Floater's diary

Lovely to hear that you're taking your well-being seriously. You do deserve to feel good. Investing in your body and well-being may make it feel more real, too.
 
Having good shoes is so important. I can't wear flip flops (we call them thongs in Australia) & I dislike the look of them. I used to wear them as a kid. You are looking after yourself well, Arvo & it's good that it's being noticed.
 
I had mango, went for a long walk, had two rye bread sandwiches with brie. I need to buy more brie. Took out two more rye breads to thaw and to have with ham & roasted sesame oil. Drinking alcohol-free mead. It's traditional around May 1st.
 
I won't be able to sleep tonight. Going to get up, make coffee, brush my teeth and go for a walk. I want to watch the sun rise!
 
Had a two-hour walk and thought about stuff. Still sleepless - but not restless. I think I'll go for another walk later and get a rotisserie chicken, bananas & some veggies. Rest day today.
 
Slept for a few hrs. Breakfast: ham and almonds. Took pineapple to thaw. Going for a walk now. I feel too low on spoons to cook but I need _something_ to fuel me so I think I'll walk to the gas station and see if fries would do the trick. If I don't feel like fast food I'll walk to the supermarket for rotisserie chicken. Need to get some cleaning done today, nothing big, just maintenance hoovering & washing the floors & laundry.
 
At the gas station: small fries, four chicken nuggets, 0,25dl vanilla milkshake. I would call this sensible portion control.
 
I cleaned Heikki´s cage, played with him and moisturized his ears, did laundry, did the dishes, vacuumed & gave the floors a quick wipe with a moist mop. Important now that the air is full of gravel dust and pollen. No appetite. Put rice to soak. I have falafels in the fridge and I plan to eat those, and maybe tuna pasta. I had booked SMART for this evening but I may end up not going because I feel pretty triggered from some flashbacks last night and I need to focus on something that takes my mind off difficult stuff.
 
Llama said:
I hope you found your distraction and have some solid sleep tonight
Click to expand...
Thanks! I took a Triptyl, it should make me tired enough that at least my body gets rest. Eating rye bread and parmesan sandwiches. I don't care how much I need to eat but I NEED energy now. Not eating is dangerous when dissociating.
 
That sounds like a productive day, Arvo, especially when you weren't feeling on top of things. Good for you. You really are taking good care of yourself xo
 
Breakfast: rye bread with Parmesan and six falafels. Went to the supermarket, shopped based on "fed is best". Parmesan, halloumi, a grilled chicken, rye bread, crackers, ruby chocolate, and Lindt sea salt & caramel pralines. I don´t care if I´ll eat in caloric excess for the next few days: insomnia is probably at least in part a result of my body starting to go into survival mode and I need it to calm down.

Plan for today: shred and portion the chicken. Change bedsheets. Food prep: make pureed soup out of the veggies in the fridge. Go to a SMART meeting at 5PM. Do plant care.

After the meeting, if I feel restless, I can go to the gym in the evening if I absolutely yearn to do that. But I believe an extra rest day may be helpful now. Especially as yesterday doesn´t really count as a rest day. I walked a ton and didn´t sleep, that´s not what the body needs for recovery!
 
Chicken is stripped, portioned & fridged. I happened upon a thick one and it made five portions for 10e. Having a cup of coffee now. After that I´ll change the bedsheets and make a batch of leek and potato soup. I have other veggies in the fridge, but for some reason I miss the simplicity of leek & potato soup.
 
5 portions of leek and potato soup with spinach & peas in the fridge, three portions of congee chilling on the countertop.

EDIT: had egg drop soup for lunch!

:party:Today I weighed 88,5kg, clothes on and with a full belly, which means I´ve lost 50% of what I want and need to lose, and it´s taken me 4 months 1 week, so I should hit my goal weight aroundmid-September! 80kg, here I come!
 
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Went to a SMART group and got misgendered by a facilitator who knows me well and who has been supportive until now, so I just said "he" and logged out. I think it still counts as an attended meeting. I don´t expect people to understand why misgendering is a genuine stressor, but I do have the responsibility to protect myself, so removing myself from a meeting casually is completely within my rights.

Snack: a bowl of leek and potato soup, a portion of cold chicken. After eating I´ll go for a walk and return a package to the post.

EDIT: my therapist sent me a text to not worry about attendance, and the soup was incredible. I´ll go for that walk now and buy sparkling water and caffeine-free chai herbal tea, I just ran out.

EDIT2: I'm only 6,5 kg away from the trans clinic being unable to use my weight against me so that's really encouraging! On a walk now, really enjoying myself
 
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Stopped at the gas station for a 0,5l banana milkshake, 600kcals. Going to walk a bit more, then go let Heikki out to play.
 
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