Floater's diary

:grouphug: It wouldn't be normal if you didn't miss Nera now that the anniversary of her passing is coming up. Especially when you're tired.
 
Thanks @Llama .

Dinner: mashed potatoes made with oat cream, falafels, green peas.
 
It is understandable that you would be missing Nera. I think it's lovely to have had the special love of animals (& people) & that we can still feel that from time to time. I see it as a positive.
I'm glad that you are taking so much care to look after yourself & eating so well :grouphug:
 
Cate said:
It is understandable that you would be missing Nera. I think it's lovely to have had the special love of animals (& people) & that we can still feel that from time to time. I see it as a positive.
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It is a positive and a privilege to have felt and received such love. I do believe it can cross time and space. :grouphug: You get it.
Cate said:
I'm glad that you are taking so much care to look after yourself & eating so well :grouphug:
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I´m glad about it too. I think that I´m finally in a mindset where loving and appreciating myself is starting to come naturally. Me deciding to get sober has been a positive side effect of that, not the other way round. And the positive developments have been slow and gradual, with occasional backslides, but that´s natural and that´s what makes the changes stick. I´m even at peace with my trans identity now and can tolerate dysphoria much better. If I choose to medically transition down the line, it´s fine, but right now what matters is to take care of the body I have. Realizing that I have a body, but this body is not me, is a very healing, positive thought for me. It allows me to take care of the body with the same care and compassion as I would for a pet.

Bedtime snack: cold rice, avocado, a marinated egg, tomato, scallions, soy sauce and furikake seasoning. Two pralines and a little piece of blue cheese.

I´ll go to the gym first thing after breakfast so I have all my gym stuff packed and my post workout porridge pre-mixed and ready to go!
 
Floater said:
I think that I´m finally in a mindset where loving and appreciating myself is starting to come naturally.
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What a wonderful thing to read!
Floater said:
Realizing that I have a body, but this body is not me, is a very healing, positive thought for me. It allows me to take care of the body with the same care and compassion as I would for a pet.
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You are more than the sum of your parts but being able to have compassion for said parts and to care for them is BIG.
 
Llama said:
You are more than the sum of your parts but being able to have compassion for said parts and to care for them is BIG.
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:grouphug:
Christ on a bike, squeezed out some tonsil stones. They are somehow more disgusting than literal feces :puke: Probably because they are in the mouth cavity when :poop: usually isn´t.

Breakfast: chicken and black bean curry, a small bowl of cherries and pineapple. Will take 36mg of slow release ADHD meds after eating because today feels like a higher dosage day and I have a ton of stuff to do. (My daily max is 54mg.) My post workout porridge is all mixed and in the thermos but I think that because the weather is truly frightful with heavy snowfall, I´ll treat myself to a bagel and coffee as lunch after the gym. The porridge will stay warm in the thermos, so I can have it as a snack with some blueberries later.
 
Got home, having 200g of cottage cheese and oats with blueberries as a snack, leaving to the supermarket with autism assistance person in 30 mins and didn´t want to do grocery shopping hungry. Sure, the bagel was a proper meal kcal-wise, but I opted to eat instead of risking being hangry and unable to focus.

After the supermarket trip I´ll change my sheets, hoover, do laundry, and shower. Tomorrow I´ll go aqua jogging right after breakfast.
 
I decided to not hoover today: the apartment is not that messy (I hoovered yesterday) and I´m super tired after the trip to the supermarket. I had almost forgotten that the trans clinic interviews continue tomorrow at 3PM! I´ll still try to squeeze in an aqua jogging session to my schedule, but I think I´ll keep it to 60 mins instead of 90, so I won´t be half mad from exhaustion (and won´t need to spend so much time at the swimming pool). If necessary, I can Wolt myself something to eat before the interview, as I won´t be food prepping tonight and may not have time to cook before the interview. I have a block of tofu in the fridge with the best by date today, but tofu rarely goes bad that soon so I´ll just prepare it tomorrow unless I get super antsy or something.

EDIT: Dinner:the last portion of chicken curry.

EDIT2: decided to food prep anyway. Currently baking tofu cubes in the oven so that they will soak up the marinade I made nicely, making two portions of easy protein to eat as is or in a meal, and after they are done I´ll pop in two 0,3 dl baking dishes full of cherry tomatoes and spices to make two portions of roasted tomatoes for soup/sauce bases later.
 
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Best of luck with the interview tomorrow. Take it easy at the pool even if you do stay "only" 60 minutes: you've had a long break and it'll take time to get back to where you were, endurance-wise.
 
Llama said:
Best of luck with the interview tomorrow. Take it easy at the pool even if you do stay "only" 60 minutes: you've had a long break and it'll take time to get back to where you were, endurance-wise.
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Thanks! I´ll try to rein myself in!

Snack: baguette with arugula and Schwarzwald ham, cherry tomato soup (it´s too delish so I´ll have one portion now and save one for later)! EDIT: also 200g of cottage cheese because I´m so hungry I feel I´ll go mad otherwise :D
 
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Floater said:
EDIT: also 200g of cottage cheese because I´m so hungry I feel I´ll go mad otherwise :D
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Sounds like food is a good idea then! And I'll have some crackers: my stomach is going all Oliver Twist on me but I'm afraid it'll be upset if I give it more than carbs this late...
 
Llama said:
my stomach is going all Oliver Twist on me
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I´m going to steal this :D :D :D

Realized I haven´t taken my vitamins today so I had two Brazil nuts and one praline to help the fat solubles absorb :rolleyes::Angel_anim::ROFLMAO: and am having a meeting in 10 mins.

My skin is a horror show. My face is ridden with rosacea, and my hands feel like a lizard´s. Two more months and the sun will start to show itself and the dryness of AC will stop ruining everything.

Rice is soaking for tomorrow, post workout porridge is mixed and ready to go, swimming stuff all packed, tomorrow´s going to be a good day and I am going to rock the trans clinic interview. It´s going to be about my childhood so I might have some emotional faalout from that later. Which is why I am going to allow myself to order food delivery if eating feels difficult.

EDIT: fantastic, Taco Bell delivers for free tomorrow
 
Cate said:
Would swimming upset your skin even more?
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Yeah, the chlorine upsets it. I decided to not go, I´ll go tomorrow instead. When it´s skin condition versus working out, I´ll prioritize working out over my skin, because at their worst rashes and rosacea are a moderate discomfort but the anxiety I get from not exercising is dire. However, I had a long break from exercising so I should be careful to not overdo it as I ease myself back into the routine...!

Breakfast: mashed potatoes, green peas, spring onions.
 
Lunch: tomato soup, cottage cheese, Schwarzwald ham and arugula baguette. Feeling so nervous I think I´ll take flight...!
 
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