Also going to mix the dry ingredients for a savory oatmeal beforehand so I have something sensible to eat if the munchies hit.

I used an acid peel after gym but on the other hand the UV levels are at 1 again so I should be safe even without sunscreen, but IDK. Slapping some on is not a huge ordeal and I get really fussy about UV exposure, so best to be sure.
 
I have made incredible progress.

I walked to the store in flip flops. I got sores on my feet. I decided to no longer wear them anywhere but the trash cans. My skin deserves to stay intact and I deserve comfort. Looking presentable is a part of my well-being.

I'm gonna buy myself a set of good shoes. Shoe size shouldn't change considerably in medical transitioning. Buying a few pairs makes them last longer because they get to rest between uses in rotation. It's also smart to have shoes for different weather.

God damn I've neglected my comfort.
 
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