Floater's diary

:grouphug: Hope it's useful in the long run and you recover quickly.
 
Llama said:
:grouphug: Hope it's useful in the long run and you recover quickly.
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I do think it helped. I've been stuck in a very weird mindset today BUT the therapist's input was very helpful and our next session is in 2 weeks because right now I think I need the window to be smaller - I can figure out the costs. Not to alarm anyone but I'm not well although not in crisis mode either.

I took a long walk and have indulged myself in a silly/funny childhood interest of mine, AKA Star Wars trivia. I know you are a trekker and I respect that, but mystical space wizards with complex moral codes just hit the spot for me 😂 Although SW isn't really even scifi, it's high fantasy in fake space.

I have noodles and tuna which I'll eat right now. It was kinda bizarre talking about food/health stuff in therapy. The knowledge is there, but capacity absent. However, as this is a reoccurring pattern, I know I'll get back to more normal again and noodles + tuna are perfectly fine stepping stones.
 
Noodles eaten, and I even enjoyed them. Tuna is waiting for a bit because I need a break in between, but I do actually want it, which is good.
 
Food, exercise & general health are so tied to mental health I think. We're such complex creatures. I'm glad therapy helped even though it left you rattled. It's good to see you eating xo
 
I have been eating a bowl of thawed cherries for 30 mins now and am halfway through. After I'm done I'll take the smallest possible dose of my ADHD meds to see if that would help. I'm shaking from hunger but eating feels painful due to my neck and jaw being so tensed up and the way I've been pressing my jaws together.
 
I watched the original trilogy in one sitting a couple of years ago when a friend found out I'd never watched them and decided that could not stand :D Wine was involved and a good time was had. I like fantasy: I just never watch movies on my own because the emotional manipulation tends to be dialed up to 11 when 6 would be enough to make me cry and it's exhausting :rotflmao:
 
Llama said:
I watched the original trilogy in one sitting a couple of years ago when a friend found out I'd never watched them and decided that could not stand :D
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The remastered Return of the Jedi was the first acted movie I saw in a theater, it was in May and I was in first or second grade. My brother took me there and the action scenes were scary to me, especially the Rancor scene, but I adored Luke Skywalker and wanted to become a Jedi. Back then I thought Jedis were like Catholic priests and could only be dudes, but in my fantasies I saw myself as one anyway.

When the prequels came out me and my bestie were ironically into them. We took a school trip to see props and costumes from it and I was in heaven. Me and my bestie were so deep in the fanchilding that seeing the Darth Vader costume made us both scream... From fear. It was impressive.

I had a nap and coffee. I had a nightmare that I was supposed to go to a bank vault to pick up Heikki the chinchilla while also vote in some election I knew nothing about and get money from the bank vault. I was having a breakdown because I just wanted my chinchilla and not the weird adult stuff I couldn't wrap my head around. In the dream, Heikki was in a weird round cage with a cooling system/ventilator, and the bank lady but it on top of a bookshelf. The mechanism of the ventilator tipped the cage over but luckily I could catch it. I was so terrified for Heikki.

I'm so far gone that even my dreams are insane lol. Luckily assistance will come over today. I need to clean up, the apartment is NOT up to my standards.
 
Assistance came over, I had Taco Bell and cleaned up. Very happy that I managed that. I have a stomach ache but took more mango to thaw, let's hope it will help.
 
Note to self: I was having a really bad flashback and I calmed down by eating some plain Marmite. It has an association with a safe childhood memory. I need to remember this trick!!
 
I slept well for the first time in a week and had a 180g pack of ham, two buttered Karelian pies and a 500ml strawberry soft drink for breakfast. A strange combo but it's what I wanted.
 
Cherries as a snack, also made overnight oats for tomorrow. I'll take out some mango to thaw for later and will make polenta with asparagus and cheese and black beans also
 
Floater said:
A strange combo but it's what I wanted.
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The simple fact that you want to eat things again is great. Who cares what's normal?
 
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