Floater's diary

[Floater]

Walking back, I had an idea: what if I had a big meal #5, lots of water (as I feel a bit dehydrated), and went back to the stairs in the evening when most people have returned home to prepare for their work weeks? So that's what I'll do.

Meal #5: 75 g of gravlax, tuna pasta with a fried egg, green salad, button mushrooms, and two RAF tomatoes.

EDIT: yeah, not having eaten enough kcals was the culprit. I feel much better now! I'll have a cup of coffee, wait for the dishwasher to have done it's thing, and then go back to the stairs and do stair walking for 20 mins to get a full 30 mins for the day.

 

[Floater]

Nice, just finished 20 mins in the stairs in addition to earlier 10. The night is BEAUTIFUL. But I definitely need a break from the stairs lol. I'll go hike to lake Kuusijärvi and back tomorrow instead.

This week's workouts:
Aqua jogging 2hrs
Gym x3
Stair walking 2hrs 15mins

Now I'll head home, change the bedsheets, shower, have meal #6, brush my teeth and hopefully zzzzz.

 

[Floater]

Meal #6: a mini Karelian pie with marg and cheese, a rye sandwich with marg, salad and cheese, seaweed snacks, 100g of cottage cheese, a small bowl of mango, 4 dates, 1 sesame mochi.

Packed tomorrow's breakfast: rye bread with salad and cheese + cherry tomatoes + seaweed snacks, dates (they were mushed so no idea how many, 6 maybe?) + 4 Brazil nuts, sweet peas, mango + pineapple, 100g of cottage cheese. I've learned my lesson and will from now on never pack a low kcal breakfast. While gym was better than my initial attempt at stair walking, I did notice I was a bit off, so from now on I'll definitely take time and effort to make my breakfasts as filling as I can.

 

[Floater]

Having breakfast. My leg muscles feel tight and like they are going to get cramp-y later. I'll take my potassium supplement with my meds - it has magnesium in it too. I'm tired but in a good mood. It's always lovely to wake up from clean sheets.

 

[Floater]

Ehh, I ended up torturing myself looking at Romanian rescue dogs from a Finnish dog rescue org. I don't think I'm ready for a new dog yet because I couldn't bring myself to click on any other than black female dogs with a white chest. Luckily, both were looking for homes with other dogs and I'm a one dog kinda guy.

Feeling exhausted and hopeless about transitioning again. Sometimes I feel like what does it even matter to pursue it when in my current life where I don't see people (other than occasionally close friends and autism/healthcare professionals on the reg) so I don't need to suffer from social dysphoria. The system is so exhausting and so far I've been met with literal _abuse_ by the Sex Nurse. What if it only gets worse from here? With political stuff that's been going on for a while and the war in Ukraine, who's to tell if there are even worse things around the corner, not just for me but in the big picture? Legislation is fickle and can change; I can't see how trans rights, or human rights in general would improve in the future. If someone would have told me a few years ago that Roe vs Wade will be overturned in 2022 I would have laughed in disbelief. And of course that's 'Murica and not Finland but we have been going backwards too. I'm already autistic and mentally ill, transitioning might just paint yet another target on my back. Sigh.

 

[Llama]

Or maybe transitioning will make you stand out less. Who knows? People have been working to overturn Roe v Wade for decades. Remember Proposition 8? It felt like such a slap in the face at the time but in the end it helped to accelerate the process of marriage equality. You never know what the future will bring so it's ok to do what's right for you.

 

[Floater]

Or maybe transitioning will make you stand out less. Who knows?

You have a point. Trans guys who pass and live "stealth" (AKA keep their trans status to themselves and intimate partners) do say that living as a guy is unbelievably easier. I guess I feel conflicted about that too because it's just not RIGHT that gender plays such a huge role in being treated respectfully in society... But the again, most trans guys work hard to dismantle male privilege.

EDIT: of course with transitioning there comes a dependency on regular health care for HRT prescription renewals and bloodwork and such, and that's what scares me most if there's a crisis incoming. Would suck to survive a Kremlin Gremlin invasion and die of a blood clot from unmonitored T levels thickening the blood too much...

People have been working to overturn Roe v Wade for decades. Remember Proposition 8? It felt like such a slap in the face at the time but in the end it helped to accelerate the process of marriage equality. You never know what the future will bring so it's ok to do what's right for you.

True.

Having lunch: lentil and edamame curry with corn, a pollock fillet, and Korean mint + scallions. My first bag of frozen pollock fillets is finished, three to go, so I'm perfectly in schedule when it comes to how much I ordered. At some point I may need to up my lunches to two fillets, but we'll see. Having more or less the same thing for lunch for 6 days per week hasn't become unpleasant yet, because with different types of lentils and spices and alternating between coconut milk/oat cream/PB + tomato paste for the broth makes for completely different lentil stews. Lots of protein and fiber for lunch can't be a bad thing!

 

[Llama]

Life isn't fair but we can work toward making it more so. And in the meantime you using a little bit of male privilege isn't harming anyone. Relying on testosterone in a crisis is probably easier than the reverse because lots of cis men take it too so the infrastructure is considered important. Let's not kid ourselves into thinking that a Putin wouldn't take anything he needed to feel young and virile.
Edited to add: if we were both starving and we found a pot of peanut butter you not eating it in solidarity with my allergic ass wouldn't do me any good.

 

[Floater]

Relying on testosterone in a crisis is probably easier than the reverse because lots of cis men take it too so the infrastructure is considered important. Let's not kid ourselves into thinking that a Putin wouldn't take anything he needed to feel young and virile.

You are right of course, but just how depressing is it really that women's sexual health and gender-related hormonal issues from PCOS to menopausal symptoms etc are considered secondary to some middle-aged guy growing a gut and not getting his funstick hard due to low T levels...! It's only recently been discussed that perhaps women and people assigned female at birth should have access to pain management during IUD insertions. Having gone through that twice, it's nuts how women´s pain/female pain is just shrugged off as no biggie.

Edited to add: if we were both starving and we found a pot of peanut butter you not eating it in solidarity with my allergic ass wouldn't do me any good.

Thanks for the chuckle! In the meanwhile, I solemnly promise to infiltrate and destroy the patriarchy from the inside if I ever get that far in my transition!

I was starting to get stomach cramps so I had meal #3: 150g of yogurt with a sliced banana, a 400ml bottle of Kombucha, a small bowl of cherries, and a boiled egg. I prepped sushi rice for later (used too much vinegar but I'll figure out some way to work around that) and will pack two rye bread sandwiches with cheese & salad for the lake hike!

 

[Llama]

It's only recently been discussed that perhaps women and people assigned female at birth should have access to pain management during IUD insertions. Having gone through that twice, it's nuts how women´s pain/female pain is just shrugged off as no biggie.

Having never been pregnant and having had 2 iud's... Oof. The second time wasn't so bad because I knew it'd feel like they were trying to stab a knitting needle into my ribcage from below but the first time, with doctor and assistant pretending it couldn't hurt I thought something was going horribly wrong so it hurt all the more.

Thanks for the chuckle! In the meanwhile, I solemnly promise to infiltrate and destroy the patriarchy from the inside if I ever get that far in my transition!

Just to make the Rowling woman mad: when you get sworn in as president of the world would you mind adding "mischief managed" to the oath?

Your food sounds delicious, as always.

 

[Floater]

Just to make the Rowling woman mad: when you get sworn in as president of the world would you mind adding "mischief managed" to the oath?

Your food sounds delicious, as always.

Thank you! Lunch really wasn't. Or rather, it wasn't bad taste-wise but oh lordy the aesthetics of green lentils, corn, edamame and pollock in pale green oat cream (due to the curry paste I added) was... Something. A very 70´s color palette dish, shall we say: all the shades of a wallpaper with huge, geometrical flower patterns.

I packed the sandwiches and oat matcha latte as well as my trusty water bottle, and as soon as I've drank my coffee, I'm out! I'll try to take pretty pics from the lake. The last time I was there it was with Nera the week before she died (an autism assistance person drove us there and back). She didn't want to walk around the lake anymore. I'll do it for her today.

 

[Llama]

My parents got married in 1975 (on this very day!) so our house had tile and curtains in that style... Thankfully my mom has a good feeling for color so it wasn't oppressive.
Hope you enjoy your remembrance walk.

 

[Floater]

Congratulations to your parents! And thanks <3

 

[Floater]

Just got home from my lake hike: I walked for 3,5 hours with a short sit-down on a lakeside bench where I had my sandwiches, sitting next to half of a Captain America toy that some kid (presumably) had left behind. Hail Hydra I guess?

I popped by Lidl (they have Spanish theme weeks now so I got Serrano ham, cheese, and chorizo snacks for cheap) and the supermarket on my way home to restock on groceries - I've been craving minced beef lately so I got that among my usual stuff. Also more Kombucha, despite it being a bit of a luxury item. And I still forgot to buy toothpaste. Well, there's still some left so I don't need to go to bed with a stinky breath lol.

Tomorrow would be gym day but I really want to go aqua jogging as the strike should be over tomorrow... It would be so nice for my aching feet and sore back. If I feel like the change of routine disrupts my system too much, I could always walk to the gym in the evening for a light lifting session, then go aqua jogging on Wed as originally planned, and go as usual from there.

Anyway, I need food now or I'll become a cranky crab.

EDIT: water temperature was +10C so a tad cold for my tastes still. But of course there were swimmers because Finland gonna Finland. Once the water temps rise to 15 and over, I'll pack my swimsuit and my flippers and go nuts in the lake.

Also I had a really nice thought on my way back when I was starting to feel pretty tired already. I thought to myself that despite having more than a few screws loose, I'm still very blessed in terms of physical health and the knowledge how to take care of it and the resources to do so. Especially as I have been through times when I wasn't capable of taking care of myself properly, I can truly appreciate being in a good place about this. And ultimately it doesn't even matter if I never meet the expectations that were set for me or I set for myself. There's no sustainable way of being part of the workforce if there isn't first a sustainable routine that promotes my mental and physical health.

So the next doctor who suggests I should go bag screws and cutlery to a disability center for a nominal wage as a way to "keep me engaged in society" can go f*ck a cactus. By this I'm not saying that there's anything shameful about this kind of work in disability centers or that I would be "too good" for it. Some people find it fulfilling, but I would probably end up swallowing a handful of those screws just to get out of there. So no matter what any whitecoat says, I AM currently being very proactive about my own health. When I was walking, I wasn't anxious. I didn't worry about money. I was in the moment and I was happy to be alive. I felt... Healthy.

 

[Floater]

Meal #5: fried rice and fried button mushrooms with coriander, scallions, and cold ham.

 

[Floater]

Prepped breakfast: yogurt+banana slices+pomegranate seeds, two Karelian pies with marg, ham and salad, four Brazil nuts, three dates, two pieces of dark chocolate and one sesame mochi, sauerkraut, and a boiled egg. In other words, a breakfast that will fuel me through a two-hour aqua jogging session because I decided that's what I need and want tomorrow, and flexibility is important for sustainability! Already packed my swimming gear. I can't wait!

My feet, back and buttocks are aching after walking so long, mostly on asphalt. Aqua jogging is wonderful because there's so little pressure on my joints and back pain always gets better in the pool.

 

[Floater]

Meal #6 was a handful of cherry tomatoes and 200g of cottage cheese. I might need to eat more later but right now I just want to brush my teeth and try to sleep.

 

[Cate]

Just a quick catch up after a few days off

 

[Floater]

I just woke up and my ankles are on fire. So I've overdone it. :/ Aqua jogging should be safe but I wonder if it would be smarter to have a rest day? Assistance person is going to drive me to look at some chairs to go with the table I fancy and I overslept, so 2hrs of aqua jogging is out of the question. But if I feel better in the evening, I could still squeeze in a gym sesh...

I guess I just have to have breakfast and decide afterwards.

 

[Floater]

OK! Breakfast is all done. I even ate slowly, I'm so out of gas. Ankles are still sore but not as sore as when I woke up. I won't have enough time to go aqua jogging before assistance arrives, so I'll walk to the post office to pick up a package and buy toothpaste on my way back. I'll take my backpack with a snack, my swimming gear and my post-workout porridge with me to the furniture store and ask the assistance person to drop me by the pool on our way back.