Floater's diary

Yeah I personally get such a horrible feeling when I think about the extent of psychological damage she's been through. But I wish she didn't call trans people "brainwashed". Her comments were full of TERFs and anti trans folks calling her an inspiration which... I don't think is necessarily helpful for her. If she truly was influenced to transition, people should be smart and not influence her into being a figurehead for hate either.

But I agree, it's heartbreakingly sad.
 
EW EW EW just brushed my teeth and washed my face and I'm developing the worst lip herpes outbreak I've had in years. I counted four separate blisters on the left side of my upper lip.

I don't use herpes patches or stick, I think they are a waste of money since I haven't found they do much to alleviate the symptoms, I just moisturize and stay out of the sun until the symptoms pass. It's been a while since my last outbreak, years probably. I think the fiasco with the nurse pushed my stress levels over the edge. Spring sun may play a role too.
 
Floater said:
I think the fiasco with the nurse pushed my stress levels over the edge. Spring sun may play a role too.
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Sounds about right. Fingers crossed it doesn't get too bad, my friend. If you could get a doctor's appointment right away anti-virals do help shorten duration and severity of the outbreak when started early.
 
I am EXHAUSTED. I really hope I can either go to the gym or aqua jogging, just something light and easy, but I think that'll be about all I can do today. AFAIK exercising during a herpes outbreak isn't dangerous though so I should be fine.
 
I'm making lunch: red lentil curry with tomato paste, coconut cream, and peanut butter. I added corn for sweetness and sauerkraut for tartness because I want to reduce the amount of salt I'm using in cooking. I'll serve it with rice, and I'll have the leftovers with pollock.

I'll take out cherries and pomegranate seeds to thaw for dessert, and put peas in the fridge for a pea and sunflower seed salad later. Feeling really good about my diet lately, even if I look like I'm preggers. As I've said before, I'd rather be swollen and gassy than have visceral fat; not all big bellies are made equal, some are a health risk and some are just an aesthetic nuisance.

EDIT oh yeah the lunch turned out great, but I've hit a massive "dontwanna". I don't want to go to the gym, I don't want to go swimming. I want to walk across the fields where I used to go for walkies with Nera to the gas station, and buy french fries, and listen to the birds. And then I want to come back home and decide if I want to go do "proper" exercise after all. Small fries are 300 kcal so less than two tall beers and as I haven't drank in a while, I think I can allow those fries just fine.
 
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Exercising while your body is fighting off a virus may not be life threatening but it's also not the best thing for your body. Light walks should do as long as your feeling exhausted.
 
Llama said:
Exercising while your body is fighting off a virus may not be life threatening but it's also not the best thing for your body. Light walks should do as long as your feeling exhausted.
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Thanks - I was just mulling over how badly I don't want to go exercise. I think I'll just walk to the gas station instead and get those fries. The weather is great for that.
 
Having coffee and a small bowl of cherries + pomegranate seeds for dessert. I'm uncomfortably full and have a headache, but those are most likely just due to the virus (the lentil curry was very mild and the sauce was diluted), and I need the vitamins to battle the outbreak. I think I'll try to take a nap after this.
 
Euuughhh I feel so tired and gross. And my left eye itches and hurts. I REALLY hope it's just from street dust and allergies and not HSV-1 in my eye. If it doesn't pass by tomorrow, I'll have to call the doc. But I'm pretty sure it's just allergies because my eyes have been itchy lately. I'm so bored, I don't want to just sit at home but I'm also too tired to go out. Maybe later when the sun is setting.

EDIT had a bowl of miso soup with sauerkraut, hot sauce and wakame as a snack and took the peas out of the fridge so that they'll melt quicker. I'll have them with sunflower seeds and a bit of sesame oil, and probably have 200g of cottage cheese on the side for a more balanced light meal. Now drinking maté and trying to cope with feeling crappy.
 
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Llama said:
That sounds awful. Fingers crossed it's just allergies.
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I think so. If it were herpes, it would feel much worse. But I'm a scaredy cat when it comes to health stuff.

I had 4 brazil nuts and some sauerkraut for dessert. I didn't know that cottage cheese has a whopping 15g/100g of protein! What an amazing product. I placed my online grocery shopping order for next month and even remembered to order a potassium supplement.

Tomorrow should be a nicer day even if I'd still look like a plague rat: assistance comes over at 2PM and my friend will pop by for tea at 9PM. I'll have time to go aqua jogging in between, if I'm healthy enough to do so. I checked my weight and it's the same as in January. I wonder how quickly abstaining from alcohol will show up on the scales. Obviously, quitting just one bad habit doesn't matter if the rest of the diet is bad, but mine isn't.

Good news: I checked what the doctor had listed as my diagnoses after our last phone call, and luckily whatever the nurse has been raving about hasn't changed things on that front. I mean it shouldn't, nurses have no business diagnosing anyone! And for clarity's sake, I have immense respect for health care workers but when there's a bad apple dealing with vulnerable people, it's somehow extra insulting.
 
I was feeling a little bit anxious and decided to take my new bento box for a spin. The thing is massive! I packed it with:
- somen noodle salad with sugar snap peas and fresh shallot
- a flatbread cheese sandwich, four brazil nuts and a handful of pumpkin seeds
- sauerkraut
- pineapple
- peas

At least I have my breakfast all figured out, haha. I'm glad the bento box is machine washable, it would suck to hand-wash all the compartments. I also have a portion of leftover somen noodle salad in the fridge and it makes me feel so secure to not have to worry about the next couple of meals, especially as I'm unwell.
 
Floater said:
And for clarity's sake, I have immense respect for health care workers but when there's a bad apple dealing with vulnerable people, it's somehow extra insulting.
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In this case one bad apple can't just spoil the whole bunch but give the entire family food poisoning in the process.

Floater said:
t makes me feel so secure to not have to worry about the next couple of meals, especially as I'm unwell.
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❤️
 
Llama said:
In this case one bad apple can't just spoil the whole bunch but give the entire family food poisoning in the process.
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I laughed out loud but you are right, of course.

I was feeling hungry AGAIN so I made couscous salad with spinach, black beans, just a lil bit of sauerkraut for that tang (obviously...), sun-dried tomatoes, and feta cheese. But then again, I haven't eaten a lot of calories even though I've eaten frequently today, so having a carbsy meal towards the evening is a perfectly reasonable choice.
 
I have a feeling that this is going to be a sleepless night. Luckily I have prepped all of tomorrow's meals, showered, put my clothes out etc and assistance comes at 2PM so I can sleep in the morning/midday.

I had a moment of remembrance for Nera and cried a bit. I was thinking about our walks when we still lived in the student housing, and how I felt so enmeshed with her that sometimes it feels hard to make it out in my memories if I was "alone" or with her because we were a unit. It occurred to me that some spring or summer night I'd like to hike to the McDonald's close to our old place, we visited it with Nera sometimes. It's a 4km walk in one direction and there's a pretty river and walkway close by. I could reminisce about being young and having a beautiful, smart dog friend.

I talked to my mom on the phone earlier, which I don't do often. But I blurted out that in my mind I still have a dog, she's just become more silent and subtle. But Nera does visit my dreams. In fact, the reason I decided to quit drinking for a while was that a while ago when I was the most stressed out about the nurse hassle, I had gotten drunk, and in the morning when I was waking up, I had this moment of panic about "does Nera have food? Water? Does she need to pee?!". When I properly woke up I realized I'm now the friend I need to take care of. So my beautiful shepherd still herds and motivates me even in her more subtle, post-life form. Maybe I told this already, but it's a good story and deserves retelling.
 
Had to crack open the bento box, started with the sandwich. Tasted slightly of onions from the noodle salad, good to know for future use. I'm really really tired but not sleepy at all :/
 
How nice that you realise that you are that friend you need to take care of. We all should be doing that. Nera will always be your shepherd.
 
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