Floater's diary

A couple of years ago my dad saw an unknown large dog at the start of our driveway one early morning, which was surprising because we never get strays (literally not one for all the 20 years I lived there). Next day three sheep were found dead 8 km away and dna evidence confirmed a wolf as the culprit. One of my ex-colleagues used to walk the kilometer or so to the school bus stop with his mom every morning when he was a kid and she'd bring her shotgun because of wolf attacks on kids in the area. Wolves are amazing creatures but our society will have to learn better ways to coexist with them.

Looking forward to seeing guard dogs, donkeys, and llamas out in the fields with our sheep and cows 😄
 
Oh wow my sleep schedule is messed; I fell asleep around 9AM or so and woke up at 1PM. Had some extremely strange dreams. I'm probably at a mild depressive phase, those always fuck up my sleep. But I think it's a normal part of grieving and not alarming as long as I maintain somewhat decent eating habits, clean up, and keep my place clean.
 
Plan for tonight: go for a walk, make meatballs with a side of potatoes and green peas, clean up the kitchen, rest. I decided not to fret about gym and swimming stuff - if I need to lick my wounds alone, that's totally fine for now. Being gentle towards myself will be better for my internal motivation and land me back at the gym and pool much faster.
 
Fucking hell, the grief is here with a vengeance. Nera was so smart and kind and reliable and beautiful. Every day I told her how much I love her. She took me on such nice adventures.

EDIT: needed to get some warmth back into my bones after crying, so I had miso broth with wakame, sauerkraut, scallions, hot sauce, sesame oil, and the rest of yesterday's cold ramen (they warm up in the broth of course). It helped a little, like a hug inside.
 
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Fuck. I didn't have any breadcrumbs but I had heard that steel-cut oats can be used as a substitute when making meatballs, but I'll never try that again. I had to keep adding more and more oats to the dough until it probably contains as much oats as it does minced meat. Arguably, this is probably healthier, but I got so pissed... I had some great quality meat too, and now I'm scared I won't even taste it... I think I'll just make a meatloaf, the dough is probably a nightmare to roll, and meatloaf slices can easily be re-fried on the pan to get a tastier end result and add some salt if needed.

The dough has celery, onions and pumpkin seeds in it, as well as Turkish yogurt, two eggs, olive oil and spices (smoked paprika, black pepper, mushroom soy sauce, hot sauce, and regular soy sauce).
 
Do you guys know that kitchen moment when you try to improve a disaster and just keep adding things... Well, I hope this motherfucker comes out of the oven prettier than it goes in. It looks like one of those 60's aspic creations. Lord have mercy lol

Edit: the end result turned out tasting great, even though it wasn't much of a looker. I ate one section of the meatloaf and all the potatoes and tomatoes, will come up with something great to do with the leftover loaf. Wrapped in bacon? Chopped up in a tortilla? Squished, re-fried and served with sauerkraut? Endless possibilities!
 

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Oh, yum! I love meatloaf & other one-pan dishes. I haven't had breakfast yet & I could happily have some of that right now :)
 
I slept poorly. I notice that the stress of Terrifying Sex Nurse talks tends to come a bit belated, which is typical for traumatic and/or retraumatizing situations. I'm too exhausted to go into detail now, but this process will grind me to the bone... Until 6.6. to go...
 
Your meatloaf looks delicious. I think steel-cut oats would take longer to absorb moisture and produce their binding effect because they have less surface area than breadcrumbs.

I hope you'll feel able to tell the terrifying nurse about your reaction next time. If it's not something you think she'd be willing or able to take on board I feel for you :grouphug:
 
Llama said:
I hope you'll feel able to tell the terrifying nurse about your reaction next time. If it's not something you think she'd be willing or able to take on board I feel for you :grouphug:
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Thank you. I sent her a text and will discuss it next time.

Good point about the oats!

I'm making congee. I'll have half of it for breakfast with spinach and two marinated eggs, and store half for later with pomegranate seeds and maple syrup mixed in.
 
Congee with frozen spinach and marinated egg (+condiments) was great, and an easy and cheap way to get more veggies in my healthy staples. Will definitely do this again!
 
I'll shower and cook lunch ASAP, I'm thinking re-fried meatloaf, spaghetti, king oyster mushrooms and half a can of beans. I tasted the meatloaf cold and it was great. The taste and texture has only improved in the fridge! Great!

Edit: it was great, albeit a bit greasy as I had to fry the meatloaf in a bit of oil, and also added some marg to the pasta out of habit. Kitchen is clean now, the dishwasher is on (and judging by the sounds it makes I must have loaded it funny) so now I can just rest for a bit and then go for a walk.
 
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You motivated me to use up my leftovers as well today, even though I thought I was too numb to cook. So double profit for the planet there
 
I took out my recyclables, bought a couple of sour beers from the same grocery, decided to walk to the supermarket for groceries, and ended up walking almost two more hours in the fields. The moon was lovely.

As I bought smoked fatty ham, I just put peas to soak. I'll have meatloaf with some healthy side for breakfast, and pea soup for lunch.
 
Pea soup with fatty ham sounds delicious. Is there still so much snow on the ground that moonlight is enough for a walk in the fields?
 
Llama said:
Pea soup with fatty ham sounds delicious. Is there still so much snow on the ground that moonlight is enough for a walk in the fields?
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Yes! Although I never carry a flashlight anyway. For some reason I see quite well in low light conditions, or maybe my brain processes those visuals well.
 
I had the rest of my meatloaf cold as a veeerrry late breakfast; now I'll go for a walk, buy some protein - maybe more minced meat? - and get to making that pea soup 🥰
 
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