Floater's diary

I will definitely recreate this dish and try it with different proteins and garnishes. The roasted tomatoes gave the sauerkraut that kimchi-style sweetness, and the sauerkraut made the frozen edamame turn into a custard consistency that I have never achieved before. I used quite a bit of scorpion hot sauce, but the end result isn't too harsh, I imagine it's because the sauerkraut and oil helped round the taste up. And udon noodles are my favorite type of noodle, I love how thick they are and how well they absorb tastes when used in warm foods. I have to say that as good as it is, the specialty tuna was the least memorable part of this meal, haha. The only downside is that the roasted tomato-sauerkraut-edamame mix isn't too pretty-looking, but that can be fixed with fresh herbs on top of it all.

I think I want to try this with minced chicken spiced with fresh Thai basil and fish sauce soon. I need to go buy more udon noodles!
 
I have assistance arriving in half an hour, but I think that after the visit is over, I'll either hit the gym or the pool. I know it might sound odd doing four consecutive days of working out, but I feel well-rested enough and only have very mild DOMS. And I don't plan to do anything crazy. I just feel well fed and fueled and like I want to go.

This also happens to serve my transition goals well. Last year I built a considerable amount of strength and muscle mass, now I'd like to cut down on the body fat % a bit. Nothing crazy, just enough to give me a bit more confidence when dealing with the trans clinic. Especially now that I have a clear schedule - the interviews with Terrifying Sex Nurse will last until July, and I probably won't have time to meet a doctor until August due to the long queues - I have plenty of time to cut down healthily and slowly, by paying more attention to the quality of my diet and doing lots of cardio. I obviously also want to keep my hard-earned muscle mass so I'll hit the gym too to preserve it and be mindful of protein in my diet.

I think that the shock of losing Nera temporarily kicked me out of my body and I was unsure about whether I want to medically transition or not. But as soon as I got back into the pool and the gym, I remembered what my motivation was. I'll be fine.
 
Floater said:
And udon noodles are my favorite type of noodle, I love how thick they are and how well they absorb tastes when used in warm foods.
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They have the best texture but I've never tried making anything with them at home. Maybe I should. More wheat though... I wish all delicious things weren't made of wheat so I could have more variety!
Floater said:
I think that the shock of losing Nera temporarily kicked me out of my body and I was unsure about whether I want to medically transition or not. But as soon as I got back into the pool and the gym, I remembered what my motivation was. I'll be fine.
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I agree. When life is scary it's hard to think about making more changes. I'm certain you'll find your way.
 
I aqua jogged for 90 mins, had my locker room porridge, and decided to splurge on Burger King's "Whiskey Double Steakhouse". I'll take a long route home and eat it while I'm walking.

I had a good time at the pool. I joked to a friend earlier that maybe after the mastectomy I should get a belly full of nipple tats. Nera had a total of 10 nips, I bet I would turn heads at the beach lol. Dogboy realness 😂🐺 It would look kinda fiendish
 
I'm very pleased with myself. I ended up walking 2,5 hours on my way back home. Granted, at times I had to go at snail pace because the roads have turned into bumpy skating rinks (it's so bad that the municipalities have ran out of road salt), but it still means a good deal of low impact cardio on top of aqua jogging.

If Pihlaja moves in with me, I think I'll look into dog dancing/dog acrobatics. Not to compete or anything, but those hobbies or just learning tricks would be very good for a hyperactive whirlwind dog, combined with slow, dog-paced forest walks and plenty of gentle soothing touch of course. Anything that builds trust and teaches the pooch to look at her human before acting out on impulse is, in general, good for hyper dogs.

When Nera moved in with me, she was so shy! I taught her to play tug-of-war with me and I let her win most of the time, because she needed that ego boost and to know that she doesn't need to be submissive all the time - submission and good manners/ safe dog handling are two different things after all. I remember the look on her face when she realized she had the toy all to herself. She was so uncertain if it was OK but I praised her for winning and she danced a little happy dance.

I think I'll be a good dog parent to whoever crosses my treshold next, Pihlaja or someone else.

PS I really need to learn to not order double burgers, they taste good at first but the bread to beef ratio is way off. I couldn't finish the BK burger...
 
I slept well. Breakfast was a big bowl of polenta with frozen spinach, sweetcorn, and cheese (YUM!!), and I had a banana and a handful of walnuts as well as a cup of sugared coffee for a snack. Now I'm heading to the gym for a short and sweet weightlifting session, and on my way home I'll buy a Taco bell griller and eat in on my way home. The weather is gorgeous, +4C and bright sunlight.

I feel really good about my body today.
 
I had a moment of disgust when I saw my belly in the gym toilet's mirror, but I ended having a pretty good workout. After all, it doesn't matter what kinda hottie I would be, dysphoria would make me hate my body anyway.

I got a spicy chicken griller and plan to take a long route home 🤗
 
Isn't it weird how quickly our view of our own bodies can change? One minute all is great and the next you feel like a disgusting blob. I wish I understood how that works and how to change it.
 
I walked for about two hours on my way home. At one point I was walking next to the ski tracks and some middle-aged asshole decided to ski right past me and yell "AGH" into my ear. I had the impulse to raise my hand and grab him, and fuck, I should have. He had plenty of room to ski past me, and I wasn't messing up the tracks or anything. He just wanted to be an asshole. He turned back too and told me I'm walking on the tracks. I just shrugged at him and yelled at him to stay and talk instead of skiing past. I wish he had stayed but he didn't.

I don't understand this for so many reasons. The roads are unwalkable right now, but the ski tracks are hard enough that I don't even leave footprints. No other skier paid any attention to me. But also: the guy took a huge fucking risk starting shit. The only thing I would have needed to do would have been to step on his ski, and he would have tripped and probably ripped a tendon. Even if he hadn't been injured, he would have been completely at a stranger's mercy with skis attached to his feet, and ski poles strapped to his hands. And I doubt he would have done what he did if I didn't look like a woman. These assholes just need to behave badly as if they own the universe. Blah.

Anyway: going to experiment with a Reuben quesadilla now, wish me luck! I did well today. I'll have another walk later on.
 
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Best of luck with the Reuben! Ski Dude probably has issues and hasn't learned to self-regulate like an adult. Sadly all too common and I wish it wasn't so tolerated.
 
Llama said:
Best of luck with the Reuben! Ski Dude probably has issues and hasn't learned to self-regulate like an adult. Sadly all too common and I wish it wasn't so tolerated.
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Amen. Adult babies run rampant.

The Reuben quesadilla tasted very nice, but I can see why bread is the standard: it soaks up the liquid from the sauerkraut. So the texture wasn't perfect. I think I'll try the same thing as a cold wrap next, with salad leaves surrounding the sauerkraut layer to prevent sogginess. :)

PS: having a small bowl of potato chips for dessert.
PPS: and a bowl of cold sauerkraut. Yay veggies!
 
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I had a 2-hour walk. I was reminiscing about Nera and the long long walkies we had when she was younger. I mean, we had long walkies until the end of her life, but wit a senior dog it would have been unresponsible to pack some water for the two of us and head towards the unknown for 3 hours straight, like we used to do. I felt her presence and all the memories we made. I could tell how she would have responded to the things I saw while walking. It made me feel good. When Nera was alive, I always felt like I should be better and do better, but now that she's gone, I can genuinely say that I did my best and my best was A LOT. She was a happy dog and she lived a long, good life.

Assistance will be here early tomorrow, at 9:30. So I better go brush my teeth and wash my face and sort out my clothes for tomorrow. I'll go aqua jogging after the assistance visit, and I'll just lounge about after that.
 
Decided to eat before my evening clean-up: 200g of Turkish yogurt with fig jam and a small bowl of cold sauerkraut.
 
Had to get up and boil some spaghetti. Too hungry to sleep! I'll have it with garlic, scallions, olive oil, black pepper and cheese. Hopefully the carbs will knock me out!
 
I had to eat some extra last night as well and I just woke up super hungry. Not sure if it's from the late eating or if I'm approaching overtraining again. I wish my body would speak more clearly sometimes!
 
I overslept and had to scurry to the door in my bathrobe when the assistance person rang the doorbell lol. This was the same person who was there in Nera's euthanasia. She said I seem well. I feel well, too. She was really excited about the possibility of me adopting Pihlaja, if the shelter approves.

Breakfast: potatoes with black pepper and marg, salt beef, warm sauerkraut with sweet peas. I love having an appetite and I love how exercise makes me want to eat nutritious foods. I'll buy more sauerkraut tomorrow!
 
I gotta stay at home until afternoon, my ex will pop by to help me with computer stuff. I'm really happy for him: he got a job at a big IT company, the salary is good and he'll get to travel on the job! It's especially nice because he didn't graduate and he was really disappointed at himself. But luckily, in IT the diplomas don't matter as much as long as you know what you're doing.
 
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