Floater's diary

Aqua jogged for 2,5 hours, meal #2 was locker room porridge, meal #3 is red lentil stew with pollock.

I think I'll have meal #4 pretty soon because I need carbs! I'm thinking tuna pasta with cheese and a bowl of pineapple. Quick, easy and satiating. After eating meal #4 I'll get started with the "Sex Nurse Curse" (I need a whimsical nickname for it because otherwise I can't deal...!)

EDIT: got too into it and wrote first, ate later lol
 
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What a disappointment. I'm in dire need of summer shoes, and Puma has fun Batman ones, but size 39 was a canoe on me. I have to return them and I feel guilty about the environmental impact of ordering a smaller size... But in literally every other aspect they were great - lightweight, suede leather (breathable!), and fun-looking. I don't think I'll find shoes as cute as these though so...
 
The environmental cost of a return is bound to be lower than that of a pair of shoes you don't love so you don't wear them to shreds.
 
Llama said:
The environmental cost of a return is bound to be lower than that of a pair of shoes you don't love so you don't wear them to shreds.
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Good point! I'll order the right size and not beat myself up about it.

Great news: I got started with the Sex Nurse Curse, and it didn't feel overwhelming. In fact, I almost enjoyed the work itself. This kind of logical thinking and precision is something that I miss dearly form my Uni years...! And I don't feel like a victim of the circumstances, I feel like someone who is responding to a real threat with the most productive possible course of action.

But, I gotta eat and take a break now. This is going to take me several days because this is a job I don't want to rush - I need to check and double check everything to make my case as waterproof as possible! This is facts work, not impressions and emotions work. And that requires a brain that's ticking smoothly in a body that's well fed, suitably exercised, and well rested.
 
Great to hear that working on the Curse Nurse Case feels productive rather thsn just stressful. She's done enough harm already.
 
Llama said:
Great to hear that working on the Curse Nurse Case feels productive rather thsn just stressful. She's done enough harm already.
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Amen to that. What a horrible person to fill the position she's in.

Meal #4: a bowl of pineapple, pasta with tuna, cheese, garlic and hot sauce. YUM!
 
I prepped breakfast for tomorrow: overnight oats with banana, pomegranate seeds and mango. I also packed my swim gear and post workout snack of Brazil nuts, cashews, dates, and chocolate. Although tomorrow would be gym day, the pool will be closed on Wed and Thu due to Ascension Day. If I fall asleep early tonight, I'll try to wake up at 7AM and go swimming in the morning.

Assistance will come over (or pick me up from the pool, whichever way my morning will unfold) at 12.30 and the service coordinator will call me at 13.00 about that doctor's statement regarding my disability. I'm sure the phone call will be a pain in the ass, because usually when I deal with health care sector workers who know I'm autistic but nothing else about me, they assume that I'm cognitively impaired and suggest I should be enrolled in "work activity" ASAP to keep me stimulated and feeling like I belong in the society. While I have respect for people who attend work activity, I doubt I would find it enriching to bag screws or cutlery for nominal pay for a couple hours a day, a couple days a week. But that's why the assistance person is there to help me, so let's hope that everything works out well.

Another possibility is that in order to keep my disability payments I'll be sent to a psychiatric outpatient clinic where the spiel usually goes something like this: I talk to a psychiatrist once and a nurse once or twice, and get told that I'm too sick to work and too healthy to take someone's place in the clinic who needs it much more. And yet another possibility is that because it says in my papers that I have "Childhood pervasive developmental disorder" (AKA what used to be called Asperger's), I get told that I'm cured because I'm not a child anymore lol. Dealing with bureaucracy is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.

Meal #5 is going to be polenta with spinach, parsley, and a fried egg on top, and a bowl of sweet peas with sunflower seeds and a bit of oil as a salad of sorts. I think I'll have a couple of dates and two pieces of dark chocolate for dessert, as a carbsy meal should help me sleep.
 
Llama said:
Best of luck with that phonecall.
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Thanks :grouphug:

Euughhhh I'm such a masochist sometimes - I Googled dogs looking for homes and there was this 9-month old shy boy looking for a home. Nera was that age when I adopted her. I have to call about the shy boy (while already bracing myself for the possibility that this shelter is not going to give pets to a disabled fuck like me). He had the same look in his eyes as Nera had.
 
Meal #5 is polenta as planned with spinach, parsley, and a fried egg on top, and a bowl of sweet peas with sunflower seeds and a bit of oil. I added cheese to the polenta and decided to not have dates or chocolate - I'm hungry for savoury stuff.
 
Floater said:
Euughhhh I'm such a masochist sometimes - I Googled dogs looking for homes and there was this 9-month old shy boy looking for a home. Nera was that age when I adopted her. I have to call about the shy boy (while already bracing myself for the possibility that this shelter is not going to give pets to a disabled fuck like me). He had the same look in his eyes as Nera had.
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You are not a “disabled fuck”!!!!
You are a kind, caring person who could provide a loving & safe environment for that shy boy.
 
Cate said:
You are not a “disabled fuck”!!!!
You are a kind, caring person who could provide a loving & safe environment for that shy boy.
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While you are right of course, the stigma of not being in the workforce is quite real in Finland :/

Anyway: slept until noon and clearly needed it!
 
Not just in Finland, sadly. But you're allowed to disagree, and it doesn't even have to be respectfully. When self-care is a full-time job it doesn't make sense to take on a second.
 
Llama said:
When self-care is a full-time job it doesn't make sense to take on a second.
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This is very well put. Thank you, Llama.

The phone call to the service coordinator went well! She apologized about the hassle and I was left with the impression that everything will work out just fine in the end.

I'm only now finishing breakfast lol. I sent two requests about dogs seeking new homes. Even if the shy boy or the antenna-ear girl are not destined for me, it's good to keep the habit up and to keep up the idea that some day I will have another dog.

I think I'll have meal#2 right away because otherwise I'll have to cram all my calories into late evening. After lunch I'll go aqua jogging. Lunch is red lentil stew with pollock and rye bread with marg & liver paté and a handful of cherry tomatoes. I need to go grocery shopping when I get back from the pool. Might take a day off from Sex Nurse Curse, we'll see!
 
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Shy Boy had already found a home, glad for him of course. Antenna Ear Girl's owner hasn't responded to me yet.

I'm having a cup of coffee and two pieces of chocolate and then it's off to the pool!
 
Floater said:
The phone call to the service coordinator went well! She apologized about the hassle and I was left with the impression that everything will work out just fine in the end
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That's wonderful! Fingers crossed.
Floater said:
I sent two requests about dogs seeking new homes. Even if the shy boy or the antenna-ear girl are not destined for me, it's good to keep the habit up and to keep up the idea that some day I will have another dog.
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I like that. Baby steps.
 
I bought red lentils, cherry tomatoes, sweet red peppers, feta cheese, cottage cheese, heavy cream, chorizo, and a bottle of Kombucha.

Meal #4 is red lentil stew with frozen game chips and a little bit of heavy cream (I need to eat the meat to make room in my freezer before my next grocery delivery).

I prepped tomorrow's breakfast: overnight oats with soy protein, fruit, and yogurt. Gym day tomorrow. I hope my neighbor will forgive me for doing laundry this late!
 
Meal #5: rice with a fried egg on top, 200g of peas with sunflower seeds and a bit of oil, and a bottle of Kombucha. If I feel like I need more protein after eating those, I'll have cottage cheese.

Anxiety hit me hard again, with OCD thoughts and obsessing about if my stuff is in order/if I have accidentally caused damage to it/etc. There's old old trauma related to this but this is not the right moment to dive into it. I just put this thought here so I can focus to stay in the present, that's the most helpful course of action in this moment.
 
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