Floater's diary

Llama said:
Of course the scientists are both brilliant and curiously stupid. Of course they ignore ethics completely. And of course the "monster" seduces the guy but rapes the woman.
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Yeah and the ending scene was particularly sadistic and voyeuristic with the woman scientist being pregnant. And I like that you put "monster" in quotes because of course the critter was not to blame for the circumstances of their own birth and upbringing.

Yeah I think I'll survive the corn, I'm just a hygiene freak so I get skittish about stuff that wouldn't bother most folks. I think I'll have my last piece of oat flatbread for "dessert", my chicken liver dinner didn't quite satisfy me. I think I'll have spaghetti with spinach (EDIT: I'm apparently out of spinach, well done me I guess lol EDIT2: found a bag under the corn yay), feta cheese and butter beans before going to sleep, as kcal-wise I probably haven't eaten enough especially as it was gym day.

Tomorrow I have an online meeting with a trans nonprofit worker at 11.45 and assistance will come over at 15.30. Depending on my mood, I might go aqua jogging right after the first and ask the assistance person to pick me up from the pool. We'll see!
 
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Time to eat, I just can't wait any longer. I'll have spaghetti + spinach + butter beans + feta as planned, but also rye bread with a fried egg. I feel like I'm a host to a very hungry Venom, so I'd rather satiate this with something sensible instead of bingeing on some nonsense in the middle of the night :cautious:

Note to self: while on meds, a bowl of fruit or sauerkraut and cherry tomatoes may feel like a meal, but they are not meals. Snack-wise they are great snacks and for sure helped me to not get stomach cramps despite maxxing out on my meds today, but kcal-wise they don't really count.
 
I just realized that movie would be way more fun as an intentionally bad porn spoof. Of course if I can think of that it probably already exists but I'm guessing it's a darker version instead of a 1980s "why is there straw on the floor?" "I dunno, let's fuck" version.

Good luck with the meeting.
 
Llama said:
I just realized that movie would be way more fun as an intentionally bad porn spoof. Of course if I can think of that it probably already exists but I'm guessing it's a darker version instead of a 1980s "why is there straw on the floor?" "I dunno, let's fuck" version.
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"Honey, don't you think that our genetically modified child looks kinda hot?" Hmm, I need to inject some bleach into my brain right about now; may Jeffrey Dahmer's spirit guide my hand :oops:
Llama said:
Good luck with the meeting.
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Thanks! The guy I've been working with is super nice and I think he'll have some ideas how to best proceed. Rye bread and egg was good and my pasta is almost done...! Can't wait!
 
Phew, all done with the pasta. The portion turned out slightly bigger than I expected but I finished it nevertheless, because this is not the right time to go in big kcal deficit. I'm still getting used to my meds again (around the time of Nera's death I went for two months practically without taking them at all) and that does weird things to one's appetite. My skin also looks like shit because my system is still adjusting. But I ordered some Korean skincare stuff a few days ago, that and staying hydrated + wearing sunscreen helps!
 
HECK YEAH! I weighed myself today and as the number was the same as two days ago, I have indeed lost 1kg in a bit over a week. While such a loss is not yet visible, it's an indicator that what I'm doing currently is working for me. Can't wait to go aqua jogging this afternoon :love:

Now it's time for my bento breakfast of oat flatbread and tzatziki-style veg and bean salad!
 
I had an incredible lunch: sugar snap peas, portobello mushroom, gravlax, and spaghetti with fresh parsley & black pepper.

I put green lentils to soak so I can make lentil curry in the evening, and packed tomorrow's bento breakfast: my last bits of green salad, rye bread with gravlax & parsley, cucumber sticks, sunflower seeds & four Brazil nuts, sauerkraut, sun-dried tomatoes, and 1dl of cottage cheese.

Assistance person will be here in an hour and I'll ask him to give me a lift to the pool. I'll have a snack of rye bread with a fried egg, four Brazil nuts, and a small bowl of pineapple before leaving so I'll have the energy to really work it, and of course pack my post-workout porridge before leaving.
 
Aqua jogged for 2hrs, had my locker room porridge, walked home, got a bag of salad mix and two mozzarella balls on my way home. I had leftover rice+pomegranate seeds+corn+sauerkraut in the fridge, so I fried it in Gochujang paste and added some parsley, lime juice and crumbled feta cheese; the end result is really nice. I'll have the rest of my cottage cheese for dessert to make sure I get enough protein after working out, and then I'll run the dishwasher and make lentil curry as my last meal of today.

In the locker room I was thinking about how happy I am that I have a routine and how strongly I need to have a routine as an autistic person. And while it sucks that due to the power-tripping nurse my transition timeline got extended for no sensible reason, I had a moment of humorous introspection when I thought to myself that here I sit and eat my porridge like a secret agent, looking one way and being something completely different inside.

EDIT: gym day tomorrow, I have to go around midday or early afternoon because assistance will come over at 5PM and I really don't want to go to the gym in the evening when it's packed like a tin of sardines!
 
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I'm STARVING, but the lentil curry smells amazing. I took out two flatbreads to thaw and I think that once I've taken aside curry portions I plan to eat later, I'll heat up some chipped frozen game in the portion I'll eat tonight. My body is screaming for protein. o_O Already packed gym stuff for tomorrow.

My face looks gross: I grow a lot of white peach fuzz, and unlike a proper beard, this sucker just can't be shaved in the direction of hair growth because it's so fine it just slinks away from the razor, and when there's a light behind me I look like Uncle Scrooge with my dandelion mutton chops. So yesterday I shaved against the grain and now I'm red like a middle-aged alcoholic who fell asleep in the sun. I'm not a big fan of beards, but as I have to shave anyway, at least growing a proper beard should allow me to shave in the direction of hair growth lol. Can't wait for my Korean snail mucus cream and other sorcery items to arrive so I can finally look like a human again instead of a radish.
 
My hairdresser seems to find peach offensive even though mine is very fine. She has a special tool for removing it with scratches a tiny bit but seems to work well.
 
Llama said:
My hairdresser seems to find peach offensive even though mine is very fine. She has a special tool for removing it with scratches a tiny bit but seems to work well.
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I leave my peach fuzz alone in the winter, but shave it in the summer because my sunscreen sticks to it and makes me look like a Schnauzer in the bright light.

I just finished my first draft of the email I'm going to send to Sex Nurse's boss to ask for a meeting. One of my regular assistance folks will read it tomorrow and suggest any changes - it helps that she knows the organization in and out, so together we can Fusion Dance into the perfect Karen and truly Speak To The Manager.

Breakfast was good. I'll now prep and pack my locker room porridge and do some tidying before lunchtime; I think I'll have spaghetti with portobello, gravlax and sugar snap peas again because it was so incredibly good, and then I'll head to the gym :)
 
I just finished my first draft of the email I'm going to send to Sex Nurse's boss to ask for a meeting. One of my regular assistance folks will read it tomorrow and suggest any changes - it helps that she knows the organization in and out, so together we can Fusion Dance into the perfect Karen and truly Speak To The Manager.

:rotflmao: Excellent. Whatever you do don't let her talk to you alone. Not even for a minute.
 
Llama said:
I just finished my first draft of the email I'm going to send to Sex Nurse's boss to ask for a meeting. One of my regular assistance folks will read it tomorrow and suggest any changes - it helps that she knows the organization in and out, so together we can Fusion Dance into the perfect Karen and truly Speak To The Manager.

:rotflmao: Excellent. Whatever you do don't let her talk to you alone. Not even for a minute.
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Absolutely not! And I'll record the whole convo and I'll have an assistance person there with me, too. (In Finland, patients are allowed to record all interactions with health care providers even without disclosing it; but I'll bring my trusty recorder I used when I was gathering interview data for my Master's Thesis and record it openly. I plan to follow the "when they go low, we go high" rule, as sadly being in a double minority - trans and autistic - places me in an iffy spot.)
 
This lunch brings me life <3 Portobello, gravlax, sugar snap peas and spaghetti with a lil bit of good quality marg and parsley.
 

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HELL YES I had so much fun at the gym! Had my locker room porridge and walked home, the weather is fantastic. Dinner was lentil stew with a fried egg on top and a bowl of tzatziki. Now I'll have a cup of coffee, wipe & wash the floors, and clean the bathroom.

I'll pack a high-kcal breakfast for tomorrow and go aqua jogging right after, and my friend will pop over for coffee around 5 or 6 PM.

I picked up a post package on my way home and it would seem that I found myself the perfect pair of summer pants: goth-y capri-length shorts with belts, buckles, studs and dangly bits galore, a comfortable, stretchy fabric, and plenty of pockets. I could probably fit into a size down but I hate tight clothes, so I´ll just buy a belt if they get too loose when worn. I like that they look very "me" but are still smart enough to be worn to places where I don't want to be seen in my sweatpants, like the doctor's or something. And I like that they show my calves, I like my legs a lot.
 
Cleaning and laundry is all done now! I'm having a snack of pineapple, pomegranate seeds, two red bean mochi, and two pieces of chocolate that's been mummifying in my cupboard for a while now. Once I've eaten I'll take a return package to the post and pick up some groceries on my way back, no idea what yet - I'll see what catches my eye.
 
I prepped tomorrow's breakfast - high kcal on purpose, because I'll go aqua jogging right after eating: a flatbread sandwich with cheese and ham, 4 Brazil nuts, pumpkin seeds and 6 snack salami; green salad with tomato and mozzarella slices; 1dl of cottage cheese; sauerkraut; and pineapple.

My bedtime breakfast started with leftover scraps from breakfast prep - the ends of the mozzarella ball, some tomato, two snack salami, a bit of ham, 100g of cottage cheese, as well as a leftover piece of gravlax that was too small for a meal or for making a sandwich. Next I'll have a banana and a rye bread sandwich with cheese and ham. After those I'll wait for a while to see if I'm still hungry, and if so, I'll have polenta with cheese and sweet corn in the hopes that the carbs will knock me out lol :D
 
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