Floater's diary

Cate said:
I’m so sorry that I posted in here this morning as I feel that I added to your pain when I just didn’t mean to at all. I really am very sorry. I do mean well but should learn to just pull my head in.
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It's OK Cate, you didn't do anything wrong. I was talking on a general level. Sometimes it's so hard for me to not put on my bravest face or to voice displeasure and that's what I was talking about :grouphug:

I have to leave for therapy but I'll come back, it looks like I will lose my disability because the doctor messed up my statement. I need to figure out a way to keep my apartment.
 
OK OK OK I did what I could about the statement (the doc had forgotten to put in dates of disability), it should be fixed in a few weeks. Possibly not soon enough that I won't temporarily lose my disability, but if memory serves it can be pain retroactively if I'm not the faulty party. So I may need to apply for another form of emergency social security for August, which will only cover my rent and will cause the social services to demand that I move out. But as soon as the retrospective pension gets paid again, I can cancel and pay back the emergency social security. A hassle but I won't be homeless
 
I just got home from therapy so let's take a breather and go through what has happened today:

- woke up, got the info that assistance visit has been cancelled
- meal #1: a small bowl of mango, an egg, 75 g of gravlax
- left a text message asking if tomorrow's visit could be used today with not much hope of this happening - but it did. So I had just enough time to drive to Espoo and then to Tuusula to pick up the chairs.
- in the car I was checking my info and found out I won't be getting my pension. Sent several messages and called a few places and the thing is now as fixed as it can be. I will probably have to go a month or two without any payments but it's not my fault the doctor forgot to write in the dates. Also reserved another appointment in case the error is unfixable.
- brought the chairs inside, had meal #2: porridge, cherry tomatoes, a banana, four walnuts, four brazil nuts
- walked to therapy while having the last call to the health center to tell them additional info my pension provider ahd told is missing from the doctor's statement
- therapy. My therapist confirmed my suspicion that dealing with Sex Nurse may no longer be fixable by just asking them to fix the errors, because her claiming that we have had a phone call and me having said things during it that I've never said is a forgery of healthcare documents. Which is a crime. So before I do anything else, I need to contact the patient ombudsman and ask for legal advice.
- after therapy, went to the church. Then the Asian store. Then grocery shopping. Had a Thai energy drink and a roasted coconut drink on my way home.
- just got home, had meal #3: a chicken leg and the rest of my max dose of ADHD meds. Let's count the liquid calories from the energy drink and the coconut drink to this meal too.

OK, plan for tonight:
I need to keep myself sane somehow. All of this is too much but at the same time I refuse to let that HORRID BITCH win. Like, if my psychotherapist strongly recommends that I take legal action, then I definitely should. My ability to medically transition is secondary to my right to be treated fairly and as a person, and that applies to all of her other clients too. Good health care professionals don't do great work with 300+ patients and forge a statement with just one they didn't happen to like. God knows how many vulnerable autistic people she has fucked over in her career?

I'm meeting my neighbor at 7PM. I think I'll wipe the floor with a static cloth to get the most of the sand etc out, then make myself a bowl of polenta, then wipe the floors with a damp cloth and finally finish them with parquet care liquid. I think that this weekend I'll also start the project of washing my balcony glasses and windows, it's a good workout too. Ex will come over in the evening.
 
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Oof, that was a day and a half. I can't imagine how stressed out you must be. Still glad you got those chairs though, to prove that not all is misery.
 
Llama said:
Oof, that was a day and a half. I can't imagine how stressed out you must be. Still glad you got those chairs though, to prove that not all is misery.
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Thanks Llama! I'm glad about the chairs, too. A visual reminder of things sometimes working out surprisingly well. I'm in fighting spirits. Apartment is all clean now. I have to try and trust myself and my capability to bounce back.
 
Meal #4: a handful of cherry tomatoes and a bowl of polenta with pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, spinach, and a boiled egg.
 
Ex is going to pop by soon, we'll order fried chicken and have a smoke. My thinking hat is on, and I'm starting to see a way out not only from Sex Nurse's shenanigans but in a wider scope. I have needed the time between 05/2019 and 05/2022 to let go of my old attachments and work out some issues, to break and rebuild, and these hardships are nothing I couldn't survive and build stronger upon.
 
Floater said:
I have to try and trust myself and my capability to bounce back.
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I think you are much stronger & more resilient than I am. I really admire you for that. It's horrifying how you have been treated. I'm glad you managed to get those chairs!
 
@Cate *hug*

I should start my day... We had fun with my ex and I slept well. I ate so much 😂 but I decide to believe that one cheat day per week keeps the metabolism ticking!

Today is aqua jogging day, and I really want to wash my balcony glasses today. My apartment has three big windows plus the balcony door, ventilation window and balcony glasses so I'll get it done over several days, one portion at a time.

I need to eat breakfast - I'm thinking super spicy ramen with egg and cheese.

EDIT: meal #1: super spicy ramen with an egg, sauerkraut, enoki mushrooms, herbs, and cheese.
 
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Llama said:
I must not be quite awake because my first thought was that you'd have to splash quite a bit to get that high.
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Oh I was high last night without any splashing :jump:

The balcony glass project will also double as my second workout for today, so I need to remember that as I hit the gym tomorrow, it's hard work for the upper body!
 
Mixed my post workout porridge, bleached my eyebrows, had a banana and a mochi for meal #2, and now it's off to the pool 🥰
 
I opted for a bottle of Kombucha and a stick of strawberry licorice instead, so meal #3 was locker room porridge and the aforementioned treats. Saw a pheasant on my way home!

Meal #4 is leftover soup: minced meat with corn and edamame + red lentil stew. I don't think I have the energy to start washing the balcony glasses tonight, it's so late already. I'm exhausted.
 
Meal 5: four mini Karelian pies and some cheese. EDIT: that wasn't enough, so I had a bit more cheese, a small bowl of thawed cherries, and 1,5dl of plain yogurt.

I feel physically and mentally exhausted. It feels too insane that it's almost Monday, and on Monday I'll call the patient ombudsman and ask advice how to proceed in reporting Sex Nurse for forging a medical statement. This responsibility makes me physically sick. This could take years to sort out, and I will never get fair treatment at the trans clinic because of this, but my morals don't allow me to just hope that this blows out when I know I can't be the only victim in this.

EDIT: packed tomorrow's bento breakfast: dark green salad + raw enoki mushrooms, 75g of cold smoked salmon + sweet peas, chopped walnuts +pumpkin seeds + seaweed snacks cut into thin strips, pineapple and one peanut mochi. It might be too low in calories, but my morning is going to start easy with a walk with a friend at 11AM, so I can have a heavy lunch before I hit the gym.
 
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Floater said:
on Monday I'll call the patient ombudsman and ask advice how to proceed in reporting Sex Nurse for forging a medical statement. This responsibility makes me physically sick.
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That's why they have an ombudsman: to make sure you don't have to bear the burden alone. If you haven't been in touch with them before it might be helpful to make the call while assistance is there for emotional support. Do you happen to have enough of a network among trans guys working toward transition that you might be able to find others who were treated badly by her? Or would that be something the ombudsman could help with? Being a perfectly documented case is one thing but having other people to back up your story might make the burden seem less heavy.
 
Llama said:
That's why they have an ombudsman: to make sure you don't have to bear the burden alone. If you haven't been in touch with them before it might be helpful to make the call while assistance is there for emotional support.
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The ombudsman only mediates and won't be starting any processes, only refers me forward to legal assistance & the police if (and as) deemed necessary. I no longer trust the judgment of the assistance people enough that if this turns into a law case, they won't say or do something that will hinder due process. Best to not include them, other than for optics. They are not any wiser than me in legalese.
Llama said:
Do you happen to have enough of a network among trans guys working toward transition that you might be able to find others who were treated badly by her?
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At this point it's not necessary to worry about hunting down other displeased clients, it might even make me seem like a vindictive hobby-horse legal system abuser. If this proceeds to initial investigation and court, I have no doubt that a lawyer will ponder the possibility of a class action law suit and do so in a way that won't unintentionally fuck my life over even worse.
 
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True. I'd personally feel better having someone with me in the background but different strokes for different folks. And I understand that would be a sore topic right now; sorry I brought it up.
 
Llama said:
True. I'd personally feel better having someone with me in the background but different strokes for different folks. And I understand that would be a sore topic right now; sorry I brought it up.
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It's OK, I'm not cross at you, just trying to adapt to the situation in hopes of a decent outcome. The assistance people are people, and people gossip with their colleagues. I can't risk it.
 
Meal #6: marmite rye sandwich, a few seaweed snacks, 75g of smoked salmon, a fried egg, and 200g of cottage cheese. I was super hungry for protein 😅
 
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