Floater's diary
- Thread starter Floater
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Floater
Well-known member
I had probably the best gym workout of my entire life. I had so much fun and I felt really in sync with my body. There's a tingling feeling in seeing that I only need to go up one single lever and I'll be working out with the "big boy weights" in the low row and lat pulldown machines. (After 60 kg the weights start going up at intervals of 10 kg and are twice the length of the 5-55kg weights, hence the nickname I've given them.)
I visited the church afterwards. The cantor was practicing "Amazing Grace" and it's probably the only hymn in existence that's improved by mistakes - levels out the incredible sappiness. I bought chicken fillets, frozen tuna steak, salad mix, cottage cheese, parsley, and heavy cream on my way home. I'll have the tuna this evening (I'll thaw it in cold water, should take about an hour according to the package) and chicken tomorrow. I also need to prep a box of mushrooms that's been sitting in my fridge for a while now, I'll have half of them with the tuna and rice and the rest with the chicken tomorrow.
I need to wake up super early tomorrow so I can have breakfast before the doctor's appointment, so I plan to wear myself out to make sure I fall asleep without any hiccups. Meal #2 was locker room porridge and a Monster Mango Loco, meal #3 is green lentil stew with a pollock fillet and a banana. The weather is perfect so I'll go for a leisurely walk after lunch and depending on how much energy I have to spend to tire myself out I might do some cleaning or go for another walk in the evening.
After the doctor tomorrow I'll treat myself to fried chicken and then I'll go aqua jogging, wearing my new swimsuit :3
I visited the church afterwards. The cantor was practicing "Amazing Grace" and it's probably the only hymn in existence that's improved by mistakes - levels out the incredible sappiness. I bought chicken fillets, frozen tuna steak, salad mix, cottage cheese, parsley, and heavy cream on my way home. I'll have the tuna this evening (I'll thaw it in cold water, should take about an hour according to the package) and chicken tomorrow. I also need to prep a box of mushrooms that's been sitting in my fridge for a while now, I'll have half of them with the tuna and rice and the rest with the chicken tomorrow.
I need to wake up super early tomorrow so I can have breakfast before the doctor's appointment, so I plan to wear myself out to make sure I fall asleep without any hiccups. Meal #2 was locker room porridge and a Monster Mango Loco, meal #3 is green lentil stew with a pollock fillet and a banana. The weather is perfect so I'll go for a leisurely walk after lunch and depending on how much energy I have to spend to tire myself out I might do some cleaning or go for another walk in the evening.
After the doctor tomorrow I'll treat myself to fried chicken and then I'll go aqua jogging, wearing my new swimsuit :3
Floater
Well-known member
Yeah and in the case of the pudding I think there's something very assuring that both the pudding and my external circumstances have changed since I had it as a kid
It's just a dessert but also a symbol of me having grown into my power and into an adult. Even the packaging looks so small in my hand now, when as a kid it was a small meal by itself.
Floater
Well-known member
I prepped tomorrow's breakfast - a layered bowl of almond milk, cinnamon and sunflower seed overnight oats with a spoonful of sugar and protein powder each, quark yogurt, banana slices and frozen mango. I wanted something that's easy to eat but will also give me a boost of energy. I also packed my swimming stuff and a snack of two mochi, four Brazil nuts, a handful of cashews and a handful of pumpkin seeds. I'm so nervous about the doctor's appointment. What if the doctor starts to ask me questions about stuff unrelated to what I'm there for? I can only hope this will work out OK... I wish I had someone there with me but I have to do this alone.
I'll go for that walk now. I miss Nera so much. Weird how sometimes the pain of loss cuts my heart like a knife. I'll take myself out for a walkie and if I focus very hard, I can sense her there with me. ;___;
I'll go for that walk now. I miss Nera so much. Weird how sometimes the pain of loss cuts my heart like a knife. I'll take myself out for a walkie and if I focus very hard, I can sense her there with me. ;___;
Floater
Well-known member
I had a leisurely two-hour walk (I stopped every now and then to watch birds care for their young), had a shower, and meal #4 was 250g of tuna steak, rice, and button mushrooms in cream sauce with parsley, black pepper, and scallions. I will never attempt to thaw the tuna steaks in cold water again, the consistency wasn't the same as when thawed in the package.
I'm doing laundry (I hope my neighbor won't be bothered by it hitting the spin cycle right after 10PM when silence starts...), the dishwasher is running, breakfast is prepped, I also put all the dry ingredients for tomorrow´s post workout porridge in the thermos on the counter so I only need to add water and stir... Leftover mushroom cream sauce is chilling on the counter on it's way to fridge, I took out pineapple to thaw, I still need to decide what I'll have for meal #5 other than the pineapple. I'll try to have a big meal #5 so I can go to sleep after that.
I think I'll change my bedsheets, it's almost like a good luck ritual for me.
I'm doing laundry (I hope my neighbor won't be bothered by it hitting the spin cycle right after 10PM when silence starts...), the dishwasher is running, breakfast is prepped, I also put all the dry ingredients for tomorrow´s post workout porridge in the thermos on the counter so I only need to add water and stir... Leftover mushroom cream sauce is chilling on the counter on it's way to fridge, I took out pineapple to thaw, I still need to decide what I'll have for meal #5 other than the pineapple. I'll try to have a big meal #5 so I can go to sleep after that.
I think I'll change my bedsheets, it's almost like a good luck ritual for me.
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Floater
Well-known member
Meal #5: ~200g of thawed pineapple, 200g of cottage cheese, rye bread with marg & liver paté, 5 salami snacks, some blue cheese, 4 dates, 2 Brazil nuts and 2 pieces of dark chocolate. I'm not particularly hungry but as I went hard at the gym AND this is going to be my last meal of the day, I wanted to have enough calories to last me until morning, protein to help rebuild my muscles, and both quick and slow carbs to make me drowsy. The snack platter style meal is also really psychologically satiating. I like finger foods and snack bites, because I can enjoy them with all senses haha.
EDIT: it was a lovely meal and I'm too tired to change the sheets so I'll just brush my teeth and hit the hay. Big day tomorrow!
EDIT: it was a lovely meal and I'm too tired to change the sheets so I'll just brush my teeth and hit the hay. Big day tomorrow!
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Cate
Long term member
I love this!
&You're doing what you can to be properly prepared and that's all you can do. Most doctors aren't transphobic assholes
Yay for getting close to big-boy workouts!
with LaMa.I really hope you doI'm too nervous and anxious to sleep
We'll be there with you in spirit xo
Floater
Well-known member
Thanks @Cate , thanks @Llama !
I had the weirdest dreams. At one point I was in a weird temple/train station/hospital/cemetery - it was all those places and none of them, a high echoing hall with pillars that pierced the dust dancing in the air at spots where the light flowed in from the windows high above, there were hard wooden benches and mentally and physically ill people muttering to themselves, stone graves in the floor - there was a feeling of passing hanging in the air, or more like this place was Passing itself. An embodiment of it.
Nera's urn was buried in one of the stone graves. My parents were there and I hated that I only had them to ask, but I asked them please to bury me next to her when I die. I was panicking that they wouldn't, but then the dust dancing in the air caught my eye and I felt a sense of peace knowing that I would be together with Nera no matter where our remains would lay. Then something shifted and I realized I was a patient there and I didn't want to be; a young POC nurse started to shepherd us towards our hospital rooms and I realized my parents were no longer there. I asked her to please not lock me in as I didn't belong in the hospital, and she said OK and told me to help her with the patients instead, so I did. Most were very old and in poor health. I was too stressed out to even make their beds; the capability had just escaped me.
Finally I found myself at a competition for people who are nothing. There was a bunch of us, most of us middle-aged. We were all people who had once thought we couldn't do anything but had realized this wasn't true; and it wasn't really a competition, we were there to cheer each other on. I ran with them and to my surprise didn't feel exhausted. Some of the people went on to run to the finish line that evening, but as I was a newcomer, I was told to sleep on it. The ones who went on ran into the hazy sunset trees and a strange ennui gripped me as I watched them gain distance. I wanted to go, my body was jumping at the bit, but this man slightly older than me told me it's best I wait until the next day because what if I get tired during the last portion of the journey? That really wouldn't do! He told me to eat something that would fuel me, and then I woke up.
Having the layered yogurt thing for breakfast now and holding back the panic! Dream was cool even if it was nightmarish at times.
I had the weirdest dreams. At one point I was in a weird temple/train station/hospital/cemetery - it was all those places and none of them, a high echoing hall with pillars that pierced the dust dancing in the air at spots where the light flowed in from the windows high above, there were hard wooden benches and mentally and physically ill people muttering to themselves, stone graves in the floor - there was a feeling of passing hanging in the air, or more like this place was Passing itself. An embodiment of it.
Nera's urn was buried in one of the stone graves. My parents were there and I hated that I only had them to ask, but I asked them please to bury me next to her when I die. I was panicking that they wouldn't, but then the dust dancing in the air caught my eye and I felt a sense of peace knowing that I would be together with Nera no matter where our remains would lay. Then something shifted and I realized I was a patient there and I didn't want to be; a young POC nurse started to shepherd us towards our hospital rooms and I realized my parents were no longer there. I asked her to please not lock me in as I didn't belong in the hospital, and she said OK and told me to help her with the patients instead, so I did. Most were very old and in poor health. I was too stressed out to even make their beds; the capability had just escaped me.
Finally I found myself at a competition for people who are nothing. There was a bunch of us, most of us middle-aged. We were all people who had once thought we couldn't do anything but had realized this wasn't true; and it wasn't really a competition, we were there to cheer each other on. I ran with them and to my surprise didn't feel exhausted. Some of the people went on to run to the finish line that evening, but as I was a newcomer, I was told to sleep on it. The ones who went on ran into the hazy sunset trees and a strange ennui gripped me as I watched them gain distance. I wanted to go, my body was jumping at the bit, but this man slightly older than me told me it's best I wait until the next day because what if I get tired during the last portion of the journey? That really wouldn't do! He told me to eat something that would fuel me, and then I woke up.
Having the layered yogurt thing for breakfast now and holding back the panic! Dream was cool even if it was nightmarish at times.
Makes sense to be dreaming of liminal spaces right now.
I love that. Both the realization you can do more than Some People used to believe in and that it's about doing what's right for you rather than trying to be the best at something arbitrarily decided for us.
Your subconscious mind knows what's up. Best of luck for your call.
Floater
Well-known member
Hmm. The appointment was weird. The doc referred me to a service coordinator on 24.5, apparently this is necessary? Ok. Had fried chicken. It wasn't very good. Off to the pool now!
Floater
Well-known member
Let's hope. It could also be that I came across as amnesic, confused and batshit insane.
I aqua jogged for 3hrs and swam a lap. I'm so much FASTER in my new swimsuit. I love it.
I had my locker room porridge before the workout so I'll count that and the fried chicken as meal #2. Meal #3 was two mochi and nuts in the locker room.
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Theoretically possible, but exceedingly unlikely!
Awesome, glad you kept it.
Floater
Well-known member
Hm, this is annoying: I have two 400g packages of sauerkraut in my fridge and both are marked "best before" today. On the other hand, I think that sauerkraut is probably one of the safest things in existence to eat past the date lol.
Red lentil stew is prepped, dishwasher is running, I'm having a cup of coffee. I'll do some cleaning tomorrow and maybe get started assembling my Ikea stuff. An assistance person will come over on Sunday and we´ll put the table together then, but I also bought a kitchen step and that one I can handle on my own for sure. But I'm not going to stress out about it. The table is most important because it'll make it much easier to get started doing the corrections to Sex Nurse's nonsense. When it comes to that one, I sure hope I could motivate myself with some whiskey, but I'm not going to break my intended 120-day dry spell just because of one old, vindictive hag.
I really want chocolate. But I only want a specific 60% cocoa dark chocolate with cacao nibs in it that Ikea sells. ;__; I have some milk chocolate in the cupboard, but it's just not the same. I checked Google Maps and it would take me 3 hours to walk to my closest Ikea and back. It shouldn't be too hard on a rest day I think; on Saturdays it's open from 10-20. Hmm. Well, Ikea isn't going to disappear anywhere, I'll see how I feel about that tomorrow and how much expendable energy I have left after cleaning up!
Coffee was great. I had a bottle of Kombucha in the fridge so I'll have that as a treat. I prepped another layered overnight oats - quark yogurt - banana - mango bowl for tomorrow. I added more protein powder this time, let's hope it doesn't taste too chalky!
Red lentil stew is prepped, dishwasher is running, I'm having a cup of coffee. I'll do some cleaning tomorrow and maybe get started assembling my Ikea stuff. An assistance person will come over on Sunday and we´ll put the table together then, but I also bought a kitchen step and that one I can handle on my own for sure. But I'm not going to stress out about it. The table is most important because it'll make it much easier to get started doing the corrections to Sex Nurse's nonsense. When it comes to that one, I sure hope I could motivate myself with some whiskey, but I'm not going to break my intended 120-day dry spell just because of one old, vindictive hag.
I really want chocolate. But I only want a specific 60% cocoa dark chocolate with cacao nibs in it that Ikea sells. ;__; I have some milk chocolate in the cupboard, but it's just not the same. I checked Google Maps and it would take me 3 hours to walk to my closest Ikea and back. It shouldn't be too hard on a rest day I think; on Saturdays it's open from 10-20. Hmm. Well, Ikea isn't going to disappear anywhere, I'll see how I feel about that tomorrow and how much expendable energy I have left after cleaning up!
Coffee was great. I had a bottle of Kombucha in the fridge so I'll have that as a treat. I prepped another layered overnight oats - quark yogurt - banana - mango bowl for tomorrow. I added more protein powder this time, let's hope it doesn't taste too chalky!
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