Floater's diary

A couple of ex's family members tested positive for covid, so he won't be able to come over. Luckily they are all fully vaccinated so they should be fine.

I'm having lunch and waiting for the laundry machine to finish. I'll head to the pool after hanging the laundry. My Alien by Mugler is in the post, yay! I hope I'll like it...

Lunch: a small bowl of cherry tomatoes, a small bowl of miso, a bowl of polenta with pomegranate seeds, cinnamon, maple syrup and a sliced banana.
 
Aqua jogged for 120 mins, had my porridge, now I'll fetch my Alien from the post, eat, and have a nap!
 
Llama said:
🖖 Live long and prosper.
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Likewise!

My first impression of Alien EdT was "oh fuck, I wasted my money"; grape soda and artificial sweetness, somehow "teenager fragrance" and "old lady fragrance" at the same time. However, after a couple of minutes the chemical zing disappeared and what remained is a smell I can only describe as "dusty purple". Sweet yes, the jasmine is predominantly there, the smell reminds me of heat spells in the summer when the jasmines are in bloom and the grass is starting to die from the scorching midday heat, but this is how it smells in the evening when the shadows are long and bring a little relief. I like this. I also get mild lily of the valley vibes. As the scent develops, it becomes more citrus-y, which helps make the sweetness less overwhelming. To me, this is a pretty gothic scent. I'm glad I didn't get the EdP though, it would probably have been migraine-inducing.

Fun fact: historically, there were no such things as perfumes for men and perfumes for women. Everyone regardless of gender used the same pleasant scents from flowers and spices. Personally I think that "men's" fragrances are often pretty dull when compared to "women's", both the scent and the packaging. They are often pretty overpowering too. I have said it before, but I love my clear crisp aldehydes and my soft florals, and unless HRT changes my base scent to something totally different, I think I'll keep rocking my pinks, whites, and purples.

I had two ham quesadillas for dinner, will definitely need to eat more soon, but I was too tired to do anything too complicated. Money day tomorrow, so I'll start my day by paying my bills and rent, and go grocery shopping. I might have a rest day tomorrow, I was pretty tired after today's workout, but we'll see. If I go to the gym, I'll keep things very light and easy.
 
Had a five-minute crash nap and had 0,5dl of jalapeno olives and a bowl of spinach polenta with cheese for dinner #2. I don't like this 3-min polenta flour as much as I did the wholegrain one, I'll stick to that in the future. It had 10g of protein per 100g, this one has 6,4, and it tasted richer too. I think I'll have some Turkish yogurt with pomegranate seeds and maple syrup for dessert to get some extra protein... And I think a protein shake is in order too.

I have absolutely wicked DOMS! But it makes me happy to know that my body is hard at work breaking itself down and rebuilding itself into something stronger. Yay!

EDIT Turkish yogurt with pomegranate seeds and maple syrup is DIVINE. It's better than any ice cream I have ever tasted; granted, it's probably because I don't have much of a sweet tooth, but the silkiness of the yogurt, the crunchy and tart seeds, and the maple-y goodness of the syrup are *chef's kiss*
 
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Yay for well-earned DOMS! Now to remember to rest enough...
Floater said:
Personally I think that "men's" fragrances are often pretty dull when compared to "women's", both the scent and the packaging.
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I've been using mostly men's scents for 20 years or so because the women's scents are generally too flowery for me and even when they smell good on a strip of paper they turn out like toilet freshener when I put them on my skin. I like woody, herby, oceany scents and I actually prefer the dark blues and dark greens over the color madness of most women's perfume packaging 😄
 
@Llama to each their own! A good perfume is one that makes the wearer happy. And I'm a gaudy bish 😂🦄

Having a small bowl of potato chips and feeling a little nervous about having to have a rest day. Grief has been sneaking in again and I have even had thoughts of not wanting another dog because me and my mental echoes of Nera get along just fine. But it's probably because the cremation bill arrived and is waiting to be paid. Such a banal last task to take care of...

EDIT I understand the toilet freshener thing, that happens to me with men's fragrances, not always, but often. It's going to be interesting to see if HRT changes things!
 
Floater said:
I have absolutely wicked DOMS! But it makes me happy to know that my body is hard at work breaking itself down and rebuilding itself into something stronger. Yay!
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Well done but as has already been said, make sure you get adequate rest and recovery.
 
Scents, how people react to them, and how they work on different bodies are super interesting.
I think it's normal that grief is making itself felt more on a rest day. Unpleasant but a necessary reminder that some things need to be felt even if we've convinced our thoughts all is ok as it is.
 
Trusylver said:
Well done but as has already been said, make sure you get adequate rest and recovery.
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I promise!

Llama said:
I think it's normal that grief is making itself felt more on a rest day. Unpleasant but a necessary reminder that some things need to be felt even if we've convinced our thoughts all is ok as it is.
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Indeed. I don't want to drown my grief into running away/exhausting myself, that would be disrespectful of Nera!

Breakfast time: Turkish yogurt with pomegranate seeds and maple syrup.
 
Plan for today:

Rest day.
After breakfast: pay bills & rent.
Walk to the supermarket, buy a bento style lunch box & groceries.
Make lunch, try to find an interesting movie/series to watch, lounge about for the day.
Pack swimming gear for tomorrow.
 
I went to the supermarket, popped in the pet store to look at dog collars and leashes, got my groceries, walked home the long route watching swans honk and fly circles around the fields and a pair of magpies hanging out in the trees like forgotten Christmas ornaments. And forgot the FUCKING BENTO BOX.

Well, I feel so restless that I'll probably just make another trip. When I'm outside, the grief feels tolerable - I can watch all the mundane miracles of the nature waking up, and remember all the times I witnessed this awakening with Nera. But at home there's just this glaring staring stillness and it wears me down.

"Scatterbrain" by Radiohead is perfect for this state of mind.


Lyrics:


I'm walking out in a force-ten gale
Birds thrown around, bullets for hail
The roof is pulling off by its fingernails
Your voice is rapping on my window-sill

Yesterday's headlines blown by the wind
Yesterday's people in a scatterbrain
Any fool can easy pick a hole
I only wish I could fall in
A moving target in a firing range

Somewhere I'm not
Scatterbrain
Somewhere I'm not
Scatterbrain
Lightning fuse, powercut
Scatterbrain
 
My first patient today mentioned they were glad to have early appointments because mornings without anyone to talk to were so hard (their spouse died a couple of years ago). They smelled of alcohol already, at 6:50 am. Walks seem better.
 
Llama said:
My first patient today mentioned they were glad to have early appointments because mornings without anyone to talk to were so hard (their spouse died a couple of years ago). They smelled of alcohol already, at 6:50 am. Walks seem better.
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I'm so sad for them. I hope they'll find a better coping mechanism. ;__;
 
So do I. They're genuinely kind and interesting. Even nasty people deserve better than drowning their sorrows on a lonely morning but I'm more sad for the kind ones.
 
Yaasss got my bento box. It was ridiculously expensive (12,90€) but it's cute and holds 1,6 l - an actual proper meal, not just a snack :)
 
I have a bright red bento box which was way too expensive and I love it to pieces. Used it to pick up my sushi with less plastic waste until the pandemic started and even the boss lady at the restaurant wanted to know where I got it. If enjoying cool kit makes me materialistic I'm happy to be materialistic!
 
I just got home; I had a 2-hour walk and got a cheap cheeseburger. Grief kicks my ass, but also makes me smile. If I hadn't loved Nera so much, I wouldn't suffer this much. But our love carries on even after we are both dust.
 
I've been listening to the Stalker (1979) soundtrack on loop. It's kind of fun to think that Alien came out the same year. I love both movies so much... Stalker especially so because the dog in it is a dead ringer for Nera. And no, it's not a movie about a literal stalker, it's an allegorical movie about seeking God. No stalking or any violence going on, just middle-aged dudes walking in tall grass.


The soundtrack is really great for relaxing and meditating. The composer deliberately mixed "western" and "eastern" instruments with synths, and IDK, it slaps to this day.
 
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