Floater's diary

You're a wise man, Floater. I'm glad you had a good talk with the possibly no longer annoying assistance person and I love your strategic use of scents. I don't like Alien at all, but I do love the bottle!
 
Thanks @Llama !

I'm in the gym locker room, having my porridge. I did a short, easy workout to ease myself back into the routine. It's slippery AF outside! But the sun is shining and there's birdsong everywhere. I really feel Nera close to myself. Could see her faint shadow in the gym mirror. My body remembers hers next to mine. My angel girl. (I did think about buing Mugier's Angel, but I'm not big on gourmand scents - I like aldehydes, light florals, and cashmere scents)
 
I just got home. Didn't want to return to the empty home so I took a long route home, walking our favorite routes, smiling at aspens whenever I passed them. So basically I walked for a bit over two hours at a slow pace but in thin gym clothes in -3C after my workout; that's some great low impact cardio.

I guess this is the only "upside" to losing Nera: I'm no longer bound by schedules or the energy levels of a senior dog, and can basically do with my body as I will.
 
Oh wow I just had a bowl of "tuna hassle" (hässäkkä or hassle is the word often used for food that's thrown together from whatever's in the cupboards) and I feel like driven over by a truck. It had rice, tuna, corn, spinach, olives, and cheese - not something I would usually enjoy, but after a workout and a long walk it tasted like manna from the heavens lol. I think I need to pass out for a bit before brushing my teeth and hitting the hay!
 
Your body probably needed a solid dinner after the gym and that walk. I spent a good bit of time looking at buds, leaf scars, and winter flowers today. The first poplars are starting to bloom already. The gift I received this winter is a consciousness of how much there is to see out in nature even when everything seems dead.
 
Llama said:
The gift I received this winter is a consciousness of how much there is to see out in nature even when everything seems dead.
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Beautiful.

Autumn and winter are my favorite seasons. I'm nervous about having to deal with the brightness and noise again and without Nera by my side... But I guess I'll be OK.
 
Floater said:
Autumn and winter are my favorite seasons. I'm nervous about having to deal with the brightness and noise again
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I get the dreads when winter approaches normally. I have really enjoyed this summer. I really hope you get a pound dog, Floater. You will give that dog so much love & attention xo
 
Cate said:
I really hope you get a pound dog, Floater. You will give that dog so much love & attention xo
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I really hope so, too! The shelter personnel is just really strict about applicants - which is a good thing of course. But if I won't get Pihlaja, I'll try again somewhere else. I trust that when the time is right, God will let me meet my next companion ❤️🐺
 
I had a real monster of a breakfast: polenta with sweetcorn, cheese, and a three-egg omelette. While the portion was big, I felt like I needed it. I mixed the rest of the polenta with maple syrup, pomegranate seeds, and cinnamon and will have it later as a cold snack with a banana sliced in.

I feel like exercising today. I think I'll hit the pool, I crave that slow meditative movement right now. Assistance came over and helped me unclog my hoover. The pool will close at 5PM so I'll just gulp down my coffee and get going!
 
I aqua jogged for an hour and walked for two hours. Now I'm home and boiling potatoes to have with salted beef, scallions. and marg. I had my locker room porridge back at the pool and had a bit of brazil nuts and walnuts for a snack while waiting for the potatoes to boil.
 
Sounds like a good day. I walked as well but then sat on my butt for two hours and my muscles hurt so much (from the hills but mostly from yesterday's workout) I could hardly get up 🙈
 
Llama said:
Sounds like a good day. I walked as well but then sat on my butt for two hours and my muscles hurt so much (from the hills but mostly from yesterday's workout) I could hardly get up 🙈
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I'll probably be in a world of pain tomorrow lol. The roads are covered in ice...
 
Same... I wanted to go for an evening run then I remembered I have family exercise tomorrow morning and I need to at least be able to stand :rotflmao:
 
I just came home from a 2,5-hour walk. I was only supposed to pop to the nearest grocery store to get the ingredients for Reuben tortillas (I had my first ever Reuben sandwich during the week prior to Nera's death, and have some tortillas lying around, so why not fusion cuisine?), but while they did have sauerkraut, they didn't have any salt beef. So I walked to the gas station grocery, they didn't have any either; I figured I'd have just enough time to walk to the grocery close to the pool where I knew for sure I would find more salt beef as I had bought some today. I went there and I got my precious salt beef, yay.

At this point I was so sucked into the meditative quality of a long night walk that I ended up zig zagging around the neighborhood and reminiscing how I used to wander around with Nera just like that when she was younger. It helped me when I realized that our walkies, while still long by most dog's standards, had gotten steadily shorter and slower, just like my walks will some day start slowing down and shortening. Now Nera can walk with me without the shackles of her material body.

Take it as you will, but a little Schnautzer threw an absolute shit fit when I walked past. Dogs usually never bark at me, but they did bark at Nera. For some reason, a lot of dogs feel nervous around black dogs - one explanation that sounds plausible to me is that it's harder to read the body language and expressions of a black dog. I know this sounds like complete humbug, but in that moment I was reminded how regally Nera would pass the little or bigger ones yelling and barking at her, and just keep on tippy-tapping her fluid, elegant gait, with her tail trailing her like a veil of black smoke. She was a queen, through and through. Remembering it made me feel ten feet tall.

Anyway, I better brush my teeth and try to snooze a bit; I have been so active today that I will probably need to get up and eat at some point. But I'm very pleased with myself today. I did well. Nera would be proud!
 
Woke up at 3AM, was too lazy to get up and eat but at 4.30AM I had to, I was so hungry! Had 200g of Turkish yogurt with fig jam, two stale Ritz crackers, a Brazil nut and a walnut. Now making myself a cup of tea and hoping I'll go back to sleep...

EDIT also had some jalapeno olives because I drank a lot of water and don't want to have to run to the loo constantly 😂
 
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Floater said:
also had some jalapeno olives because I drank a lot of water and don't want to have to run to the loo constantly 😂
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I never thought to use the effect in that direction. Does it work?
Yesterday's walk sounds wonderful: I hope you slept well the rest of the night.
 
Llama said:
I never thought to use the effect in that direction. Does it work?
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It does! Also very useful in situations where one wants the body to retain water, like before a long hike in the summer heat, or when having the runs.

I didn't sleep too well but did manage to fall asleep around after 6AM and slept until 11AM. I had yesterday's polenta with pomegranate seeds, cinnamon, and banana slices for breakfast, and took my ADHD meds. (I'm pretty sure they contribute greatly to my stable mood despite being in grieving, and the dosage seems to be just right for this moment.)

I think I'll have an early lunch because I'm HUNGRY. I'll probably roast some cherry tomatoes, edamame and sauerkraut in the oven with some garlic and scorpion hot sauce, boil some udon noodles, and top them with the tomatoes and sauerkraut and a fancier tuna steak conserve I got yesterday. (You can actually see that it's a fillet, and it's packed in plastic so it doesn't have that tin can taste. At one point this used to be my safe food, despite is costing 3 euros for 100g package out of which 75 g is actual tuna and the rest is oil lol.) I've been craving kimchi for a long time but for some reason I just can't find any! So I'll just jerry-rig some sauerkraut to vaguely resemble the flavor profile of kimchi and be done with it lol
 
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I genuinely think sauerkraut and kimchi taste similar - except here they put caraway seeds into the sauerkraut which ruins it completely. So I have remember to go to the Asian store tomorrow because I'm almost out of kimchi...
 
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