I realize it's too late for this but maybe it'll be useful for another time: perversely it takes energy to go to sleep and when you're too tired that doesn't work. Sometimes it helps to do things that energize you, like a cold shower, a one-minute burst of intense exercise, breathing exercises, singing, or whatever you have in your arsenal.
Floater's diary
- Thread starter Floater
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Floater
Well-known member
This never occurred to me! Thanks for the tip
Floater
Well-known member
Having the rest of the bento box for breakfast - a good chance to figure out what foods work well together, what gets soggy, etc. When I was still working, I used to pack a bento box for lunch every evening, I found it soothing. I no longer own that particular box as it got old and scratched up, sadly plastic is not forever, but if I really get into the habit again, I might buy myself a metal one for Christmas?
I ended up sleeping pretty well even though falling asleep was difficult. I definitely have more REM sleep now that I've abstained from alcohol, my nights are pretty wild, not that I remember all of it. But this is very nice.
EDIT
Ok I'm officially in love with having a bento box for breakfast. I can't remember the last time I took my meds this quickly after waking up, usually I have trouble deciding what to eat in the morning (and the meds HAVE to be taken with food), but yesterday's Floater already decided that for me! And because all the foods are in their separate compartments, if I can't eat all at once, I'll just have leftovers for lunch. I'm also glad I could redirect my anxiety last night into making a bento box, it's such a tangible way of striving to feel better the next morning even if the current moment sucks. And my autistic brain likes the neatness and planning that goes into this.
IDK guys, I do feel like my life is going to slowly turn better. I'm re-discovering coping skills I used to have but lost due to stress and mental illness and all that. I'm sure the weight will eventually shed too, I just need to be consistent!
I ended up sleeping pretty well even though falling asleep was difficult. I definitely have more REM sleep now that I've abstained from alcohol, my nights are pretty wild, not that I remember all of it. But this is very nice.
EDIT
Ok I'm officially in love with having a bento box for breakfast. I can't remember the last time I took my meds this quickly after waking up, usually I have trouble deciding what to eat in the morning (and the meds HAVE to be taken with food), but yesterday's Floater already decided that for me! And because all the foods are in their separate compartments, if I can't eat all at once, I'll just have leftovers for lunch. I'm also glad I could redirect my anxiety last night into making a bento box, it's such a tangible way of striving to feel better the next morning even if the current moment sucks. And my autistic brain likes the neatness and planning that goes into this.
IDK guys, I do feel like my life is going to slowly turn better. I'm re-discovering coping skills I used to have but lost due to stress and mental illness and all that. I'm sure the weight will eventually shed too, I just need to be consistent!
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Awesome! Quality sleep makes SUCH a difference.
Excellent! Maybe I should prep my breakfasts for free mornings, too. Too many choices tend to make me choose something else completely - and rarely a sensible thing.
Floater
Well-known member
I packed my swimming gear and post-workout porridge. I'm still not 100% but I'm much better, and I think a light aqua jogging session might pick up my mood, even if it's just 30 or 60 mins. I'm steaming rice for a light carbs-y snack (I'll season it with a mixture of rice wine vinegar, maple syrup, soy sauce, and crushed wakame), I'll have half of it with egg and a side of miso broth+peas and store half in the fridge for later. Assistance will come over in 30 mins and I think I'll ask her to drive me to the pool if she has a car available.
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Floater
Well-known member
YAY!! I aqua jogged for two hours, had my locker room porridge and took a short-effect ADHD med with it (I recently decided to start keeping a couple of those in my wallet in case I forget to take my meds in the morning). I was feeling good and it's good to notice that the emotional pain, shame and turmoil that followed the nurses' actions is starting to subside. The facts are indeed on my side. So this time I didn't torture myself with thoughts of my transitioning going to hell in a handbasket, but rather dreamt about all the cool breakfasts I can pack up in my cute bento box. Haha.
On my way home I got a bag of pre-cut salad mix (it was cheaper than whole salad, we'll see how well it works in a sandwich), eggs, and bread, as well as a snack salami because I wanted to treat myself. Now I'm heating up lentil curry from yesterday - I added my last two potatoes and some spinach in it, and once everything else was done I turned the heat to the lowest setting and added two frozen pollock fillets. Yum!
After I've eaten I'll boil some eggs, run the dishwasher, and prepare tomorrow's bento box breakfast.
On my way home I got a bag of pre-cut salad mix (it was cheaper than whole salad, we'll see how well it works in a sandwich), eggs, and bread, as well as a snack salami because I wanted to treat myself. Now I'm heating up lentil curry from yesterday - I added my last two potatoes and some spinach in it, and once everything else was done I turned the heat to the lowest setting and added two frozen pollock fillets. Yum!
After I've eaten I'll boil some eggs, run the dishwasher, and prepare tomorrow's bento box breakfast.
Floater
Well-known member
After the curry I had a boiled egg (meh, I kept it in the hot water for a minute too long... It was a bit rubbery) and now I'm having a small bowl of mango and a cup of black coffee for dessert. I know it's a bit late for coffee but I really feel like having a cup.
It just occurred to me that this is probably the first time in my entire life that I'm reaping the full benefits of ADHD medication. This may need some explaining, so here goes. First of all, I didn't get diagnosed until I was 30, in 2019. And back then the meds did help me graduate, but my life other than that was a mess, graduation meant having to move, and things started to go downhill with my ex. The side effects were starting to pile up because the rest of the jenga pile wasn't in balance. And in 2020 I had that mental breakdown and after that it took months for me to feel like a human person instead of a shadow of someone I once was. Of course, thanks to the autism assistance people and my therapist, I was slowly but surely making progress. I'm glad that I had that last 1,5 years with Nera, just the two of us. But now that she's gone and I have nothing and no one to care for but myself, and I've been slowly re-building my relationship with food and exercise, I can really tell the difference when I take those meds and keep the rest of the plates spinning too. See, the meds alone don't do anything except fix the innate lack of dopamine ADHDers suffer from. The meds open a door but I have to walk through it. But I also know that once my body and brain are back to their balance and baseline, I am genuinely capable of some pretty cool shit. And to reach that top of the pyramid, I just gotta keep strengthening the base; the peaks will happen organically, I knwo this from experience.
I so wish I could tell this to all young folks with ASD and/or ADHD.
Something has surely happened to me and I'm glad it is so. Nera taught me to love unconditionally, first herself and now myself. What an amazing creature.
It just occurred to me that this is probably the first time in my entire life that I'm reaping the full benefits of ADHD medication. This may need some explaining, so here goes. First of all, I didn't get diagnosed until I was 30, in 2019. And back then the meds did help me graduate, but my life other than that was a mess, graduation meant having to move, and things started to go downhill with my ex. The side effects were starting to pile up because the rest of the jenga pile wasn't in balance. And in 2020 I had that mental breakdown and after that it took months for me to feel like a human person instead of a shadow of someone I once was. Of course, thanks to the autism assistance people and my therapist, I was slowly but surely making progress. I'm glad that I had that last 1,5 years with Nera, just the two of us. But now that she's gone and I have nothing and no one to care for but myself, and I've been slowly re-building my relationship with food and exercise, I can really tell the difference when I take those meds and keep the rest of the plates spinning too. See, the meds alone don't do anything except fix the innate lack of dopamine ADHDers suffer from. The meds open a door but I have to walk through it. But I also know that once my body and brain are back to their balance and baseline, I am genuinely capable of some pretty cool shit. And to reach that top of the pyramid, I just gotta keep strengthening the base; the peaks will happen organically, I knwo this from experience.
I so wish I could tell this to all young folks with ASD and/or ADHD.
Something has surely happened to me and I'm glad it is so. Nera taught me to love unconditionally, first herself and now myself. What an amazing creature.
Floater
Well-known member
Yum!
I had a lot of fun talking with my friend, walked her to her car and had a short walk myself. I'm now having a salmon, egg and salad sandwich, will probably need to eat something else too but this is a good start. Very happy with my veg and fruit intake today, I had a lovely day in all aspects.
I already packed my gym stuff for tomorrow. I have a feeling that this summer is going to be the best I've ever had. I don't know why or how, but something positive is brewing.
EDIT: if I need to eat more before going to bed, I think I'll have yesterday's black bean and spinach thing with spaghetti and feta. I'm feeling pretty tired right now though so we'll see!
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Cate
Long term member
I love your idea of preparing a bento box in the evening for the next morning. I also very much love hearing your optimism & feeling that you have turned a corner. It's obvious to me that your coping skills are getting better & better.
Floater
Well-known member
Thanks! It's so important when living with chronic conditions that rough patches don't erase past progress, they just temporarily make it hard to access.I love your idea of preparing a bento box in the evening for the next morning. I also very much love hearing your optimism & feeling that you have turned a corner. It's obvious to me that your coping skills are getting better & better.
Floater
Well-known member
I think I have to get up and boil that spaghetti + heat up yesterday's bean and spinach thing with some feta, because I'm a bit hungry and can't quiet down and am starting to fall into a worry "rabbit hole" regarding the nurse. A carb-heavy but balanced meal should, hopefully, help.
EDIT: YUM. The meal helped. I'm full but not stuffed, seems that six meals a day works best for me, especially while on meds when my portions during the day are quite small. Now I'll just wait for sleepiness to hit, tomorrow I'll take big steps tackling the nurse!
EDIT: YUM. The meal helped. I'm full but not stuffed, seems that six meals a day works best for me, especially while on meds when my portions during the day are quite small. Now I'll just wait for sleepiness to hit, tomorrow I'll take big steps tackling the nurse!
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Hear, hear.
Floater
Well-known member
The bento box tastes good but as usually, eating in the morning is a chore. BUT. Based on my energy levels yesterday, and considering that I'm currently not part of the work force, I can afford to take an hour out of my day to eat a balanced breakfast. Who knows, maybe it will get easier over time? And even if it doesn't, I know that with ASD, issues surrounding food are very common and still somehow we have to get nourished to stay healthy. I feel guilty about "whining" about this, but it's just reality. The bento box system gives me predictability and lessens my anxiety surrounding food, so the only thing I need to soldier through is the physical act of eating. And having had a big breakfast, the metabolism gets kick-started and the other meals go down much easier 
Exactly. Most people start to get more hungry for breakfast after having had regular breakfast for a while, too. We're creatures of habit.And having had a big breakfast, the metabolism gets kick-started and the other meals go down much easier
Floater
Well-known member
Gym was OK. I was a bit under the weather. I wish my life were more normal. But I had an OK arms day at least.
Had my locker room porridge and am now waiting for small fries. I'll eat them in the sunshine and go sit in the church for a while.
Edit: nope, the church had some kind of slideshow about missionary work going on, with muzak blasting. I'm not a fan of missionary work to begin with, white man has done enough damage as is, but the muzak made it impossible to relax & focus.
Had my locker room porridge and am now waiting for small fries. I'll eat them in the sunshine and go sit in the church for a while.
Edit: nope, the church had some kind of slideshow about missionary work going on, with muzak blasting. I'm not a fan of missionary work to begin with, white man has done enough damage as is, but the muzak made it impossible to relax & focus.
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Floater
Well-known member
Got home, showered, did laundry, did some plant spring maintenance, and just heated up a frustratingly mediocre meal of noodles and chipped frozen game. I can't wait for the microwave to finally arrive, somen noodles stuck to the pan like their lives depended on it and I've got a huge cleanup waiting for me once I've eaten. But tomorrow's breakfast is packed (cheese sandwich, nuts+seeds, green salad, peas, sauerkraut, two sundried tomatoes, and a marinated egg), I have therapy tomorrow, and will go aqua jogging afterwards.
It felt a bit sad to toss my old velvet plant, but I had taken cuttings that had sprouted, and the old plant had lost it's vitality and was completely rootbound. Now the cuttings are growing in place of the old plant; life goes on.
Still feeling like a blimp and judging by the way my belly looks, you'd never know I've been eating very healthily. But despite the aesthetically displeasing look, I notice that my body functions much better now and I don't have that see-saw between exhaustion and anxious energy going on.
EDIT: managed to eat the whole portion, as gross as it was, and am now having cherries and tea for dessert. I think I'll have an egg, salmon and salad sandwich and yogurt before I go to sleep.
It felt a bit sad to toss my old velvet plant, but I had taken cuttings that had sprouted, and the old plant had lost it's vitality and was completely rootbound. Now the cuttings are growing in place of the old plant; life goes on.
Still feeling like a blimp and judging by the way my belly looks, you'd never know I've been eating very healthily. But despite the aesthetically displeasing look, I notice that my body functions much better now and I don't have that see-saw between exhaustion and anxious energy going on.
EDIT: managed to eat the whole portion, as gross as it was, and am now having cherries and tea for dessert. I think I'll have an egg, salmon and salad sandwich and yogurt before I go to sleep.
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