Floater's diary

Breakfast (salmon salad etc) was great, so was the walk with a friend. I'm making lunch now: beluga lentil stew with cherry tomatoes, red pepper, tahini, and gochujang. Will have one portion with pollock for lunch and hit the gym. Depending on the weather I might wash those balcony glasses today but we'll see.
 
Oh! I need to remember to buy dates on my way back. I also feel like buying mozzarella sticks or something from Taco Bell instead of having porridge, I'm in a treat kind of mood. :3

Meal #2 was beluga lentil stew with pollock, a cup of oat matcha latte, and a bowl of yogurt with a ripe banana, pomegranate seeds, and maple syrup. I'll let the food settle for a bit and hit the gym :3

EDIT lord, this is so frustrating... The table I was supposed to go get tomorrow has sold out. Thankfully this is Ikea we are talking about, so there will be more tables available later, but this is still very annoying.
 
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Had fun at the gym. My workouts have gotten longer and more complex lately. I didn't plan to, it just happened because I don't want to leave the gym and return to reality with Sex Nurse and a lifetime of trauma and this years' disappointments and losses. In the gym I feel sane and healthy.

I had a Cheesy Gordita Crunch (290 kcal) as meal #3 / post workout meal, and I think I'll get mozzarella sticks from Burger King too. (I did: they were 275kcal)
 
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I went grocery shopping on my way home: bananas, dates, cashews, cucumber, and 250g of frozen tuna steak I left in the fridge to thaw for tomorrow. I think my tomorrow will look something like this: breakfast, call the patient ombudsman, take a moment to process whatever they say (and plan for next move), have lunch (tuna steak, rice, and scallions), go aqua jogging for 2 hrs, and proceed with the rest of the day depending on how tired and/or angry I am and if I need another workout to calm myself down or not.
 
Thanks @Llama !

I ran the dishwasher and called the helpline because I needed to vent. Now having meal #4: two rye bread sandwiches with ham and salad, a bowl of mango and cherries, and a bottle of Kombucha. I think I need a walk, I feel antsy.
 
Meal #5: 200g of cottage cheese, a small bowl of sauerkraut, three mini Karelian pies with marg and ham, blue cheese for dessert.

Packed breakfast for tomorrow: two mini Karelian pies with marg and ham, a handful of radishes, dark green salad mix, sauerkraut, Brazil nuts + walnuts + one sesame mochi, and blue cheese. (I'll mix the radishes, salad, walnuts, cashews and blue cheese together when it's time to serve the breakfast. The combos sometimes sound odd because I explain it by the order the compartments are in lol.)

Hmm. I would kind of like to go to sleep after meal #5 and not eat more because I had that cheesy gordita and four mozzarella sticks after the gym. But at the same time I have a feeling that I might need to eat something rich in protein before I go to bed. All in all I'm quite happy with today's meals and VERY happy about the amount of exercise I got. I really enjoyed my "dirty gains" foods and it was psychologically beneficial for me to enjoy some treat food - it gave me a chance to break my routine a little bit, and it felt special and soothing.
 
It sounds like a really good day. I always love the sound of your food & think I'll add some things to my whole foods shopping list- dates, cashews & maybe some brazil nuts. Yum!
 
Llama said:
I need to put brazil nuts on my shopping list as well: only have 3 tiny ones left! Hope you had a great sleep.
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It was OK. I woke up to a nightmare of me being stuck in my old music school, there was a gala going on and I felt sick, I was dressed in my muddy hiking boots and sweatpants and people were looking at me like I was filth. In the dream I called Sex Nurse's boss and told her that my lawyer demands they erase the forged statement, to which the boss laughed out loud and starting to tell me about their lawyer and how he's a silly looking guy but very good at his job, and asking me "what are we going to get if we win?". Yeah.

Left a call back request for the patient ombudsman. Not much else I can do now. I have stomach and lower back cramps, probably from my curse organs (not that I have any idea about where my cycle´s at as I have a hormonal IUD). I'm having breakfast and trying not to vomit, the pain is that bad. I don't have any pain killers at home so let's just hope it passes soon.

EDIT: I never had meal #6 yesterday and it makes me happy I guess. It shouldn't though, it should be neutral. I try to focus on feeling neutral about it.
 
All my sweatpants and sarong pants (except the one pair that's hanging by a thread and in the hamper) have been worn to literal shreds and had to be tossed, I'm wearing my gym tights that I've been actively avoiding to wear because in the winter I was so bloated (and a couple of kg heavier) that they felt uncomfortable. At least for now I feel comfortable and don't look bad either. Stepped on the scale before breakfast and I'm back at -2kg from my starting weight a month ago, so I think it's safe to say that my weight jumping up back to starting weight last Saturday was water weight. It's going to be really interesting to see how my body will look by the end of the summer. It's been a huge difference in my overall well-being to abstain from alcohol and take my ADHD meds daily except for tolerance breaks ~ once a week.

One fairly interesting development is that my NECK looks muscular now. I don't think I have ever seen a woman/AFAB with such prominent neck muscles unless they are a body builder (not the fitness/bikini kind, the bulky kind). If I were into that, I would probably make a competition-worthy body builder as muscle just sticks to my frame like glue. I guess at least I got that going for me if the trans clinic will blacklist me after standing up to their "autism expert".
 
How long have you had your IUD? If you're bloated AND cramping could it be that it's running out? If not maybe see a doctor if you're in that much pain because that's not normal.
Yay for visible muscle though!
 
Llama said:
How long have you had your IUD? If you're bloated AND cramping could it be that it's running out? If not maybe see a doctor if you're in that much pain because that's not normal.
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It's in schedule, I have the 5-year Mirena and first insertion was in 2013 and the second in 2018 so I should be golden until late fall 2023. The pain eventually got easier but it's telling it took me 2 hours to eat my breakfast. I had diarhhea on top of it all... Hngn.

EDIT: it's very well possible that the emotional stress from Sex Nurse is fucking with my hormones; I just noticed I have spotting and whenever I've had spotting with Mirena has been in times of extreme stress.

The patient ombudsman called me back and suggested I start by fixing the errors in Sex Nurse's document and see if that fixes the issue, as in his opinion it's unlikely that the police will consider any healthcare-related shenanigans crimes (by this he made clear he wasn't saying a forgery hadn't happened, it's just that intention can be hard to prove, and he also said that recordings and other forms of self-collected evidence rarely get any attention from the police). He said that what's clear from a legal standpoint is that the document HAS to be truthful, and as I have a witness, they really should fix the errors. If they refuse to do so, the next viable step (according to the patient ombudsman) is to leave a complaint to the regional state administrative agency, which is a slow road (it takes over a year to get a decision from them) but somewhat more likely to yield results than reporting Sex Nurse for an alleged crime.

So, I'll start writing that shit ASAP, but I also booked a legal advice phone appointment for tomorrow to verify that the patient ombudsman's advice is the best to take in this situation. I think I'll slap on some sunscreen now and return my recyclables, wash my balcony glasses to give me some time to think, then I'll have lunch, and go aqua jogging in the afternoon. Ikea has the table I wanted back in stock, so I reserved it and will pick it up tomorrow or the day after.
 
That sounds like something of a relief, tbh. You're handling this super well, even if your body is telling you it finds it horrible as well.
 
Llama said:
That sounds like something of a relief, tbh. You're handling this super well, even if your body is telling you it finds it horrible as well.
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Thanks Llama. I did have a crying fit right now though as it turns out that the doctor who was supposed to write the doctor's notes for my disability application has written in the statement that I attempted su*c*de in 2017, which isn't true. I had an attempt in 2007 after being assaulted, and there's a big difference there. I'm just so exhausted. I'm so done.

I know I have to file a formal request to have the error fixed in whatever paper it's been marked in first and keeps getting copied. But today I just can't. I'm done for today. No washing balcony glasses. I'll have lunch and go aqua jogging.

EDIT: like, I know it's nothing personal. It's a typo. But god damn it feels horrible to read something like that.

EDIT: the attempt was in 2007 of course. I redid the same dumb typo.
 
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:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
 
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